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This song was an entry in the July song contest.  It is a collaboration effort between kuya (lyrics) and short order kook (music).

 

Just thought I'd test the waters here for those of you who didn't participate in this month's contest.  If you are so inclined, I'm interested in hearing what you think works well and what parts need improvement.  I've listened to it enough times that I don't have much of a critical ear anymore.  Thanks!  

 

Let me tell you a story about the meanest man I know V 
Caught his woman in his bed with a dirty so and so 
And so he killed his woman he ran his baby through 
He killed the dirty so and so the cat and chickens too

 

You see some man born for pleasure CH 
And some man born for pain

 

Some man born to do bad things 
You catchin' what I'm saying?

 

Some man meant to rise up 
Some man born to fall

 

But the man who's bound for prison 
He's the meanest man of all

 

I asked him why'd ya do it? Why'd you take their life? V 
Why waste your time inside of here when you could get another wife? 
The man said listen fella said I haven't got a clue 
Seemed as if it had to be ain't nothing I could do

 

You see some man born for pleasure CH 
And some man born for pain

 

Some man born to do bad things 
You catchin' what I'm saying?

 

Some man meant to rise up 
Some man born to fall

 

But the man who's bound for prison 
He's the meanest man of all

 

I know a guy who tortures and torture's pretty mean V 
Stabbing shooting ain't enough if you're MS13 
That hombre he's a mean one but he's not as mean as me 
I killed and cooked my woman and I fed her family

 

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Just to continue my rant - I thought this was freakin' awesome from start to finish.

One of those songs that takes me on a journey and I forget I'm supposed to find flaws.

Great job you two - you were robbed of 1st place IMHO!

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Alright Blake, this is dark as iron shit. 

But I like the work. I like the instrumentation. Coolness. 

Polish and publish, please! This is a good one. 

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First I have to say I’m listening on my phone. But I do listen to tons of music on my phone.

Very cool song overall.  

 Immediately the instrumentation sounded a bit busy. I thought that might fade but on my second listen now and I think it’s still busy sounding. Almost to the point of distraction from the vocal performance.  Which should definitely be the main focus of the song. Again, maybe it’s the phone.  Vocals sound really good with the exception of a few spots here and there. Maybe a couple rhythm issues and cutting short a couple notes. But some room for slight improvement. That’s all I have for critiques. Good work guys!!

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OWLR,

 

Thanks for your comments...

 

There are quite a few tracks in there...2 acoustic guitars, 2 vox, 1 bass, 1 banjo, 1 mandolin, a separate mandolin doing the break (there's a little overlap I think towards the end of the break between the 2 mandolin tracks), 1 electric slide guitar and I think that's it.  I don't own a cell phone, but I can imagine it's a lot to pack into a phone speaker.  I'm assuming one way to deal with the busy-ness is to experiment more with panning the various instruments as well as modifying the volume of the various tracks so that they are complementary.  I'm still learning and I don't have a very good ear for mixing at the moment, but I tried to get a degree of separation between instruments in the stereo field by panning unless the tonality was low bass versus high treble.  I hear that it's a good idea to playback on various devices (phones, car, desktop speakers, etc) and that can provide clues on how to mix.  I'll have to try to listen to it on my wife's phone.

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10 minutes ago, Short Order Kook said:

OWLR,

 

Thanks for your comments...

 

There are quite a few tracks in there...2 acoustic guitars, 2 vox, 1 bass, 1 banjo, 1 mandolin, a separate mandolin doing the break (there's a little overlap I think towards the end of the break between the 2 mandolin tracks), 1 electric slide guitar and I think that's it.  I don't own a cell phone, but I can imagine it's a lot to pack into a phone speaker.  I'm assuming one way to deal with the busy-ness is to experiment more with panning the various instruments as well as modifying the volume of the various tracks so that they are complementary.  I'm still learning and I don't have a very good ear for mixing at the moment, but I tried to get a degree of separation between instruments in the stereo field by panning unless the tonality was low bass versus high treble.  I hear that it's a good idea to playback on various devices (phones, car, desktop speakers, etc) and that can provide clues on how to mix.  I'll have to try to listen to it on my wife's phone.

Yeah. Maybe I’ll throw the ear buds in tomorrow and give it a better listen or throw it on the Blue Tooth. No decent headphones at the moment. But according to your description that definitely sounds like a lot of instrumentation.

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Hey SOK,

 

I really liked the instrumentation on this tune. It had that sort of "Back in the holler" patina that I absolutely love. I started tagging along to folk/bluegrass jams with my Dad when I was a kid, and I would love to show up to a jam somewhere and hear this playing as I walked up...I'd be rushing to get my guitar out in time to join in. Sure, vocally it could be cleaned up some, but the voice quality once again is reminiscent for me of many a late night picking on someone's porch....and who doesn't love a good murder/cannibalism song? :) Thanks for posting.

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Glad you liked it.  I'm afraid I'll never be comfortable singing, even though I sing 50% of the material that my band does. 

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You have done a great job here.The lyrics are excellent,very good rendition and musical dynamic, the comp is well balanced, classic but with a personal harmonic touch that makes it different. I love the fragile singing. The only weak point to me is the solo part. It's messy, confused, not in time. not in the mix, in my view.  The spot to work on to improve your great song.

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This is great! I love all the instruments in there. It really has a nice sound. Awesome!

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Hey!

 

Really cool tune -- great story and a fun listen.

 

Potential is HUGE.

 

For me there are two things keep this from reaching it's full potential:

 

    1.  Production -- I hear sour notes once in a while and overall muddiness to the recording.    A cleaner recording of the parts, and some high pass filtering etc... would REALLY bring this to life.

    2.  Vocals -- This is no slight on you -- you certainly sing well enough to get the feeling of the song across, but like me -- it's not your strong point.  I'd get someone with a strong voice to do this -- of course make sure they can match the emotion --then there's no telling where this song can go.

 

GREAT SONG!

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