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Neal K

June Song Contest

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Welcome to the June Song Contest – an open format contest.

 

For any newcomers, open format means the entry can be at any production level - from just you and your guitar to a fully orchestrated masterpiece :)

 

TO ENTER: You must post your song in this thread.

 

The timeline is as follows:

• Entries will be accepted now through Midnight Pacific Standard Time (PST) Thursday, June 28, 2018.

• Voting (scorecards) will take place Friday June 29 through Midnight PST Monday July 2, 2018.

I REALIZE CANADIANS HAVE A HOLIDAY ON THE 1ST AND AMERICANS HAVE A HOLIDAY ON THE 4TH, so July 2 seems to be the best deadline for scoring.

• Please don’t start scoring until I officially post the scoring instructions.

• You must score all other entries or your entry will be disqualified from the contest - just saying!

• I'll post the results shortly after scoring is completed.

 

If you plan to enter, please review the revised rules, pinned in this forum.

 

When posting your song to the Songs Feedback Forum, please include:

•song title

•writer credits (If it’s a collab with another Muser please make that clear by including their M/M id)

•audio link

 

Please include the lyrics on your post. Videos are permitted. (Voters are encouraged to refrain from watching any video until after they've scored the song.) All Musers are welcome to submit songs as contestants or score the songs as non-contestants. Any questions or problems should be sent to me (Neal K) via private message (PM).

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Posted (edited)

"Sunday Christian"

(*clicking on photo below opens a video version of the song) 

 

old_organ_in_the_church_200879.jpg.960c0e040b1fddda0bd4e6b3a5621a8f.jpg

 

Sunday Christian

 

Sunday...Sunday Christian

Fix it in a day

Sunday...one day Christian

Wash the sin away

 

Sunday...one day Christian

All around, you can see

Other…fellow Christians

Tryin’ seven days a week

 

Monday’s selflessly kind

Tuesday’s honestly fine

Wednesday’s caring concern

Thursday’s trustingly earned

Friday’s ripe with respect…and

Saturday’s love shines through

But,

Sunday...one day Christian

Gives it just a day

Hopin’…it’s enough to

Keep the fires away

                       

- Primary Vocal                                  - Secondary Vocal

Sunday...one day Christian                    Could be you or me

      Repeat                                          Harsh reality

                          Repeat                                   Hope to God we see               

           Repeat                                       Life as it could be

 

Copyright 2007 - Tom Hoffman

 

*Since the contest is now over, I'm going to paste in a statement contained in both the video & the YouTube liner-notes. 

Perhaps it will help prevent future misunderstandings about the song's intent.

Quote

 

The intended lyrical message is simple....

There's more to being a good Christian than showing up for church on Sunday.

It's a way of life, not the fulfillment of a weekly obligation.

 

 

Edited by tunesmithth
Added staement from video liner notes to original post.

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Summertime Song

JOe

 

Summertime Song

 

Kick it off with Memorial Day

Remember those who gave so we can play 

Live it up so free it’s our way of life

 Friends fun family that sure is nice

 

 I hope you like my summertime song 

 I wrote it so you can sing along

 Turn it on when the sun comes up 

 Chillin by the water Sippin from a cup 

 I hope you like my summertime song 

 I wrote it so you can dance along

 Turn it up when the sun goes down 

Laughin by a fire cruisin round town

 

 Celebrate Independence Day 

 Fourth of July America’s birthday 

 Fireworks up high light the sky so bright 

 Friends fun family that sure is nice 

 

 I hope you like my summertime song 

 I wrote it so you can sing along

 Turn it on when the sun comes up 

 Chillin by the water Sippin from a cup 

 I hope you like my summer time song 

 I wrote it so you can dance along

 Turn it up when the sun goes down 

 Laughin by a fire cruisin round town 

 

Top it off on a Labor Day

 Summertime is fun can we make it stay 

 Party on in the USA 

 Kickin back on a holiday 

 

 I hope you like my summertime song 

 I wrote it so you can sing along 

 Turn it on when the sun comes up 

 Chillin by the water Sippin from a cup 

 I hope you like my summertime song 

 I wrote it so you can dance along

 Turn it up when the sun goes down 

 Laughin by a fire cruisin round town

(x2)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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New school

lyrics and music by Fabkebab
 
 

We used to shop the records stores for vinyl
Spiral grooves black plastic primal
You in a tie dye dress green spatters
Scattered ; as mad as a hatter
But The sly grins that you gave me saved me
You were fine and you were flaky
We had more  than enough
Above so many things that I loved
Could never guess you’d go

CHORUS:
New school
The endless chase for super cool
Don't want my retro world it feels so cruel
Fool,  Cos I didnt realize reinvention is the golden rule
New school

So you bailed on me for a life of learning
Stirring, Threw dirt upon the burning
For the promise of your own desk in an office For your Bosses
But for me your were a goddess
beyond a mere foundation
racing to more than just a graduation
Seems I’m on a different journey
Sturdy,  but the way now feels so blurry
Knowing you have gone

(CHORUS) 

Had more than the future they are selling
Spreading, somehow we lost our heading
Laying down alone in an empty landing lonely planning 
with a bitter understanding
 That we might not stay together
But I Treasure , Wanted us to be forever
Now a wasted world is falling
Stalling; Flat and fake and boring
A million miles from your

(CHORUS) 

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The Truth Comes Stumbling In

 


The trial was well underway
Each side had been pleading its case
But the Lie had convinced them
And no-one would listen
When the Truth came stumbling in

The Lie had arrived by Ferrari
The Truth - charact'ristic'ly tardy
So the Lie had the show
Wrapped up with a bow
When the Truth wandered into the party

Now, the Lie was as sharp as a dagger
And he spoke with a confident swagger
With his mirrors and smoke
The jury was stoked
To believe him ahead of that laggard

The Truth, to the murmurs of laughter
Had the facts stacked up to the rafters
Then she took her sweet time
Crossing T's, dotting  I's
But the crowd wanted out of there faster

Yeah, the crowd wanted out of there faster

When you sit in your chair in the evenin'
And you're glued to the news of the nation
Well, your judgement should wait
'Cause the Truth will be late
Awww, you're just going to have to be patient!

Yeah, she's bound to be late
So you'll just have to wait
For the the Truth to come
Stumbling..
Bumbling..
Grumbling..
Until the Truth comes stumbling in!

 

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Dreaming Of You

music/lyrics/performance by Jason Kalman

 

Why’d I let you go?
Cause I don't want you to know
That everything is hard for me
I barely have the strength to be
I can only hope that now
You can figure out somehow

 

I’ll be right here living in the shadows
I’ll be right here living in the dark
I will spend my waking hours
Dreaming of you
I will spend my nights alone
Dreaming of you

 

I’m not like everyone

You deserve a better man
I’m afraid of everything
I’m afraid of everything but you
I can only run and hide
I can never go outside

 

You are all I’ve ever known
You spread your wings and let me in
I am destined for misery
Without you I can never be

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Tomahawk

 

Chorus:
I'm gonna cruise like a Tomahawk, over the sea,
with a monkey on my six, followin' me. 
Oh no! Woo hoo!
And that monkey gonna see what I'm a gonna do!

 

Verse 1:
Don't 'cha love Mondays,
like your hand in a blender?
or shoehorned subways ...
with their odor of life?

But I got a new alarm clock.
I'm gonna set it on stun.
It's gonna wake me up gently,
like a gatling gun!

 

Pre-Chorus:
Take your everyday vitamins ...
and your go-fast pills.
Now focus like a zoom lense,
if you've got the will!

 

Verse 2:
Wading through email,
and emoji death threats,
I don't need kevlar.
I need a coffee to go.

Living under a black cloud,
like canaries in a coal mine,
I'm gonna lose that monkey,
then I'll be fine.

 

 

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Bottle by J. B. Mack (SOK)

 

 

V1

I don't know why

I don't know when

I don't know how you got

Back on the bottle again

Back on the bottle again

 

V2

It's as if it's

A siren song

It calls you and you follow

Fol' that bottle along

Fol' that bottle along

 

Ch

I love you but I hate you 

Why you keep on fallin' for it?

The reaper is a' comin'

You can't keep on a' runnin'

'Cause your liver's gonna slow you down!

 

Bottle, bottle give me some a' that gin

Bottle, bottle here we go again

 

Bridge

Another night and your watchin' television

Drink in your hand, squintin' one eye

Commercial break and you stumble to the kitchen

Refill that lie up to the sky

 

V3

Another pledge

You still can't keep

It's just that bottle talkin'

Bottle talk is cheap

Bottle talk is cheap

 

V4

It's not my call

It's up to you

To choose life or that bottle

'Fore your time is through

'Fore your time is through

'Fore your time is through

 

Ch

I love you but I hate you

Why you keep on fallin' for it?

The reaper is a' comin' 

You can't keep on a' runnin'

'Cause your liver's gonna slow you down!

 

 

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Forever

Lyrics and Melody: Eric Borgos, Music: Kenny Gates, Vocals: Anlaik

 

 

Verse 1:
When you stare into my eyes
This big world melts away
All the colors of my mind
No longer shades of grey

Echo the pulse of life
Hearts beating as I fall
Hypnotized and wide awake
From the beauty of it all

Chorus:
Like a bird on a wire
Just waiting to fly
Wrap yourself in my arms
And dream into the sky

Till the day that I die
Till the day that I die

Verse 2:
When the sunset starts to fade
And our weary breath goes cold
As pages turn to dust
Will our story still be told

Will you reach out your hand
And watch the ashes fall
Was it better to have loved
Than never loved at all

Chorus:
Like a bird on a wire
Just waiting to fly
Wrap yourself in my arms
And dream into the sky

Till the day that I die
Till the day that I die

Bridge:
You're forever in my heart
Forever in my bones
Forever in my blood
Swimming through my soul

Chorus:
Like a bird on a wire
Just waiting to fly
Wrap yourself in my arms
And dream into the sky

Till the day that I die
Till the day that I die
Till the day that I die
Till the day that I die
Till the day that I die
Till the day that I die

 

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Here is a fun little colab that Gary/Snabbu and I put together. 

Take care

Dominick/Moptop

 

 

 

Right There and Then 
© Dominick Giarraputo and Gary Yeomans 2018

 

You walked by my window so slow 
and you gave me that knowing smile
I knew right there and then

I stood in my doorway all day
Just on the chance of seeing you
I knew right there and then

 

I was waiting
I was waiting
I was waiting 

For you

 

You were made to be my best friend
Love of my life I knew right there and then

Your voice outside my window so low
My heart beat faster when you said
You knew right there and then

 

I stood by your doorway all day
Just once again to hear you say
You knew right there and then

 

You were waiting
You were waiting
You were waiting
For me

 

I was made to be your best friend
Love of your life you knew right there and then

 

They said love wouldn’t last too fast
They were so wrong what they know now
We knew right there and then

 

We were waiting
We were waiting
We were waiting
For each other

 

We were made to be best friends
lovers for life we knew right there and then

We knew
we just knew
Yes we knew right there and then

 

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Love & Joy

 

All music/Lyrics Steve Ison

 

I'll sing a song of love and joy
through the blues
those avenues of a heart that's not been round
Out of sight -in the night
Out of touch -It's all too much

But when it comes to loving you
i'm a fool still at school
I just give myself away
with every look -an open book
and every gush - as i blush
Every clown falling down
Every song i put on....


Talking away through the tears for your hopeless man
who's got you in the can
He's pawning off your world


I'm biggin' you up like a child at a divas door
You've heard it all before
All the better things you ignore

But i don't mind 'cos i love you the way you are
and see you like a star
Feels colder when you're gone

I got a plan -it's a genuine honest way
I'll tell you about someday
Or maybe i won't say at all


Orbitting the sun we make our way through it
Or to put it another way we're travelling through everyday in dances
So how could i do it down ?
The moment i wake up might not be too pretty
Head full of muddy dreams
hung on some memory that's haunting
till i feel the sun come round again..
then you're there, we're here with love and joy

Aiming for the stars like a leaf blowing
Some day we're gonna be ash in the cemetery -I know it
There's always been one way out

Moving right along we got to keep going 
around like a satellite
Here then we're out of sight , its over
but you know that we'll be found again
then you're there, we're here with love and joy

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https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?type=single&songid=13307310&q=hi&newref=1

 

New life around the bend
©
2012
By Donnie Priest

When boozes and pills rule your day
It’s a dangerous game to play
And you’re not sure, which way to go
On the path of lease resistances
That’s no kind of existence
What tomorrow brings, you don’t know

(Chorus)
When you’re lying in the gutter
Your mind filled with all that clutter
No place to look for a friend
When you need a second chance
You can’t get a second glance
But I know there's a new life around the bend

Music soothes the savage beast
That’s my way, out of this place
Singing and playing my guitar
I’ll escape this incarceration
Music is my rehabilitation
I know I’m destine, to go far

(Chorus)
When you’re lying in the gutter
Your mind filled with all that clutter
No place to look for a friend
When you need a second chance
You can’t get a second glance
But I know there's a new life around the bend

(Bridge)
I know in the great beyond
Loved ones that have gone on
I hold them close in my heart
I hope to do them proud
Singing out strong and loud
I pray my music echoes off the stars

(Chorus)
When you’re lying in the gutter
Your mind filled with all that clutter
No place to look for a friend
When you need a second chance
You can’t get a second glance
But I know there's a new life around the bend
I know there’s a new life around the bend

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I'M NOT GIVIN' UP ON LOVE
By David S. Becker
(c)2018 David S. Becker Music

 

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/im-not-giving-up-on-love

 

INTRO
VERSE 1

Everytime I see your face babe
It blows my mind
You drive me crazy
When you say your mine

CHORUS
I'm not givin' up on love
I'm not givin' up on love
You can tell all your friends
Sing to the heavens above
I'm not givin' up on love
I'm not givin' up on love

VERSE 2
I see all those tears at Parkland
And Santa Fe
They can stop a heart from beating
But they can't take love away

CHORUS
SOLO
BRIDGE

You and me babe
We can change the world
And watch the fever grow
I know this cancer's spreading far and wide
Just wait 'til our love takes hold

CHORUS
VERSE 3

You can take a mother from her baby
Because she's not like you
But you can't break those bonds of love
No matter what you do

CHORUS
OUTRO

No I'm not givin' up on love

 


 

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Been a weird couple of months and not had any music time at all, which is never in the plan. I was trying to finish one or two new ideas this week but ran out of time for this, and really wanting to not miss two contests in a row, this is one I actually posted in the feedback thread a little while ago that I have worked on a little. The vocals are pretty ordinary, combination of bad cold and bad voice, but I do like this song. Cheers.

 

 

 

 

 

Star In This Town (Daydream Believer)
 

Something in her way
Stood her out from everyday
She had a good reason
Waiting for her season to shine
I knew her back in school
Always half a notch too cool
She was a loner
Her family disowned her in time.
 
Daydream believer
You'll know when you see her
Nothing they say can bring her down
Listens to voices
Positive noises
She's gonna be a star in this town
Then leave this town
 
They watch her on TV
In the bar she used to clean
But no-one remembers 
Invisible embers don't glow
Everybody votes
Hometown girl she hits the notes
She's in the final
American Idol on show
 
Daydream believer
You'll know when you see her
Nothing they say can bring her down
Listens to voices
Positive noises
She's gonna be a star in this town
Then leave..
 
This town that doesn't really know her face, that didn't hear her voice
She slipped down all the cracks they made, yet now they all rejoice
 
Party in the street,
The Mayor is here, a giant key.
They come to anoint, but
She disappoints and disappears.
 
Daydream believer
You'll know when you see her
Nothing they say can bring her down
Listens to voices
Positive noises
Gonna be a star in this town
Then leave this town
Then leave this town
Then leave this town.

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Time to score!  Please read the scoring rules carefully  

 

How to score: 

 

Score each song this way:

 

10 - This is the best song I have ever heard in my entire life

2...9 - Somewhere in between...

1 - This song needs a complete overhaul IMHO

 

Put your score for each song to the left of the title.

Don't score your own song - it may or may not be given the average of the scores you give others  

So the list you PM to me should look like this:

 

8 - Song Title 1 

5 - Song Title 2 

8.5 - Song Title 3 

etc...

 

Here is the list of entries (did you read the scoring instructions? :-):

 

Sunday Christian

Summertime Song

New School

The Truth Comes Stumbling In

Dreaming of You

Tomahawk

Bottle

Forever

Right There and Then

Love and Joy

New Life Around the Bend

I’m Not Giving Up On Love

Star In This Town (Daydream Believer)

 

 

You have until Midnight EST Monday July2 2018 to send me your scores.

Good luck everyone!

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I will post the results tomorrow, July 5th

 

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Sorry  for the delay.... it’ll now be Sunday night before I post the results.

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The winners are:

 

1st Place:

Love and Joy

ScenesFromPalacio

 

2nd Place:

New School

fabkebab

 

3rd Place:

Dreaming of You

Jason Kalman

 

Thanks to everyone who entered, and special thanks to our non contestant voters: Peko, BarneyBoy, IronKnee and Mike B.

 

Love and Joy ScenesFromPalacio 7.0 8.0 6.0 3.0 10.0 8.5 7.5 5.0 6.0 8.0 7.0 6.5 5.5 5.0 7.5 9.0 4.0 113.5
New School fabkebab 8.0 9.0 5.5 2.5 7.0 7.0 7.0 8.0 4.0 8.0 9.0 8.0 5.0 5.0 6.0 7.5 6.5 113.0
Dreaming of You Jason Kalman 7.5 6.0 5.0 3.0 6.0 8.5 8.5 6.0 7.0 6.5 8.0 6.5 7.5 5.0 6.0 8.5 6.0 111.5
The Truth Comes Stumbling In Paul Canuck 7.5 6.0 7.5 3.0 7.0 6.5 6.0 7.0 4.5 7.5 8.0 6.5 7.0 5.0 6.5 6.0 7.0 108.5
I'm Not Givin' Up on Love GocartMoz 6.0 6.0 6.0 2.0 7.0 7.5 5.0 7.0 6.0 8.0 7.0 6.0 7.0 7.0 7.0 7.0 6.0 107.5
Right There and Then MopTop 6.0 5.0 5.0 3.0 8.0 6.5 4.0 5.0 5.0 9.0 7.0 7.5 5.0 7.5 6.0 7.0 4.5 101.0
Forever Eric Borgos 5.0 5.0 7.0 4.0 6.0 6.0 6.5 6.0 4.0 7.0 8.0 5.5 5.0 5.0 5.5 7.0 6.0 98.5
Bottle Short Order Kook 3.5 5.0 6.0 3.0 7.0 9.0 6.0 6.0 4.0 7.5 8.0 5.0 5.5 5.5 6.0 6.5 3.0 96.5
Start in This Town Murphster 5.5 5.0 7.0 3.0 4.0 6.0 5.5 6.0 5.0 7.5 7.0 4.0 6.0 8.0 6.0 6.5 2.5 94.5
Sunday Christian tunesmithth 6.0 7.0 3.0 2.5 5.0 6.0 6.5 4.0 4.0 7.5 8.0 6.5 5.5 2.0 4.0 6.0 6.0 89.5
Tomahawk RoadDog 4.0 5.0 6.0 2.0 5.0 7.0 5.5 6.0 4.0 7.0 6.0 4.0 4.5 5.0 6.5 5.5 4.5 87.5
Summertime Song onewholovesrock 6.5 6.0 4.0 3.0 5.0 6.5 5.0 5.0 5.0 7.5 6.0 4.5 5.5 2.0 5.5 4.0 6.0 87.0
New Life Around the Bend Donnie 3.0 6.0 4.0 3.5 3.0 5.5 3.5 7.0 4.0 6.5 7.5 4.5 5.5 5.0 5.5 5.0 4.0 83.0

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CONGRATULATIONS TO SCENES.....AND FAB,

And to all the participants in this months comp.

Seems that the 4th voter was looking for something that they couldn't find 😋

In any event...I was thinking Steve, this round, for sure....a very talented guy. And as I have said many times, before .....he is who I always aim to beat.....😁

 

.....My notes have been lost; however, Tomahawk, by RD was a standout...(those low-fi recordings just don't always seem to impress everyone.....but, me😎).

Paul's tune was solid and a good write.

I was drawn into Tunesmith's song title, but it turned out to be nothing more than a complaint about people, and their lack of discipline. Being Christian is harder than it seems......better to keep on trying, than to give up and criticize.....Christians need a "pat" on the back, every once in a while.......like all of us!!

There was some foot-stomping tunes, and there was some great productions, but the songwriting and the inspiration is where I focused most. 

Good stuff.......as always...

                                             😎-Tom

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Some great songs this month, was actually much harder to score than I first thought. Thanks for organising Neal.

 

Congrats Steve, a really good song with your own style stamped all over it. I love the change in pace and the way you always strive to keep a song moving, always looking to take it somewhere else just before I have got used to where it is. fabkebab and Jason, again two solid songs, enjoyed them both, Jason's was actually my second placed song with fabkebab third, but am pleased that I managed to pick the top three with my own votes. Fabkebab I was cooking dinner one night while listening to yours, it is a great tune and a a real feel good rhythm. 

 

Congrats!

 

Someone gave me 2.5 ! 

 

I quite liked my entry this month, and I will be honest and say I am a little surprised, and a tad disappointed that it didn't do better, but clearly it was a bit polarising which isn't necessarily a bad thing - most of my favourite songwriters tend to be quite polarising. But I don't really see anything in this song that would annoy anyone too much, it is a fairly inoffensive, lightweight song I would have thought.


Did I mention someone gave me 2.5?

 

I'm not giving up on Love - I liked the chorus, catchy and a song that grew on me a little. Obviously a story here, and not a good one I think. I hope it all works out. Thanks.

 

The Truth comes stumbling in - Excellent title, love it. Another signature Paul song, I can tell it comes from a very talented place it is unfortunate that that particular place is still not somewhere I like to spend a lot of time, as much as I hear great songs by Paul this style of music just isn't for me.

 

Right there and then - I wasn't sure at all about this at first but it very quickly crept up on me, and yes it is fun. Very 60's, in fact probably a little bit too 60's....  Scored high on my list co's it sounded good.

 

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14 hours ago, Ironknee said:

I was drawn into Tunesmith's song title, but it turned out to be nothing more than a complaint about people, and their lack of discipline. Being Christian is harder than it seems......better to keep on trying, than to give up and criticize.....Christians need a "pat" on the back, every once in a while.......like all of us!!

Although I fully expected to finish in the bottom half, I do NOT appreciate your malicious, ridiculous assessment of my entry.:angry:

Sorry, but if you thought I'd accept it as well-meaning constructive criticism, you were sadly mistaken. "Pat on the back" my die-in' ass!

That being said, guess I'll turn the other cheek & get on with my life. 

 

BTW I am curious about something...did you bother to listen to the song, or was your misunderstanding of my intent based entirely on the lyrical text?

 

Congrats to all the winners BTW...excellent job ! 👍

Onward towards next month!

 

Tom

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Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, tunesmithth said:

Although I fully expected to finish in the bottom half, I do NOT appreciate your malicious, ridiculous assessment of my entry.:angry:

Sorry, but if you thought I'd accept it as well-meaning constructive criticism, you were sadly mistaken. "Pat on the back" my die-in' ass!

That being said, guess I'll turn the other cheek & get on with my life. 

 

BTW I am curious about something...did you bother to listen to the song, or was your misunderstanding of my intent based entirely on the lyrical text?

 

Congrats to all the winners BTW...excellent job ! 👍

Onward towards next month!

 

Tom

There is nothing malicious or ridiculous about my opinion. Those are your words!! And if you don't believe that people need a "pat on the back"  including Christians, then that's your opinion. It's an honest "assessment"......many others think otherwise, I'm sure. 

I am sorry you feel this way.....it's just an opinion..........😎

 

And of course I listened to the song. I am not who you think I am, nor am I what you imagine me to be. You, yourself, tagged the song as how I described it. I am not  malicious...and I try not to be ridiculous. I did like the use of the organ, however, it could have been played at a higher register to create a more reverenced atmosphere. I also thought the song moved a bit slow. 

It's a GREAT title.....and the lyric is true enough. I simply didn't care for the well worn, and obvious crit......there was nothing positive in there for me grab on to.  If the lyric pointed us into a positive direction, it would have made all the difference.

But that's just me Tuney.........my score for your song had little impact......only a few points separated my scores range!!

Edited by Ironknee
clarity

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Here are my thoughts on each song:
 
Sunday Christian - Pleasant. Nothing too exciting, but nothing wrong with it.


Summertime Song - Catchy. The lyrics are well written, but don't really draw me in. Kind of like a list of summer things to identify with, but didn't make me feel anything. But as a party type song, that is fine.

New School - Great rhyming scheme. Very catchy melody, and I like the music. Reminds me ever so slightly of Pure by The Lightning Seeds ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6myNbk15sMs ).

The Truth Comes Stumbling In - Clever commentary on the current political situation.

Dreaming of You - Your singing and music create a great atmospheric quality.

Tomahawk - I like the visual imagery of the song.

Bottle - The lyrics fit very well with the singing/music.

Right There and Then - The harmonies are nice.

Love and Joy - The music and singing are good. I didn't feel any connection to the lyrics though.

New Life Around the Bend - The lyrics are really good.

 
I’m Not Giving Up On Love - Lots of nice musical touches to keep it interesting and catchy.
 
Star In This Town (Daydream Believer) - The music is very professional sounding but I think the vocals need to be louder in the mix, or mixed differently. I know you were sick, but so maybe louder vocals might not be a good thing, but it makes it sounds more amateur the way it is with faintish sounding vocals.
 

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7 hours ago, Murphster said:

 

Someone gave me 2.5 ! 

 

Did I mention someone gave me 2.5?

 

 

Ha! 😀

Tunesmith and I have got you beat! 

2.0 baby! Take that! 😂

 

Only 1 point off from being the worst songs they’ve ever heard. (If I’m remembering the scoring directions correctly?)

 

But not my lowest contest score. I once scored a big fat Zero. 

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1 minute ago, Onewholovesrock said:

Ha! 😀

Tunesmith and I have got you beat! 

2.0 baby! Take that! 😂

 

Only 1 point off from being the worst songs they’ve ever heard. (If I’m remembering the scoring directions correctly?)

 

I am guessing that person was scoring 1-5 by mistake?

 

Well done to all the entrants, and thanks for the kind voting which came to my song - I will add my comments when I get home!

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1 minute ago, fabkebab said:

 

I am guessing that person was scoring 1-5 by mistake?

 

Yeah. Maybe? I definitely didn’t hear any 2.0 songs or 2.5 songs in this contest. But that’s me. 

 

BTW. I already told you this. I thought your song was fantastic. Clear winner in my book! 

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34 minutes ago, Onewholovesrock said:

Yeah. Maybe? I definitely didn’t hear any 2.0 songs or 2.5 songs in this contest. But that’s me. 

 

Fabkebab is right, there was one scorer who scored out of 5, hence your 2, it actually is a 4. And to be fair doesn't really matter as everyone was scored out of 5 anyway. My 2.5 wasn't that scorer. 

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The 1-5 scale is the reverse of the 1-10 scale, so it is different. 

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Congratulations to the winners!  The top three were my top three, though Jason's was my favorite.  While most songs were great that one sounded the most ready to be released.  Scenes was a close second and Fab was a close third.  I've got some notes on all the songs which I'm happy to share here or over at the song feedback section. 

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2 hours ago, Eric Borgos said:

The 1-5 scale is the reverse of the 1-10 scale, so it is different. 

Good point! No biggy! 

 Contestants need to read the rules when entering. Each host might do things a little bit differently than each other. 

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My top scores....

8 - New School

7 ½ - The Truth Comes Stumbling In

7 ½ - Dreaming of You 

7 - Love and Joy

 

Tom 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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12 hours ago, Murphster said:

I quite liked my entry this month, and I will be honest and say I am a little surprised, and a tad disappointed that it didn't do better, but clearly it was a bit polarising which isn't necessarily a bad thing - most of my favourite songwriters tend to be quite polarising. But I don't really see anything in this song that would annoy anyone too much, it is a fairly inoffensive, lightweight song I would have thought.

@Murphster, For what it's worth, I didn't find your song polarizing, and I'm not sure what about it is polarizing.  This is not something to throw in the trash heap.  It has a lot of potential.  You have a knack for coming up with nice simple, catchy melodies, including this one.  Unfortunately, your voice wasn't at it's best.  The music was kind of plain too... so plain music mixed with the vocals it didn't give the song much spark or energy.  I'd say rerecord it when you feel better and think about adding some additional instrumentation.  But what do I know?  I don't even understand why it's a polarizing song!

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13 hours ago, Murphster said:

I quite liked my entry this month, and I will be honest and say I am a little surprised, and a tad disappointed that it didn't do better, but clearly it was a bit polarising which isn't necessarily a bad thing - most of my favourite songwriters tend to be quite polarising. But I don't really see anything in this song that would annoy anyone too much, it is a fairly inoffensive, lightweight song I would have thought

Hey, Murphster,

 

I liked your song very much.  I don't understand what would be polarizing about it, either. Maybe I should take back my high vote?😃

 

Patty

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A lot of good tunes … Congrats to the winners.  My top 3 were as follows:

 

1. New School - great tune in all respects.  Enjoyed it all.

2. Right Then and There - Loved this one as well.  Loved the vibe, melody and performances.

3. I had a four way tie for the third spot (Sunday Christian, The Truth Comes Stumbling In, Dreaming of You and Love and Joy).

 

Nice job everyone.  BTW Murphster - Did I mention I got a 2.0? :)  Even if scorer #4 did make a scoring mistake by not understanding the 1-10 scale, you shouldn't feel bad.  He scored one 4 and the rest were 3.5 or below.  Don't mistake this statement as a criticism of the scorer.  I am just pointing out that if indeed the scoring was per the 1-10 guidelines in the instructions, everyone got a low score, not just Murphster. 

 

Thanks Neal for running the contest.

 

Dave

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On 29/06/2018 at 09:16, Neal K said:

Score each song this way:

 

10 - This is the best song I have ever heard in my entire life

2...9 - Somewhere in between...

1 - This song needs a complete overhaul IMHO

 

I am struggling with this rating system.  If 10 is "the best song I've ever heard in my life," then for me, that would have to be something by the Beatles or Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah or something from the Big Band era, or maybe in my younger days, from CCR. We would all have our ideas of what we consider the "best song ever." I think that is an impossible standard to meet, here among us kids in the forum. Even a 9 would be a stretch because of all the fantastic and successful songs out there in the professional world that have proven themselves.  So that takes out the top two numbers for me.  Doesn't seem right.

 

Is there a better way to do this?  Or next time, should I give my favorite among the entrants a 10, even if I like Proud Mary better! 😃

 

Patty

 

 

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2 minutes ago, Peko said:

I am struggling with this rating system.  If 10 is "the best song I've ever heard in my life," then for me, that would have to be something by the Beatles or Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah or something from the Big Band era, or maybe in my younger days, from CCR. We would all have our ideas of what we consider the "best song ever." I think that is an impossible standard to meet, here among us kids in the forum. Even a 9 would be a stretch because of all the fantastic and successful songs out there in the professional world that have proven themselves.  So that takes out the top two numbers for me.  Doesn't seem right.

 

Is there a better way to do this?  Or next time, should I give my favorite among the entrants a 10, even if I like Proud Mary better! 😃

  

Patty

 

 

Totally agree Patty.  Under the present system 10's and 9's seem out of the question, umless I hear a song that surpasses Springsteen's Meeting Across The River, which isn't likely to happen.  However, I can envision the possibility that I may hear a song in a contest here that surpasses CCR's Proud Mary, but never Ike and Tine Turner's version. :)

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1 minute ago, Peko said:

I am struggling with this rating system.  If 10 is "the best song I've ever heard in my life," then for me, that would have to be something by the Beatles or Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah or something from the Big Band era, or maybe in my younger days, from CCR. We would all have our ideas of what we consider the "best song ever." I think that is an impossible standard to meet, here among us kids in the forum. Even a 9 would be a stretch because of all the fantastic and successful songs out there in the professional world that have proven themselves.  So that takes out the top two numbers for me.  Doesn't seem right.

 

Is there a better way to do this?  Or next time, should I give my favorite among the entrants a 10, even if I like Proud Mary better! 😃

 

Patty

 

 

It all depends on the filter that you use........if you are raising the bar to where the Beatles elevate, then all of us armatures will be competing by the same standard of rule. As long as the rule doesn't slide, you are being fair and honest. 

I tend to score on a more realistic level......we are all armatures, and hobbyists, here....well, most of us, anyways.

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Is there anyone here who is more than a hobbyist? Now you have me thinking!

 

Anyway as promised, here are my mini-reviews. As always, offered in the spirit of giving some insight into my scoring of your songs!

 

 

 


Sunday christian - 
I put aside my own philosophies for this type of competition, open minded at a songwriters ability to use their tools to craft a message - Unfortunately this one fell a bit short for me. I liked the unusual modal type chording, but I felt like the song needed a lot more ideas to sustain it

 

Summertime song - 
I thought this was a decent toe tapper with a good, catchy chorus. I felt like a couple of ideas would have improved it a lot (with a tiny effort) "I hope you like my summertime song" should be "sing a long with my summertime song" - the former line is apologetic and meek (which is not needed!). I also would do something with the production to make it feel more "anthemic" - perhaps a load of clapping along etc?

 

The truth comes stumbling in
I found this very engaging - the chords and the melody were cleverly done,the production was neat and of course the lyrics have already been crowned with the gold wreath of "lyric of the month". Good song with a neat message. I honestly wouldn't listen to it 100 times, but it did its job, really well done!

 

Dreaming of you
The production was delicately handled - everything sounded great - but to be honest I wasnt highly engaged with the song - i was hoping for something very creative to compliment the attention to detail in the production. There was nothing wrong with the track - it is "Radio ready"

 

tomahawk
I think I said it all in last month's competition - enjoyable without nailing a "song competition" type criteria for me 

 

Bottle
I think my favorite part of this was the super loose singing and the groove of the track - the little drum breaks made it enjoyable. I thought it lost a lot of momentum in the quieter section (curiously this quieter section coincides with where the bottle overlaps the soundcloud wave display). A happy song with a darker lyric


Forever - 
The key change for the chorus was unexpected, clunky, rulebreaking - but I really scored you highly for the creativity of it - none of us have a big fanbase that will walk out on us if we are "bold", and yet this type of novelty is quite uncommon - liked it a lot and it made the song for me

 

Right there and then
Enjoyable throwback song with a cheerful lyric, Interesting effects on the harmony sections. I liked it, it was a little old fashioned, speaking to me of an earlier time


Love and joy - 
Musically this was interesting with the progression from one section to the next - but I must be honest the lyrics left me lost - they were like placeholders and I think they need to do more work to make this piece seem a cohesive song with a unified message vs. a medley of three connected songs

 

Life around the bend - 
Earnest and Nice enough but didnt stand out from the pack


Not giving up on love
The production on this was really nice with the sax. I liked the song, and although the lyrics were interesting they hit kind of a sour note with me - the juxtaposition of these heartbreaking horror situations with the guys romance didnt feel right to me - but, sometimes the fact that you make someone stop and think is one step up from the normal so well done! The piano reminded me a bit of supertramp


Star in this town
Neat piece of thoughtful storytelling. Quite a convincing take on the "Idol singer" type story. The bare bones production of this song works quite well, allowing space for your voice and the trancelike rythm to take center stage

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       Rather than looking at the extremes of the scoring parameters, 1 and 10, I still think it makes more sense to agree on the base lines for these contests.  In this case it's # 5 ---Average. All scores start there and then diverge up or down based on how close to average or how far from average something is. 

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 Many thanx for the thumbs up for Love & Joy here & many thanx to Neal for steppin' up n running the comp !

 

 

 

Sunday Christian – A very sophisticated musicality n thoughtful lyric - ..Appreciate the key-changing surprises here -slightly proggy esp with the swirling keys..Has a sad-eyed  quality & a low key understated charm I enjoyed..The fade is great too -quite haunting

 

Summertime Song – Really like the instant rhythmic quality here..Sounds a lot more intuitive  for me than some of your recent ones, which is a really good thing imo..The insistent repetitiveness definitely works -but I was glad of the mid 8 to break the chord loop when it came n it was good..It’s fun n would def go down well n get peoples attention on an open mic night..Good song, fun n engaging

 

New School – This is really good..Naturally intuitive , well written leftfield pop reminiscent of clever, breezy 90s summery Brit pop like Kirsty Maccoll n The Sundays (maybe Smiths too in spirit)…Cool chord changes, witty lyric n neat production..Kinda summery n sad at the same time

 

The Truth Comes Stumbling In

 -Very clever n witty lyric n intelligent musicality which I’ve grown accustomed to hearing from you now..This is a fun track..Your vocal is fabulously expressive n I dig the kinda lofi ramshackle country way you’ve produced it which suits the vibe of the song well

 

Dreaming of You – Very elegantly produced n performed atmospheric easy listening pop song that’s aiming for transcendence..There’s a kinda underlying depressive quality for me in your vocal delivery n the mood the song creates which completely suits the lyric, but contrasts sharply with the ethereal guitars n dreamy atmosphere of the soundscape you’ve wrapped it in

 

Tomahawk – There’s a playful evil in this song like a lofi heavy rock troll has invaded daytime pop radio..Love the line “Don't 'cha love Mondays, like your hand in a blender? “..Its fun n riffy n slightly arty bluesy n enjoyable

 

Bottle -Think the verse is fabulous with its loose limbed Stonesy swagger..The chorus is a little too close to “Stuck in the middle with you “ musically for me tho-which I thinks a shame,,The slow breakdown is a real unexpected treat n feels really free-spirited n effortlessly cool..Enjoyable track

 

Forever -Strange n big n blustery left of centre pop /rock..The sudden tangent into that cathartic chorus took me by surprise, but I really grew to like it by the end..The keys underneath the chorus were really cool too

 

Right There and Then

 -Very much a Byrdsy psychedelic pastiche, but the tunes so delightful n fresh n sunny n the vibes so  sweet n playful, it transcends its genre pigeon-hole n I can’t help but love it..So much about music for me is how it makes me FEEL n this just makes me want to go n press play again..Has oodles of an (unfortunately) rare quality nowadays CHARM..Lovely track

 

New Life Around the Bend – Has an easy going almost childlike quality here that reminds me a bit of Daniel Johnstone…Has a good flow n a natural quality with those easy chords..Really like the title too.

 

I’m Not Giving Up On Love – Has an excellent easy going mid 70s FM West coast vibe..Infact with that sax n guitars you’ve got it off to a tee..Great chords, strong musicality n supa-catchy hook..This is really good timeless pop n my guess at a (deserving ) winner here

Star In This Town (Daydream Believer) This is another one of yours which has a lovely empathic feel..Love the insistent piano riff n the chord change on On “wake up to appointments” ..Strong chorus too..Really nice song

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Congrats to the winners!  And for everyone who entered .Well done!   It was almost impossible to choose with having so many great songs. I had to listen to all of the several times and still couldn't begin to score them.  I did my best to score them on content of the song itself and less on the production. Dreaming of You, Love and Joy, I'm not giving up on you, and  Summertime Song  were at the top of my list.

 

And thanks to everyone for your kind comments about Snabbu's  (Gary) and mine's entry, Right There and Then.  It does help to get that feedback to let you know that HEY, I can write a song that others like, maybe not a great one, but at least a decent one!

 

Thanks again to all

Dominick

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Congrats to Steve and Fab!!!!  I enjoyed all the songs this month as usual!  Thanks to everyone for listening to "Dreaming of You."  Thanks to everyone that provided comments.  Most importantly thanks to Neal for stepping up this month so this contest could even be possible. 

 

Below are some of my notes from when I graded the songs.  If you would like a more detailed look please PM me and I'd be more than happy to share my thoughts.

 

Sunday Christian

Good melody.  

 

Summertime Song

Fun, lyrically and vocally it reminds me of Weezer, a band I adore.  Lyrically it is fun and free-spirited.  

 

New School – A nod to the 80s, but still relevant.  I too miss record stores….a lot!  I enjoyed the lyrics.  Loved the melody meter.  Also liked the beat change in the chorus.  Overall an enjoyable listen.

 

The Truth Comes Stumbling In - Old school sound.  Very enjoyable nod to an age long passed.  Cool harmonica and harmonies.

 

Tomahawk – Enjoyed the distorted guitars…total chaos.  

 

Bottle – great lyrics. Music was fun.  Liked the bridge transition.  

 

Forever – Vocals are good.  Chorus is cool, nice melody. 

 

Right there and then – Adore the melody.  Nice lyrics…the innocence of the early 60s. Great melodic guitars and the old school keyboard sound.

 

Love and Joy – Loved the tempo change, key change.  Favorite line and melody run "some day we're going to be ash in the cemetery - l Know it"  Very clever songwriting all around.

 

New Life Around the bend – Really good lyrics

 

I’m not giving up on Love – nice lyrics, vocals, but especially the brass and instrumentation.

 

Star in this town – Strong lyrics.

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Hey folks,  Congrats to Scenes, Fabkebab, and JK!!!  Nice work, and fun as always!  

 

Thanks for the comments too I appreciate them!  Here are mine, I hope they are useful:

 

 

Sunday Christian: I really like the message in this song!  As a kid in catholic school I recall my thoughts that confession was some kind of get out of jail free card - and this song addresses just that point. It also makes me think of the Godfather, where there is this great irony of people going to church while at the same time ordering the murder of others.  The music and melody surprised me nicely  a bit and the singing was good. I think that baker in Colorado need to listen to this one!

 

Summertime Song:  Oh man you are the grungemaster! But I think I also might hear some Ramones in there too.  The rhythm is great and my favorite part is the bridge but that is in not only in terms of your note choices but how it contrasts with the rest of the song.   Not sure I dig all the lyrics but I find your stuff fun Joe and I always look forward to it. 

 

New School:  Really cool rapid-fire somewhat-syncopated delivery of the lyrics.  The build to the chorus is inviting and I really like the vibes?? synth-vibes?? used in the chorus. “…Don’t want my retro world …” Good line and it’s so true (sometimes :)

 

The truth comes stumbling in:  Your deft use of imagery evokes scenes from a play or film that is so very familiar but that Ive never seen.  Although the melody/theme (not sure how to say it) is a tad too familiar to me, it is well-done (as usual!) and a nice combo of the guitar and harmonica.  

 

Dreaming of You:  Great great intro with the mix of acoustic, drums, and subtle electric guitar. The mix sounds so good, but what I really like is your use of fills in just the right amounts at the right times.  I love the ~falsetto on the line “…let me in”.  Nice!

 

Bottle:  Man I love the music!!  It makes me think of New Orleans! Don’t know why.  It’s got a refined yet raw sound … like the early Stones.  And it is Oh so Sweet when you slow it down in the bridge!  “Bottle talk is cheap”  Dig it!

 

 

Forever:  Familiar chord progression here for most parts, but with a surprise here and there and that is nice.  I like what I hear with the guitar solo but I’d say bring it more forward (but I am biased for such things :).  The notes under “Like a bird on a wire..” don’t resonate with me for reasons I can’t explain - but then the chorus develops into something that my ear and brain like quite a bit more!

 

Right There and Then:  Man I really hear the Beatles inspiration here?  Is that just a coincidence?  Nice change-up with the “I was waiting…”  Sometimes the doubling / delay on the vocal gets a bit too much but for much of the song it’s good.  You give a nice contrast just after 2 minutes.  And I love the guitar!

 

Love and Joy:  The organ, drums, and vocal melody give this a classic 60’s feel to me (like The Association?) but that great shift after ~ 1:15  takes the song in a whole new direction.  Signature uniqueness!  The last  note of the guitar solo made think briefly of Thelonious Monk :)

 

 

New Life Around the Bend: Awesome acoustic guitar work!  I’d say this is more country than alternative country.  The main thing I’d like to hear is more of an evolution in terms of dynamics.  

 

 

 

I’m Not Giving Up On Love:  Classic feel of Billy Joel here with the piano and the sax! Takes me back to the Stranger.  It’s got a catchy chorus and the sax solo is so so sweet. It’s a good message and great delivery of it.

 

 

Star In This Town (Daydream Believer):  Nice harmonies on the chorus but he word “Daydream” seems a bit rushed.  And oh the line “Always half a notch too cool.”  - to true for many I knew too! 

 

Cheers,

Pete

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On 08/07/2018 at 21:47, Ironknee said:

Tomahawk, by RD was a standout...

Hey thanks!! :)

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Regarding the scoring system, I didn't like it either.  I just copied what was used in the previous month because I thought this was a new system.  I would have preferred the old system but I didn't want to flip flop back and forth.

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There were so many great songs it was very hard to score. I'm amazed with all the talent on this site. Thank you to all that shared their music and feedback. 

 

Sunday Christian, One of my favorite songs. Nice production, vocals, and message.

 

Summertime Song, Nice catchy song. Good one to play around a fire pit with a cold beer.

 

New School, My favorite song in the contest. Love the music and vocals.

 

The Truth Comes Stumbling In, Another one I scored high. Love the lyrics.

 

Dreaming of You, Scored this high on the music and vocals. He is clearly smitten but may be a bit autistic. Don’t mean any disrespect, I work with autistic children. They often have the unexplained fear of things. 

 

Tomahawk, Loved the music, I got a little lost on the lyrics. Sorry

 

Bottle, I gave this one a good score. This reminds me of southern blues. I liked it a lot.

 

Forever, I liked the very descriptive lyrics.

 

Right There and Then, Nice lyrics, reminds me of Beatles or maybe the Birds.

 

Love and Joy, Liked the lyrics and production.

 

I’m Not Giving up on Love, Great production; I love the lyrics of hope for the future.

 

Star In this Town, Nice arrangement, I love the lyrics

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2 hours ago, Donnie said:

Sunday Christian, One of my favorite songs. Nice production, vocals, and message.

 

20 hours ago, RoadDog said:

Sunday Christian: I really like the message in this song!  As a kid in catholic school I recall my thoughts that confession was some kind of get out of jail free card - and this song addresses just that point. It also makes me think of the Godfather, where there is this great irony of people going to church while at the same time ordering the murder of others.  The music and melody surprised me nicely  a bit and the singing was good. I think that baker in Colorado need to listen to this one!

 

23 hours ago, Jason Kalman said:

Sunday Christian

Good melody.

 

On ‎09‎/‎07‎/‎2018 at 17:57, ScenesFromPalacio said:

Sunday Christian – A very sophisticated musicality n thoughtful lyric - ..Appreciate the key-changing surprises here -slightly proggy esp with the swirling keys..Has a sad-eyed  quality & a low key understated charm I enjoyed..The fade is great too -quite haunting

 

On ‎09‎/‎07‎/‎2018 at 05:22, Eric Borgos said:

Sunday Christian - Pleasant. Nothing too exciting, but nothing wrong with it.

 

My sincere thanks to all of you ! :)

 

Tom

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Congrats to Steve, Fab and Jason - great songs and worthy winners :)

And thanks to Neal for stepping in and hosting :)

Here are my notes. Feel free to disregard if you don't agree!

 

Sunday Christian
nice organ, opening bluesy mood. Strong lyrical message. Good vox. good length. No need for the summary message in the video - the lyrics said it already!

 

Summertime Song
same chord prog verse - chorus, some word wedging. Neil Youngish vibe. meta song (a song about a song :)

). Lyrics a bit light-weight but maybe that's summery -  good length.

 

New School
drinking from a fire hose lyrics in verses. great chorus, good hook placement. good length. maybe needs a bridge

 

The Truth Comes Stumbling In

Many thanks for the comments on this old fashioned song :)

 

Dreaming of You
Nice laid-back vibe. A lot of I's and You's - well trodden path lyrically. Good vox. Hook seemed a bit weak TBH.

 

Tomahawk
Hendrix vibe, great lyrics. Like how the lead guitar tracks lead vox. tad too long. one of your best IMO

 

Bottle
competing rhythms or is it just me? Lots of hook repetition. Like the drunken bridge. Cool cajun vox. could use a haircut.

 

Forever
Hook comes too late - could have been respected better. chorus vox too loud. Good lift in chorus. Bird on a wire - think I've seen that line before.

 

Right There and Then
Like the lead vox singing the 4th a lot. Buddy Holly likeness. Cool post-chorus? Arrangement could be improved

Good vox, jangly guitar nice. Lyrics a bit weak

 

Love & Joy
Gets to hook fast - gets lip-service later on. Tempo changes add interest. Seems like many songs in one which for me, loses focus.
Good vox and harms. Nice guiitar work.

 

New life around the bend
vox out of tune in places. Acoustic sounds good. Good chorus.

 

I'm Not Givin' Up On Love
great chorus! Lovely sax work. Nice laid-back vibe and strong message. Maybe a tad long.

 

Star In This Town (Daydream Believer)
nice summer vibe. maybe sung too low register?

 

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BTW - I like the 1-10 scoring system.

Simple and intuitive. Better song = higher score.

We were getting a bit too cute with the 1 - 5 inverted system IMHO :)

 

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