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RealKevM

Rescue Me (Work In Progress)

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Hello! This is a new song i'm currently writing, I would really appreciate it if anyone would take the time to have a listen and offer any pointers. I'm pretty happy with the lyrics i'm after some help on the phrasing for the verses to help it stand out and have some emotion and where to go between the chorus back into the verse. And anything else :)

 

Lyrics

In the room
I fall apart
Hear that boom
That's my heart

In this town
There's no waves
Hear my sound
Time for change

 

Chorus
When you're falling from the sky
Take my hand
We'll learn to fly
When i'm drowning lost at sea
Take your hand
and rescue me

 

2nd verse
When it's dark
On your knees
There's a spark
Here's a dream

When the trust
You've ever known
Turns to dust
It's time to go

Chorus

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOaz2l5iaus&feature=youtu.be
 

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I've changed some of the lyrics in the second part of the first verse now, anyhow, anyone out there able to offer some feedback?

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Also promising.  The lyrics work for me in a kind of minimalist way.   More suggestive than specific, but they communicate.  The melody is also minimalist, and better suited to your vocal range than the other song I critiqued.

 

I'm not hearing much of a break or change in the energy level moving from the verse to the chorus.  The melody and chord progressions are different, but the verse and chorus still sound too similar.  The chorus isn't really shouting "I'm a chorus!"  If I were arranging this, I'd bring in the keys and the second guitar, or something.

 

Do you record full arrangements of your songs?  I'd be interested to hear.

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Thank you. This was a really early demo version, the song has evolved a bit now with some sort of melody in the verses..also i've changed the arrangement with quiet chorus until the final chorus I think it has a more dynamic feel and brings out more emotion. You are right it needs a full working, second guitar track, a solo too....I use a BOSS BR digital recorder to record songs when i'm trying to nail a final version, with that I can do guitar tracks, bass, vocals all with different effects and it has the facility to do drums/beats but i'm buggered if I can figure out how to do that.

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Well, if you are interested in recording full arrangements it is very doable.  There's a learning curve and some gear investments to make.  But basically, if you can play you can do it.   You need a DAW and audio interface and a drum VST like Addictive Drums, EZdrummer, etc.  Those run as a plugin inside your DAW.  You just build the arrangement piece by piece.  Get a bass--an inexpensive one is fine.  You don't need a bass amp.  You can record bass direct right into your audio interface.  If you are recording electric guitar, you can mic the amp with a mic like an SM57 or plug direct into your interface and run an amp sim as plugin inside your DAW.  Amplitude and Guitar Rig are popular, though I wouldn't know as I always use a mic.

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Are you able to use a guitar as a bass, as in a plug in effect that makes a standard guitar sound like a bass? It all sounds very complicated however I imagine the eventual results are worth it. Thank you i'm going to look into it.

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You could pitch shift a guitar down an octave i suppose, but thr simpler thing is to get a bass. if you can play guitar you have the foundations.  You could buy a perfectly serviceable bass for $200. you can record it direct, no need for a bass amp.

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