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Snabbu

She's Only Watching The Clock

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This is the words and music version a song I posted in the lyric section. 

Any comments appreciated.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

She’s only watching the clock 

© Gary Yeomans 2018

 

You ask her out to dance 

You know there is no chance, ‘cause

She’s only watching the clock

She’s only watching the clock

Still you feel you have to try

Though you know she’l make you cry again 

She stopped your love at a road block 

She stopped your love at a road block 

You feel you want to die

It’s not cool for men to cry in your world

 

Now you can’t help yourself

It is her and no one else, yet 

She’s only watching the clock

She’s only watching the clock

As the time passes you by

Very soon she’l make you cry again 

She’s got your heart in a headlock 

She’s got your heart in a headlock

You feel like you can’t breath

You know you aught to leave and be alone 

 

You’re lonely

So very lonely

Down, and mentally empty too

If you were only

her one and only

how good would life be for you

Instead of this endlessness, of emptiness

You know she will never ever feel the way you do

 

So you send a valentine 

Though you know you’re wasting your time ‘cause

She's only watching the clock

She's only watching the clock

 

You know you can’t help yourself

It is her and nobody else you need

She’s trapped your heart with a deadlock 

She’s trapped your heart with a deadlock 

You can’t help yourself

It’s here and nowhere else you gotta be

 

She stopped your love at a road block 

She stopped your love at a road block 

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Gary,

I really like this! It's definitely a departure from a lot of radio music today, but that's a plus in my mind. Very mesmerizing. I was almost anticipating and echo (maybe even with a megaphone effect) on the end of the lines: "Down, and mentally empty too" and "how good would life be for you". But that could have been my inner Beatle coming thru...lol.  Very nice song. Thanks for posting. I'm always interested in how the music comes together after reading the lryics first.

Tony

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Hi S

 

  Reminded me of Crowded House alittle. I remember reading the lyrics and quite frankly I wasnt impressed. But hearing it in this song just tells you how much a melody can make those words come off differently.

That being said, my only nit is that I was expecting the song arranging wise to pick up at the "your'e lonely" verse instead of later in the valentine verse. Overall, nice arranging and feel.

 

just my two cents worth

R-N-R Jim

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8 hours ago, Tony P said:

Gary,

I really like this! It's definitely a departure from a lot of radio music today, but that's a plus in my mind. Very mesmerizing. I was almost anticipating and echo (maybe even with a megaphone effect) on the end of the lines: "Down, and mentally empty too" and "how good would life be for you". But that could have been my inner Beatle coming thru...lol.  Very nice song. Thanks for posting. I'm always interested in how the music comes together after reading the lryics first.

Tony

Hi Tony

Thanks for the listen.

This basically is I guess my version of Beatle music. 😀

 

If you look at the structure of this it is based on a Lennon structure, of putting a false chorus in the middle of your verse. "No Reply" Would be an example of that. 

So basically an AB structure with short fake choruses within the verse.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

 

 

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8 hours ago, R-N-R Jim said:

Hi S

 

  Reminded me of Crowded House alittle. I remember reading the lyrics and quite frankly I wasnt impressed. But hearing it in this song just tells you how much a melody can make those words come off differently.

That being said, my only nit is that I was expecting the song arranging wise to pick up at the "your'e lonely" verse instead of later in the valentine verse. Overall, nice arranging and feel.

 

just my two cents worth

R-N-R Jim

Hi Jim

Thanks for the listen and the comments.

I kind of painted myself into a corner with this, arrangement wise. I think the middle eight should have been the big part, as you say, and should have been done twice, but with this structure at this tempo it was impossible. So if I use this structure again it needs to be for an uptempo thing. Because I ended up trying to make the bridge sound small. Because that was really my only choice. 

 

I deliberately wrote these lyrics to inform the melody, it was about structure, variation line length etc. 

So I'm thinking about melody more than lyric content when I'm writing the lyric. Pop song lyrics are more about how they sound than what they say really. 

 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

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1 hour ago, Snabbu said:

Hi Tony

Thanks for the listen.

This basically is I guess my version of Beatle music. 😀

 

If you look at the structure of this it is based on a Lennon structure, of putting a false chorus in the middle of your verse. "No Reply" Would be an example of that. 

So basically an AB structure with short fake choruses within the verse.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

 

 

Interesting. I definitely have a lot to learn about song structure. I'm going to make it a point to analyze some of my favorite songs.

Tony

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Great song with a fantastic and varied arrangement! I like the way the female vox, synth pad, synth arp, and guitar tastefully pop in and out of the mix. There is always something interesting happening making this an enjoyable listen all the way through.

 

At times the vox seem a little strained. I wonder if lowering the key a whole tone would make it easier to sing.

 

The mix balance is good. However, the use of reverb and stereo width sounds unnatural although not necessarily bad. I can tell it was a deliberate choice.

 

I think "road block", "headlock", and "deadlock" are all the result of perfect rhymes with "clock." I would consider using more approximate rhymes in the future to give you more possibilities to chose from.
 

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2 hours ago, Snabbu said:

Hi Jim

Thanks for the listen and the comments.

I kind of painted myself into a corner with this, arrangement wise. I think the middle eight should have been the big part, as you say, and should have been done twice, but with this structure at this tempo it was impossible. So if I use this structure again it needs to be for an uptempo thing. It wasnt so much the tempo, it was just filling in the beat more, much like listening to a metronome and then creating a beat pattern within the tempo. So, it could remain at the same tempo, but needed more of a fuller drum arrangement like you did with the following "valentine" verse...just saying it coulda happened earlier.Because I ended up trying to make the bridge sound small. Because that was really my only choice. 

 

I deliberately wrote these lyrics to inform the melody, it was about structure, variation line length etc. 

So I'm thinking about melody more than lyric content when I'm writing the lyric. I know what your talking about, been there, done that.lol Its the idea of creating something lyric wise that wont take away from the melody. The trick of course is to let the music do some of the work. Im always pointing lyric writers to keep things simple and concentrate on the story line. If you think about it, the song "She Loves You" by the Beatles is rather simplistic and kinda pedestrian...but add the music and arrangement and of course the performance and it just jumps right out of the stereo speakers. But again, the story line they wrote was there and easy to understand especially after just a few listens. That's the aim of course if your writing some catchy stuff.

 

Hi S

 

   I think another version is in order. It's not uncommon myself to go about another version if warranted. Most of the time Im happy with what I came up with out of the box. But I havent been afraid to do a couple different versions if I thought the song still hasnt reached it's potential or I just wanted to play the "what if' game with a song.

cheers

R-N-R Jim

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On 07/06/2018 at 11:20, Fragile Gods said:

Great song with a fantastic and varied arrangement! I like the way the female vox, synth pad, synth arp, and guitar tastefully pop in and out of the mix. There is always something interesting happening making this an enjoyable listen all the way through.

 

At times the vox seem a little strained. I wonder if lowering the key a whole tone would make it easier to sing.

 

The mix balance is good. However, the use of reverb and stereo width sounds unnatural although not necessarily bad. I can tell it was a deliberate choice.

 

I think "road block", "headlock", and "deadlock" are all the result of perfect rhymes with "clock." I would consider using more approximate rhymes in the future to give you more possibilities to chose from.
 

Hi

Thanks for the listen and the comments. That female vox is actually me singing falsetto.

Cheers

 

Gary 

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Greetings Snabbu,

 

Yeah this song is solid and Radio Ready. I enjoyed the music a lot especially the ticking of the clock in the background.

Music adds to the lyric. Your fab singing "She's watching the clock" reminds me of Karen Carpenter singing "He's got a ticket to ride".

Vocals variations are very tricky,me too,I thought there was a female singing...

Thanks for posting the song. Keep up the good work.

 

Cheers

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It's a quality recording and the vox are really good.

The bridge melody could be more interesting - maybe move it out of the same range as the rest of the song?

but...

wow - 57K plays!

..and only 37 followers - how'd you manage that?

Just curious - are you paying for plays?

The comments seem to be suspiciously all bunched up at the front end too.

Good luck with promoting the song!

Paul

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19 hours ago, Snabbu said:

That female vox is actually me singing falsetto.

 

The new mix sounds very good. Good job on the falsetto vox.

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Well done.  The one thing I would suggest is to let the song build more quickly.  There's a step up in the energy level with your third verse.  i was ready for it when the second verse rolled around.  It's a little too like a dirge in the opening and first two verses. You could boost the energy level still more.  I could see boosting the tempo by 5 BPM.

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21 hours ago, PaulCanuck said:

It's a quality recording and the vox are really good.

The bridge melody could be more interesting - maybe move it out of the same range as the rest of the song?

but...

wow - 57K plays!

..and only 37 followers - how'd you manage that?

Just curious - are you paying for plays?

The comments seem to be suspiciously all bunched up at the front end too.

Good luck with promoting the song!

Paul

I got this email from soundcloud.

I tried to find something out about the person who sent it because it seemed like a scam. And I was going to do a post here asking.

In the end I didn't do anything. Because I sent a PM to this dudes profile and got no reply.

 

Then this started happening yesterday. I can see a comment from My cousin in Liverpool Red sails right at the head of the track so hopefully

Kieren played it twice before putting that there. And yes the comments I can only recognise about 12 of them who they are. 

So no I didn't pay for anything and I don't see the point of doing that. I don't see what it achieves. I checked my Music to deal account and there was the normal amount from there. So it must be something to do with this.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

sc_st_gradient_76x48.png

Hey,

Taylor Spencer sent you a message:

"Іts nіce to meеt уou І'm аbout tо dо rе-Shаre of уоur trасk Shes Only Watching The Clock to оur VіP nеtwоrks аnd musіс cоmmunіtiеs. Аs a rule, а trаck gaіns the fоllоwing асtivіty: ● 206 reаl fоllоwers, 7333 рlаys, 326 оr even mоrе vіral shаring аnd lіkеs, ЕXTRA Vidеo for уour trасk. Fіnd the lіnk in mу Рrоfіlе pic"

To reply, go directly to the conversation (this feature is currently only supported in desktop browsers).

-----

© 2007 - 2018 SoundCloud Ltd. All rights reserved postman-email-convo-message_sent 
Manage Notifications | Support | Terms of Use | Community Guidelines | Imprint | Privacy Policy 

SoundCloud Limited Rheinsberger Str. 76/77 10115 Berlin Germany 

 

 

 

 

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Interesting! They sure look like bot plays, likes and comments. If you follow the user links, most of them have the same song posted with only a few followers.

I think I'd be notifying SC - cause it gives the appearance that you paid for these..

 

Paul

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Gary and Paul, funny that you bring this up because I also got an email from SoundClown just like the one Gary got...

 

Нeу there. Whаtsnew
І'm going to shаre уоur trасk Table For Two
to оur VіP nеtwоrks and musіc communіties.
As а rеsult уоur trаck wіll reасh:
✔ 218 fоllоwers (аpрroх), 7170 interested lіstеners, 321 lіkеs n re-pоst, EХTRA Vіdео fоr yоur trасk.
Cheсk out thе lіnk in my profіle hеаdеr picturе

 

I thought it to be a robo mailer as well. I PM'ed the sender and didn't get a response either.  Also it seems every time I post a new song to my SoundClod page I get an email for them stating that so and so liked my song and that I should go to their page and listen to their stuff.  More robo mailing I'm sure.  And Paul, I can assure you I haven't PAID for anything!!😁

 

Take care, Dominick

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       I think this sounds great.  I had some reservations reading the lyric. But hearing the lyric  sort of answered them. This reminded me a little of Peter Gabriel before he left the band. That's meant as a compliment, by the way. 

        I don't know if I can articulate this well enough to be of any use but I was ready for something else before the song ended. Not necessarily ready to hear a different song but ready to hear something different in the song. 

         You know all the studio techniques for varying up the dynamics within a song so maybe you can translate what I said into something useful.  All in all you did a great job.  The playing and singing was excellent. 

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3 hours ago, PaulCanuck said:

Interesting! They sure look like bot plays, likes and comments. If you follow the user links, most of them have the same song posted with only a few followers.

I think I'd be notifying SC - cause it gives the appearance that you paid for these..

 

Paul

Yes I agree and if you look at the comments some of them are pretty trite, and repeat.

I suspect it's a thing to say now we've done this, you pay us to make a you tube video or something, maybe?

 

I do know that Chuck who played guitars on this has a couple of thousand followers for his band so that could account for some of them, but they wouldn't be making comments like that. 

 

Surely sound cloud can stop bots playing a song. I know soundclick can. I used to use that in the old days.

 

I just checked the stats and there are 343 reposts. I did because of soundcloud marketing advice put something like if you like it repost it. On my page. 

But that's about 150 plays per repost. So i've sent a message to soundcloud admin to check into it. I can't see how many followers those reposts have. 

I still don't get why you would pay someone to hack your soundcloud with bots. You are not going to achieve anything. It's not like going to get genuine people to follow you or share or repost. And as far as I am aware there isn't a chart like on soundclick. So it's not like anyones going to notice it. 

 

There is a bit coming out of Liverpool because of my cousins band red sails, and they have a sizeable youtube following, face book twitter and all that.  But that doesn't all add up.

 

I understand the old days there was payola where you paid disc jockeys under the table to play your record so you would sell more, and get in the charts, but I am missing the point here as I have since the Linux Tag Free music CD over ten years ago, not charged for music. And most people don't it's on Viva or youtube so what are you paying for if you do not perform live anymore, there is no gig or merch. profit so I don't really get the point.

I will let you know what sound cloud Admin says. 

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

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On 14/06/2018 at 06:28, Tongue-tied said:

 

Greetings Snabbu,

 

Yeah this song is solid and Radio Ready. I enjoyed the music a lot especially the ticking of the clock in the background.

Music adds to the lyric. Your fab singing "She's watching the clock" reminds me of Karen Carpenter singing "He's got a ticket to ride".

Vocals variations are very tricky,me too,I thought there was a female singing...

Thanks for posting the song. Keep up the good work.

 

Cheers

Hello T.T

Thanks for having a listen and taking time to comment. It is much appreciated.

And I thought Chucks guitar work on this was very imaginative, like he got the point and bought into it.

Which was a real nice thing. When he did those Tick Tock things I thought it was magic. Like I thought of doing it with backing vocals and

then decided that was a corny idea, and independently of me across the other side of the world he did it on the guitar which was really cool.

It made my day.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

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3 hours ago, moptop said:

Gary and Paul, funny that you bring this up because I also got an email from SoundClown just like the one Gary got...

 

Нeу there. Whаtsnew
І'm going to shаre уоur trасk Table For Two
to оur VіP nеtwоrks and musіc communіties.
As а rеsult уоur trаck wіll reасh:
✔ 218 fоllоwers (аpрroх), 7170 interested lіstеners, 321 lіkеs n re-pоst, EХTRA Vіdео fоr yоur trасk.
Cheсk out thе lіnk in my profіle hеаdеr picturе

 

I thought it to be a robo mailer as well. I PM'ed the sender and didn't get a response either.  Also it seems every time I post a new song to my SoundClod page I get an email for them stating that so and so liked my song and that I should go to their page and listen to their stuff.  More robo mailing I'm sure.  And Paul, I can assure you I haven't PAID for anything!!😁

 

Take care, Dominick

Aha, so there it is different name same message and same result. 

I don't get the point, unless they want to do a promo then try to sell you some service, like a loss leader.

Weird.

Cheers

 

Gary

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