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RealKevM

Rescue Me (Work In Progress)

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Hello! This is a new song i'm currently writing, I would really appreciate it if anyone would take the time to have a listen and offer any pointers. I'm pretty happy with the lyrics i'm after some help on the phrasing for the verses to help it stand out and have some emotion and where to go between the chorus back into the verse. And anything else :)

 

Lyrics

In the room
I fall apart
Hear that boom
That's my heart

In this town
There's no waves
Hear my sound
Time for change

 

Chorus
When you're falling from the sky
Take my hand
We'll learn to fly
When i'm drowning lost at sea
Take your hand
and rescue me

 

2nd verse
When it's dark
On your knees
There's a spark
Here's a dream

When the trust
You've ever known
Turns to dust
It's time to go

Chorus

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOaz2l5iaus&feature=youtu.be
 

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I've changed some of the lyrics in the second part of the first verse now, anyhow, anyone out there able to offer some feedback?

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Also promising.  The lyrics work for me in a kind of minimalist way.   More suggestive than specific, but they communicate.  The melody is also minimalist, and better suited to your vocal range than the other song I critiqued.

 

I'm not hearing much of a break or change in the energy level moving from the verse to the chorus.  The melody and chord progressions are different, but the verse and chorus still sound too similar.  The chorus isn't really shouting "I'm a chorus!"  If I were arranging this, I'd bring in the keys and the second guitar, or something.

 

Do you record full arrangements of your songs?  I'd be interested to hear.

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Thank you. This was a really early demo version, the song has evolved a bit now with some sort of melody in the verses..also i've changed the arrangement with quiet chorus until the final chorus I think it has a more dynamic feel and brings out more emotion. You are right it needs a full working, second guitar track, a solo too....I use a BOSS BR digital recorder to record songs when i'm trying to nail a final version, with that I can do guitar tracks, bass, vocals all with different effects and it has the facility to do drums/beats but i'm buggered if I can figure out how to do that.

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Well, if you are interested in recording full arrangements it is very doable.  There's a learning curve and some gear investments to make.  But basically, if you can play you can do it.   You need a DAW and audio interface and a drum VST like Addictive Drums, EZdrummer, etc.  Those run as a plugin inside your DAW.  You just build the arrangement piece by piece.  Get a bass--an inexpensive one is fine.  You don't need a bass amp.  You can record bass direct right into your audio interface.  If you are recording electric guitar, you can mic the amp with a mic like an SM57 or plug direct into your interface and run an amp sim as plugin inside your DAW.  Amplitude and Guitar Rig are popular, though I wouldn't know as I always use a mic.

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Are you able to use a guitar as a bass, as in a plug in effect that makes a standard guitar sound like a bass? It all sounds very complicated however I imagine the eventual results are worth it. Thank you i'm going to look into it.

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You could pitch shift a guitar down an octave i suppose, but thr simpler thing is to get a bass. if you can play guitar you have the foundations.  You could buy a perfectly serviceable bass for $200. you can record it direct, no need for a bass amp.

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Cheers thank you. Been having a play about with MULab.

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I think these sparse lyrics work. I agree with Robus. After you have the song worked out, I think you would need a more complete arrangement to maintain a listener's interest. 

 

FYI, MuLab is not one of the more popular DAWs. I use StudioOne which has a good reputation for being user friendly.

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I'll check that one out, thank you. Simplicity is most important for me really as i'm quite impatient. Thanks for having a listen, the song is progressing nicely, yeah definitely need more going on for sure. 

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Reaper is worth a look too.  You can try out the full version. Non-pro licence is about $60.

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Hi Kev

This definitely has potential.

If you are interested in a DAW, Cakewalk by Bandlab is fully functioning with plenty of features and it is free.  

I can recommend it - I have been using it for many years.

Cheers

 

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Hi Kev,

 

I like the emotion of the song and think there is potential and room for development.  

 

I have a few Lyric suggestions:

 

1. Instead of "Hear that boom, that's my heart" change it to "Hear the boom of my heart."  

2. I'm wondering if it should be "When you're falling" since the song is more about you and your struggle.  Should it be "I am falling from the sky...take my hand"?

3. Same with the second line of the chorus--lose the "When" make it immediate:  "I am drowning at sea...rescue me"

4.  Looking at the last verse, I would take out the "When".  To me the song began more about a real problem now for you (or the character in the song).  So why talk about "when"?  I suppose it just got confusing to me because the song is called "Rescuing me," but the chorus and verse starts to talk about somebody else and their issues.

 

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2 hours ago, daryl1968 said:

Hi Kev

This definitely has potential.

If you are interested in a DAW, Cakewalk by Bandlab is fully functioning with plenty of features and it is free.  

I can recommend it - I have been using it for many years.

Cheers

 

Cheers, i'll take a look :)

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11 minutes ago, bachandl said:

Hi Kev,

 

I like the emotion of the song and think there is potential and room for development.  

 

I have a few Lyric suggestions:

 

1. Instead of "Hear that boom, that's my heart" change it to "Hear the boom of my heart."  

2. I'm wondering if it should be "When you're falling" since the song is more about you and your struggle.  Should it be "I am falling from the sky...take my hand"?

3. Same with the second line of the chorus--lose the "When" make it immediate:  "I am drowning at sea...rescue me"

4.  Looking at the last verse, I would take out the "When".  To me the song began more about a real problem now for you (or the character in the song).  So why talk about "when"?  I suppose it just got confusing to me because the song is called "Rescuing me," but the chorus and verse starts to talk about somebody else and their issues.

 

Thanks for taking the time to have a listen and offer amazing feedback. The song has evolved a bit since I first posted this. The lyric in the first version is now "torn and bruised, that's my heart" though I like your suggestion. Really like your suggestion about changing the chorus, it does sound a lot better changing it to "I" - thank you! I'll look at the "when" in the last verse, good pick up! Thanks again for taking the time to listen and offer some helpful feedback.l

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@RealKevM

I would be inclined to split the chorus in 2 make the first half the 1st pre chorus and the 2nd the 2nd pre chorus and maybe just repeat rescue me for the chorus or add in some bits from the pre chorus like.

 

pre chorus

When you're falling from the sky
Take my hand
We'll learn to fly

chorus

rescue me

rescue me

rescue me (etc)

 

Or

 

pre chorus

When i'm drowning lost at sea
Take your hand
and rescue me

chorus

rescue me

when im drowning

rescue me

take my hand and

rescue me

rescue me.

 

 

 

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