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This was my entry in the July Lyric Contest, which finished mid table.

 

Possibly a bit overcomplicated with both male and female vocals and lines alternated between the male and female singers?

 

The idea behind it was of a couple who are having a volatile relationship, and they're both trying to make the most of any peaceful interludes before the fighting starts again. I think the music would reflect those shifts between volatile and peaceful with the verses being loud and the pre chorus and chorus bits being much softer.

 

Perfect Moments

(Male vocal for lyrics in black, female vocal for pink, and male/female vocal for blue)

 

(Verse)

Punching, screaming

Duck and diving

Reeling, writhing

She sticks the knife in

 

I got my war wounds

Though I’ve never fought in a war

Life hits like a Cat-o-nine

Knocking me to the floor

 

When every topic is a landmine

Every day a battlefield

It takes so much effort just to stay sane

And not raise up a shield

 

And in these moments we need to take joy where we can

Live in the present and find a place of calm

 

(Pre chorus)
Sunshine glinting across the bay
Slowly fades as the day gives way
Dragonflies over bales of hay
Uncut grasses in the verges sway

 

(Chorus)
Perfect moments

Summer blossom

Perfect moments
Troubles forgotten

 

(Verse)

Grappling, screeching

Block and parrying

Feeling, crying

He sticks the knife in

 

I got my war wounds

Though I’ve never fought in a war

Life hits like a Cat-o-nine

Knocking me to the floor

 

When every topic is a landmine

Every day a battlefield

It takes so much effort just to stay sane

And not raise up a shield

 

Yes, in these moments we need to take joy where we can

Live in the present and find a place of calm

 

(Pre chorus)
Sunshine glinting across the bay
Slowly fades as the day gives way
Dragonflies over bales of hay
Uncut grasses in the verges sway

 

(Chorus)
Perfect moments

Summer blossom

Perfect moments
Troubles forgotten

(Verse)

Punching, screaming

Grappling, screeching

Duck and diving

Block and parrying

Reeling, writhing

Feeling, crying

She sticks the knife in

He sticks the knife in

 

In these moments we need to take joy where we can

Live in the present and find a place of calm

 

(Pre chorus)
Sunshine glinting across the bay
Slowly fades as the day gives way
Dragonflies over bales of hay
Uncut grasses in the verges sway

 

(Chorus)
Perfect moments

Summer blossom

Perfect moments
Troubles forgotten

 

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Having trouble with my laptop here...let's try this again...

.  

I think I gave this one a pretty good score.  I liked the action verbs in the verses, although the fact that they were describing violence, it did come off as a little unpleasant and uncomfortable.  I did not realize that the couple were together during the peaceful moments experiencing nature.  I assumed that they were off on their own, sort of taking a time out from each other.  With a lyric, I think there is only so much you can cram in to a confined space, in this case I'm not sure going back and forth between the fights and peacefulness so often works well.  The changes from fight to peacefulness to fight to peacefulness seem to abrupt.  I think you're right that maybe the right music can help with that issue.  One possibility is just to simplify...go from the fight to the peacefulness.  Stop there.  Just a thought.

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       The issue I can't resolve is most of the song is absolutely violent yet the title is perfect moments.  3 verses of violence followed by a 2 line pre pc seque into LaLa Land. Times two.  "In these moments we need to take joy where we can."     I was thinking what perfect moments?   When they're in the emergency room getting stitched up? When they're knocked unconscious? 

         It could easily be construed that the couple is taking joy in the violence.  (Which could work too!) The segue does not set up the perfect moments enough for me to make it work yet. Needs a couple tweaks.  The perfect moments are the calm after the storm.  

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Hi SW,

 

I gave this a 2.5 in the comp.

 

The two sides of a hard fought relationship pan out well - think we can all recognise elements within this! ;-0

 

Will work well as a (Country?) duet I think, but for me, the main structural issue with it is the very long sections of male and then female vocals - kind of makes it sound like a bit of a rant from each others points of view.

 

Maybe better to have more of a his and her answer duet where he and she are effectively answering each other after 2 or 4 lines each and then they can join in unison/harmony (literally!) in the chorus. The one liner replies to each other are good later on in the song and would still add contrast.

 

Just a thought.

 

Good luck with it :) 

 

Andy

 

 

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Thought this was a strong entry in the contest, tied at the top of my ballot.   I am always a sucker for the M/F duets and the different POV's they can offer. One thought from me, maybe move the verse ender:

 

19 hours ago, SongWolfe said:

And in these moments we need to take joy where we can

 

Live in the present and find a place of calm

to after the chorus instead of after the verses? 

 

IMO it seems a little out of place after the 'violent' verses, if re-positioned after the chorus it serves as the message that roots the Chorus?

 

As always, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.

 

 

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I think that lyrically its done well, but I wonder how it will all fit together with the music - the chorus sections being the 'pleasant' calmer parts.

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