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sumonicky

Where were you? Music and Lyrics by N.Harman copyright 2018

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Hi folks, just joined and would appreciate feedback on my song. Have been listening to some of your music and am very envious of many people's production. I know the production of this isn't of that calibre and this is a fairly rough demo but I think some of my songs themselves are decent.

Kind Regards.https://soundcloud.com/user-52999477/where-were-you-by-nicholas-harman

 

Where were you

When I was far from home?

Where were you

When I was all alone?

I called to you

Got down on my knees to pray

Still you won't come through

Where are you?

 

Can you use these tears

To put out this flame?

Before only ashes

Of my soul remain

Is this some kind of test

Or is this just a game to you?

When I needed you most

Where were you?

 

Where were you

When I was in the dark?

Where were you

Just playing with the stars?

Oh, I told you

My whole world was falling down

I need you now

Where are you?

 

'Cause I've been tied up and twisted

So tight I can't breathe

Been laid out

Cut down to my core

And the demons they come now

My voice it rings so loud

And still you won't answer

My call

I'm falling apart can't you see?

I thought you would be there for me

If your love was true

Then where were you?

 

Where were you

When I was far from home?

Where were you

When I was so alone?

No, I won't call to you

Won't get down on my knees and pray

Now I know that you

Won't come will you...

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Welcome, Nicholas.

 

I think this a beautiful song, and the "prayer" theme is one I return to again and again myself, because I have issues goddamn it!  ;) 

 

Do you have to use such heavy pitch correction on the vocal?  Man, for me, the robo-vocal ruins this.  Androids don't express emotion.  Vocal harmonies would be a sweet build for later choruses - but I suppose not if they are also heavily pitch corrected.  Grrr.  :)

 

David

 

P.S.  I'm not against pitch correction per se - even in heavy doses - if it works well for the particular song.  I don't think it does here.  Just my opinion, Bro.

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Thank you for your feedback hobosage and I'm pleased and relieved you liked it (I was listening to people's music on here and it sounds so professional so I felt a little out of my depth.) I completely agree with the overuse of auto tune. I guess I just wanted a reasonably informative demo and have lost confidence in my voice. From here on out no auto tune unless it's electro pop! 

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Nicholas,

 

I love this!  What a wonderful sound.  Cool ending, too.

I particularly liked this part:

 

2 hours ago, sumonicky said:

My whole world was falling down

I need you now

Where are you?

I defer to the musicians like David  on things like pitch correction, etc. I just react to the music and I liked this a lot.

 

Welcome to Muse.


Patty

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Welcome aboard Nicholas, 

 

this is a beautiful song and you DO HAVE a wonderful voice. My suggestion would be to loose the "Cher" effect. It's a big distraction from the beauty and emotion of your natural voice and it makes it harder to understand the lyrics. 

This is a very good piece, thanks for sharing.

 

Dominick/Moptop

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Thank you Patty and Dominick. Good advice on the auto tune. I write songs and am not a performer so I cut corners with my vocal. I'll sit on the auto tune naughty step and think about what I've done! Next task; learning how to sing in tune again.

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Hi

Getting past the inappropriate vocal effect. The melody of the verse is beautiful.

My issue is that there is no contrast in the song and it doesn't go anywhere.

The arrangement is also constant and static. There are no peaks or troughs.

I think because of the pace of the song there needs to be a contrasting part after verse one. The B section is pretty similar to the A section.

Looking at the structure it's as if there should be a verse melody variation  on the  second verse that goes higher and is more forceful. 

then come back down for verse three. Arrangement wise there is too much happening in verse one to allow any build.

What is there is very good but what is not there is not allowing what is there to really shine.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

 

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Thanks for the feedback Gary. Yes, I thought structurally this song would divide opinion. I did play around with making it more 'to the formula', flourishing choruses etc but it was just spoiling the flow and meaning of the song. Its repetitive nature was intentional like a prayer but not for everybody.

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