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Parchman   Revised with chorus added

 

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman

You won't see me no more

Judge he give me 50 years

That'll make me 94

 

The warden took a look at me 

As the other prisoners stared

He pointed to the way out back

Said graveyard's over there

 

            Ohh Parchman ohh Parchman

            Destination Doom

            (Get outta Mississippi)!    

             Can't leave a day too soon

 

They whooped me with a leather strop  [strap]

The strop was four feet long

Warden he see everything

He don't see nothing wrong

 

Two men holding onto me as 

They whoop me with that strop

I feel the life drain out of me

With every single drop

 

            Ohh Parchman ohh Parchman

            Destination Doom

            (Get outta Mississippi)! 

             Can't leave a day too soon

 

I said  whoop a little harder boys

Cuz you ain't even trying

Pretty soon I'm out of here

Cuz Lord I know I'm dying

 

Anyone who ever said 

That work won't do you harm 

Plain to see they ain't been here

They ain't seen Parchman Farm

 

            Ohh Parchman ohh Parchman

            Destination Doom

            (Get outta Mississippi)! 

             Can't leave a day too soon

             I said

             (Get outta Mississippi)! 

             Can't leave a day too soon

 

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Parchman  original version w/ edits

 

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman

You won't see me no more

Judge he give me 50 years

That makes me 94     That'll make me 94

 

The warden took a look at me 

Can you do 50 here?   The other prisoners stared

He pointed to the way out back

Said graveyard's over there

 

I said suh to the warden 

I feel it will be soon

There ain't no man do 50 years

In Destination Doom

 

Yeah I'm going down to in Parchman

Ain't no use in crying

Work the life right out of you

Lord I welcome dying

 

They whooped me with a leather strop  [strap]

The strop was four feet long

Warden he see everything

He don't see nothing wrong

 

Two men they hold me as they whooped [whipped]

They whoop me with that strop

I feel the life drain out of me

With every single drop

 

Yeah I'm going down the river  yeah they sent me down the river

Yeah I'm going to the pen         And they dropped me in the pen

Parchman like no other place

No place you ever been

 

Said whoop a little harder boys

Cuz you ain't even trying

Pretty soon I'm out of here

Cuz Lord I think I'm dying

 

Anyone who ever said 

That work won't do you harm 

Plain to see they ain't been here

They ain't seen Parchman Farm

 

Yeah I'm going down to in Parchman

Ain't never going home

Even death ain't easy here 

My grave is full of stone

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Hi Kuya

In verse 1 the last line should be 'That'll make me 94'

 

Because there is no chorus in this the length might be ok, but I think there are too many verses - 3 about 'stropping' could be shrunk down to 1.

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Excellent stuff kuya :)

I can feel this guy's hardship :(

A few suggs - kos:

 

5 hours ago, kuya said:

Parchman 

 

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman

You won't see me no more

Judge he give me 50 years

That makes me 94 <- That'll make me 94

 

The warden took a look at me 

Can you do 50 here? <- "as the other prisoners stared" - to make it clearer he's now at the prison

He pointed to the way out back

Said graveyard's over there

 

I said suh to the warden 

I feel it will be soon

There ain't no man do 50 years

In Destination Doom

 

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman <- isn't he already there?

Ain't no use in crying

Work the life right out of you

Lord I welcome dying

 

They whooped me with a leather strop  [strap]

The strop was four feet long

Warden he see everything

He don't see nothing wrong <- excellent verse

 

Two men they hold me as they whooped [whipped]

They whoop me with that strop

I feel the life drain out of me

With every single drop

 

Yeah I'm going down the river

Yeah I'm going to the pen 

Parchman like no other place

No place you ever been

 

Said whoop a little harder boys

Cuz you ain't even trying

Pretty soon I'm out of here

Cuz Lord I think I'm dying

 

Anyone who ever said 

That work won't do you harm 

Plain to see they ain't been here

They ain't seen Parchman Farm

 

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman <- isn't he already there?

Ain't never going home

Even death ain't easy here 

My grave is full of stone <- gotta dig my grave in stone

Great story-line - good ending - good work!
Paul

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6 hours ago, kuya said:

Parchman 

 

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman

You won't see me no more

Judge he give me 50 years

That makes me 94 ..........I think the jargon here is right on though I think makes should be make.

 

The warden took a look at me 

Can you do 50 here? ............I think this line needs more of the colloquial talk such as: Boy you doing 50

He pointed to the way out back

Said graveyard's over there

 

I said suh to the warden 

I feel it will be soon

There ain't no man do 50 years

In Destination Doom

 

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman..........I think at this point you need to change this line to: Yean I'm down here in Parchman

Ain't no use in crying

Work the life right out of you

Lord I welcome dying..........I'm not sure if this is ch change or a v. 

 

They whooped me with a leather strop  [strap]

The strop was four feet long

Warden he see everything

He don't see nothing wrong

 

Two men they hold me as they whooped [whipped]

They whoop me with that strop

I feel the life drain out of me

With every single drop...................Maybe this v is not needed.

 

Yeah I'm going down the river

Yeah I'm going to the pen 

Parchman like no other place

No place you ever been.................Not sure this belongs as you're already down the river.  Might want to consider writing this in past tense. Maybe not needed.

 

Said whoop a little harder boys

Cuz you ain't even trying

Pretty soon I'm out of here

Cuz Lord I think I'm dying...........I'd eliminate the last 2 stanzas and move this up and I think the story would flow much better. 

 

Anyone who ever said 

That work won't do you harm 

Plain to see they ain't been here

They ain't seen Parchman Farm.........Again, maybe not needed. 

 

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman..........I think this works fine here as the ending as it summarizes the rest of his life.

Ain't never going home

Even death ain't easy here 

My grave is full of stone

Maybe went on too long.  Good story though, reminded me of the Paul Newman's film (don't recall the title but I loved the song, Down Here on the Ground).

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@BB

Cool Hand Luke?

This a great story, work now so will read later

Nice job Kuya 👍

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Thanks for the advice guys. Very much appreciated. And excellent suggestions too. I've already used much of it. I agree that it's too long, but I want to look a little more and try out a few things before shortening it.  I was thinking of having a short refrain after each verse if i edited this down into a shorter version  

 

I was thinking of something like 

 

Parchman ohhh Parchman, Destination Doom

get outa Mississippi, can't leave a day too soon

 

 

The following is from a PBS website on Parchman. There's a well known song called Parchman Prison Blues covered by many blues guys. Mose Allison, Bukka White, Mayall.  Many bluesmen served time here too. Place is infamous. Freedom riders did time here. 

 

located about 100 miles south of Memphis in the Mississippi River Delta, the birthplace of the blues, Mississippi State Prison in Parchman, Mississippi, has become as much a historical landmark as it is a penitentiary. It’s about 30 miles from where Emmett Till was murdered in 1955, and surrounded by uninhabitable swampland. 

Parchman’s storied history is the basis for the prison farms featured in the movies “Cool Hand Luke” and “O Brother Where Art Thou?”, it’s referred to as “destination doom” in a William Faulkner’s novel “The Mansion,” and it is now a haunted setting in Jesmyn Ward’s National Book Award-winning 2017 novel “Sing, Unburied, Sing.”

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No chorus? If you italicize each of the passages that start "I'm going to Parchman" they make a nice chorus.

 

I vote for reusing the opening passage for the end. It fits better.

 

Nicely done Kuya!

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       I droped a few (4) verses  and added a chorus. Better or worse? 

 

Edit:

     The chorus lines --- get out of mississippi, can't leave a day too soon--- are in reference to a very old Parchman work song made up by the convicts going back at least to the 1930s when they sang it for Alan Lomax. 

       Bob Dylan borrowed some of it word for word for the chorus in his song Mississippi. "The only thing that I did wrong was stay in Mssissippi just a day too long." 

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Kuya,

 

Really like it.  I'm outta time now, but will comment later.

Nice job!

 

Patty

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I really like this lyric. It has a very cool vibe...plus I think it paints a very vivid picture which is amazing!

So great job!

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On 21/06/2018 at 05:29, kuya said:

Parchman   Revised with chorus added

Hi, again.  This feels really good! 

On 21/06/2018 at 05:29, kuya said:

Yeah I'm going down to Parchman

You won't see me no more

Judge he give me 50 years

That'll make me 94       Good intro!

 

The warden took a look at me 

As the other prisoners stared

He pointed to the way out back

Said graveyard's over there

 

            Ohh Parchman ohh Parchman

            Destination Doom

            (Get outta Mississippi)!    

             Can't leave a day too soon

 

They whooped me with a leather strop  [strap]   This is my favorite verse!

The strop was four feet long   That thing was four feet long?

Warden he see everything

He don't see nothing wrong   And my favorite line!

 

Two men are holding onto me as   Not sure this verse adds anything.

They whoop me with that strop  

I feel the life drain out of me

With every single drop

 

            Ohh Parchman ohh Parchman

            Destination Doom

            (Get outta Mississippi)! 

             Can't leave a day too soon

 

Said whoop a little harder boys  This is the third whoop.  Feels a little much. Also, not sure who's talking, the guy or the warden.

Cuz you ain't even trying

Pretty soon I'm out of here

Cuz Lord I know I'm dying

 

Anyone who ever said 

That work won't do you harm 

Plain to see they ain't been here

They ain't seen Parchman Farm

 

            Ohh Parchman ohh Parchman

            Destination Doom

            (Get outta Mississippi)! 

             Can't leave a day too soon

 

             (Get outta Mississippi)! 

             Can't leave a day too soon

 

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Thanks @Peko

         Deleting verses is like cleanng out a closet or attic, and i have pack rat tendencies!  But maybe one more verse will have to go. 

 

   As far as the whip is concerned it even had a name. Black Annie, and they used it on inmates until at least the 1970s. This maximum security prison farm is still in existence today and the conditions are horrible. Elvis Prsley's dad served time there in the 1930s. 

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