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Triffid

Wedding Bells Still Chime

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Hello and thanks in advance for the help... I'm interested in getting some feedback for the May entry by SongWolfe and I.  Any advice is appreciated... mix, lyrics, music, whatever.... 

 

 

(Verse 1)

It feels like only yesterday

The sweet caress of your warm skin

Soft as petals dampened by the rain

Awaken butterflies within.

 

(Verse 2)

I know it’s only memories

Jolted by this photograph

Feet squelching as we fled the rain

I hear the echo of your laugh.

 

(Chorus)

In the falling rain I take your hand

And darlin’ you take mine

Through the night the music plays

And the wedding bells, they still chime.

 

(Verse 3)

Seems like only yesterday

Time gone in the blink of an eye

Couldn’t have been so long ago

But the picture doesn’t lie

 

(Verse 4)

Tears now patter falling free

Too long I’ve held them in

Petals falling from a stem

You know I’d say ‘I do’ again.

 

(Chorus)

In the falling rain I take your hand

And darlin’ you take mine

Through the night the music plays

And the wedding bells, ooh they still chime.

 

(Chorus/Outro)

In the falling rain I take your hand

And darlin’ you take mine

Through the night the music plays

And the wedding bells still chime

 

And I look up and I see your blue eyes again

Feel your hand close on mine though the fog’s drawing in.

Hear you whisper three words and I smile from my bed, 

Feet squelch in the mud, we’re running again

 

We’re running until we can’t run any more

Laughing ‘til breathless we collapse on the floor.

Ya I take your hand and you take mine

And the wedding bells ….. ohh they still chime

 

 

Thanks again!

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After that incredible song about footsteps that you had a couple of weeks ago I had open arms to this song, longing to get a another dose of music therapy. I think this song is done well, with some nice ideas and very clean production. The speeding up and slowing down, and emotional peaks and valleys are nicely done. But this isnt as strong for me as that song - the main thing for me is the prosody doesnt sound quite right - like the phrasing of the lines doesnt feel natural. I think its partly because I know those lyrics in my head (having read them in the competition) - for example the "sweet caress of of your skin"

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Hi Triffid

 

Lovely guitar work and production in this.

I think you did a good job of rendering the lyrics to music and the emotional sections really soar.

I wasn't fond of the timing changes TBH and your vox are a little pitchy in the verses which I don't normally hear from you (maybe practice the vox a bit more?)

Acoustic solo is stellar IMO. :)

 

Good work

Paul

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31 minutes ago, PaulCanuck said:

Hi Triffid

 

Lovely guitar work and production in this.

I think you did a good job of rendering the lyrics to music and the emotional sections really soar.

I wasn't fond of the timing changes TBH and your vox are a little pitchy in the verses which I don't normally hear from you (maybe practice the vox a bit more?)

Acoustic solo is stellar IMO. :)

 

Good work

Paul

Thanks, Looking back I wonder if I crammed in too many words and should have trimmed some with that tempo?  Are you referring to the 6/8 to 4/4 and back changes or the speed up at the end of the 4/4 section?  Or both?  I was basically trying to deliver that section as fast as I could and then stop.

 

1 hour ago, fabkebab said:

After that incredible song about footsteps that you had a couple of weeks ago I had open arms to this song, longing to get a another dose of music therapy. I think this song is done well, with some nice ideas and very clean production. The speeding up and slowing down, and emotional peaks and valleys are nicely done. But this isnt as strong for me as that song - the main thing for me is the prosody doesnt sound quite right - like the phrasing of the lines doesnt feel natural. I think its partly because I know those lyrics in my head (having read them in the competition) - for example the "sweet caress of of your skin"

Ya again.. maybe trim some words?  like "sweet" on that line?

 

Thanks!

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Triffid, here are some thoughts I had while listening/scoring. I hope they're useful. 🙂

 

In a 04:38 song, the 40-second intro feels unnecessarily long, especially as many of the lines are rushed. In themselves, the music and playing are very nice (lovely change-up into the chorus), but the music doesn't seem to match the theme. To me, the prosody feels askew. Vocals in themselves are good, but are rushed, and the phrasing feels awkward in places.

The lyrical theme is touching and universal.  However, the lyric might benefit from some tweaking (for instance, along the lines of people's suggestions made earlier in the lyrics feedback forum). Maybe this could help as well with what seems to be a pacing/phrasing issue.

 

 

 

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31 minutes ago, DonnaMarilyn said:

Triffid, here are some thoughts I had while listening/scoring. I hope they're useful. 🙂

 

In a 04:38 song, the 40-second intro feels unnecessarily long, especially as many of the lines are rushed. In themselves, the music and playing are very nice (lovely change-up into the chorus), but the music doesn't seem to match the theme. To me, the prosody feels askew. Vocals in themselves are good, but are rushed, and the phrasing feels awkward in places.

The lyrical theme is touching and universal.  However, the lyric might benefit from some tweaking (for instance, along the lines of suggestions made earlier in the lyrics feedback forum). Maybe this could help as well with what seems to be a pacing/phrasing issue.

 

 

 

Thanks, ya... the tempo differences and rushed feel was quite intentional.  I was trying to portray the rush of feelings brought about by the singer reminiscing over the photograph.  Perhaps it was too much... or maybe it just doesn't work as well as I thought.  To be transparent... the 4/4 part was all I had at first but it came in at like ~2:20 so I wanted to extend it a bit and thought it would be fun to try mixing 2 different timings/feels.  I was really just hooked to delivering the vocal outro rapidly after reading the lyrics and the rest fell in from there.  I'll go back and read your lyric suggestions again... thanks!

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I'm curious if people think that the vocal outro pace/tempo works and I just need to redo the verse lyrics/delivery a bit?

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My thoughts mirror what you've already heard.  The 6/8 opening was lovely and the sudden pick up was awkward, particularly on the first listen.  On 2nd and 3rd passes your vision started to clarify, but it still felt less like a useful energy infusion and more like you were just rushing to get through.  This hurried feeling is particularly strong in the last chorus.  I suspect you sped up even more, but even if you didn't all the extra stuff (not to mention increased line lengths) comes off as disorganized and uncomfortable.  

 

FWIW, I don't think the intro is too long, but I think the outro could be shortened.  The re-entrance of the 6/8 time is a lovely touch, but it stays around for a long time without adding anything further.  Yes, a few instruments come in, but not enough to create a swell or justify extending it so long.  To my ear, a 20ish second fade starting at 3:25 would be much fitting, both sonically and thematically.  The mild build as it fades would play into the message behind the lyrics.  

 

On a first listen, I probably would have told you to scrap the idea, but I think there is a worthwhile project here.  Keep the intro, slow the pace in 4/4 (and be sure not to speed up even more at the end) and shorten the outro and I bet the piece would work a lot better.  

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Yes, the important space between the notes. My thoughts mirror  other comments. Too many words forced into too tight a space, sounding uneasy, rushed, lacking room to breath.

 

Easing up on the tempo could help, it's certainly worth trying. But...I thought the 6/8 section was the more captivating of the two. Indeed, some fine guitar work, and beautiful compelling music. I wanted to hear the lyric / melody weave in over the 6/8, and was disappointed when it changed. 

 

Although I get how you were trying to match the story with a change of music, I think it worked against you in this case.

 

Don't get me wrong though, it was still a nice composition. 

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Excellent song! Nice vocals and guitar work.


I suggest shortening the instrumental intro and outro. I would also rework the frantic vocal section at 2:30 to be more similar to the rest of the song.

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I really love the melody in the chorus!! 

 

Production is clean, crisp, and top notch. Love your guitar playing and the solos. 

 

The chorus is so great to me. And I DO love the fast-slow-fast-STOPPING it completely and into a beautiful guitar solo. I think you did this all very effectively. 

 

I Really appreciate all you've done here, great job!!!

 

Micky

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