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Micah

Between the lines

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This is a song in which I have recorded a demo but will be revisiting soon to change up and finish. I won't say the meaning until I read a few interpretations. 


We put our heads on sideways
so we can read between the lines
digging holes in the hallways
taking pictures of the blind
We never found no reason
to believe in what we find
I'll think about it on the weekend
but I got monday on my mind

I'll oblige
to the snakes in your eyes
Feening for the love that we made
We'll pretend
to put faith in the wind
blowing all our troubles away


Freelancer with a devil dancer
In the middle of the road
We burn until the ashes learn
What we already know
We wound our heads on clockwise
For a Monday afternoon
You know i never meant to love you
no i never even tried to 

I'll oblige
to the snakes in your eyes
Feening for the love that we made
We'll pretend
to put faith in the wind
blowing all our troubles away

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Micah,  I’d suggest you approach this from another angle. :)

 

Re-write the lyric in such a way that it will be fairly understandable, yet at the same time will express the message you intend. That way, you’re likely to attract more reviewers. And they’ll be able to think about how well or not you’ve expressed your intention, rather than having to spend their valuable time struggling to work out your meaning. 

 

In general, if a writer needs to explain what he he/she meant, the lyric needs to be revisited. ;)

 

Also, most of the feedback given on your other lyric ('Heartache on a Railroad') would apply equally to this one as well.

 

Just one person's opinion. Keep or sweep. ;)

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57 minutes ago, DonnaMarilyn said:

 

In general, if a writer needs to explain what he he/she intended, the lyric needs to be revisited.

Exactly!  You went into great lengths on your other lyric I commented on to explain what you mean with various lines, or how 'you liked how they sounded', but if you want your lyrics to elicit the same feelings/ideas as you get from them, then they need to be more concise.  Of course for some songwriters, the 'sound and flow' of the lyrics is more important than the actual meaning behind them, but then they would not want comments on the lyrics themselves, only full songs.

 

*keep or sweep* :)

 

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I don't feel like these lyrics are as deep or complicated as the other..... I thought it was clearly about a work affair (NOT TRUE ABOUT ME IN ANY WAY!!)

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Micah, it's not important whether the story is true or not. The point is that it's cryptic, vague, full of imagery that makes no sense without the reader having at least the thread of a storyline to follow. The lyric is not clearly about anything. 

 

I feel that imagery is best used to support an underlying notion, rather than to exist for its own sake, in which case the lyric would be better classified as poetry. 

 

A well-crafted lyric can be as deep as the ocean without being cryptic. That's where the skill comes in. Each layer opens up to reveal something new to the reader/listener. Even if - after the initial understanding - the lyrical story begins to become the reader's/listener's interpretation(s).

 

I'd recommend getting hold of a couple of good books on the craft of writing lyrics. Pretty much anything by Pat Pattison or Sheila Davis would be useful. Pat Pattison also has a good website (http://www.patpattison.com), as does Ralph Murphy (http://www.songwriting.net/blog/topic/ralph-murphy). One book I found especially useful when I was starting out is 'Songwriting for Dummies' by Peterik, Austin, and Lynn. Among many other things, the book describes the function of all the various sections of a lyric. Even just a basic understanding of these functions puts an aspiring lyricist streets ahead.

 

(By the way, thank you for the new word - 'feen' - which I found in the urban dictionary. ;)

According to that source, it means to desire something. Who knew. ;) )

 

So the lyric is about a work affair? Show us. Let the imagery reveal rather than conceal. :) 

 

 

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37 minutes ago, Micah said:

I thought it was clearly about a work affair (NOT TRUE ABOUT ME IN ANY WAY!!)

Not clear to me, the two references to Mondays and 'think about it on the weekend' didn't give any clue to me.

 

I just UrbanDictionaryed 'feen', I see the reference is from 2016, is this really being used in language these days?

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1 minute ago, Mike B said:

Not clear to me, the two references to Mondays and 'think about it on the weekend' didn't give any clue to me.

 

I just UrbanDictionaryed 'feen', I see the reference is from 2016, is this really being used in language these days?

Surely, along with double negatives, incorrect verb tense, and irony :angry-002:

 

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Hi M

 

   Now this was far and away better than your first posted lyric. There's just enough give and take there to get some traction. I would suggest though to pre-label your posted entries as " indie-something" so that the folks here know what they are looking at. Granted this is geared for an eclectic crowd, but at least the "structured" crowd will at least see something different that they might find at least quasi stimulating. If anything, it shows a sense of unbridled creativity and what it's like to think outside the box.

 

cheers

R-N-R Jim

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Interested in hearing the demo. 

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