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Hey folks,

 

  Here is my contest entry from this month.  Any more comments are appreciated! (Thanks again to those who have commented in the contest!!)

 

Chorus:
I'm gonna cruise like a Tomahawk, over the sea,
with a monkey on my six, followin' me. 
Oh no! Woo hoo!
And that monkey gonna see what I'm a gonna do!

 

Verse 1:
Don't 'cha love Mondays,
like your hand in a blender?
or shoehorned subways ...
with their odor of life?

But I got a new alarm clock.
I'm gonna set it on stun.
It's gonna wake me up gently,
like a gatling gun!

 

Pre-Chorus:
Take your everyday vitamins ...
and your go-fast pills.
Now focus like a zoom lense,
if you've got the will!

 

Verse 2:
Wading through email,
and emoji death threats,
I don't need kevlar.
I need a coffee to go.

Living under a black cloud,
like canaries in a coal mine,
I'm gonna lose that monkey,
then I'll be fine.

 

 

Cheers,

Pete

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Hi RoadDog,

 

I like the intro and think the song has some potential.  The singing seems to me to be too subdued for the rest of the track.  This is a loud song, so you should be shouting the lyrics with the guitar.  

 

Some questions on lyrics:

"Wake me up gently like a gatling gun"--This rhymes but does not make sense:  what is gentle about a gatling gun?

I wasn't quite sure how the confidence of chorus fit in with the rest of the lyrics that seemed to question your ability to get going on a Monday.  I do like the line:  "Don't ya love Mondays like your hand in blender?" YES!  That's how I feel on a Monday...but I don't feel that I'm going to cruz like a Tomahawk etc....Instead i want to kill Mondays and all the problems with a Tomahawk :)

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RoadDog,

 

I loved the energy of this song! And I thought the lyrics were great!

 

21 hours ago, RoadDog said:

I don't need kevlar.
I need a coffee to go.

Like that!

 

Patty

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@RoadDog,

 

The thing I like about your songs is that there is such fantastic imagery in your lyrics and I love the sarcasm and twisted humor.  It's totally original which is refreshing.   

 

The music for this was pretty catchy, but the pre-chorus needs work I think.  The lo-fi recording reminded me of the Latin Playboys--a side project some of the guys from Los Lobos did awhile back. 

 

The guitar solo was a lot of fun. You must have had a lot of fun putting this together.

 

I get that this is experimental, but I found it an odd choice to have the drums down so low.  With such a rocking song, I guess I expect more prominent drums.  Maybe bass too?  I'm listening off a laptop so I could be missing a lot.

 

The ending is great.

 

-SOK

 

 

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This is really wild. I think the lyric is very cool. This is fun....and amusing. I like the lead guitar allot. Nice job all the way around! 

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On 10/07/2018 at 08:45, bachandl said:

 

Some questions on lyrics:

"Wake me up gently like a gatling gun"--This rhymes but does not make sense:  what is gentle about a gatling gun?

I wasn't quite sure how the confidence of chorus fit in with the rest of the lyrics that seemed to question your ability to get going on a Monday.  I do like the line:  "Don't ya love Mondays like your hand in blender?" YES!  That's how I feel on a Monday...but I don't feel that I'm going to cruz like a Tomahawk etc....Instead i want to kill Mondays and all the problems with a Tomahawk :)

Hey thanks for the listen!  Yeah, alarm clock, gentle, gatling gun - therein lies the irony! :)   The song to me anyway is a mixture of feelings, I've got this monkey on my back but I've got to keep going and face the mundane.  So the confidence is there, then it fades, then returns. Thanks!

 

 

On 10/07/2018 at 19:25, Peko said:

RoadDog,

 

I loved the energy of this song! And I thought the lyrics were great!

 

Like that!

 

Patty

Thanks Patty, glad you dug the line about kevlar and coffee!!

On 10/07/2018 at 20:39, Short Order Kook said:

@RoadDog,

 

The thing I like about your songs is that there is such fantastic imagery in your lyrics and I love the sarcasm and twisted humor.  It's totally original which is refreshing.   

 

The music for this was pretty catchy, but the pre-chorus needs work I think.  The lo-fi recording reminded me of the Latin Playboys--a side project some of the guys from Los Lobos did awhile back. 

 

The guitar solo was a lot of fun. You must have had a lot of fun putting this together.

 

I get that this is experimental, but I found it an odd choice to have the drums down so low.  With such a rocking song, I guess I expect more prominent drums.  Maybe bass too?  I'm listening off a laptop so I could be missing a lot.

 

The ending is great.

 

-SOK

 

 

Yeah the prechorus is pretty weak, I agree.  I struggled with that and the mix (this is the 1st song where I tried to add a bass (fake a bass with Garageband)  Yeah the solo was a blast to write, glad you like it :) Thanks for the  listen!

On 10/07/2018 at 21:12, Joey M said:

This is really wild. I think the lyric is very cool. This is fun....and amusing. I like the lead guitar allot. Nice job all the way around! 

Thanks Joey, much appreciated!!

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