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August 1+1 Song Contest - Results are In.

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Results are in.....

 

Firstly I would like to say a big thank you to MopTop, Peko, spanishbuddah and Zeligovitch for voting this month. As well as a thank you for everyone who entered.

 

Unfortunately we have two disqualifications this month, neither submitted scores for the competition. It makes me feel a little better than neither were in contention for a top 3 finish, although The S you were close in the end.

 

So, for the awards...

 

A huge congratulations to Ironknee who has bagged first place with "His Eyes".

 

In second we have Paul with "Uber Love"

and in third "Always You" from lyD.

 

Congrats to all three, some excellent songs this month and really good effort in finishing above some of these. 

 

You have all three won free entry into next month's competition and a chance to fight it out for the song of 2018 contest and all the fame and glory that could bring.

 

Cheers all!

 

image.png.40453562c92f24251337739b149bc5f4.png

 

 

We are now in the scoring phase of the August 1+1 contest and as always that sense of fun and jovial humour give way to seriousness and an ultra-competitive spirit that sees dogs eat dogs and every Muser eat each other.

 

Send me your scores via PM (click my name and select message for any newbies out there).

 

The polls will remain open until Friday 7th, at Midnight Eastern Standard Time, US.

 

Give each song a score out of 10, where 10 is the highest and 1 is the lowest - 10 would generally be "Oh. My. God. Freakin' amazing man." and 1 would basically suck.

 

Use the template that follows to make things easier, just put the votes before each name. As per the handy hint I have provided free of charge below...

 

10.0 - REM - Shiny Happy People

7.0 - Prince - Can you see my neeple?

4.0 - Beyonce - This is a song for my sheeple

1.0 - Miley Cyrus - Here's the church, here's the steeple, look inside, here's the people.

 

 

Now, this month's talented contestants are;

 

The S - A Burden On Me

Donnie - When Daddy’s Drinking

Moso - Say You Wanna Be With Me

fabkebab - doings and beings

ScenesFromPalacio - Swimming

Boy frevm - Runnin

RoadDog - Bombs Away

discatticus - The Price I Pay

GocartMoz - The Dream

Joan - Down from the Trees

lyD - Always You

PaulCanuck - Uber Love

Ironknee - His Eyes

 

Please vote, even if you haven't entered. If you have and you don't vote then unfortunately the rules dictate that you will be disqualified and I think that you get expelled from the Muse forums forever (need to check that actually as that may not be true).

 

Best of luck to all.

 

 

 

 

Welcome to the August Song Contest!!!

 

This month we are going to be having a 1+1 contest.

 

For any new members, or even long-time lurkers who still haven't plucked up the required courage to come and say hi, 1+1 means the entry must be only one voice and one instrument. Think accoustic guitar or piano, or be brave and just use a kick drum, or even a Lute. I will personally award one bonus point for any entry that relies on nothing more than a Voice and a Cello.

 

TO ENTER: You must post your song in this thread.

 

The timeline is as follows:

Entries will be accepted now through Midnight Eastern Standard Time (EST) Friday August 31st 2018.

 

Voting (scorecards) will take place Saturday Sept 1st through Midnight EST Friday Sept 7th, 2018.

 

Official Warnings:

Please don’t start scoring until I officially post the scoring instructions.

 

You must score all other entries or your entry will be disqualified from the contest and you may receive hate mail and unwanted, unordered, pizzas to your front door for the whole of September.

 

I will post the results shortly after scoring is completed.

 

Please review the revised rules, pinned in this forum.

 

I have taken it upon myself to add some new guidelines (not rules) just for this month's contest and please be sure to pay attention to the following (breaking these guidelines won't disqualify you, but it might make me think negative thoughts and my Doctor has asked me to try not to anymore).

 

Lenth: Songs should be no more than 4:00 in length. It's a 1+1, if I could I would disqualify every song that lasts more than 3:30. There is no need. If you want to noodle for 2 minutes then order a Thai from Uber Eats. Nobody really wants to hear you do it.

 

Topic: I hate the world as much as anyone does. But what the world need now is love, love, love. So let's try and spread some with some happy, hopeful songs. It might help you to remember how things used to be.

 

Skillz: I don't care about musical skills in the 1+1 contest, and I would love to encourage all voters to think the same. I want to hear brilliant songs and I like to think they can shine through any lack of instrumental genius. You could just hammer chords every 4th beat with your fists for all I care (like Mrs Murphster trying to make the Microwave go quicker). I think the 1+1 is an opportunity for the song to take the limelight, it's all about melody and words. 

 

 

When posting your song to the Songs Feedback Forum, please include:

•Title

•Writer Credits

•Link to the actual song. Embedded SoundCloud or YouTube is so much easier, but I get we all have our own thing so as long as the link works (please check it does actually work). 

 

Please include the lyrics on your post. Videos are permitted. (Voters are encouraged to refrain from watching any video until after they've scored the song.)

 

All Musers are welcome, nay encouraged, actually compelled,  to submit songs as contestants or if you can't then please score the songs as non-contestants. Any questions or problems should be sent to me, Murphster via private message. (Please try and limit your problems to be contest related, I don't want to spend another month being the go-between in another Muser's custody battle).

 

The best of luck to everyone. I am looking forward to hearing your songs!

 

Murphster

 

 

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Iphone recording. Sorry 'bout that. 😎

 

A Burden On Me

 

Music & Lyrics: S Landin Jr

 

 

A burden on me

 

Well love I hear is getting closer
Soon it’ll knock on my door
It’ll come falling like the rain
Easy my mind and numb my pain
And the hurtin' will be no more

 

I remember you spoke of dancing
And the time it was midnight and one
I looked straight into your eyes
And I saw them liquid fires
Like a broken, like a broken son

 

And that night you sang of moonlight
Sang of a love so violently free
Like birds resting in their nests
Like there was nothing to protest
Like there was no one but you and me

 

So I have come to sweep the sunlight
To put it in your strumming hands
To lay mercy at your feet
Through victory and defeat
And watch you sleep ’neath the poor man’s land

 

Well love they say is getting closer
Soon it might be close to home
But I’ll never know a flame
Burn so fiercely once again
It’s coming home like a rolling stone

 

So tonight I will drink for the lonely
I will drink for the songs you set free
And I do and must confess
To have nothing is worse than less
But today, it’s a burden on me
A burden on me
 

 

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https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13617596

 

When Daddy’s drinking
©
2014


By Donnie Priest

 

I woke up late last night
Must be a hell of a fight
Under the pillow goes my head
Dad with a fifth of Jack
Bag with another six pack
Nights like this I would always dread 

 

Dad would try slipping in
He’d been drinking again
Mama would be waiting at the door
Back then when I was so small
Nothing I could do at all
But wish Dad wouldn’t do this anymore

 

(chorus)
I used to pray
For better days
My heart would be breaking
Didn’t have a clue
Didn’t know what to do
When Daddy would be drinking

 

It seemed like such a crime
This happened all the time
 Windows broken out of the ‘64
Mom screaming down the hall
When Dad starts his alcohol
Dad pasted out on the living room floor

 

(chorus)
I used to pray
For better days
My heart would be breaking
Didn’t have a clue
Didn’t know what to do
When Daddy would be drinking

 

(bridge)
When he was sober, there’s no better man
Everyone that he meets, he’s their next best friend
Don’t know the reason, that causes him to drink
Wish he would pour it all, down the kitchen sink

 

One day Dad came around
Put that bottle down
Hasn’t had a drink since ‘74
No longer high as a kite
Sneaking in late at night
Nothing but carpet on the living room floor

 

(chorus)
I used to pray
For better days
My heart would be breaking
Didn’t have a clue
Didn’t know what to do
Back when Dad would be drinking

 

Thank you Dad

  1.  

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Say You Wanna Be With Me

M&L by Moso, Monso, Monzo, More Cheese Please

 

 

V1  

Tell me, tell me

Can you change this old weather? 

Lift a curse, break a smile

Make it better?

A golden needle to unstitch the past

And the future realign

Do you have the kind of time it takes

The time to break from all the pantomime? 

Or will you too sit and spin and help them all deny?

 

(spoken) That you can really make it all better

 

V2  

You wanna be my father

You wanna be my mother

Or just a k-k-k-kiss

You wanna be my lover

Tellin' every little thing to me

Because you think that it defines

Reality inside our hearts

What lies behind our minds

 

(spoken) There's something you can do that's better

 

Ch

Closer now, don't hesitate

Just say you wanna be with me

We can turn our backs on this foolishness 

And let them be in their "uh oh" 

I can see it in your eyes you only think of me

 

V3 

I saw you come into town with your letters

I saw you framin' the frowns to untether

Brave me, baby, let me take your hand

Let me punctuate the dotted l-l-l-l-lines

So you can read between my thoughts and see 

That you really make that world a big

Waste. Of. Time

Just let them all sit and spin and help themselves deny 

 

(spoken) That you really make it all better

 

V4 

You think about the former

Concerned about the weather

And you're worried I'll drown in the overflowing river

But don't you know you've given back my time

And you've helped me realize

The secret's within this skin

Behind those shimmering eyes

 

(spoken) With you, us two, always together

 

Ch 

 

Br 

I see the others, they pretend

Acting like they understand

But if they open to the truth

They'll open their arms to you

 

Ch 

 

Outtro Ch

Closer now, don't hesitate

Just say you wanna be with me

We can turn our backs on this silliness

And let them be in their "uh oh" 

Closer now, don't hesitate

Just say you wanna be with me

I can see it in your eyes you only think of me

 

 

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Doings And Beings 

song and performance by fabkebab

 

 

All we work hard to achieve

No more than streets of scattered leaves

Driven to material dreams

Gears turn like small machines

Wary of our fellow man

We hide our hopes where we can

Only give the surface things away

dont you see there’s another way

 

What do you do?

I dont care

If you’ll share

With me how you are feeling

What do you do?

surface skin

Let me in

To what you are seeing

Dont be a human doing

Be a human being

 

When do we define ourselves

like books all neatly lined on shelves

Tinker tailor, rich or poor

Open them and there's a little more

Drink the deeper rivers of the earth

Drop the myth of measuring your worth

Doctors, bakers, beggars and thieves

Same branch, just different leaves

 

 

What do you do?

I dont care

If you’ll share

With me how you are feeling

What do you do?

surface skin

Let me in

To what you are seeing

Dont be a human doing

Be a human being

 

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Swimming

 

Music/lyrics Steve Ison

 

Swimming in the bay, its you

A shiver in my day, its you I knew..

It's you

In the corner of my eye..You

Laughing with that guy..You

Won't do for you

 

Yeh..Its you

Yeh..It's you

Yeh..I choose you

I choose you

 

I've got your face in the summertime

It's all in place for the summertime

When you'll be mine

When are you gonna give me a sign ?

 

Yeh..Its you

Yeh..It's you

Yeh..I choose you

I choose you

 

All for you

All for you

Everything, everything all for you

Where were you ?

Over you, over you, over you Never over you

 

Yeh..Its you

Yeh..It's you

Yeh..I choose you

I choose you

 

Swimming....

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        RUNNIN (written by me and composed by me )

summer don't feel like it used too

summer don't feel like it used too

I don't wanna do this no more

working all damn week just to say "good luck" ? nah

fuck that ive been on this road too long

broken heels ankles gone

no limbs to go nowhere to run

ive been up all em

 and this hill it don't come down like,

this shift and its running

and baby im running to you

and ive been running

but this shit catching up

what to do ?

ive been way many dunes

ive been up way just too long

ive been up way too many nights they tell me to go

my nightamres will go and come

 

 

 

This is just me and my ukulele :)

 

 

 

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Bombs Away

 

Verse 1:

They turn off their TV sets … hoping that I’ll go away.
But my instinct and bank account … necessitate that I stay.
I know that you think about me … wonderin’ what will I do.
I’ll go to work .. and watch the sky.
And I’ll think about you.

 

Pre-Chorus:
Please …… give me … another day ….. to be a thorn in their side.

 

Chorus: 
Bombs are falling and you keep calling 
and bombs are falling away!
Bombs are falling and you keep calling 
my name … my name

 

Verse 2: 
Rebel tag with a white-color job … workin’ my own nine-to-five.
Got a pension and paradox … keepin’ both barely alive.
I draw a line with a stick in the sand … that they try to cross every day!
That’s enough! Just cut to the chase.
And deliver me …. deliver me…. from today.

 

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1+1 entry...Acoustic guitar and voice recorded on my phone.

 

 

 

The Price I Pay

 

V1

If I had saved them all the times,

I'd been down to my last dimes,

I'd have enough of them Roosevelts to be rich...

 

I don't know where the money goes.

Just falls out my pocket, I suppose.

I'd go and buy some better clothes, but I've got nothing left...

I'm just a bindle-stiff.

 

V2

If I'd kept count of all the ways,

I gave my sorry heart away,

They'd add up to a lucky man's love...

 

I can't say how I lose my heart.

It just runs away, then falls apart.

Time I find it it's always lying in the road...

It's good and broke.

 

V3

The only ledger I square correct,

Is the one containing my regret.

I count it like a landlord counts his rent...

 

I don't know why, I can't explain,

I still carry all the pain,

Of lovers and friends I lost along the way...

It's just the price I pay.

 

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I am just getting this in at the 4 minute mark, with some editing.  I still can't make 3:30 happen.  As far as a "happy, hopeful song," I am afraid that isn't happening here either.  Still posting, as I understand these are not rules but just suggestions.  If they are disqualifying, no problem … feel free to disqualify.  I completely understand. I appreciate anyone agreeing to run these contests.

 

The Dream

(c)2018 David S. Becker Music

Written by David S. Becker in 2013

 



Intro
Verse 1

I'm walking
Down a narrow road
I'm carrying
Such a heavy load
I'm losing my breath
Trying not to fall behind
I'm struggling
To stay within the lines

Verse 2
A weight it lifts
No more need to fight
A blast of air
And a radiant light
I'm for once at ease
As the air it fills my lungs
The pain is gone
My body and mind go numb

Pre-Chorus
But I can't escape
This nightmare
Why must I have to wake
This existence I'd forsake
I've survived too long
In this hospice
In my dream I'm set free
It's where I want to be

Chorus
I want to go home
Home
There's nothing here for me
But pain & misery
Home
I need to go home
Won't someone set me free
Take these shackles off of me

Bridge
Well I have a pulse
My heart's beating
I can take a breath
I'm breathing
But the pain is never easing
And to suffer there's no meaning

Verse 3
I am sleeping
With a peaceful ease
No bitter cold
Just a soothing breeze
There's a voice that's faint
Screaming "stay with me"
A shock to the chest
Why can't they let me be

Repeat Pre-chorus
Repeat Chorus

 

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Down from the Trees

 

words and music by Joan Kennedy

 

Playing in the garden, the boy and the girl

The snake that burned our brand-new world

We were fully grown and we were one day old

I was the temptress; so you've been told

Yes, I guess I was a brat, like that was such a sin

I chased that boy 'til he just gave in

He was not the burly mate my granny had in mind

His fur was thin, his head was huge; his smile struck me blind

 

Ch:

And we ran from where we were born

Up from our hands and our knees

When you mean to be human you need to be warned

It's a long way down from the trees

 

Our wobble-headed young, they'd scream like birds

Their brains were bursting with brand-new words

And they grew so crafty, strong and tall

Our clan was afraid we'd soon be ruling them all

Banished by our dimwit tribe, we left them far behind

You could say we rolled the dice for all humankind

You can blame me for your troubles, but not the way they said

I'm just the girl who got the boy with the big, round head

 

Ch:

And we ran from where we were born

Rafting clear across the seas

When you mean to be human you need to be warned

It's a long way down from the trees

 

When I was an ocean cell, I pulled my self in two

We swam and learned to crawl and stood up tall like babies do

And all we've known forever, all we staggered through

All the dreams we've ever dreamed have recombined in you

 

Ch:

And we ran from where we were born

To scavenge, to starve, and to freeze

When you mean to be human you need to be warned

It's a long way down from the trees

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Always You

 

 

Did you know

You were never left behind

You were always on my mind

It was always you

 

In the dark

When I look back at my life

One thing I know I'll find 

It's always you

 

I didn't want to be the one to close the door

I still don't know what I've become or what the hell I've done it for

When it was always you

 

And I know

Each time I told you lies

I tried to close your eyes

You always knew

 

In the dark

In the dark and lonely night

There's always just one light

It's always you

 

I didn't want to be the one to close the door

I still don't know what I've become or what the hell I've done it for

When it was always you

Always you

 

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Uber Love

 

This girl I know asks for me all the time
(She sold her car and now she doesn't drive)
I pull up to her place and she gets in
And off we go again
Off we go again..

 

Uber love
Uber love
I'm picking up
My Uber love


I'm in the driver's seat, she's in the back
Sometimes along the way we'll have a chat
I take her anywhere she needs to go
But I guess she'll never know
That I love her so

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
Then I drop her off

 

I took her to a party late one night
I could hear the crazy party-ers inside
And I wondered if she'd make it home OK
Then like a fool I drove away
Yes, I drove away..

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
Then I drop her off
The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Oooo I love
My Uber love

 

Then one day she booked a ride
But I wasn't on my shift
And I heard some other guy
Has been giving her a lift
Oh no!
SHE'S RIDING IN A LYFT !!

 

Uber love
Uber love
I picked her up
Then I dropped her off
The time we spent together
Was never quite enough
So I lost my Uber love
My Uber love

 

 

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"His Eyes"

Words & Music By Tom Tognaci

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13776249

 

How could I so blunder?

There she is in love with him, instead of loving me

But, is it any wonder?

There he stands in all his fineness; then , take a look at me.

 

But, I'll never forget her

even though she's over me

The way she looks into his eyes

she's found what she just couldn't find in me

 

~ Instrumental ~

 

No, I'll never forget her

and the way she passed me by

The way she looked into my eyes

I never knew she meant it as goodbye

 

Will there be another?

Well, if there is

I'll know if it's 

his eyes she searches for..........

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We are now in the scoring phase of the August 1+1 contest and as always that sense of fun and jovial humour give way to seriousness and an ultra-competitive spirit that sees dogs eat dogs and every Muser eat each other.

 

Send me your scores via PM (click my name and select message for any newbies out there).

 

The polls will remain open until Friday 7th, at Midnight Eastern Standard Time, US.

 

Give each song a score out of 10, where 10 is the highest and 1 is the lowest - 10 would generally be "Oh. My. God. Freakin' amazing man." and 1 would basically suck.

 

Use the template that follows to make things easier, just put the votes before each name. As per the handy hint I have provided free of charge below...

 

10.0 - REM - Shiny Happy People

7.0 - Prince - Can you see my neeple?

4.0 - Beyonce - This is a song for my sheeple

1.0 - Miley Cyrus - Here's the church, here's the steeple, look inside, here's the people.

 

XX - You - Your song.

 

** Don't vote for your own song. Replace the score with XX as above example.

 

 

Now, this month's talented contestants are;

 

The S - A Burden On Me

Donnie - When Daddy’s Drinking

Moso - Say You Wanna Be With Me

fabkebab - doings and beings

ScenesFromPalacio - Swimming

Boy frevm - Runnin

RoadDog - Bombs Away

discatticus - The Price I Pay

GocartMoz - The Dream

Joan - Down from the Trees

lyD - Always You

PaulCanuck - Uber Love

Ironknee - His Eyes

 

Please vote, even if you haven't entered. If you have and you don't vote then unfortunately the rules dictate that you will be disqualified and I think that you get expelled from the Muse forums forever (need to check that actually as that may not be true).

 

Best of luck to all.

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Three hours left to vote and we are still missing two sets of scores from contestants....

 

If you haven't voted please do. 

 

 

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Okay, Results time!

 

Firstly I would like to say a big thank you to MopTop, Peko, spanishbuddah and Zeligovitch for voting this month. As well as a thank you for everyone who entered.

 

Unfortunately we have two disqualifications this month, neither submitted scores for the competition. It makes me feel a little better than neither were in contention for a top 3 finish, although The S you were close in the end.

 

So, for the awards...

 

A huge congratulations to Ironknee who has bagged first place with "His Eyes".

 

In second we have Paul with "Uber Love"

and in third "Always You" from lyD.

 

Congrats to all three, some excellent songs this month and really good effort in finishing above some of these. 

 

You have all three won free entry into next month's competition and a chance to fight it out for the song of 2018 contest and all the fame and glory that could bring.

 

Cheers all!

 

image.png.40453562c92f24251337739b149bc5f4.png

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Sorry for messing up, for some reason I was certain Sunday was the last day. Apparently it was not. 💩😉

 

Congrats to Ironknee, Paul and lyD. 👍

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Sorry, I should of sent you a message. I realised earlier that's what I should have done. My fault. 

 

I do feel better that you wouldn't have been top 3 this time, but you would have been 4th to be honest. Sorry. 

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11 minutes ago, Murphster said:

Sorry, I should of sent you a message. I realised earlier that's what I should have done. My fault. 

 

I do feel better that you wouldn't have been top 3 this time, but you would have been 4th to be honest. Sorry. 

 

Nah, I'm the one at fault here, not you Murphster. You my dear sir, hosting this on your free time and all, are not allowed to say you're sorry, that's my prerogative. 😏😀 Just hope I didn't add extra trouble for you. Need to step up my attention span the next time around, that's what I must do.

 

Cheers,

 

Peter

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Congrats to the winners.  Amazingly, my top 3 were the top 3 in the correct order even.  Call me Kreskin!  Extraordinary guitar work Tom and a mighty fine song. Clear winner for me.  Paul - what a superb lyric.  I was reading the lyric as I listened and spit up the soda I was drinking when I got to the Lyft part.  You certainly have a way of weaving a tale for sure!  Always You was my 3D choice and man, just a classic easy going folky singer songwriting tune that had me captivated throughout.  S ... sorry you got dq’d, loved your tune too.  Man, you have a crazy good vocal.  When it sounds that good on an IPhone recording you know you have something special.  Good stuff everyone.  Enjoyed listening.

 

Dave

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Paul and Tom's pieces were definitely stand out works in this contest. Really well done!

Here are basic notes I made while I listened: 

 

My approach to this contest is much like Murphster was saying - don’t worry about recording quality, singing, or playing ability necessarily, but focus on the song itself. 

 

(Can anyone tell me how to listen to sounds on soundclick without it opening another window? Too bad it won’t just play in window. I have noticed that some soundclick links play the song immediately and others seem to require that other window.) 

 

A Burden on Me - The S  

The S’s work is pretty much always good, and 1+1 is right up his alley. 

The opening melody in each section is very familiar… it’s on the tip of my tongue… 

Looking just at the song itself, its strength is definitely in the strong lyrics. Its gamble is leveraging these great lyrics against little change, little much happening otherwise in the song. Now, because S has a unique and fantastic voice to compliment these lyrics, it will probably work. The question is would it be stronger with a change, or would that somehow take away from what he has going on? 

 

When Daddy’s Drinking - Donnie

Realistic and all-too-common story, which means it can connect well with others. Some of the lines rushed. Nice to see a happy ending! Thank you for that. 

 

Doings and Beings - fabkebab

I like the driving feeling of the guitar lines. It’s like I’m watching a time lapse video of humans living out their careers. While it sounds good when you sing it, I personally think the line “surface skin” is cheesy. On the other hand I love the line “don’t be a human doing, be a human being”. Nice! I see the play in “doings” and “beings” now. Clever. :) 

 

Swimming - ScenesFromPalacio

When I first listened to this song, I quickly read to the end of the lyrics to see the twist. What is this thing that’s about to happen? I see that she’s with the “wrong” guy. I see the singer is waiting for some kind of sign from the target, er, object, er, beloved, and that the singer’s not getting over it, or is, no isn’t… Lots of torment. But the tension in the chords is so strong that I really think this person is losing it and that something bad is going to happen. Did something happen? Is “swimming” all of passive events, the internal turmoil, and a drastic action? Anyway, I know Steve is a talented guy. Heck, when I initially joined the Muse, his was the first song to get my attention. He may be doing something very right here in the tension he’s building with the story, but it just doesn’t sit right with me all in all. 

 

Runnin - Boy frevm

Great choice of instrument, nice vox (very Citizen Cope, which is cool), and I like the overall feel. But this comes across as an early draft, still trying to find its way. It also doesn’t follow the contest rules of 1 voice + 1 instrument. 

 

Bombs Away - RoadDog

Dammit RD, every time I hear your voice now, I taste whiskey. I don’t even drink whiskey! Hmmm… I’m not a fan of the execution of the pre-ch. Well, it’s not bad. Nice final chord. Catchy chorus, though I can only imagine its relevance to the verses. Interesting. (On another listen later, I just have to say again how catchy that chorus is.) 

 

The Price I Pay - discatticus

Nice roots-like folk song. If someone says “classic folk” or something along that line, I might imagine a tune like this. That being said, nothing really stands out—like S he’s gambling good verses over redundant phrasing/music for the most part—so we have to ride the vibe and be able to connect with the verses. 

 

The Dream - GocartMoz

Cool to hear piano amidst all us guitar folk. V2 feels like a pre-chorus in its open. The pre-ch feels like a verse. Nice chorus. Touching. I like the contrast, the feel, and the open directness of “home” floating alone, to sink in with feeling. Is the bridge a bridge or a post-chorus? Eh, semantics. Okay, brass tacks - the verses, pre-ch et al. don’t really grab me, but on the other hand, you have a great chorus. Really freakin’ good, and I like the chord changes as well. That being said, if it were my tune, I would consider building something new around it. But that’s just me. (On another listen, yeah, that chorus is gorgeous, very touching and catching, but the other parts, imo, need to be rewritten.)

 

Down from the Trees - Joan

I like that you say boy and girl with the Adam and Eve juxtaposition. It’s a suggestion to their own newness, innocence and naivety. (Seeming to be returned with the babies standing tall reference). The lyrics are very good, but I want to change the melody in certain sections. I love the line “it’s a long way down from the trees”. You are putting so much about the human condition into that simple sentence. So excellently done. Musically, I still want greater contrast, however. Or something. The way this song runs, it’s like background music that would stimulate nostalgic feeling in an audience, but barely be noticed. They’re happy, complacent with it, but haven’t dug in. Until one quiet day, the listener listens, paying attention to the lyrics. And then one hears it said, “Oh! Wow…” 

 

Always You - IyD

I like the simplicity, as love really should be, imo. Or, we could say it expresses the clarity of the singer’s understanding. Either way, it works well. I must admit the first time I listened to this song, I didn’t think much of it, but on playing it back, I’ve come to really like it. Good job, amigo. 

 

Uber Love - PaulCanuck

Very clever, and I love how the guitar opens up into chords at the first chorus. It’s a great contrast, and makes the opening chorus sound so much more fantasy-romantic. Changes after that, but that’s okay. Excellent chord choices throughout, familiar, but excellent. Paul’s a very good musician, and yet I still feel like we’re watching him grow even better. That’s quite cool. (Another pass, and thinking just how charming this song is. Well done, ami. I hope you don’t mind me sharing this one with a few friends.) 

 

His Eyes - Ironknee

Very creative guitar work. (Hell, very creative all work musical. Both the guitar and the approach to the lyrical melodies show a sensitive and talented artist.) At times it just seems like doodling, but all in all it’s showing skill, experience, and an intelligent approach to the art. Very nice. Heh, I almost feel like I’m listening to the soundtrack of a musical. The lyrics are not unusual, cliché one could argue, but the music they are set to is so well done, including the approach to the lyrics, that it nearly makes the story seem new. It certainly gives a new perspective. Ironknee once again is showing fantastic ability as an artist. This is excellent work. 

 

 

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Well done to the winners! It was one of those months when I quickly resigned myself to a low placement, and just enjoyed what I was hearing. Here is my "field report" after going through all of the entries a couple of times each and then scoring:


Overall what a great set of songs - there were several times I was blown away by the songs on the first listen. By comparison my own song felt very weak,  long and unfocused - well done everyone


The S - A Burden On Me
You have such an incredible voice, perfect for this genre and it already gives everything you do a great multiplying effect - I hope nobody else here takes offence but I think you could be Pro compared to most of us hobbyists. That said, this song didnt really wow me as much as some of your other songs. Looking at the lyrics I think it might be because the structure is a series of verses (no chorus or bridge) and maybe the song felt like it ran on one level


Donnie - When Daddy’s Drinking
I think there were some word choices which could be improved in this song (some lines felt a bit rushed) but I thought the song was from the heart. I have heard so many times that its hard for children of alcoholics to understand what is going on - why their parent will switch between extremes of freindliness and anger. I am not sure I have got to have that feeling since my parents were never drank, but this song connected me with those things I have read - so well done for touching on a truth.


Moso - Say You Wanna Be With Me
I am not sure if I am really hearig one guitar in the background or if there is a bass going on there too? If this is simple guitar playing it is very impressive. 
I really enjoyed the stumbling mumbling, casual feel of the lyrical delivery. I think this song won a lot of points for "style".
Good song as is, but if I was collaborating with you I would be asking for a change -  I wonder if you couldnt consider making the chorus a slightly different pacing - something which clearly distinguishes it from the verses rhythmically. 


ScenesFromPalacio - Swimming
Your last 1+1 seemed like it was quickly put together - this one has a lot of crafstmanship in it compared to last time! I really enjoyed it- Very atmospheric. I think its power comes from the root chord that you return to between the sung sections. As soon as I heard it I thought "we have our winner" (but when I started going through the other songs I kept thinking "wow what a good song"!) - I like this one a lot. As always I have trouble with the lyrics and never really understand the song, I think if you are trying to improve your craft, that is the area - even if it means collaborating


Boy frevm - Runnin
A neat little piece of music, but not even quite a song for me because it was so short (nor could it be called a 1+1 because of the layered vocals). It represented a kind of modern sound. An interesting soundscape but not something I could get my teeth into

 

RoadDog - Bombs Away
You are going to hate me but my favorite bit was the intricate instrumental at the beginning - I thought it was a nice piece of musicianship and I was curious about how it would build - but it immediately went into strumming mode. Not bad but not as good as your electric songs for me


discatticus - The Price I Pay
The standout part for me was some of the lyrical ideas - It was a nicely delivered, pretty straightforward melody - but the use of "roosevelts", "bindle-stiff", the expansion of the theme in the 2nd verse - great stuff. The last verse wasnt quite so strong for me but lyrically this was my perhaps favorite of the competition- You obviously have this part of your craft down!

 

GocartMoz - The Dream
Thanks for beig the one entrant with a song longer than mine! It was also a better song than mine. I like the choice of a piano. Very nice vocal. I think this felt a bit long without the lyrics, but reading through the lyrics I think the song worked really well (if that mekes sense). I was a bit confused by the blast of air verse - it was like this guy is in a hospice and suddenly he his hoping for a nuclear blast to go off - it was a great image, but it didnt seem to fit anything. It did make me think and I enjoyed it!


Joan - Down from the Trees
I thought this had a hypnotic quality, not in a completely positive way - I felt like the music was a simple vehicle for the lyrics you were delivering, but because you had so much to say, I feel a bit more musical complexity might sweeten the pot for your listeners- a good example from this competition is Ironknee's song with many changes in a short length of time. Lyrically I thought it was interesting - there was room for interpretation, but I feel I got a good idea of the topic. I must admit my favorite, most vivid part was of the first couple of lines about the banishment from Eden but I enjoyed the lyrics.


lyD - Always You
Wow! I have been listening to your song craft develop for probably 10 years on this site, on and off - but this song is way above anything I have heard you write before - I loved it - the pacing, the delivery. The way you return to that "thinking about someone in the dark" in the first verse, and the second - Like the best songs, there is a naked truth in this track - not much more to say but "awesome job"!


PaulCanuck - Uber Love
As a song, this was brilliantly done. It had a campy / silly vibe to it, but the choice of chords is complex, interesting. The lyrics are catchy. The performance is tight.The chord choice is so good in the chorus that it felt like there was more than one voice singing. It is almost like I could imagine tom jones singing this in his prime - it has a 1960s whimsy to it. I feel like you could have sold this song to someone if the music industry hadnt changed dramatically in the last decade or two


Ironknee - His Eyes
Fantastic little riff with those harmonics. Nice jaunty intro. I thought the theatrical changes in how you sang the song made the very best of the 1+1 format - nothing was given any time to be predictable - it just kept switching up, and the whole song was really short just to compound the tightness of what you have done - really good, although I have to say the next song which played from your soundclick site was the beautiful "she's in love with someone else", reminding me of what a 10/10 song sounds like, and forcing me to recalibrate my scoring of this competition!
 

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Alot of excellent songs here..The top 2 (both totally great) were my top 2 - (which is very rare & i love it when that happens !)...Thanx so much to Murphster for generously running the comp & non-contestant voters..Here's my brief notes  while listening.. :)

 

 

The S - A Burden On Me - Very nice soulful Dylanesque song, beautifully sung with a very well crafted,
heartfelt lyric.. Like an out-take from Blood On The Tracks "Just like a rolling Stone" too..Top 3 definitely


Donnie - When Daddy’s Drinking -Pleasant Traditional country tune & a good lyric..Lacking melodic flair for me


Moso - Say You Wanna Be With Me -Interesting quirky rythmic tune with a modern latin flavour..Some
cool chord changes here, particularly "I can see it in your eyes you only think of me"..Really like the individual eccentric vibe n
 the individuality here

 

fabkebab - doings and beings - Very well crafted lyric & nice picking..Some of the changes i enjoyed
"Doctors, bakers, beggars and thieves"..Some not so much i.e "human doing be a human being"..The track as a whole didn't feel as intuitive as the best i've heard from you being honest


ScenesFromPalacio - Swimming - Sinister-edged song about total obsession..I like it but know it's not gonna be everyone's cup of tea..Knew it had absolutly no chance & after hearing so many excellent songs here realised that even more haha


Boy frevm - Runnin -Interesting, atmospheric track but def NOT a 1+1..Severely penalised scorewise
for that..


RoadDog - Bombs Away -Such a great expressive vocal performance.Song has a sinister
undercurrent,unpredictability & a palpable sense of presence i really dug


discatticus - The Price I Pay..Pleasant modern world weary tune with a lovely husky voice..Enjoyable


GocartMoz - The Dream Epic Sprinsteen n Elton meets Waterboys kinda ballad that sounds massive
just as a 1+1 ! "Take these shackles off of me" is a lovely change..Very honest

 

Joan - Down from the Trees - Has a purity & honesty that draws you in..Beautiful, thoughtful lyric,
lovely vocal & naturally melodic & heartfelt vibe..Love the chorus melody too..Really good song..Top 3 place
for sure


lyD - Always You - Has an elegance,instant simplicity & intuitive soulfulness that's engaging right
away.Very nice song.Maybe my favourite i've heard from you.Would derfinitely make people shut-up n listen at an open mic..Top 3 place guess


PaulCanuck - Uber Love Delightful quirky easy listening 60s style jazzy pop..Great, clever chord changes n
melodies..Beautifully crafted n effortlessly charming..My kind of song..Very cool indeed..Gotta be top 3


Ironknee - His Eyes..This is really good.Its like El Conda Pasa by S & G was used as a vague
template,but this has such a strong individual flavour of its own nonetheless..Melodic,characterful, atmospheric &
brilliantly presented for a 1+1..Very classy & (i'm guessing) a very deserving winner here

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Dammit, @PaulCanuck. Your song has been in my head for at least a week now. 

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What a great contest. I don't get on here as often as I'd like, but the quality of the songwriting/playing blows me away every time. For that reason I'm amazed to see my song do so well. I'm really grateful for the comments above. 

 

Big thanks to Murphster for running it (and with such enthusiasm). 

 

A few scribbles I made while scoring:

 

The S - A Burden On Me
Fantastic vocals. If I could sing like that I'd never stop. Nice guitar. I would have liked a change up/chorus to complete it but really enjoyed it. 
Donnie - When Daddy’s Drinking
Heartfelt. Great rhyme breakin/drinkin. Some lyrics felt slightly forced to fit and guitar a bit busy. Enjoyable.
Moso - Say You Wanna Be With Me
Great intro. Bring the vocals up - hard to make out. Bridge could add more. Cool tune.
fabkebab - doings and beings
Great lyrics as usual. Nice wordplay. Love love love when vocals let loose in the chorus. 
ScenesFromPalacio - Swimming
Interesting as usual - there's always a level of creativity in your music. Chorus didn't really do it for me although the morphing into I choose from it's you was clever. 
Boy frevm - Runnin
Question whether it's 1+1 but impressive sound considering. Very current sound. Wish it were longer! 
RoadDog - Bombs Away
Passionate delivery. Catchy hook - could make more of it, as the chorus seems to peter out a bit. Same with pre chorus - I wanted the "thorn in their side" line to be immediately repeated as I felt it promised more. 
discatticus - The Price I Pay
This is the kind of "conversational" style of song I'd love to write. I love the simplicity of the lyrics and delivery. The instrumental parts could do with being trimmed. Got stuck in my head. Strong Tim Hardin feel - reminded me of Black Sheep Boy. I'd like a chorus or bridge. 
GocartMoz - The Dream
Great piano. A bit much reverb. Felt like it needed more differentiation - impressive how it manages to be so epic sounding, but I'd prefer it if that wasn't the case throughout. Hard hitting lyric. 
Joan - Down from the Trees
Lovely performance and full of clever lyrics. 
PaulCanuck - Uber Love
Very clever and wonderfully performed. Not the sort of thing I listen to regularly but so well realised. I've found myself singing it several times this week. 
Ironknee - His Eyes
Fantastic guitar part and full of interesting ideas. I love listening to your music. The chorus didn't quite give the pay off I wanted. 

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THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU  😀

And congrats to Paul and David, as well. 

Thanks to all the non-contestant voters, to Murphster, and to all the participants. 

 

I always enjoy writing and playing; and, all my songs are personal. "His Eyes" is one of my very favorite writes. 

And so I say, thank you, once more!

 

I had to check-in, of course😁.....but, I am in the middle of a project that keeps me up vey late.....and gets me up very early. I don't have the time to comment on all of the songs, just yet..........after this weekend, for sure!!

 

                                                                                                         😎-Tom

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23 hours ago, fabkebab said:

I am not sure if I am really hearig one guitar in the background or if there is a bass going on there too? If this is simple guitar playing it is very impressive. 

One guitar. It's fingerstyle strumming, so the thumb is assigned to the 6th, 5th, and sometimes the 4th string; and the other four fingers are each assigned one string. Actually, it was kind of annoying me - you can hear my fingernails doing kind of like little pinch harmonics here and there on the backstrokes, especially towards the end. 

 

20 hours ago, ScenesFromPalacio said:

Really like the individual eccentric vibe n the individuality here

Thanks, man. This song is actually old, over ten years old. It was the first I wrote lyrics to, and is meant to be sung as a duet, with a marimba lead, keys support, heavy bass, and sort of dragging hip-hop-like percussion. 

 

16 hours ago, lyD said:

Bring the vocals up - hard to make out. 

Yeah, I left them that way intentionally, the same as I left singing and playing mistakes. Did you also notice the change in speed early in the beginning? That reminds me, I'm surprised we didn't have a single video entry. For a while, in the 1+1s it was getting popular to do a single video take as one's entry. I actually thought about doing that, but set up a mic instead. It'd be cool to see those again, though. They need a comeback! 

 

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Well I'm surprised my campy song did that well among such great entries - but I thank you guys for making it happen :)

 

Congrats to Tom and lyD - great songs both and Tom's deserved to finish in first IMHO.

 

And thanks to @Murphster for hosting this month - well done!

 

Here are the notes I took - hope I don't offend - all initial impressions (probably wrong-headed :))

 

The S - A Burden On Me
Lovely Dylan vibe - immediately interesting musically and lyrically. Love the odd musical lead-in to the verses. Lyrical hook is a bit late to the party..

 

Donnie - When Daddy’s Drinking
Nice chord choices. Good melody lines. Happy bouncy song with sad lyrics. A few prosody/word emphasis issues.

 

Moso - Say You Wanna Be With Me
Love the chord progs. Cool lyrics - but I couldn't hear them well enough to make them out without reading them. Great lift for chorus. Good hook - well set-up and used. Good vocals, guitar work. Could be trimmed 30 secs.

 

fabkebab - doings and beings
Good vocals, like the guitar riffs.
Didn't get the message - isn't doing better than just being?

 

ScenesFromPalacio - Swimming
Beatley vibe - nice vox, interesting chords. Many of the "it's you's" sound like "chew". Lovely bridge. Hook is MIA

 

Boy frevm - Runnin
This is not a 1+1 - someone didn't read the rules!!

 

RoadDog - Bombs Away
Like the melody range. The pre-chorus doesn't fit for me.
Good chorus - lots of vocal power there. Interesting lyrics.

 

discatticus - The Price I Pay
bindle-stiff? I better google that. Nice road-weary vox. Good simple melody.
Like the lyrics - where's the hook? Oh there it is!

 

GocartMoz - The Dream
 +1 for the piano performance.
Lyric was a bit hard to relate to in 1st person.
Nice vocals, Production could use some more light/shade.

 

Joan - Down from the Trees
Nice folky tune. Vox a bit careful - maybe loosen it up a bit? Good melody line in chorus. Good hook - well set-up and positioned. Could be shorter.


lyD - Always You
Great moody intro. Nice melody lines. Good lyrics. "what the hell" seemed a bit out of place to me.

 

PaulCanuck - Uber Love
Thanks for all the encouragement on this one. First song I've written where verse is in C and chorus is in D so there's a lyft before every chorus :).

 

Ironknee - His Eyes
Nice intro - like the stops and starts. good vox. and pickin' Perfect length. Another late hook - seeing a trend here. A few squeaks and fret noise from the acoustic - making it all real.

 

 

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Big congratulations to Tom, Paul and David! I had all your songs down as winners this month.

 

I really appreciate everyone who posted such in-depth and generous feedback on the entries. I’m trying to pull my own thoughts together and might have something to post in the next couple of days. I don’t do critiques much anymore, because for some reason they never land where I aim them. Over and over, something that feels like a flaw or annoying stylistic tic turns out to be pretty central to how that person creates. One thing I can say is that I was absolutely blown away by the high level of instrumental work across the board this month. Really beautiful guitar and piano work.

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On 09/09/2018 at 12:29, PaulCanuck said:

 

GocartMoz - The Dream
 +1 for the piano performance.
Lyric was a bit hard to relate to in 1st person.
Nice vocals, Production could use some more light/shade.

 

 

2 hours ago, Joan said:

 

One thing I can say is that I was absolutely blown away by the high level of instrumental work across the board this month. Really beautiful guitar and piano work.

I wanted to clarify that the Piano in my song was not played by me.  I am primarily a guitar player who can scrub together a bass line and some keyboard parts in my songs.  I wrote The Dream on guitar in 2013 and actually recorded a guitar version at that time.  I always envisioned it, however, as a solo piano piece.  I wasintroduced to Band in a Box earlier this year.  The piano track, in the new recording,, was generated through this program.

 

Dave

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The S: Your work consistently extols what I think are the very best virtues of songwriting. As a student of the work of Townes Van Zandt, Blaze Foley and the like, I have terrific appreciation for the ways in which you personify emotion, reveal the beauty of longing and loneliness, and rend the heart of the listener with your lyrics, melodies and vocals. Your song tied for my top spot in this contest.

 

Donnie: When Daddy's Drinking struck me as two songs sharing one space. The guitar work is nice, the progression strong. The lyrics are rich, and painfully intimate. I like all the pieces of the song. Where things went astray for me was that it didn't necessarily feel like the music and the lyrics matched up on this one. I wish I knew how to be more specific about it, but my ear couldn't quite reconcile the lyrics with the music. I'm sorry I can't give more focused feedback. I like dall the pieces.

 

Moso: One of the more interesting arrangements in the contest in my opinion. I had a somewhat difficult time accessing this song, and had to listen to it a number of times to really form an opinion about it. Musically, it's very cool...has a nice vibe. The lyrics come fast, so being able to read them was good...and the lyrics are strong. The standout for me was

Do you have the kind of time it takes

The time to break from all the pantomime? 

Or will you too sit and spin and help them all deny?

I think the whole thing felt a bit rushed, which is why it was hard to get into, but I wound up liking it more the more I listened to it, for what that's worth. 

 

fabkebab: I scored this one pretty high. I really enjoyed the melody, and the questioning tone of the lyrics....the narrow lens through which we view things. Good stuff. Cool instrumentation.

 

Scenes From Pelacio: We twinned up on scores. I found the guitar work on this to be really interesting. Lyrically, the hook, "It's you" is a cool place for the song to live...admittedly, without the lyrics in front of me it sounded a bit like "achoo" at times. Would have liked a bit more story, but an enjoyable listen start to finish.

 

Boy Frevm:  In another contest, this song would have been a cool, unique, relatively-high-scoring piece for me. In this contest, it was a cool, unique piece that broke the rules and left me wondering more about how to score it than I wanted it to. The vocals are awesome, the harmonies are cool, and I like the ukelele. 

 

RoadDog:  For what it's worth, your chorus was stuck in my head for a solid day.

 

Discatticus: Was hoping I'd do better, but the competition was stiff. 

 

GocartMoz: Cool piano work, interesting writing. Reminded me a little of The Antlers' album, "Hospice" That's a good thing.

 

...laptop battery dying...will finish later.

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1 hour ago, GocartMoz said:

I wanted to clarify that the Piano in my song was not played by me.  I am primarily a guitar player who can scrub together a bass line and some keyboard parts in my songs.  I wrote The Dream on guitar in 2013 and actually recorded a guitar version at that time.  I always envisioned it, however, as a solo piano piece.  I wasintroduced to Band in a Box earlier this year.  The piano track, in the new recording,, was generated through this program.

 

Dave

Dave, it sounded terrific.

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The S - A Burden On Me....A great recording...a great write.....beautiful, all around..........I couldn't help but to hear Billy Joel's "Piano Man" in the hook, however....and a great performance, as usual!!

Donnie - When Daddy’s Drinking....A very nice folk/country song.....a bit repetitive.....but, some very nice sentiment, and an important topic for today!

Moso - Say You Wanna Be With Me...a nice, uplifting instrumental hook (good stuff)...the vocals are too weak, needs to be more assertive.......a good melody....a good song, needs a bit more change-up to be really catching.....some great ideas!

fabkebab - doings and beings....Love the play on words.....very good concept!! Always a solid writer and performer. I appreciate the way you are always striving to come up with something ( anything) different. Kudos!!

ScenesFromPalacio - Swimming....Like the guitar playing, very different, dictated the emotion, even.....the melody was strong; but, a bit monotonous.......the lyric was subtle, but had a "human" element that was pretty cool. I mean, the angst was there, but there was a confusion about it that made it real, for me.......neat!

And always a great performance!!

Boy frevm - Runnin....NOT A 1+1...😋........SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD A BIT OF FUN, HOWEVER!!

RoadDog - Bombs Away...... I loved the lyric,lots of cool imagery. And I liked the whole of the song.....Great ideas, man....gotta work on your performances and recordings!!😎

discatticus - The Price I Pay...A very nice write, all around....Good performance, and production......Good stuff!

GocartMoz - The Dream...A great write, a bit depressing, never-the-less😉 A solid production and solid performances, I do think that a program that plays the piano is "not natural". Which makes me wonder with how much of anything a person does, in terms of musicianship, is real. 😨

Joan - Down from the Trees...Listened to this one a few times......I really like the craftmanship of this, great Lyric/melody/performance relationship. I'm not sure as to weather you started out writing about Adam & Eve, and diverged; or, was lyrically paralleling the Bible. Maybe you were writing about the vague period when Neanderthal met Cro-Magnon....?? Anyways....I really enjoyed the story and the write!!

lyD - Always You..........Always very somber, and heart-felt. Others agreed, as well!!😎 Very good writing and performing....keeps everyone always interested.

Good, good stuff!

PaulCanuck - Uber Love...Great song!!!

The guitar part was creative, but needed a production to make this the hook you wanted, (I think), You did a stellar job with pulling it off, however. I have songs like this, where it takes a production to bring things to full bloom...I think this is one of those. A great testament to your writing and performing. A really neat piece of writing, Paul!!

Ironknee - His Eyes.....A song that is really different for me; in that, it is gender indifferent (easily able to convert).........a super fun guitar, with a melody that sounds absolutely awesome when whistled in a steam bath sauna 😎

 

Remember all....these are just first impressions; and are, in no way, meant to reflective the deep thinking and reasonable opinions of my better me 😊

                                                                                                                                                                                                 -Tom

 

 

And thanks to all.......once again!!

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A lot of nice songs to hear and to score but one of them much more thrilling and beautiful than the others to me.

Congrats, Tom,  for your brilliant song. I was surprised, impressed and under its spell.

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A big congratulations to all of the winners and thanks to everyone who submitted a song.    Man, this was a tough month to score with all of the the great entries.   I got one of the top three correct.  I put Pauls Uber Love in 2nd place in my list as well.  I had Joans Down from the Trees in 3rd.  I loved lyrics on it. It is "a long way down from the trees"!  One can only hope that we find our way back up there someday!! Very cool song!

 

My number one was GocartMotz's (Dave) The Dream.  If you hadn't of told us the piano was Band in a Box I never would have guess it, it sounded great...but that's 2nd to your vocal performance.  Dave, this just blew me away!!! The power and emotion in your voice was outstanding. You made this song come alive as if, dare I say, like it was a personal experience that happened to you or a close loved one though I truly  hope that was not the case.  You did a tremendous job conveying the feelings of the story which obviously is a delicate subject to take on but you did a wonderful job with it!!!!!  Although I'm sure the guitar version is just excellent as well, the piano was perfect instrument for this piece. This is one the best song I've heard in a very long time. Thanks for sharing it with us. 

 

Take care,

Dominick/Moptop

 

 

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Hey all, great contest!  Congrats to IronKnee, Paul, and lyD!  Here are my comments, take them with a grain of salt:

 

 

A Burden On Me:  This song has a familiar feeling to me.  Like coming home.

What I really like about this though is how you change up the tempo with respect to the delivery of the lyrics.  This makes a special impression on me due to the lack of an obvious chorus or refrain.

 

When Daddy’s Drinking:  There are spots where the lyrics (syllables or delivery) don’t match up to my ears and you have to rush it a bit.   But the easy-going folk feel to this make me let that one go.  I especially like how the story turns around at the end. Alcoholism doesn’t always end like that.

 

Say You Wanna Be With Me:  Wow, when the songs starts I am thinking Jason Mraz – but once the lyrics kicking I am thinking Jack Johnson.  Really inventive melody, use of dynamics, and delivery (especially in the bit that goes ‘uh-oh’ and the bit that follows)!

 

Doings and Beings:  I really really like the arpeggiated intro.  And the long drawn out lyrics over that multitude of notes provides a great contrast.  Then I love how it kicks in after ~ 1 minute with the muted strumming – and then to return to the fingerstyle after the chorus.  Sweet.  Oh and my two favorite lines “Drink the deeper rivers of the earth.  Drop the myth of measuring your worth

 

Swimming: What is the chord progression here?  Unpredictable as always, but in this one I kept waiting for the release of tension, which was a bit more elusive  (or perhaps more subtle ?)  I think that it’s gonna happen here and there and then I kind of feel it in the final refrain.  OK so clearly all of this is highly subjective, but I do wonder, if what I hear is related to the intended purpose for the listener.  Good stuff!

 

Runnin’:  Super cool selection of temporal stress here – especially in lines like “and this hill it don't come down like, this shift and its running “  The first two lines are almost an allegory for how one views the world as age takes its toll on the soul.  So short though.

 

The Price I Pay:  Nice guitar intro.  Great line about “all them Roosevelts”  I had to look up the currency on which Teddy or FDR were featured!  Also, “The only ledger I square correct,

Is the one containing my regret.”  Brilliant, brilliant lines.

 

The Dream:  Powerful powerful piano, and so fitting for such a powerful song.  It fills me with fear and sadness but also makes me think about death, as we often say, being the one true certainty in life.  Tough stuff but delivered in a way that is quite accessible.

 

Down from the Trees:  This has such a classic almost David Mallet like. I love the melody and the guitar work.  Really cool lyrics.  The line “The snake that burned our brand-new world”  sounds biblical to me but I am no scholar, what does it mean? I love the bit about a cell pulling itself in two.

 

Always You:  A sweet song of regret.   I love the line “I tried to close your eyes”  and I dig how you move to strumming briefly near the end of the song and then bring it back full circle.

 

Uber Love:  This one has a Beatles feel to it.  Nice guitar work accompanying the vocals.  The melody for the lines “I pull up to her place and she gets in
And off we go again Off we go again..”

And similar lines in each verse, are a bit a surprise to me and I am still trying to figure out if I like it.  I love what sounds like some jazz chords thrown in there especially around  “The time we spent together was never quite enough”.  Fun!

 

His Eyes: Intriguing acoustic intro!  And well actually, great and interesting accompaniment along the whole way along.  It almost has a ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ feel to it.  Really, unique and fun.  Really nice!

 

Cheers,

Pete

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My thoughts on the entries:

 

The S - A Burden On Me

I thought this was a great entry.  As I have said before, the vocal quality is fantastic, especially for an iPhone recording.  I agree with Fab, that you are very pro sounding.  Honestly, if I had any fault of the song it is with structure.  I rrealzize these Dylanesque type tunes sometimes adhere to an all verse structure, but I was wanting a change up.  Otherwise, great stuff.  Good lyric.

 

Donnie - When Daddy’s Drinking

A very relatable lyric and very well written.  For me, however, musically, it didn't really offer anything new to my ears.

 

Moso - Say You Wanna Be With Me

This was hard for me to score.  I thought it was very cool musically (instrumentally), but the way it was sung, kind of under the breath, made it very hard to really get a full picture of the song.  I don't want to score based upon how good the vocal is, but it prevented me I think from getting a full picture of the song, which I believe could be exceptional.

 

fabkebab - doings and beings

Really enjoyed this tune, as I do almost all of  your songs.  Absent some real standouts this month, this could have easily won.  Loved the lyric and playing. 

 

ScenesFromPalacio - Swimming

As always, musically I thought this was great.  Lyrially, it just didn't hit home with me.  Performance, as always, is tops.

 

Boy frevm - Runnin

I also noted this was not a 1 + 1, but honestly that wasn't the issue for me.  This seemed like the start of a song.  It didn't seem nearly done, and what was recorded, vocally, I had extreme difficulty making out the lyric.  Absent a written lyric, I would have never gotten it. 

 

RoadDog - Bombs Away

Great lyric, as always.  In my mind, you are the most creative lyric writer I have seen on this site.  It is always interesting, always unique and always extremely well done.  Unfortunately, the music/melody didn't carry it to the finish line for me.

 

discatticus - The Price I Pay

I kind of felt the same as I felt with S's song on this one.  It was well done.  I enjoyed the lyric, but it suffered from a lack of variation in parts.  Dynamically, it didn't do it for me.

 

Joan - Down from the Trees

I really enjoyed this song.  It was such a well written lyric and performance.  Nicely done.  Absent some other standouts this month, it likely would have placed in  my mind.

 

lyD - Always You

I loved this tune.  Such an easy going singer/songwriter write, with a lovely lyric and brilliant performance.  Right up my alley.  No real nits, 

 

PaulCanuck - Uber Love

While this is definitely not the style of song I would normally listen to, I scored it 2d, because it is so well done.  The lyric blew me away.  so well written and the music was perfectly suited for the whimsical lyric.  A fantastic write.

 

Ironknee - His Eyes

I scored this as my winner.  Honestly, I thought there were better lyrics this month, but the music was so well done that it carried it over the top for me.  Very unique, interesting melody.  Extremely well performed.  Congrats on a job well done.

 

Once again, congrats to the winners.  Well deserved,.  Thanks to the non-contestant scorers and Murph for running the show.

 

Dave

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11 hours ago, moptop said:

A big congratulations to all of the winners and thanks to everyone who submitted a song.    Man, this was a tough month to score with all of the the great entries.   I got one of the top three correct.  I put Pauls Uber Love in 2nd place in my list as well.  I had Joans Down from the Trees in 3rd.  I loved lyrics on it. It is "a long way down from the trees"!  One can only hope that we find our way back up there someday!! Very cool song!

 

My number one was GocartMotz's (Dave) The Dream.  If you hadn't of told us the piano was Band in a Box I never would have guess it, it sounded great...but that's 2nd to your vocal performance.  Dave, this just blew me away!!! The power and emotion in your voice was outstanding. You made this song come alive as if, dare I say, like it was a personal experience that happened to you or a close loved one though I truly  hope that was not the case.  You did a tremendous job conveying the feelings of the story which obviously is a delicate subject to take on but you did a wonderful job with it!!!!!  Although I'm sure the guitar version is just excellent as well, the piano was perfect instrument for this piece. This is one the best song I've heard in a very long time. Thanks for sharing it with us. 

 

Take care,

Dominick/Moptop

 

 

Thank  you for your comments Dominick.  The Dream is a very personal song for me.  In 2007, I received a stem cell transplant to combat an autoimmune disease.  I was at Duke Univesity Hospital for the better part of a year in a clinical trial.  The doctors had given me a 50% chance of surviving more than 5 years.  I have done well since., That experience is what principally inspired The Dream.  I had other family menbers dealing with major health issues, as well.  The Dream was influenced by all of those experiences.  I appreciate  your comments.

 

Dave

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7 hours ago, GocartMoz said:

Thank  you for your comments Dominick.  The Dream is a very personal song for me.  In 2007, I received a stem cell transplant to combat an autoimmune disease.  I was at Duke Univesity Hospital for the better part of a year in a clinical trial.  The doctors had given me a 50% chance of surviving more than 5 years.  I have done well since., That experience is what principally inspired The Dream.  I had other family menbers dealing with major health issues, as well.  The Dream was influenced by all of those experiences.  I appreciate  your comments.

 

Dave

Thanks for the comments Dave......and, I hope all is well with you. 

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