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Hi Everyone........I would love to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly........all thoughts are welcome and first impressions are most welcome!!

Thanks😎

"His Eyes"

Words & Music By Tom Tognaci

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13776249

 

How could I so blunder?

There she is in love with him

Instead of loving me

But is it any wonder?

There he stands in all his fineness

Then take a look at me

 

But I’ll never forget her

Even though she’s over me

The way she looks into his eyes

She’s found what she just couldn’t find in me

 

      ~ Instrumental ~

 

No, I’ll never forget her

And the way she passed me by

The way she looked into my eyes

I never knew she meant it as goodbye

 

Will there be another?

Well if there is

I’ll know if it’s

His eyes she searches for

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Hey Tom,

Nice song. Your voice sounds great and there's some nice picking going on too. The only thing I don't care for is those tremelo pauses on the guitar...I think they interupt the flow a bit too much. Will you be fully producing this? Let me know if you need some keys.

Chaz

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Great song Tom.  In my opinion this song represents a new gold standard for 1 + 1's.  Just enough length to leave the listener with a lasting impression.  Nice pauses for effect, use of harmonics, fingerpicking, catchy melody.  All around it's very well done! 

 

I will note that from a song "formula" perspective, it's unconventional in a few respects (there really isn't a recognizable repeated hook and the song title's connection to the song itself is a little buried and really only became clear to me in the last line), but I don't think that really matters.  Just goes to show there's more than one way to skin a cat (who came up with that saying anyway?)!

 

5 happy faces from me...😀😀😀😀😀

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On 11/09/2018 at 12:14, Ironknee said:

Hi Everyone........I would love to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly........all thoughts are welcome and first impressions are most welcome!!

Thanks😎

 

 

HI, Tom,

 

I liked this in the Song Contest.  I would have rated it higher if the story had been more consistent.

 

For example, (This is going to get complicated! 😎)

 

In the first 3 sections, we learn this guy's girlfriend left him for someone else, and he can see how much she loves the new guy by the way she looks into his eyes. OK. Got that. Nice idea so far.

 

But the last verse:

"Will there be another?"  Not sure if you mean another girlfriend for him, or another boyfriend for her?  

 

If you mean another girlfriend for him (seems more likely?), he says he will know his new girlfriend loves him by "His eyes she searches for?"   Doesn't make sense to me.  What would make sense would be the POV to say he'd know by how she looks into MY eyes. (Presumably like the old girlfriend looked into the new guy's eyes.)

 

But if instead, you meant a new boyfriend for her, then "His eyes she searches for" doesn't make sense, either, because you have told us it's how she looks into his eyes, not "His eyes she searches for" (presumingly looking at her with love?)

 

The hook would make sense if the story was about how HIS EYES looked at her. But that's not the story that's laid out in  this line:

"The way she looked into my eyes."

 

See what I mean?  

 

A few tweaks would fix the  story for me.

 

(I told you it was going to get complicated!)

 

And remember, I LIKE this song!😋


Patty

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi all....I posted some  in-depth comments and thank you's.....they got lost!!??

 

I'll try again later

                                              😋

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I just listened to this song.  It's a great tune IMHO.  Love the guitar.  

 

To be honest, the only comment I could make is that a bit more to the story would bring it home.  

 

 

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Beautiful song! simple and so deep...i like it a lot

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On ‎11‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 10:45, chazmataz said:

Hey Tom,

Nice song. Your voice sounds great and there's some nice picking going on too. The only thing I don't care for is those tremelo pauses on the guitar...I think they interupt the flow a bit too much. Will you be fully producing this? Let me know if you need some keys.

Chaz

Hi Chaz...thanks for listening and commenting😊 Although I do hear a tambourine, a violin, and some light keys, I'm not sure about a full production.

On ‎12‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 02:40, Short Order Kook said:

Great song Tom.  In my opinion this song represents a new gold standard for 1 + 1's.  Just enough length to leave the listener with a lasting impression.  Nice pauses for effect, use of harmonics, fingerpicking, catchy melody.  All around it's very well done! 

 

I will note that from a song "formula" perspective, it's unconventional in a few respects (there really isn't a recognizable repeated hook and the song title's connection to the song itself is a little buried and really only became clear to me in the last line), but I don't think that really matters.  Just goes to show there's more than one way to skin a cat (who came up with that saying anyway?)!

 

5 happy faces from me...😀😀😀😀😀

Thanks for the very generous words of encouragement. I really appreciate them 😊 And as far as cat skinning.....who knows? I surely don't the many ways 😎

On ‎12‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 13:24, Peko said:

HI, Tom,

 

I liked this in the Song Contest.  I would have rated it higher if the story had been more consistent.

 

For example, (This is going to get complicated! 😎)

 

In the first 3 sections, we learn this guy's girlfriend left him for someone else, and he can see how much she loves the new guy by the way she looks into his eyes. OK. Got that. Nice idea so far.

 

But the last verse:

"Will there be another?"  Not sure if you mean another girlfriend for him, or another boyfriend for her?  

 

If you mean another girlfriend for him (seems more likely?), he says he will know his new girlfriend loves him by "His eyes she searches for?"   Doesn't make sense to me.  What would make sense would be the POV to say he'd know by how she looks into MY eyes. (Presumably like the old girlfriend looked into the new guy's eyes.)

 

But if instead, you meant a new boyfriend for her, then "His eyes she searches for" doesn't make sense, either, because you have told us it's how she looks into his eyes, not "His eyes she searches for" (presumingly looking at her with love?)

 

The hook would make sense if the story was about how HIS EYES looked at her. But that's not the story that's laid out in  this line:

"The way she looked into my eyes."

 

See what I mean?  

 

A few tweaks would fix the  story for me.

 

(I told you it was going to get complicated!)

 

And remember, I LIKE this song!😋


Patty

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Patty.....not so complicated; but maybe, a bit too poetic. 😊

Will there be another? (and so, asks our hero)

 

Well if there is

 

I’ll know if it’s

 

His eyes she searches for ( Next time......with hind sight; and all, he (thinks) he will know if it is he, or someone else, that she is searching for. You see, our sad hero missed all the signs. She was only interested in himself as a friend......not, as a lover, a husband, or the father of her children). 

 

Thanks for listening....and thanks so much for allowing me to clarify. 😎

On ‎13‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 04:41, Jimpate said:

I just listened to this song.  It's a great tune IMHO.  Love the guitar.  

 

To be honest, the only comment I could make is that a bit more to the story would bring it home.  

 

 

Hi Jim..Thanks for listening and commenting!! This wasn't meant to be a "story'; but, a "snapshot" of a singular moment in time.....the emotions of angst, envy, loss and sorrow. Imagine being completely smitten by the woman in the avatar pic I posted with the song 😎

On ‎14‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 09:17, Hicham said:

Beautiful song! simple and so deep...i like it a lot

Thanks, man!!!

 

 

And thanks to all who have listened!!

                                                                              -Tom

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