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PaulCanuck

Uber Love - updated 08/10/2018

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Thanks to kuya, AndyLef, Mike B, SongWolfe and Short Order Kook for the valuable feedback.

So I added a bit more storyline as suggested (it's still not a happy ending though :))

It's supposed to be a simple tale of unrequited love - and SOK I'm OK with a tinge of creepiness here :lol:

..and I'm hoping "riding in his Lyft" will make it more clear to the listener

 

Uber Love

 

This girl I know asks for me all the time
(She sold her car and now she doesn't drive)
I pull up to her place and she gets in
And off we go again
Off we go again..

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
I drop her off
The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

 

I'm in the driver's seat, she's in the back
Sometimes along the way we'll have a chat
I always take her where she wants to go
I guess she'll never know
How I love her so

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
I drop her off
The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

 

I took her to a party Friday night
I could hear the noisy party-ers inside
And I worried: "Would she make it home OK?"
Then I drove away
Yes, I drove away..

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
I drop her off
The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

 

{br}
Then one day she booked a ride
But it wasn't on my shift
Now I hear some other guy
Has been giving her a lift
Oh no!
SHE'S RIDING IN HIS LYFT !!

 

Uber love
Uber love
I picked her up
I dropped her off
The time we spent together
Will be never quite enough
'Cause I've lost
My Uber love

 

The time we spent together
Will be never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

 

 

***************** ORIGINAL VERSION ********************************

 

Uber Love

 

This girl I know asks for me all the time
(She sold her car and now she doesn't drive)
I pull up to her place and she gets in
And off we go again
Off we go again..

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
I drop her off
The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

 

I'm in the driver's seat, she's in the back
Sometimes along the way we'll have a chat
I always take her where she wants to go
I guess she'll never know
How I love her so

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
I drop her off
The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

 

I took her to a party Friday night
I could hear the noisy party-ers inside
And I worried: "Would she make it home OK?"
Then I drove away
Yes, I drove away..

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
I drop her off
The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

 

{br}
And when she needs a ride
I hope it's on my shift
To keep some other guy
From giving her a lift
Oh no!
SHE DOESN'T WANT A LYFT !!

 

Uber love
Uber love
I pick her up
I drop her off
The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

 

The time we spend together
Is never quite enough
Uber love
My Uber love

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Hi Paul, 

       This was tied for second place in my contest voting.  Just the way it is. Having said that, it might be nicer and even more memorable to see more of a story line progression. Harry Chapin wrote a great taxi song and there was conversation in it. This guy is obsessed with the girl and probably hangs onto every word she says. But she isn't developed at all here. If it were mine I mght try something like: 

 

         She said I just love Uber. I always hope it's you.

          And tho she didn't hear me I said I love you too 

 

         Your bridge is interesting and clever but I was sorry to see you bring anyone (lyft) else into the lyric. I'd rather the focus was only on the girl and the pov. And maybe have it end with  something about the the next time that she calls for me I'm gonna tell her how I feel.  So we're left wondering (caring) how it ends. 

            But like I said, I voted this podium worthy just the way it is.  

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It's 'cute', but unsatisfying for me.  As Kuya suggests, more of a 'storyline' would help - doesn't necessarily have to be the driver and passenger getting together, but could be something 'different' - like she gets into his car one night with another women...

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Hi Paul,

 

I gave this a rating of 3. I thought it was kind of a sweet little story. Someone being in love and looking out for the subject of his affections even though she was presumably unaware of his crush.

 

I have no nits on the lyric writing; it's expertly crafted. But I do think the fact that it doesn't go anywhere probably prevented me from giving it a higher score. However, I guess the whole point of the story is that his love is doomed to go nowhere? Still think it may be worth seeing if you can come up with a little twist. Maybe he sees that she's ended up riding with another uber driver?

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Hi Paul - I gave this a 2.5 in the contest - mainly for it's originality.

 

I love way you are always finding a different take on something topical :) 

 

Shame "Uber" is such an ugly sounding word for a song but maybe in your intended genre (humorous pop), it will work.

 

I can hear in my head, all the ones in the bar who have had a few drinks, joining in with the chorus!
In this verse:

19 hours ago, PaulCanuck said:

I took her to a party Friday night
I could hear the noisy party-ers inside
And I worried: "Would she make it home OK?"
Then I drove away
Yes, I drove away..

...maybe he shouldn't drive away.... may lead you in a different direction and add a bit more story line to the song which is why I didn't score it higher.

 

Enjoyed the read :)

 

Cheers,

 

Andy

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Posted (edited)

I second what is said above about making more of a connection between the girl and the driver.  I think I recently came across a news headline about an uber driver who did something horrible to some female passengers (I didn't read it), so I had this "creepy guy" image in my head.  I knew that is not what the song was going for, but when there's no connection between the two, it was hard for me to dismiss the idea.  That's not your fault, but I guess it's another reason to show them making more of a connection?

 

Edit:  I was also left wondering how you would make the meaning of "Lyft" work musically without the benefit of spelling it out for the listener?

Edited by Short Order Kook

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Hi Paul,

 

I think the bridge is an improvement...it's just enough extra story without taking it on a new tangent and making it too long.  FWIW, it takes away the creepiness factor for me, and makes it seem more like of an innocent crush.  And the LYFT line is more obvious--I think the pun will come through more clearly.

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Hey Paul. It's unique (using an Uber driver as the vehicle for a secret love is really inventive) and I dig the added bridge, flows really well to me. Don't have much else to say. Nice one!

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