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May Song Contest

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Welcome to the May Song Contest – an open format contest.

 

For any newcomers, open format means the entry can be at any production level - from just you and your guitar to a fully orchestrated masterpiece :)

 

TO ENTER: You must post your song in this thread.

 

The timeline is as follows:

• Entries will be accepted now through Midnight Eastern Standard Time (EST) Thursday, May 31st, 2018.

• Voting (scorecards) will take place Friday June 1st through Midnight EST Sunday June 10th, 2018.

• Please don’t start scoring until I officially post the scoring instructions.

• You must score all other entries or your entry will be disqualified from the contest - just saying!

• I'll post the results shortly after scoring is completed.

 

If you plan to enter, please review the revised rules, pinned in this forum.

 

When posting your song to the Songs Feedback Forum, please include:

•song title

•writer credits (If it’s a collab with another Muser please make that clear by including their M/M id)

•audio link

 

Please include the lyrics on your post. Videos are permitted. (Voters are encouraged to refrain from watching any video until after they've scored the song.) All Musers are welcome to submit songs as contestants or score the songs as non-contestants. Any questions or problems should be sent to me (paulcanuck) via private message (PM).

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*Photo is a YouTube-link...just click to open. 

1014620778_TheRealWorld-coverphoto.thumb.jpg.e9901d1f3dd8efd36d8ce2fd6eb345c3.jpg

 

The Real World

                            

                         Since I was a child, I’ve been hopin’ to find                            

Something that I’ve always had here in my mind

A niche, a place, a group, a time that lets me see

The world , the way I always thought, that it could be

A fair & honest world, a kind of promised land

The one, as children, we believed was close at hand

But instead, what I get is the real world

Cold & hard, it’s the let’s make a deal world

Fairness lives in fairy tales in the real world

 

Growin’ up, I learned about things wrong & right

Good & bad, no in-between, just black & white

Cut & dried, no shades of gray, all absolutes

No compromising of beliefs, no subtle truths

Older now, I look around & see a place

Built on rules I never learned, but have to face

Once again, what I get is the real world

Watch your back in the let’s make a deal world

Things are rarely what they seem in the real world

 

Life’s one never-ending surprise

Each day’s a lesson that opens my eyes

Watching, imitating success

Hearing what’s said, but learning what’s best

 

Now-a-days I view the world through cynic’s eyes

Skeptical, but hopin’ that I’ll be surprised

Still lookin’ for a niche, a place, a group, a time

The image of a better world, still in my mind

Mostly though, what I get is the real world

Suck it up in the let’s make a deal world

Still I hope for better days in the real world

                                   

Copyright 2007- Tom Hoffman

Re-sung / Remixed 2014

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BRING ME HOME
(C)2018 David S. Becker Music
Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker

 


INTRO
VERSE 1

Everybody’s got to wait to see
When they die will their soul fly free
Will the pain be swept away
Is it just a role in another play
My heart keeps pumping way too fast
I can’t find the breath to ask
But I’ve got
Hey I’ve got to know

VERSE 2
In the morning when I wake in light
Tied to a drip with a nurse in white
Please make my pain go away
Just can’t last another day
My head keeps spinning faster
Please tell me what comes after
Cause I’ve got
Hey I’ve got to know

CHORUS
And will I be alone when I get there
Or will you hold my hand like in my prayer
Will he lead me to my father’s resting place
And wipe that lonely aching burden from my face
Bring me home
And will you keep my wife and children safe
Make their home a cherished happy place
Can I look upon them every now and then
I fear without them there’s a heart that will not mend
Bring me home

VERSE 3
Thought that I could plan ahead
This came upon me like a big code red
I think of the things I'll miss
Scratch them off my bucket list
I can’t make this go away
The agony is here to stay
And I need
I need to know

VERSE 4
I can’t stand that sterile stink
No sleep not a single wink
A constant beep from an IV pump
Hair falls out in one large clump
And I just can’t think clearly
As the morphine drips so freely
I need
I need to know

CHORUS (1st half only)

BRIDGE
This will be peaceful
A sympathetic way to end
Such compassion
I am surrounded by my friends
I need to do this
It’s the path that I must take
Just give me one kiss
Let me see my resting place
I’m going home (spoken)

SOLO
CHORUS
 (2d half only)
 

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"Funky Baby"

 

Verse 1:
Ice cubes don't sweat .. but it ... sure looks like they do.
Well, melting away like that ... wouldn't you?
Tryin' to keep up ... with filet mignon ...
and trippin' on checkmate ... when you're just a pawn, Oh No!

 

Chorus:
You got to get your funk on!
But don't be gettin' too high.
It's gonna get hot, whether you like it or not, so roll on ...
down that runway and fly.

 

Verse 2:
Sometimes I think we're livin' ... in a crazy dream.
Where all is as it is ... but not as it seems.
Drop the microphone ... and split the scene.
But try and keep it funky baby ...
You know what I mean, people?

 

Outro:
Like a bird, baby, 
or a 747, 
Queen of the Skies ....

 

 

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The Night Lingers On

 

All music/lyrics Steve Ison

 

 

Motorway through the countryside 
as winter life reels about you 
Get away from the dust and grime 
You realise you might.. 
Celebrate in the morning light 
when you arrive free of doubt 
So you drive going dusk till dawn 
beneath your eyes tonight 

Always forming 
Doing alright by everyone 
And the night lingers on... 


Motorway through the countryside 
Just going by near to something 
Anyday it'll be so fine 
it could be all you want 
Hear the waves in a distant cry 
'We'll Never die" 
though years are tumbling 
Goodbye to the desperate world 
Where all your lives were caught

 

Always forming 
Doing alright by everyone 
And the night lingers on...and you're gone.. 

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Just a fun little Collaboration by Peko and Moptop.

 

 

 

 

 

Never Gonna Be My Girl 

Lakamp/Giarraputo © Copyright 2018

 

V1

I love a girl who doesn’t love me back

OK, she really does but it’s not like that

She’s all I ever wanted but I gotta face the fact

She’s never gonna be my girl

Be my girl

 

V2 1

The party doesn’t start until she gets there

She’s never felt the need to play Solitaire                  

If looks were dollar bills she’d be a billionaire

And she’s never gonna be my girl

 

Chorus 1   

She always says I’m not the kind of guy for her

She wants a man who loves her less

I don’t understand it, but I must confess

It’s part of her allure, I guess

But I can’t help it, I love her to death

And she’s never gonna be my girl 

Be my girl

 

V3

Maybe it’s time for me to change my tune

‘Cause I don’t see anything happenin’ soon 

I’ve tried every angle, so it’s safe to assume 

She’s never gonna be my girl

 

Bridge: 

I don’t wanna be her brother

I don’t wanna be her friend

I don’t wanna be her lover

I just want this to end

 

2:00

Chorus 2  

She always says I’m not the kind of guy for her

She wants a man who loves her less

The way it looks to me, she’s gonna get her wish

I’m beginning to reassess

I’m coming to my senses, I gotta face the fact

She’s never gonna be my girl

Be my girl

She’s never gonna be my girl

Be my girl

 

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I came across @SongWolfe 's entry from last months lyric contest and really loved it.  With his blessing I worked it up and we iterated a bit on it... here is what came out :D 

 

Wedding Bells Still Chime

 

(Verse 1)

It feels like only yesterday

The sweet caress of your warm skin

Soft as petals dampened by the rain

Awaken butterflies within.

 

(Verse 2)

I know it’s only memories

Jolted by this photograph

Feet squelching as we fled the rain

I hear the echo of your laugh.

 

(Chorus)

In the falling rain I take your hand

And darlin’ you take mine

Through the night the music plays

And the wedding bells, they still chime.

 

(Verse 3)

Seems like only yesterday

Time gone in the blink of an eye

Couldn’t have been so long ago

But the picture doesn’t lie

 

(Verse 4)

Tears now patter falling free

Too long I’ve held them in

Petals falling from a stem

You know I’d say 'I do' again.

 

(Chorus)

In the falling rain I take your hand

And darlin’ you take mine

Through the night the music plays

And the wedding bells, ooh they still chime.

 

(Chorus/Outro)

In the falling rain I take your hand

And darlin’ you take mine

Through the night the music plays

And the wedding bells still chime

 

And I look up and I see your blue eyes again

Feel your hand so close on mine though the fog’s drawing in.

Hear you whisper three words and I smile from my bed, 

Feet squelch in the mud, we’re running again

 

We’re running until we can’t run any more

Laughing ‘til breathless we collapse on the floor.

Ya I take your hand and you take mine

And the wedding bells ….. ohh they still chime.

 

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Sent to Win

Abacus [Prod. Klaxy]

 

Lyrics

I gotta focus on the road I got in front of me,

My self critical ways make me be a cunt to me,

In these pitiful days, I'm ripping my brain,

In a despicable haze, i swear I'm always pumping G,

I try to stop myself from slumping see and focus on my mind,

They say I need to meditate, and be open with my eyes,

I can't keep sloping til I die, can't keep choking from inside,

But the rushing in my mind leaves me smoking all the time.

But I'm on the search for peace, need to find peace before I'm earning P's,

Cos working on my person is all that's gonna work for me,

Can't focus on a topic which isn't fucking hurting me,

Cos my mind's messed now I feel I've lost my purpose see, purposely.

Swear I ain't with it, self critic, with thoughts that make me livid,

Lazy sitting, hate living, I swear I'm tortured every minute,

My bars ain't on par, so I'm surely gonna bin 'em,

In my mind I ain't winning, hate this thoughtless way of living.

 

 

See if I focus on the negative it's the only way I'll ever live,

If I think my bars aren't good enough, I'll only be a never been,

I gotta keep things in perspective and consider my objectives,

And remember that I know that I was sent to win.

 

See if I focus on the negative it's the only way I'll ever live,

If I think my bars aren't good enough, I'll only be a never been,

I gotta keep things in perspective and consider my objectives,

And remember that I know that I was sent to win.

 

 

So I keep my eyes on the prize and I aim for success,

Cos if my life's in demise, then I'm never gaining progress,

In lows I'm climbing to highs, cos I hate being depressed,

But still I'm fighting my mind, cos thats what I'm blame for this mess.

I try to make a change, break the cage, cos I hate how I place the blame,

So I contain the rage, and stay in my lane, cos that's how I'll elate my brain,

I refrain from pain, and regain my name, and try to just aim for change,

A couple hours pass, I can't contain the pain, and now I'm burning in these flames again.

It's sick and I begin to sink as I begin thinking,

Living in this shit means my skin starts wrinkling,

Sitting in this stress means my head starts crinkling,

Can't be living in regret, in this test I'm different.

Cos I think on my own feet, no boss will ever own me,

Do you see how much I've grown? Not a clone, I'm an only,

Person, who feels worthless, but still sees how much his worth is,

I swear that I'll be happy when this curse lifts.

 

 

See if I focus on the negative it's the only way I'll ever live,

If I think my bars aren't good enough, I'll only be a never been,

I gotta keep things in perspective and consider my objectives,

And remember that I know that I was sent to win.

 

See if I focus on the negative it's the only way I'll ever live,

If I think my bars aren't good enough, I'll only be a never been,

I gotta keep things in perspective and consider my objectives,

And remember that I know that I was sent to win.

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Child of the Radio

Music and lyrics by Oswlek

 

Child of the Radio
Have you heard it all?
The beauty in the melody
Felt the rise, and then the fall
All the way down

 

You lived your life in stereo
With your headphones on
Every word, every note
Cradled you and then it's gone
All the way down

 

Did I catch you on the way down?

 

Buried in the audio
An avalanche of sound
Does each sweet serenade still
Steal your will and shake the ground?
All the way down

 

Did I catch you on the way the down?

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Gone, Gone, Gone

Lyrics/Melody: Eric Borgos
Music/Vocals: Chris Davidson

 

 

Verse 1:
Shelly likes to feel the breeze
as it rushes through her hair
the evening sunlight on the lake
smell of autumn in the air

Used to dance with wolves
climb those mountains high
flowing water, beating hearts
as the stars lit up the sky

Chorus:
Now it's gone, gone, gone
Gone, gone, gone

Verse 2:
Ricky likes to feel the grease
and dirt under his skin
the purring of 400 horses
as he takes her for a spin

Used to race like lightning
ready, set, explode
holding steady at the wheel
always king of every road

Chorus:
Now it's gone, gone, gone
Gone, gone, gone

Bridge:
The days go rushing by
and memories start to fade
we're all just bits and pieces
of the wondrous plans we made

So savor every moment
with all you got to give
the clock it keeps on ticking
for this precious life we live

Chorus:
Until it's gone, gone, gone
'till it's gone, gone, gone
gone, gone, gone

 

 

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Comic Girl Life

(ny fabkebab)

 

At times I envy your comic girl life

Scene on scene, never think twice

Sketch of a girl in colorful suit

Strained to action, but always cute

 

At times I envy your comic girl life

On the edge but hair so nice

Facing  danger, winning through

Everyone buys into you

 

Comic girl life, Comic girl nice

Ink on paper, cut like ice

 

At times I envy your comic girl life

But paper tears belie the price

When your frozen and the ink has dried

In denial that anything’s died

 

Comic girl life, Comic girl nice

Ink on paper, cut like ice

 

At times I envy your comic girl life

But in 2018 I now think twice

A dream on the wind in an alleyway

Torn by the price they made you pay

 

Comic girl life, Comic girl nice

Ink on paper, cut like ice

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LOVE TRIANGLE

I am walking on a rope between my lover and another

A thin line drawn between reality and pleasure

Holding on, lying to them both

keeping the distance to get close

I’m only too aware that I could fall over

 

Nimble Hermes versus handsome Hercules

How could I pick one missing the tricky or the mighty

My conscience  versus my felicity

Is it up to me to make them aware or happy

 

 

One is rough, the other’s smooth

And these two universes soothe me

My train is driving steep on two tracks I follow

--------------------------

I am walking on a rope between my lover and another

 I’m only too aware that they will discover

 

 

Heretical prayers and weird wishes too

Apocryphal mantras to make it last longer

Phileas Fogg versus a snazzy  Gatsby

How could I pick one missing adventure or beauty

 --------


 

 

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ALL OF THE TREES

 

(The Danish words 'jeg elsker dig' in the bridge = 'I love you'. In principle, the 'jeg' & 'dig' rhyme with 'sigh'. But the singer is Swedish, so the pronunciation's a tiny bit different.)  

 

Music/guitar/instrumentation/mix: Billy Playle

Vocals: Maria Sedell

Lyrics: Donna Devine ('DonnaMarilyn')

 

V1

Night-time is hard

When it pulls from the past

A tangle of roots

That never did bind

My tears fall like leaves

From all of the trees

I wanted to climb

 

Chorus 

Every time I dream of you

You edge a little nearer

Your face becoming clearer

I'm a kiss away from forgiveness

But then you turn and go

The way I did to you once

On a doorstep long ago

 

V2

Night-time is hard

With the mem'ries it brings

The way that I lost

The chance that was mine

To play as I pleased

In all of the trees

I wanted to climb

 

Chorus

 Every time I dream of you

You edge a little nearer

Your face becoming clearer

I'm a kiss away from forgiveness

But then you turn and go

The way I did to you once

On a doorstep long ago

  

Bridge

Still hear you sigh 'jeg elsker dig'

...And I drink my morning tea

Wondering do you ever think of me?

 

Chorus 

Every time I dream of you

You edge a little nearer

Your face becoming clearer

I'm a kiss away from forgiveness

But then you turn and go

The way I did to you once

On a doorstep long ago

 

Outro

You were the oak

The willow, the birch

The aspen, the cypress

The cedar, the pine

You were all of the trees

I needed to climb

 

 

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The Way You Make Me Feel

Music and Lyrics and Vocals by Micky Shiloah

 


https://soundcloud.com/micky-shiloah/the-way-you-make-me-feel/s-dQeD0

Lyrics:
It was the one night that we got to talking
I felt a connection
Definitely not there before

It was your eyes on me
It was my eyes on thee
It was like suddenly
I felt this feeling

You hit me like an uptown bus in New York City
Like the first time I had 10 shots of whiskey
Just like the time I jumped out of an airplane into the sky
And I fell like a piano coming down from the 40th story
Rome when the Barbarians came for the glory
The first time i heard Coldplay "Fix You" and I cried

And I don’t wanna lose this feeling
Cuz I like the way you are
The way you are

I don't wanna lose this feeling
Cuz I like the way we are
The way we are
The way you make me feel

(Chorus)
I like the way you make me feel
I like it, I like it, I like it
I like the way you make me feel

Could it be destiny 
Could it be you and me
You’ve never given me a reason to be nervous around you

It could be the words you spoke
It could be this Jack and Coke
It doesn’t matter cuz i’m in it
I’m in it with you

And I don't wanna lose this feeling
Cuz I like the way you are
The way we are
The way you make me feel

(Chorus)
You give me butterflies I've never felt
All the stars in the sky 
They start falling around us
I never thought it was possible I could be yours
And you could be mine
(that's the way you make me feel)

Bridge:
You hit me like a calm before the storm
Hit me like the light at dawn
And I fell like the rain dropping out of the clouds 
I fell for every word coming out of your mouth

I fell like the rain
I fell like the rain
I fell like the rain
I fell like the rain

And I don't wanna lose this feeling
Cuz I like the way we are
The way we are

The way you make me feel

(Chorus)

And that's the way you make me feel

You give me butterflies I've never felt
All the stars in the sky 
They start falling around us
I never thought it was possible I could be yours
And you could be mine
(That's the way you make me feel)

That's the way you make me feel

That's the way you make me feel

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Time to score!  Please read the scoring rules carefully :)

 

How to score: 

 

Score each song this way:

 

10 - This is the best song I have ever heard in my entire life

2...9 - Somewhere in between...

1 - This song needs a complete overhaul IMHO

 

Put your score for each song to the left of the title.

Don't score your own song - it may or may not be given the average of the scores you give others :lol:

So the list you PM to me should look like this:

 

8 - Song Title 1 - Artist 1

5 - Song Title 2 - Artist 2

8.5 - Song Title 3 - Artist 3

etc...

 

Here is the list of entries (did you read the scoring instructions? :-):

 

The Real World - tunesmithth
Bring Me Home - GocartMoz
Funky Baby - RoadDog
The Night Lingers On - ScenesFromPalacio
Never Gonna Be My Girl - moptop/Peko
Wedding Bells Still Chime - Triffid/SongWolfe
Sent to Win - abacusmc
Child of the Radio - Oswlek
Gone, Gone, Gone - Eric Borgos/Chris Davidson
Comic Girl Life - fabkebab
Love Triangle - Zeligovitch
All of the Trees - DonnaMarilyn/Billy Playle
The Way You Make Me Feel - Mutrins

 

You have until Midnight EST Sunday June 10th, 2018 to send me your scores.

Good luck everyone!

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Here are the results of the May 2018 song contest on the Muse!

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Gold Medal Winner: The Night Lingers On - ScenesFromPalacio

Silver Medal Winner: The Way You Make Me Feel – Mutrins

Bronze Medal Winner: Child of the Radio – Oswlek

 

Congrats to the podium members and to all who entered - well done everyone!

Special thanks to our non-contestant scorers - kuya, barneyboy, 9thstline and ironknee!

                                        Total
The Night Lingers On - ScenesFromPalacio 8.5 5.5 7.5 9.0 8.5 7.5 9.0 8.0 6.0 6.0 8.0 7.0 8.0 7.0 5.0 5.0 8.0 8.5 7.5 139.5
The Way You Make Me Feel – Mutrins 7.0 5.5 8.5 8.5 5.0 8.5 5.0 9.5 7.0 7.5 8.5 7.0 6.0 8.5 9.0 6.0 8.5 7.0 6.5 139.0
Child of the Radio – Oswlek 8.5 5.0 6.0 9.0 7.0 7.0 8.0 6.5 6.0 8.0 5.0 6.0 8.0 8.0 6.0 7.5 8.0 8.5 6.5 134.5
Gone, Gone, Gone - Eric Borgos/Chris Davidson 6.5 7.0 4.5 6.0 8.5 8.0 8.5 5.0 7.5 6.0 7.0 7.0 6.0 9.0 8.0 6.5 7.5 7.0 5.5 131.0
Bring Me Home - GocartMoz 7.5 5.5 4.0 7.5 6.0 8.5 7.5 9.0 6.0 5.0 8.0 6.5 7.0 7.5 6.0 7.0 7.5 5.0 6.5 127.5
Comic Girl Life - fabkebab 6.0 4.0 5.0 8.5 6.5 7.0 8.5 7.0 5.0 7.0 7.5 7.0 5.0 8.0 5.0 7.0 7.5 7.5 6.5 125.5
All of the Trees - DonnaMarilyn/Billy Playle 5.0 5.0 6.0 6.0 7.0 6.0 7.5 5.0 4.0 5.5 9.0 9.0 3.0 5.0 5.0 6.5 7.5 8.0 8.5 118.5
Wedding Bells Still Chime - Triffid/SongWolfe 7.0 5.5 6.0 7.0 5.0 6.0 8.0 7.0 6.0 5.5 5.0 5.5 6.0 5.0 7.0 6.0 5.0 7.0 5.5 115.0
Sent to Win - abacusmc 3.0 2.0 4.0 6.5 6.0 6.5 8.5 8.0 3.0 7.5 7.0 6.0 5.0 6.5 5.0 7.0 7.5 7.5 4.0 110.5
The Real World - tunesmithth 5.0 4.0 5.0 5.5 5.5 7.0 6.5 4.0 7.0 6.5 4.5 7.5 3.0 8.0 7.0 9.0 4.5 5.5 4.0 109.0
Love Triangle - Zeligovitch 2.0 3.0 3.5 5.5 7.5 6.0 7.5 7.5 4.5 4.0 6.0 7.0 9.0 5.5 6.0 7.0 5.0 5.0 7.0 108.5
Never Gonna Be My Girl - moptop/Peko 4.0 5.0 5.0 6.0 7.0 7.5 7.0 7.0 5.0 6.0 4.0 5.5 4.0 8.0 4.0 7.0 6.5 4.0 5.0 107.5
Funky Baby - RoadDog 3.0 3.0 4.0 5.0 8.0 8.0 6.0 5.5 5.0 5.0 3.5 4.0 7.0 6.0 4.0 7.0 5.0 4.5 6.5 100.0

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Congrats to the winners!

 

My top 3 -

8 1/2 - The Night Lingers On - ScenesFromPalacio

8 1/2 - Child of the Radio – Oswlek

7 1/2 - Bring Me Home - GocartMoz

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Congrats to the winners:  Scenes from Palacio, Mutrins and Oswlek.  Fine entries!

 

My top score went to Gone, Gone, Gone.  Thank you Eric Borgos and Chris Davidson.

 

I enjoyed the variety this time around.

 

Patty

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Congratulations Steve, Micky, and Justin.  All deserving winners. :)

 

My own top scores were for Gone, Gone, Gone and The Way You Make Me Feel, with Child of the Radio, The Real World, Never Gonna Be My Girl, and Comic Girl Life vying for third place. 

 

It was a pleasure to experience the different types of songs. Each of them had something special. 

 

Donna

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Well done to the winners - Enjoyed the variety of songs! Thanks for running the competition Paul.

 

Here are the comments I made on each song for your enjoyment and to spark any discussion; sorry for any occasion they sound a bit mean - I was trying to be constructive for anything where I felt a suggestion might improve the song, or comment on parts which were especially effective or well done!

 

 

The real world -

(at 55 seconds) it was like a different song happened. 
The little quarter-step is a great way to break up the flow of the song
I think the bridge was my favorite part of the song. To be honest the main part of the song seems a little bit monotone - I think it might be because the melody of the song for those sections comes down to three notes.
As a completely non-comment, I think the video probably took some time to make but was a distraction from the song and it might have been more effective without the lyrics - just the static art wihtout the transitions

 

Bring me home 

- I got very familiar with the song with a few listens, which I think is a good sign it is a relatable (but recognizable) piece of songwriting. I enjoyed it... except for that chorus - it is about 4 times longer than it needs to be - I think you have some neat ideas in the lyrics, but they dont sit so well in athe chorus, because they are not quite quite as "catchy" as the rest of the chrus. I think the strong could be strengthened by a lyric-o-suction. I must say the bit I enjoyed the most was the slightly lighter arrangement in the first verse vs. the later parts of the song. I liked the song and the "thought" a lot!


FunkyBaby

- As a general comment a RoadDog song is a song I am going to enjoy - enjoy the vibe, enjoy the idea of seeing a roaddog band live, indulge myself dreaming of being a kind of stoner/music/hippy/retro with a string of festivals to hang out at. I think you are an expert at transporting me to a particular (largely imagined) place. I absolutely enjoyed listenening, but here is where I always struggle as a scorer - I always like what you are doing, but by my definition of a songwriting competition I am looking for something which hooks me in and makes me want to seek out that particular song. I just wanted to say this because you might be frustrated at the scores, but its because a song competition doesnt quite intersect with "what you do", but I really enjoy "what you do"

 

The night lingers on
Good song - back in the driving seat after a curious 1+1 entry last month. I have read 10,000 quotes on what makes good music and one sticks out in my mind - "Do something predictable and then surprise them". I think you do this in the opening verses of the song where the rif is chugging along and you extend it with the "Reels about you" line, or the wierd panned guitar stabs. Anyway I enjoyed it. lost maybe 0.02 of a point because you had a fadeout!!

 

Never gonna be my girl
Enjoyable retro song. Has a lofi amateurish quality to it, which I would have to say comes from the singing. For me this adds some relatabilty, but for a wider audience I think you might want to consider trying to get a guest to sing the vocals (or avoid the doubling effect on the vocals on the last line of each verse).
This is all very competent work, but maybe falls a bit short as an artistic idea for me (I have heard many similar type songs, in a similar type style)


Wedding Bells chime

After that incredible song about footsteps that you had a couple of weeks ago I had open arms to this song, longing to get a another dose of music therapy. I think this song is done well, with some nice ideas and very clean production. The speeding up and slowing down, and emotional peaks and valleys are nicely done. But this isnt as strong for me as that song - the main thing for me is the prosody doesnt sound quite right - like the phrasing of the lines doesnt feel natural. I think its partly because I know those lyrics in my head (having read them in the competition) - for example the "sweet caress of of your skin"


Sent to win
I thought this was neat as a kind of music which doesnt often make it into these competitions. I heard it when you posted it into the main comments are. As I look at the lyrics I can see some of the reasons why the delivery appears to be a little bit stilted/stumbling and I wonder if you couldnt edit it a bit to even the syllable count?


Child of the radio
I listened to this quite a few times. The production was impressive as always. The really remarkable thing for me was the lyrics - they were just on the fringes of me feeling I could "get them" - It felt like you were calling out to people who are tired of the mass produced music, and you are saying your own song is a piece of heartfelt music from the heyday 70s time period sent just to allow them to recapture a bit of the magic. Perhaps its best just to ask you what they mean and let you set me straight. Notably brief but effective, giving the music plenty of room to breathe and resulting in a nicely balanced piece. Felt the voice was too loud on the 1:55 mark


Gone gone gone
I thought the lyrics were well done, but not a great match for the music - My initial impression was the music was a little bit overproduced and inpersonal for the rather more heartfelt lyrics. As I listened more I think there was a good job by the vocalist to inject a bit of tenderness/humanity into the song. I think the song was well put together, but it didnt have a strong effect on me 

 

 

 

Love triangle 
The video and everything gave this the feeling of a 1930s melodrama - perhaps involving a bit of crazy smoke and mirrors spiritualism. Of all the songs I felt like this would hold up well in 20-200 years. I dont know if it was the song I enjoyed the most of the bunch, but I think it might have been the best songwriting, if that makes sense - anyway my score reflects my appeciation of a piece of art!

 

All of the trees 
I liked the instrumentation and the vibe of the song, but the melody seemed to meander a bit - It felt like the chorus was overly long for the pace of the song, and might have been better with a 1/2 length. As I listened more I enjoyed the tone of the singer but I think the song would need more work / editing / shortening to speed up the pace

 

The way you make me feel
Very poppy song, well produced track. Its always hard to disociate the production from the song itself, and I am beyond trying- I did feel (after a number of listens) that the song was a bit unbalanced because the very strongest, most intense lines were the section starting with "You hit me like an uptown bus" - I really wanted it to repeat at least once in the song, but it never came back. It felt like a rocket powered intro and then a gentle descent after that section until the end of the song. I think that should be worked in as the chorus and repeated


 

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I am really sorry guys, but I messed up my scoring. I used the rules we have always used for months past,  scoring between 1 (for good songs) and 5 (for the lowest scoring songs).

If you see your scores and think "what asshole scored me a 1.5?".... well that was me, and it is because I liked your song!! 

I looked at my scores and whether they would make any difference, and the answer is no, not for the top 3. Must try harder next month 😞

One possible change in scores is if you took my average and applied it to my own scores; I think I would probably lose 5 points or so.

 

 

 

Ok its been a long day, I did score properly after all. I just looked back at my message to Paul and I did score songs between 1 and 10. Phew. So Zelovich and Owslek : you got my high scores this month!

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Well I'll be a monkey's uncle.  I really like "Child", but the speaker is talking to the younger me, so I fully expected it to struggle in the contest due to the narrow audience.   I'm thrilled that it spoke to others as well.

 

I'd consider posting it in the Songs Forum, but it would be mildly disingenuous since the only thing really open to modification is the mix.  That said, if anyone here feels generous enough to offer a full critique, I'd greatly appreciate it.  I'm curious what worked and what didn't.  

 

My top three were the two winners and Donna's, "All of the Trees", with "Trees" being my top pick.  It had everything for me, a gorgeous musical landscape, touching lyrics, emotional vocal delivery and just the right amount of candy sprinkled on top.  I'm just as surprised at its placement as I am about my song.  :)

 

I'll be back later with more detailed thoughts on all the songs.  Thanks again, everyone.  

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Thx Paul for running the show.  Enjoyed all the tunes.  Interesting array of tunes ... all so vastly different from one another.  My top pick was Justin’s tune.  Thought the performance and production and write was tops.  Tied for second and third were The Way You Make Me Feel and Sent To Win, two genres I Never listen to and are not to my liking.  That being said thought either could be on the radio as is, though sent to win might require some editing.  Thought the performances and production on both were tops.  For their genre, really good writes as well.  All three had it all imo.  Be back later for comments on others.  Thx again Paul.

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Here are my thoughts about each song:

 

The Real World - tunesmithth - The melody on the verses seems too much the same for each line. Not just the melody really, but how you sing it. Your voice is very nice, but you say every line almost exactly the same way. I like the guitar part at the end, it is a good change of pace instead of just fading out using the chorus.

 

Bring Me Home - GocartMoz - I love the vocal pacing you do at the end of each verse, kind of a like a pre-chorus, like with:
"But I’ve got, Hey I’ve got to know"
The guitar solo fits into the song perfectly. Your vocals seem perfect also for this song.

 

Funky Baby - RoadDog - I read the lyrics first while the song was starting, and thought I was going to hate it, but I actually liked it. One suggestion I have is that the music is nice and funky so maybe the vocals could be a little less loud in the mix.

 

The Night Lingers On - ScenesFromPalacio - The bass helps makes the song very catchy. Reminds me a little like if the Beatles did a song with The Cars (their early years).

 

Never Gonna Be My Girl - moptop/Peko - Good, catchy song.

 

Wedding Bells Still Chime - Triffid/SongWolfe - It might sound good if in the end part, you added some soft slow harmony over the fade out music saying "ohh the Wedding Bells Chime"

 

Sent to Win - abacusmc - Great rhyming, great rapping, and great lyrics/songwriting. The beat is nice and matches your flow well.

 

Child of the Radio - Oswlek - I like how the production of the song is very creative acoustically. A lot of little audio touches to keep it interesting.

 

Comic Girl Life - fabkebab - I like how the chorus is very "chorusy" (catchy and dynamic). The vocals and music all come together very well in this song.

 

Love Triangle - Zeligovitch - Good lyrical flow. Hypnotic, dangerous, enchanting, and beautiful.

 

All of the Trees - DonnaMarilyn/Billy Playle - The lyrics are pretty. I especially like the outro: Perfect singing, perfect pacing, perfect wistful tone to end it.

 

The Way You Make Me Feel - Mutrins - This should be on the radio. Everything about it is great.

 

 

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Congratz to the winners!  Well done, all!  Looks like muse's taste is coming around, Steve ;).  Thanks for running the show, Paul.   I had high hopes for my song, but after listening to them all I knew it would be tough to crack the top 5.  I can take solace in knowing my initial assessment fell in line with the results :D.  

 

I had the 3 winners as my top 3... but... I was sitting around working today when "Bring Me Home" popped in my head out of nowhere, it has a very memorable chord progression and melody.  I went back and listened again and liked it more and more with each listen.  Sometimes it takes a few days for a song to settle in :D . well done!

 

I jotted down notes as I was listening to each. They are a bit crude, but here they are:

 

Quote

 

The Real World - tunesmithth

    Seemed like the verse lines flowed awkwardly

    Melody just wasn’t great for me

 

Bring Me Home - GocartMoz

    Awesome intro

    Verse melody… yes!!!!

    Chorus melody wasn’t bad… but I would have liked a bigger lift… oh the backing vocal on the second chorus worked well… do it on the first?

    Nice guitar solo

    No backing vocal on the last chorus?

 

Funky Baby - RoadDog

    Not digging the intro vocals

    nice guitar work

    Not feeling the funk attitude from the vocal performance… feel like maybe the vocals need to hit harder with more attitude maybe?

 

The Night Lingers On - ScenesFromPalacio

   Oh ya… excellent verse melody

   Chorus excellent too

   Cool panning work on the guitars

   Great work, overall

   

Never Gonna Be My Girl - moptop/Peko

   Nice opening chord progression

   first melody a bit lacking… melodies a bit cheesy overall?

   Nice harmonies 

 

Sent to Win - abacusmc

   Nice raw feel

   Find a way to make the hook/chorus stand out more?

   Balls?

   Good backing vocal

 

Child of the Radio - Oswlek

   damn.. great vocal performance and production

   Stellar backing vocals… wish I could do that

   Great attention to production detail

 

Gone, Gone, Gone - Eric Borgos/Chris Davidson

    Start was a bit jarring

    Cool, easy vocal delivery…. Melody good

    Gone too soon?  Would have liked one more lift some how

    

Comic Girl Life - fabkebab

    Lovely bass line

    Really like the vocal tone

    Some of the hard consonants (c’s and k’s) come through a bit rough

    

Love Triangle - Zeligovitch

    Obviously off the beaten path… quite creative

    I just couldn’t find myself ever listening to this leisurely… obviously a taste thing

 

All of the Trees - DonnaMarilyn/Billy Playle

    Guitar sounds great

    Seems like some of the words are awkwardly delivered

    Overall great, though. 10/10 would listen again

 

The Way You Make Me Feel - Mutrins

    Insane production level

    Fantastic vocals

    I like the way this makes me feel

    Vocal layering so good

    Just excellent all the way around

 

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Hey folks!  Congrats to Scenes, Mutrins, and Oswlek!!!!  😄That was a good one!  Thanks for the comments.  Yeah my stuff is not for everyone.  The scoring doesn't bother me, I'm just glad that people give it a listen.  Anyway, here are my comments:

 

The Real  World:
Well yes, the real world is indeed a sadder place than the ideal world, which of course is subjective.
I notice the tremolo on the vocal and wonder if that is an effect or just the  straight vocal.  If it is the latter I'd say 
that you have tremendous control.  For me the best part of the tune is how it really picks up during the chorus.  But I
notice a slight delay before the chorus and I wonder if that is intentional.  I'm sooo with you on the message!

 

Bring Me Home:
Well I read the lyrics before listening and was pleasantly surprised when I heard the music.  It had more of a drive (and then to me 
more of a positive-don't-give-up feel ... or positive in terms of acceptance of one's fate) with the lyrics. 
 Great mix of the acoustic, appropriatley minor feeling, with the gentle drums.  The flanger (phaser?) in the bridge is a nice
touch, and then the lead into the great guitar solo with the confident "I'm going home"  is really nice.

 

The Night Lingers On:
Hey man, this has a touch of old school rock'n'roll from the indie master!  But oh you still very cleverly inject that indie magic.
I really love the interplay of the melodies in genre-collage way.  Cool guitar work too. Good stuff!

 

Never Gonna Be My Girl
This has a fun retro feel too it.  Nice contrast in terms of the chord progressions used. 
 "If looks were dollar bills she'd be a billionare" classic line.  I like the point of the bridge
where the singer just wants out, there's originality in that sentiment. 

 

Wedding Bells Still Chime
The music is wonderful!  I really really like the intro, outro, and the instrumental break.  Great note choices here.  
The lyrics are quite nice as well, my only gripe is that their delivery seems a bit rushed at times.   The tambourine 
had me tapping my feet though.  And it sounds like
it was a good collaboration.

 

Sent to Win:
I read the lyrics first and I could feel the hip-hop in my head.  Then I listened to it and I think you nailed the timing of
the delivery quite well.  It sounded more angry in my head though.  Maybe think about ramping up the anger on the negative
parts then dial it back on the reflective/positive parts - and that by the way is what I really like about the lyrics - 
Character Development.  Or at least the revelation that this is a person who is not so far gone that they see that
the source of theor trouble (the mind) also holds the key to their salvation. 


Child of the Radio:
Man I love the falsetto and note on the word "fall",  The delay/echos coming later work quite well.  When the song gets
more "choral" (sp?) sounding it has a bit of Alan Parsons Project feel while staying original.  Really nice original melody.
The electric guitar also provides a good contrast to the rest.  Nice work.

 

Gone Gone Gone:
This is a nice mellow tune. The gentle albeit almost march-like drums against the drone of the strings (synth?)  provide a nice 
contrast.  It is interesting that the melody is kind of upbeat vs melancholy for the given lyrics.

 

Comic Girl Life:
Super-cool lyrics!  I read them first and then was surprised by the music.  The melody was indeed unexpected and I loved what 
sounded like a Hammond organ part-way through.  To me, the verses build melodic tension in a clandestine manner, but then there
is a great release in the chorus.  Good stuff!

 

Love Triangle:
This evokes cinematographic images in my head.  The bit that starts "Nimble Hermes .." - has the lyrics are well-matched to the
rhythm to my ears quite well here and it is fun.  The corollary is the part about Phileas Fogg (around the world in 80 days ???)
vs Gatsby.  It sounds a little forced here (in the sense of wanting to use those lyrics but them not fitting so well rhythmically)
But the comparison of Hermes vs Hercules versus that of Fogg vs Gatsby  (the former of which I read as adventurer vs new-rich former bootlegger) is an 
intriguing one.

 

All of the Trees:
Oh the literal vs the symbolic.  That's what I like about these lyrics as the lines are blurred a little for me.
Great guitar intro here and the song has a whole has a very eclectic feel to it.  That is, at different times it
reminds me of different artists/genres.  I guess I'd like to hear just a tad more power in the chorus to make it
stand out more.  That would (to my ears) give this piece more dynamic range.

 

The Way You Make Me Feel:
Man when I read the lyrics I was like "How is this going to work?"  Well you made it work quite well!. It's very well
put together and almost already begging for a remix with the bass turned waaay up for the clubs.  Aside from all that the
harmonies are awesome as well as your use of dynamics (or silence) here and there.  This is my favorite line: "It could be this Jack and Coke"

 

Hope I got everyone!

 

Cheers,

Pete
 

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CONGRATS SCENES, MUTRINS AND OSWELK...….AND TO ALL THE PARTICIPANTS

 

Great contest....wish I had more time to get one of my own songs in 😉

All deserving winners...….Donna's song was high on my list, as was RoadDogs???????? What happened??? Sometimes, like these times, I wonder if we are scoring more on production value than we are on creative and writing ability?? Anyways.....The top three were amongst my standouts. Scenes, as so often, has a wonderful and creative ability with arrangements. I figured Steve as this month's winner 😎

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A lot of strong feelings expressed in nice songs this month. For me, two of the contestants are more than songwriters - they are artists. The reason is they make more than songs, they make music. Not just musical layers (rythme-harmony-elody) but a complete, meaningful sound where every element tries to be a necessary part of the whole thing: Justin and Steve, my two favourites. Special mentions to Donna whose song could have been a perfect tune without the weird problems with the singer

.

Congrats to the others as well. So nice to be among you and participate in these contests. Thanks to Paul for running this one.

 

 

ANd Thanks Fabkebab, Eric, Roaddogs (You are right about Phileas Fogg and Gatsby  and how it sounds) and Triffid for the comments on my song

 

Tunessmith : 5.5

Very moving singing. Your commitment to your song and lyrics reaches the listener. The song is bit monotonous though and is less interesting IMO when it comes to the full band part.

 

Bring Me Home :  5

I found the verses more catchy than the chorus and the opposite would have been better in my view. Very nice guitar and keyboard sounds.

 

RoadDog : 4.5

Nice sixties cool tune. Funky music like yours demands a lot of precision to groove, but your approximative playing ruins you noble intentions.

 

Steve Ison ;8.5

Very good song . The guitar is reminiscent of the glorious times of British glamrock. Not your best song, but a nice, warm, sunny one. I've been  impressed by your creativity for years. The instrumental part at 1'32 is absolutely delightful. 

 

Never Gonna Be My Girl : 4

I like the naivety of your voice that serves the song well and especially the theme you have chosen. Sounds like the desilusional sequel of"Hey Babe, (if you'll be my girl)

 

Wedding Bells : 7

Nice strong and classic song, the guitar work is particularly beautiful.

 

Sent to WIn : 7.5 l I like rap but don't know much about it. It makes it hard for me to judge your tune. I like your flow, your attitude, your beautiful anger, your sadness. But it's a bit monotonous. I guess it's part of a lot of rap music

 

Child Of the Radio :8.5

I must confess I was frustrated at the end because I was expecting an instrumental part or something stronger to keep up with the beautiful sound atmosphere and the sounds that inspire deep thoughts and dreams. Marvelous vocal hamonies, beautiful production.  You are so talented.

 

Gone, Gone, Gone : 7

Eric, you have a fantastic voice and your interpretation was a real pleasure. The song is very nice as well. It would have deserved more unexpected arrangements, however, and maybe a bridge would  have made the difference.

 

Comic girl life.  7.5

Very enjoyable, bittersweet song. I like the lyrics a lot. A bit long though. In the 60s this song would have lasted 2 minutes instead of four, avoiding the too numerous repetitions of the chorus. And it would have gained a lot in efficiency to become perfect.

 

All of the trees : 8

Very nice songwriting, well written lyrics, beautiful orchestration but the singer isn't up to the task. The voice is  beautiful, but not mastered and with pitch problems in the chorus. This sort of song deserves perfect vocals to work as it should.

 

 

The way you make me feel  : 7

Your song is very professional, very well sung and produced, but It's a song for teenage girls and I'm far from that myself. Consequently it's hard for me to find this original or moving. Even if you had talked about the ancient Rome and the Barbarians which are closer to my age.

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22 minutes ago, Zeligovitch said:

"A lot of strong feelings expressed in nice songs this month. For me, two of the contestants are more than songwriters - they are artists. The reason is they make more than songs, they make music. Not just musical layers (rythme-harmony-elody) but a complete, meaningful sound where every element tries to be a necessary part of the whole thing: Justin and Steve, my two favourites. Special mentions to Donna whose song could have been a perfect tune without the weird problems with the singer"

Funny.....I forgot to mention that I thought your entry was very interesting.

Here, I found your comments very interesting and reveling, as well. Ironically, I thought your songwriting was very unique and entertaining. A great concept and a great write; however, artistically speaking, the performance reflected an unflattering, over exuberance to be artistic.

I like your macabre and maudlin approach, however. It just goes over from something serious to something into the realm of Elvira, at some point.

Again...….the songwriting is GREAT. But, don't get me wrong.....I know I'm being very critical. You two have been very close to something awesome....IMHO.

sincerely,

                       -Tom

 

22 minutes ago, Zeligovitch said:

 

 

 

 

 

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Briefly, I thought All of the Trees bought the most emotion to the table with a beautiful lyric, compelling vocal, and space to breathe. 

 

Real World had a great hook that stuck with me. 

 

The Night Lingers On was also catchy, and cool little end section.

 

Bring it On Home had a ton of power in that lyric. Very believable.

 

Love Triangle, too strange not to like.  Cool lyric and vocal. Best video. 

 

Those were my favs, but there were a lot of cool tunes, nice work everyone. 

 

 

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7 hours ago, Zeligovitch said:

 

Comic girl life. 

 A bit long though. In the 60s this song would have lasted 2 minutes instead of four, avoiding the too numerous repetitions of the chorus. And it would have gained a lot in efficiency to become perfect.

 

I felt this so strongly about my own entry - After recording it and seeing it clock it at 4 minutes I felt it was a horrible drag; I wanted to 1/2 the chorus length and drop a verse - but I had spent so much time already on it, and was running out of time.  I thought I would be at the bottom or close (just like the lyric when I entered it into last month's lyric competition!!)

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Congrats to all the winners!  This was a tough contest with lots of "heavy hitters" in the mix. Thanks to Paul for putting on the show!

 

Dominick/Moptop

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20 hours ago, Ironknee said:

Funny.....I forgot to mention that I thought your entry was very interesting.

Here, I found your comments very interesting and reveling, as well. Ironically, I thought your songwriting was very unique and entertaining. A great concept and a great write; however, artistically speaking, the performance reflected an unflattering, over exuberance to be artistic.

I like your macabre and maudlin approach, however. It just goes over from something serious to something into the realm of Elvira, at some point.

Again...….the songwriting is GREAT. But, don't get me wrong.....I know I'm being very critical. You two have been very close to something awesome....IMHO.

sincerely,

                       -Tom

 

 

Tom,

I didn't know Elvira (I'm french) , so I had a look and understood why you said you were criticising. I can take the comparison even if it's not really flattering.

I'm not comparing myself to the artists I'm going to talk about, but these are exemples to illustrate my point of view:

Let's take somebody like Freddie Mercury. I love him myself, but if  somebody tells me he is ridiculous, over exuberant, too gay to be true, I would understand. The same goes for Hendrix. I love him, but you could easily claim he's ridiculously sexual with his penis-guitar (Prince was even worse), his tongue movement, his guitar burned.  The same goes for Bowie, Robert Smith, Marc Bolan  and a lot more .  Once again, I wouldn't dream of comparing myself to them, far from it, of course, but what I mean to say is that at some point, you have to take the risk of being ridiculous or understood in a different way. That's why I take the Elvira comparison with perspective and wisdom :)

Thanks a lot for the nice feedback

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14 hours ago, fabkebab said:

I felt this so strongly about my own entry - After recording it and seeing it clock it at 4 minutes I felt it was a horrible drag; I wanted to 1/2 the chorus length and drop a verse - but I had spent so much time already on it, and was running out of time.  I thought I would be at the bottom or close (just like the lyric when I entered it into last month's lyric competition!!)

Fab,

Your song is good.

A lot of old masterpieces  lasted less than 3 minutes and I love it (You Really Got Me, Will You Love Me Tomorrow, Be my Babe, ...).

Thank you for your extremely nice comment. I think I will  print it on a t-shirt and wear it when I'm down :)

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On 12/06/2018 at 04:18, RoadDog said:

H

 

 

Love Triangle:
This evokes cinematographic images in my head.  The bit that starts "Nimble Hermes .." - has the lyrics are well-matched to the
rhythm to my ears quite well here and it is fun.  The corollary is the part about Phileas Fogg (around the world in 80 days ???)
vs Gatsby.  It sounds a little forced here (in the sense of wanting to use those lyrics but them not fitting so well rhythmically)
But the comparison of Hermes vs Hercules versus that of Fogg vs Gatsby  (the former of which I read as adventurer vs new-rich former bootlegger) is an 
intriguing one.

 

 

Pete,

I'm not a great fan of  "a snazzy Gatsby" . You're right, it doesn't sound well and above all, in French (my mother tongue) it sounds like Nazi Gatsby. My singer likes it though . It was a suggestion of a friend and I couldn't find anything better. I don't even like the Great Gatsby. But I love Phileas Fogg (and Jules Verne) and I like the sound of it. Thanks a lot for the nice and interesting feedback.

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19 hours ago, 9thStLine said:

Love Triangle, too strange not to like.  Cool lyric and vocal. Best video. 

 

 

 

 

Too nice not to love. Cool comment. Thanks!

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2 hours ago, Zeligovitch said:

Tom,

 

I didn't know Elvira (I'm french) , so I had a look and understood why you said you were criticising. I can take the comparison even if it's not really flattering.

I'm not comparing myself to the artists I'm going to talk about, but these are exemples to illustrate my point of view:

 

Let's take somebody like Freddie Mercury. I love him myself, but if  somebody tells me he is ridiculous, over exuberant, too gay to be true, I would understand. The same goes for Hendrix. I love him, but you could easily claim he's ridiculously sexual with his penis-guitar (Prince was even worse), his tongue movement, his guitar burned.  The same goes for Bowie, Robert Smith, Marc Bolan  and a lot more .  Once again, I wouldn't dream of comparing myself to them, far from it, of course, but what I mean to say is that at some point, you have to take the risk of being ridiculous or understood in a different way. That's why I take the Elvira comparison with perspective and wisdom :)

 

Thanks a lot for the nice feedback

 

Glad you answered. I would, however, like to know who I am addressing. Singer, or musician ( as per videos submitted)??

And, by all means, you have to iron out all the edges, Only thru experience do we perfect our art.

                                                             😎-Tom

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9 hours ago, Ironknee said:

Glad you answered. I would, however, like to know who I am addressing. Singer, or musician ( as per videos submitted)??

And, by all means, you have to iron out all the edges, Only thru experience do we perfect our art.

                                                             😎-Tom

Tom,
I'm grateful for your comment, of course, and I'd be stupid and arrogant not to answer it. 
I'm the musician here (piano, guitar and composer, colyricist with the singer, videomaker) .
I lost the first part of my comment. I was saying that I like to experience things. Even if the result is bad or unconclusive , I'm happy when I've tried something and learned something. 
I don't think this song is the best thing I've done in life, but it's probably the one I've  Iearnt more from. It was the first time I played a decent piano part (I suffered a lot doing this), I also had a challenge : the arrangement of the A parts had to be played only one note at the time without any sustain pedal in order to produce a different effect. 
I thought I might be the last in the contest because of this. Of course I won't frame the result in my studio , no reason to be proud, but I got really interesting reactions like yours. Things I can dwell on to improve my musical activity and go further due to deeper reflections and more experience. 
 
Tanguy (I'm French so it's a French name and I know it sounds weird in English, which is why I have a pseudo).

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Thanx alot for voting Night Lingers on Winner here..I do love surprises sometimes !  Many thanx to Paul for running it too, non-con voters & all those here who've taken time to comment on the tracks here

 

The Real World – tunesmithth -Thought this was really cool indeed..Can’t believe it’s done as badly as it has here -I had it down for a definite winner as soon as I heard it. Once again the muse totally surprises me ! The unexpected push on the chorus is ace..This would sooo of been a massive hit for Roy Orbison in the 80s…The verse is cool n brooding, chorus is memorable, haunting n resonant, the lyrics universal, the mid 8s great. What’s not to like folks ?


Bring Me Home – GocartMoz -Very nice slice of adult Americana pop, well performed,written n produced.The major 7thy chorus is cool n a nice diversion


Funky Baby – RoadDog -Jimi Hendrix is obviously a huge influence on this from the first choppin’ chords..A fun track.Could picture the Experience doing it


The Night Lingers On – ScenesFromPalacio – The win here is hugely unexpected.I know its direct, dynamic n upbeat, but thought the obtuse lyric (even I don’t think it’s much good) would be the reason people would’ve voted it down

 

Never Gonna Be My Girl - moptop/Peko – Unashamed classic late 70s style pop with nice descending chords..I like the sudden increase in vocal rhythm on the chorus..Nice track


Wedding Bells Still Chime - Triffid/SongWolfe – Nice folky pop with sweet acoustics.The lift on the chorus is sweet


Sent to Win – abacusmc – Thought this was good..The sample is eerie n your lyrics are cathartic, interesting n intelligent..Maybe something more musical behind the chorus to separate it from the rest of the track would be my only suggestion


Child of the Radio – Oswlek – Luxuriously produced piece of Pink Floydesque pop..Its sombre n stately, beautifully done n n the lyric is picturesque n imaginative


Gone, Gone, Gone - Eric Borgos/Chris Davidson -Has a nice easy listening groove, but needed it to move somewhere more I think


Comic Girl Life – fabkebab – Kinda sad n quirky. The tune n lyric is kinda upbeat n sunny but the voice n mood is strangely downbeat..Its a funny mix, but still an entertaining, intelligent track

 
Love Triangle – Zeligovitch Eerie n haunting track.The first time I played it when you posted, I thought it sounded like the lyric had been grafted on-but I’m not getting that at all now.Its moody n spacious n darkly gothic & (like your last one) probably too stylistically removed from centre to do well in a comp like this


All of the Trees - DonnaMarilyn/Billy Playle My favourite part of this is the sudden unexpected push of the chorus. It’s very jazzy n sophisticated


The Way You Make Me Feel – Mutrins Very well produced, sung n performed slice of modern pop..Chorus is very catchy.

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Congratulations to ScenesFromPalacio, Mutrins, and Oswlek. And to everyone who entered - I really enjoyed listening to all the songs.

 

My personal top 3 were 'The night lingers on', Gone, gone, gone', and 'Funky baby'. I liked all the songs but these were the ones that I found myself listening to multiple times.

 

I also scored 'Love triangle' highly as I thought it stood out as being interesting and ambitious. Bit of a PJ Harvey feel to it?

 

A couple of other comments.

 

I loved the guitars on 'Funky baby' and there were bits at 45 seconds and again at 1 minute 50 that immediately put me in mind of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I was pretty sure it was a sound from their One Hot Minute album so I then spent an hour or so listening to the album to find the song - Walkabout!

 

I also liked 'All of the trees' and was interested to see that the co-collaborator was someone called Billy Playle. I collaborated with an English musician called William Playle previously (strings and percussion) on another site, and wonder whether it's the same person? If so it's a sign that it's a small world!

 

 

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5 hours ago, SongWolfe said:

 

I loved the guitars on 'Funky baby' and there were bits at 45 seconds and again at 1 minute 50 that immediately put me in mind of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I was pretty sure it was a sound from their One Hot Minute album so I then spent an hour or so listening to the album to find the song - Walkabout!

 

Wow, Chili Peppers that was by accident for sure!   

 

5 hours ago, ScenesFromPalacio said:


Funky Baby – RoadDog -Jimi Hendrix is obviously a huge influence on this from the first choppin’ chords..A fun track.Could picture the Experience doing it

 

Yes, there is heavy use of the E7#9 chord (i.e. the "Hendix chord") here - but it makes me smile to even be mentioned in the same sentence as Jimi!

 

On 11/06/2018 at 23:51, Zeligovitch said:

 

RoadDog : 4.5

Nice sixties cool tune. Funky music like yours demands a lot of precision to groove, but your approximative playing ruins you noble intentions.

 

Yep, my playing is my downfall - I usually hope to get the idea of a song across, hoping maybe an artist can make it there own.

 

On 11/06/2018 at 16:22, fabkebab said:


FunkyBaby

- As a general comment a RoadDog song is a song I am going to enjoy - enjoy the vibe, enjoy the idea of seeing a roaddog band live, indulge myself dreaming of being a kind of stoner/music/hippy/retro with a string of festivals to hang out at. I think you are an expert at transporting me to a particular (largely imagined) place. I absolutely enjoyed listenening, but here is where I always struggle as a scorer - I always like what you are doing, but by my definition of a songwriting competition I am looking for something which hooks me in and makes me want to seek out that particular song. I just wanted to say this because you might be frustrated at the scores, but its because a song competition doesnt quite intersect with "what you do", but I really enjoy "what you do"

 

Hey thanks, but yeah no worries, there is no frustration with the scoring, it is what it is and I am just having fun doing it, and glad people are listening!

 

On 11/06/2018 at 18:32, Eric Borgos said:

Funky Baby - RoadDog - I read the lyrics first while the song was starting, and thought I was going to hate it, but I actually liked it. One suggestion I have is that the music is nice and funky so maybe the vocals could be a little less loud in the mix.

 

Agreed, my lyrics can be a bit divisive especially when apart from the music.

On 11/06/2018 at 18:39, Triffid said:

Funky Baby - RoadDog

    Not digging the intro vocals

    nice guitar work

    Not feeling the funk attitude from the vocal performance… feel like maybe the vocals need to hit harder with more attitude maybe?

Oh man I so wanted the gal who sang Floyd's Great Gig in the Sky to sing the chorus, maybe with the gal from Gimme Shelter !

 

On 11/06/2018 at 22:20, Ironknee said:

CONGRATS SCENES, MUTRINS AND OSWELK...….AND TO ALL THE PARTICIPANTS

 

Great contest....wish I had more time to get one of my own songs in 😉

All deserving winners...….Donna's song was high on my list, as was RoadDogs???????? What happened??? Sometimes, like these times, I wonder if we are scoring more on production value than we are on creative and writing ability?? Anyways.....The top three were amongst my standouts. Scenes, as so often, has a wonderful and creative ability with arrangements. I figured Steve as this month's winner 😎

Glad you liked it Ironknee!

 

Thanks all, for the comments, I hope I got everyone!

 

Until next time!

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