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Hi everyone. This is my first post here. Although this song is done, I would appreciate any feedback. I will keep feedback in mind in case it is applicable to my next song.

 

I am handling the main vocals and all synths. There are also female backing vox. I hope you enjoy it. 

 

 

 

Soft Synths: Repro-5, Monark, M-Tron Pro, Icarus, BFD3

 

Falling

The lights are dark
And the streets are quiet
I can't find 
A place called home

Stuck in time
I can't go back
I think I've had
A glimpse of heaven

The earth is up 
The stars below
I feel I could
Fall forever

 

Falling Falling Falling Slowly
Falling Falling In Too Deep 
Drifting Drifting Drifting Sideways
Drifting Drifting In My Sleep

 

Ships in the harbor
Waiting for the tide
We set sail before 
The sunlight dies

The crying wind
Is warning us
To getaway
While we can

Blown off course
Lost at sea
I feel I could 
Float forever

 

Falling Falling Falling Slowly
Falling Falling In Too Deep 
Drifting Drifting Drifting Sideways
Drifting Drifting In My Sleep

 

I said take it down
To the solid ground
I said take it down
Take it down

You got to get lost
If you want to be found
I said look around

Look around

 

Falling Falling Falling Slowly
Falling Falling In Too Deep 
Drifting Drifting Drifting Sideways
Drifting Drifting In My Sleep

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Very nicely done 👍👍 ... enjoyed it ! :D

  • Gotta tell ya', when the vocal first entered, I instantly thought of "Zappa". Your choice of vocal texture & style was a great fit for this.
  • As much as the verses emulated Zappa, choruses were very Bowie-like. Made for a nice contrast, but meshed well.

I added a few new subscribe's to your channel, nice job & good luck with the material !

 

Tom

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Glad you enjoyed it, Tom! :)

 

This is the first time anyone compared my vocals to Zappa. I do frequently get Bowie comparisons. Both comparisons are appreciated and a lot nicer than my wife's description -- she thinks I sing like a dying cow. :o

 

Thanks very much for those YouTube subscriptions! I did subscribe back to your channels. I didn't see any of your songs in this sub-forum but left feedback on one in another sub-forum.

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+ The synthpop vibe

+ Cool Billy Idol-vocals

+ Great attitude

 

- I can't feel the song lifting

- The synthmelody after the chorus does not blend in with the song

- The bridge is cool but it doesn't fit

 

Great!

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Thanks for your feedback Jake's Empire. I have not been compared to Billy Idol before but as his vocals are typically in this range, it does make sense.

 

I personally do not see an issue with the synth melody after the chorus but it is interesting feedback. 

 

The section at 3:07 is intended to be a complete change of pace so I can understand if it sounds a bit jarring.

 

Glad you seemed to enjoy it overall. :)

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This is cool!! Love the visual for it, too. Very Bowie. Great production and you do not sound like a dying cow LOL

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4 hours ago, Mutrins said:

This is cool!! Love the visual for it, too. Very Bowie. Great production and you do not sound like a dying cow LOL

Thanks very much for listening and commenting. Glad you liked it.  :)

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Hi Fredrick

Talking about the overall sound

When it starts it has a lot of energy and excitement about it. For some reason about half way through, that diminishes.

And it probably is the same it is only that you've heard it, so I suspect and I'm not sure, so it's a guess, that not enough of it is small to make the other parts sound bigger. So it may be arrangement contrast, that is something to think about when producing your next song.

 

I know you changed the vibe in the bridge so that's good but by then it was a bit late. It's maybe a too long a period of tension with out release. 

 

I don't use synths a lot but when I do I get lost in synth land for hours looking for a sound, and I can't remember which synth it came from etc.

So it's hard to choose a patch. One thing that stuck out to me as a problem was the choice of patch for the lead synth. It sort of lent towards another era I think, like an organish type of sound and it didn't seem to quite mesh with the other instrument patches. 

 

Listening to the mix specifically for me the prime thing is the vocal. Too me the compression sounds very good. Particularly the release and attack time settings because I can clearly hear all the consonants and the low level detail of the ends of word that don't end in plosives like say "Heaven" I can hear the "N"

The voice is nicely up front so the reverb/delay settings seem spot on to me, it's hard to tell if that's due to pre delay on the reverb. But all of the processing sounds very well done to me. It's not transparent but it is exactly right for the genre. The only thing is the additive EQ has the very occasion "S" that is a touch loud. But not in the chorus there the esses are fine. And that EQ wise is a duller sound so it's coming from the boost in the other parts. 

 

Everything is seperate and spacious and clear

 

The use off effects seems appropriate to me not overused. 

 

Over all a great sound.

 

Cheers

 

Gary

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Welcome! 😎

This has a cool vibe to it and a catchy chorus.

Vocals sung well and suit nicely.

I don't know about the lyrics - they seem a little silly in places (sorry) like "I said" and "stars below" but I guess yellow submarine was a hit so... :)

I do think at almost 5 mins it needs a major haircut unless you can come up with a sweeping change in tempo/feel mid way through.

Overall I enjoyed listen and I hope you offer some reviews on other people's songs - you obviously have the skills :)

Paul

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       Yes I can hear a similar Zappa-ish tonal quality to your voice.  His lyrics were infused with his unique sense of humor which this particular lyric doesn't have, but you weren't trying to be humorous. But yeah in the future, you could conjure him with an ironic satirical  lyric.  (repeat after me: I might be moving to Montana soon...)

        I think this sounds very cool and very nice. You created a vibe with your keys and it stays consistently true throughout. I can easily hear another mix of this that has a little more of a bass line that would get more people on the floor dancing. That's not a bad thing. 

         I too think the weakest part of this is the lyrics. Not the singing. Singing was fine. You clearly have a talent for this and it's going to be interesting to hear more from you. Step Outside The Frame sounds great too. Good job! 

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2 hours ago, Snabbu said:

When it starts it has a lot of energy and excitement about it. For some reason about half way through, that diminishes.... So it may be arrangement contrast, that is something to think about when producing your next song.

 

I think that is a fair point -- not having enough contrast in the arrangement. It's an area that I need to work on. :)

 

 

One thing that stuck out to me as a problem was the choice of patch for the lead synth. It sort of lent towards another era I think, like an organish type of sound and it didn't seem to quite mesh with the other instrument patches. 

Hmmm. On another forum, someone made a point of saying how much he loved that sound. The synth is u-he's Repro-5 an emulation of a Prophet 5 and it is quite retro. I tend to like retro stuff but I can see how it won't be to everyone's taste. 

 

 

Listening to the mix specifically for me the prime thing is the vocal. Too me the compression sounds very good....But all of the processing sounds very well done to me. It's not transparent but it is exactly right for the genre. The only thing is the additive EQ has the very occasion "S" that is a touch loud. 

There is heavy compression, saturation, and EQ on my vocal. The female vocal is more natural. I am happy to hear that the vocal effects sound good to you. De-essing is always a struggle and I am glad that I was mostly successful with that.
 

Everything is seperate and spacious and clear

 

The use off effects seems appropriate to me not overused. 

 

Over all a great sound.

Glad you liked the overall mix. Thanks very much for the detailed feedback, Gary!  :)

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2 hours ago, PaulCanuck said:

This has a cool vibe to it and a catchy chorus.

Vocals sung well and suit nicely.

I don't know about the lyrics - they seem a little silly in places (sorry) like "I said" and "stars below" but I guess yellow submarine was a hit so... :)

I do think at almost 5 mins it needs a major haircut unless you can come up with a sweeping change in tempo/feel mid way through.

Overall I enjoyed listen and I hope you offer some reviews on other people's songs - you obviously have the skills :)

 

Glad you liked the vocals and the song overall.  :)

 

The "I said" lyrics in the break were improvised while recording and kind of a throwaway. Unfortunately, they are featured rather prominently in the Lyrics video.

 

"Stars below" is generally about the feeling of disorientation -- possibly falling for real or in a dream, e.g., "falling slowly" and "drifting in my sleep."  Pretty confusing, isn't it? :)

 

I appreciate the comments, Paul!

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33 minutes ago, kuya said:

       Yes I can hear a similar Zappa-ish tonal quality to your voice.  His lyrics were infused with his unique sense of humor which this particular lyric doesn't have, but you weren't trying to be humorous. But yeah in the future, you could conjure him with an ironic satirical  lyric.  (repeat after me: I might be moving to Montana soon...)

        I think this sounds very cool and very nice. You created a vibe with your keys and it stays consistently true throughout. I can easily hear another mix of this that has a little more of a bass line that would get more people on the floor dancing. That's not a bad thing. 

         I too think the weakest part of this is the lyrics. Not the singing. Singing was fine. You clearly have a talent for this and it's going to be interesting to hear more from you. Step Outside The Frame sounds great too. Good job! 

 

I wasn't trying to emulate Zappa here. But I could imagine one day raising a nice little crop of dental floss. :)

 

Glad you liked the vibe and the singing. This song wasn't aimed at the dance floor but the song I am currently working on will be very dance oriented.

 

It is interesting how lyrics focused this forum is.  I am not trying to tell complete stories or create standalone poetry. Sometimes the lyrics are just noises that I make with my mouth that fit the mood of the song. :P 

 

Thanks for commenting kuya!

 

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Well I just had to review this one as I wrote a song of the same title a few years back :)   Man it's funky - and I totally agree, the verse vocal and concept has Zappa written all over and I dig Frank!  And the "circuit dialogue" fits it like a glove!   The synth work brings me back to high school in the 80's.  Cool video too.

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Bro, this is really cool stuff. I swear I didn't read the comments before thinking of David Bowie :) I love the vibe and my favorite part was when the female vocals joined in. It really added texture to the song. Some lyrics could be tweaked to make the song more interesting though, but coupling this song with the lyric video makes for a downtowny, budlight, divebar, i-dont-know-how-to-describe-this-but-its-good listening experience!! Keep up the great work!

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On 02/06/2018 at 13:27, RoadDog said:

Well I just had to review this one as I wrote a song of the same title a few years back :)   Man it's funky - and I totally agree, the verse vocal and concept has Zappa written all over and I dig Frank!  And the "circuit dialogue" fits it like a glove!   The synth work brings me back to high school in the 80's.  Cool video too.

Hey, thanks Pete! Glad you enjoyed it.

 

Zappa, "circuit dialogue", high school in the 80s. I think I could write a song around that. :)

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On 02/06/2018 at 13:45, girl_offline said:

Bro, this is really cool stuff. I swear I didn't read the comments before thinking of David Bowie :) I love the vibe and my favorite part was when the female vocals joined in. It really added texture to the song. Some lyrics could be tweaked to make the song more interesting though, but coupling this song with the lyric video makes for a downtowny, budlight, divebar, i-dont-know-how-to-describe-this-but-its-good listening experience!! Keep up the great work!

Glad you enjoyed this! Yes, my vocals often end up in the Bowie zone (especially on the new song I am working on.)

 

I agree the female vocals really lift this. They are from the talented Aika Zabala. You will be hearing more from her on my material.

 

That downtown dive bar sounds great. Hey, wait! Your Soundcloud says you're only 16. What are you doing in dive bars? :P

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Some good things: the melodic theme. It's tight. Good use of repetition. The instrumental background supports the melody very well.
I also enjoy the synth vibe.

My critique centers around the form and structure.

I would tweak your verse structure to maximize emotional impact.

My comments below are in bold.

 

The lights are dark
And the streets are quiet
I can't find 
A place called home


(I don't know why there is an instrumental break at this point here - to my ears, there should not be a break between the antecedent and consequent phrase below. The key change is fine, but the break sounds stilted)
 

Stuck in time
I can't go back
I think I've had
A glimpse of heaven


The remaining stanza in the verse is left hanging, but that's not a big deal if you can do something structurally - perhaps a pre-chorus? :
 

The earth is up 
The stars below
I feel I could
Fall forever

If you are going to break up these phrases / periods, we need an emotional/lyrical impact that will justify it. I am not getting a sense of that so far. Why should I as a listener care that you have structured the song this way? 
This is what you could think about, in my opinion. What are you trying to emotionally or intellectually achieve with these breaks between phrases?

 

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18 hours ago, davethesongwriter1981 said:

Some good things: the melodic theme. It's tight. Good use of repetition. The instrumental background supports the melody very well.
I also enjoy the synth vibe.

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If you are going to break up these phrases / periods, we need an emotional/lyrical impact that will justify it. I am not getting a sense of that so far. Why should I as a listener care that you have structured the song this way? 
This is what you could think about, in my opinion. What are you trying to emotionally or intellectually achieve with these breaks between phrases?
 

 

Hi Dave. Glad you liked the melody and synths.

 

I posted a song a while ago in another forum that had non-stop vocals and someone made the comment that it might be better with some instrumental breaks in between the vocals. I took the comment on board and here is the result, a song with meaningless instrumental breaks in the verses. I guess I can't win. :) 

 

 

This song is done but my next song won't have any breaks in the middle of the verses so perhaps it will be better. 

 

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I like the instrumental very much. I think there could be a bit more interesting and catchy melody tho.

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On 15/06/2018 at 05:40, Kruminsh said:

I like the instrumental very much. I think there could be a bit more interesting and catchy melody tho.

Glad you at least liked the instrumental. Thanks for listening and commenting. 

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Love the Bowie vibe!  And the video was interesting to watch!  

I’d  try adding a rhyming word at the end of your verses... it would help it roll along in the ear of your listener...unless you deliberately chose to disrupt the flow with longer syllable words as in “ I feel I could fall forever” .  An idea would be...

The earth is up 
The stars below
I feel I could
Fall too low

although this changes the meaning...but that’s just so you can better remember understand what I meant.  

Cheers, and happy songwriting!

Miu

 

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On 18/06/2018 at 08:26, Miuzia said:

Love the Bowie vibe!  And the video was interesting to watch!  

I’d  try adding a rhyming word at the end of your verses... it would help it roll along in the ear of your listener...unless you deliberately chose to disrupt the flow with longer syllable words as in “ I feel I could fall forever” .  An idea would be...

The earth is up 
The stars below
I feel I could
Fall too low

although this changes the meaning...but that’s just so you can better remember understand what I meant.  

 

I think your lyrics suggestion is a good one although the song and video are done and I am not planning on changing them at this point. 
Thanks for watching and commenting! :) 

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That beat! Love it. Reminds me of Felt/Denim if you had heard of them.

Top work!

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3 hours ago, RealKevM said:

That beat! Love it. Reminds me of Felt/Denim if you had heard of them.

Top work!

Thanks for the feedback! I am not familiar with Felt or Denim but I am checking them out on Spotify now. Denim has some amusing songs. :D 

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this is so cool, def getting bowie vibes from this, what did you use to make the lyric video its so cool! catchy too 

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Congrats on an impressive first post!  I came to the party late, so a lot of my comments have been expressed by others.  BTW, very creative video!  Wish I could do that!

 

In the song, just as I thinking, "This needs some variety" you hit me with that Bridge:  "Take it Down."  It didn't seem to quite fit in tone and feel, but hey, it's definitely a change, and that was appropriate. It could have come a little earlier, but that's a personal preference thing.

 

On 31/05/2018 at 19:27, Fragile Gods said:

It is interesting how lyrics focused this forum is.  I am not trying to tell complete stories or create standalone poetry. Sometimes the lyrics are just noises that I make with my mouth that fit the mood of the song. :P 

I know what you mean about sometimes the lyrics are just noises.  We can all name some very successful songs that have forgettable lyrics.  My take on it is that the right lyrics can make your song even better, and transform the experience for the listener. They're one of the three chances you have to make your statement:  Music, lyrics, vocals.  It's missing an opportunity when you throw away one of the 3 legs of the stool. So, next song, get all three going for you, and it will make an even bigger impact.

 

I appreciate your manner and the way you accept the comments here with equanimity. It speaks well of you.

 

Patty

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Hey, cool song. When I read the lyrics (which I liked) and then heard the song, the lyrics didn’t show me how professional the song was gonna sound so it’s like you have to listen before judging by what you read. I like the lyrics coz it’s kinda on the dark side which I’ve wrote a lot of songs like that. Your recording is awesome and it sounds so professional. The lyrics give me hope that maybe my “depressing” lyrics aren’t so bad or weird at all haha.

 

Well done! 

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On 02/07/2018 at 02:31, Icey said:

this is so cool, def getting bowie vibes from this, what did you use to make the lyric video its so cool! catchy too 

Glad you enjoyed this! I commissioned this guy on Fiverr to make the video: https://www.fiverr.com/shoikot07 I am not sure which software he used. He seems to be very proficient in several different video editors.

 

 

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On 02/07/2018 at 09:07, Peko said:

Congrats on an impressive first post!  I came to the party late, so a lot of my comments have been expressed by others.  BTW, very creative video!  Wish I could do that!

 

In the song, just as I thinking, "This needs some variety" you hit me with that Bridge:  "Take it Down."  It didn't seem to quite fit in tone and feel, but hey, it's definitely a change, and that was appropriate. It could have come a little earlier, but that's a personal preference thing.

 

I know what you mean about sometimes the lyrics are just noises.  We can all name some very successful songs that have forgettable lyrics.  My take on it is that the right lyrics can make your song even better, and transform the experience for the listener. They're one of the three chances you have to make your statement:  Music, lyrics, vocals.  It's missing an opportunity when you throw away one of the 3 legs of the stool. So, next song, get all three going for you, and it will make an even bigger impact.

 

I appreciate your manner and the way you accept the comments here with equanimity. It speaks well of you.

 

Patty

I think the points that there could be more variety sooner and the lyrics could be better are fair comments. I have to admit the next song that I am about to post probably has the same issues. :blush:  Sometimes I put so much energy into sound design, drum programming, mixing, etc. that I run out of energy. But I will think about what you said and see if I can improve in the future.

 

I appreciate the feedback. :) 
 

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11 hours ago, Tjpinkgurl said:

Hey, cool song. When I read the lyrics (which I liked) and then heard the song, the lyrics didn’t show me how professional the song was gonna sound so it’s like you have to listen before judging by what you read. I like the lyrics coz it’s kinda on the dark side which I’ve wrote a lot of songs like that. Your recording is awesome and it sounds so professional. The lyrics give me hope that maybe my “depressing” lyrics aren’t so bad or weird at all haha.

 

Well done! 

Glad you liked the song and recording. There are genres (gothic music) and bands (Joy Division) that specialize in "depressing" lyrics. It's part of the human experience and fair game for lyrics. I don't think this song is particularly depressing but I like my music to have a dark aspect which is probably what you are picking up on. Thanks for the listen and comments!

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Nice and quirky and loving the 80's vibe.

Love the texture when the backing vocal comes in.

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12 hours ago, daryl1968 said:

Nice and quirky and loving the 80's vibe.

Love the texture when the backing vocal comes in.

Thanks for listen and comments. Aika Zabala did a great job on the backing vocals.

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