Jump to content

Recommended Posts

 

 

This is certainly not as polished as a lot of songs here. I record with a hand held Tascam and am not an accomplished guitar player or singer. 

 

A Different Kind of Darkness

 

There was this path I used to take home from a friend’s house

It was through the woods and I’d walk it day or night

As a kid I wouldn’t admit to being afraid of the darkness

But every muscle in my body would get tight

 

New moon nights, cloud covered skies

Not even the stars to light my way

We had this neighbor who had a dusk to dawn light

I’d see that glow and know I’d be OK

 

Chorus

Looking back

I can’t help but wonder

Why fear’s a memory I’d save

These days

There’s a different kind of darkness

And I’m trying to be brave

 

The boogyman still visits in adulthood

But not in your nightmares or your dreams

You’ll find he can be easily summoned

By turning on your outrage machine

 

Terabytes of data are kept on you that show

How to turn your fear into rage

The bait to use, how to hook you,

And keep you from leaving your cage

 

Chorus

Black and white

That’s how you see things

There's not a single shade of gray

These days

There’s a different kind of darkness

And I’m trying to be brave

 

Instrumental Bridge

 

Time speeds up as each year passes

I know some day this train will jump the track

It’s a waste of time but hard to resist

Thinking what you’d change and looking back

 

The time you waste won’t even phase you

After all it’s just another day

But with age it tends to sneak up and haunt you

That feeling that you’ve wasted it away

 

Chorus

At the end of the day

I stare into the distance

And question the effort that I gave

These days

There’s a different kind of darkness

And I’m trying to be brave

I’m still trying to be brave

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey @wilberthenry,

 

I really enjoyed your song!  I found the melody catchy and simple.  The guitar work and vocals are pleasant and understated.  Your voice works well with the sobering lyrics.  The lyrics might be more impactful with some tweaks, but the message really came through and really connected with me as a listener.

 

It definitely could use some embellishments though.  I think a harmony part on the chorus would be perfect for this song, I hear female harmony myself.  Some different instrumentation would make it a richer listening experience as well.  I think mandolin or fiddle would be very complementary.

 

I found myself singing in my head along with you, especially the chorus part.  I really like the way you sing the "these days" line in particular.  I'm curious if you stressed your words in the same way for "looking back," "black and white," and "at the end of the day" if it would be even catchier.  

 

Other observations: 

 

It seems like a little more enunciation in the first verse is needed, for example  words like "home" and "darkness" are a little harder to hear and thus follow the lyrics.

 

I kind of had the expectation of the guitar to keep going a little lower with the bass run at the end of the instrumental break.

 

Good stuff.  Enjoyed the listen!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the critique. I play most of my songs with my wife accompanying on mandolin. She sings better than me, but struggles to sing and play at the same time. Phrasing is something I work on and I will try your advice out and see what I think. Enunciation is an issue for me when talking or singing. I do need to work on it while also keeping my voice.  Thanks again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello wilberthenry,

 

I really like your song. I like the guitar part, simple and supports the songs. The Instrumental bridge was nice. I enjoyed your singing. It drew me in right away. I did feel, as the song went on that you could put more energy or expression into the singing, not all of the singing just to add some spice in places. I also really liked the lyrics but at times I found myself trying to figure out what you were saying eg...the terabytes of data...I don't necessarily need to understand what the lyrics are saying as long as I get the gist enough to feel it and I found my self thinking and fallout of feeling. But your voice and the chorus brought me back each time. Great job. Thanks for posting and I look forward to listening to more of your songs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I found the lyrics to be interesting and engaging. I was fine with the quiet spoken vocals for the verses but was hoping for a bit of a change in the chorus -- higher notes, more passion, etc. Even with that minor complaint, it is an effective bit of songwriting. Good work. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really like the guitar melody in the verses. I'm not too sure on your vocal style, you sound a bit half asleep?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

very cool and original style to the song - the lyrics are very conversational and natural. I like it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is good stuff. Your voice is perfect for the style...I like that half-spoken half-sung sound in the right context...and this is the right context. A few lyrics I liked especially...

 

Terabytes of data are kept on you that show

How to turn your fear into rage

The bait to use, how to hook you,

And keep you from leaving your cage

(This is absolutely killer...If I had one critique here, it would be that it didn't feel like it was put to its most powerful use melodically in the song...It felt somewhat sandwiched amidst the rest. I have no clear suggestion as to how to remedy that, just a thought.)

 

Time speeds up as each year passes

I know some day this train will jump the track

It’s a waste of time but hard to resist

Thinking what you’d change and looking back

(Again, super good writing...espeicially, "I know someday this train will jump the track"...excellent metaphor for death...The last two lines are a little busy, but I feel like there's a less is more solution to be had without too much effort.)

 

Anyway, my two cents...I enjoyed this song quite a bit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×