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I Don’t Care                                                James L Kleinheksel                        ©Copyright 2016

 

 

 

 

Now I really don’t care anymore 

Since all my hopes have fallen forlorn 

I don’t care who deals the cards

And I don’t care who’s in charge

I really don’t care I don’t wanna see

There’s nothin like it used to be

All over my hopes are strewn

And there ain’t nothin’ I can do

Ain’t nobody gonna play fair

But I’ll tell you right now

I really don’t care

 

 

This is a picture of hopelessness

It’s a picture fear

You can tell me it’s not

But I really don’t care

I ain’t gonna worry like before

I really don’t care, not anymore

All these folks thinkin' they’re fine

They keep tryin’ to change my mind

How did I reach such despair

There’s people to blame

But I really don’t care

 

 

Instrumental Bridge

 

 

It’s too late to turn back now

Ain’t nobody would even know how

Some folks laugh some are scared

But not me I really don’t care

Everything great has gone away

Nothin’s comin’ back it gone to stay

Look at all what’s been done

Look very closely if you dare

Ya know I’d do it myself

But I really don’t care

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I like the concept but it just seems to be about the singer complaining about everything and then saying they don’t care when obviously they must or they wouldn’t be mentioning it. Maybe balance it out with a verse more about why they don’t care. The first four lines of verse 2 seems to be a bit out of whack too.

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Hi Mick70,

 

I believe that the title of the lyrics and the body speak for themselves. The narrator is stating that he/ she really doesn't care. Everything has gone too far and is out of control of the common man. By man,I mean mankind, which includes both women and men. If you have read any of my other lyrics you will find that I constantly complain about the current state of affairs. I do however value your comments and will take them into consideration. 

 

Thanks,

 

Jim

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An ironic handling of the singer's point of view can be very strong at times, e.g., saying "I don't care" when it's obvious he/she still cares very deeply. 

 

It becomes especially strong when focused on a personal situation or addressing a particular person, rather than addressing everyone and no one in particular about one's disgust with the world and/or people in general.

 

The ultimate irony is taking such pains to say "I don't care" by writing a full song about how little you care. ;)  That's why a purposeful contradiction of feelings works best, i.e., the writer actually DOES care.

 

That said, I'm sure it's been done many times before in the world of songwriting, especially when addressing a lost love... although I'm not as versed in pop and country music over the past ten years or so, so I can't name any specific instance or artist.

 

As far as structure goes, this looks like you want it to be AABA, with the B being purely instrumental rather than lyrical... personally, I think one misses an opportunity to add a punch to a song, especially in AABA, when there are no words to enhance or even turn things on their ear in said bridge.

 

The syllable counts in the lines and the metre of the the verses don't quite seem to match up, so until one hears the music the author had in mind, it's tough to imagine how the singing would go.  Not to say a freestyle frame of reference approach can't work, but it's best left to the successful recording artists who get a big suspension of disbelief from their adoring public.

 

I'm not so much a stickler for perfect rhyme, we all know myriads of songs that work well without it, and I like some of the assonance rhyme (if that's the correct term for making vowels do the job) you put out there.

 

But I think even the writer will agree there's still some honing and polishing to do here.

 

 

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Hi RobertK,

 

Thank you for taking the time to review my lyrics. I realize that the prosody is way off on this piece but when I write I have a melody in my head which works very well. Patty and Paul point this out quite a bit. I'm happy that you recognized the irony of the point of view of the narrator. The reason that I didn't single out any particular person is because it is not aimed at one person. if I would to name them all, or all of the groups, there would be too many to list in one song lyric. However, I will keep working on this one.

 

Thanks again,

 

Jim

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Now I really don’t care anymore
Since all my hopes have fallen forlorn 
          Hopes don't fall forlorn. People become forlorn.     
          How about something like . . .
          All my hopes and dreams are mangled
         Something or other becoming strangled
         or
         We're all abused and knocked about
         Hopes and dreams have got snuffed out

And I don’t care who’s in charge

I really don’t care. Don’t wanna see.
There’s nothin like it used to be
        That nothing's like it used to be?

All over my hopes are strewn
         I don't think a person would say this. 
        He'd say something like: My hopes are strewn all over the place. 
         It looks like you flipped the sentence to make it rhyme.
         How about something like . . 
         My hopes are strewn all over the place. 
         Don't matter to me, I'm out of the race.    or I quit the race.

And there ain’t nothin’ I can do
Ain’t nobody gonna play fair
         Ain't nobody playing fair 
But I’ll tell you right now
I really don’t care 

 

This is a picture of hopelessness,
It’s a picture fear
You can tell me it’s not
But I really don’t care

I ain’t gonna worry like I did before
I really don’t care, not anymore

All these folks thinkin' they’re fine
           People trying to tell me that everything's fine
They keep tryin’ to change my mind
          Preachifying, [talking all day, etc]   trying to change my mind

How did I reach such despair
There’s people to blame
But I really don’t care 

 

It’s too late to turn back now
Ain’t nobody would even know how
Some folks laugh. Some are scared.
But not me. I really don’t care.
Everything great has gone away.
Nothin’s comin’ back. It's gone to stay.
            Out of sight and gone to stay.

Look at all what’s been done
Very closely if you dare.
Ya know I’d do it myself
But I really don’t care

______

A lot of your lyrics seem to be about philosophical hopelessness, without the personal suicidal ideation. About my speed.
I think this is how a lot of people are beginning to feel.
So much negative potential looming in our world.

 

Good rhyme scheme. Looks like
AA BB CC DD ExE


Regarding the first four lines of the second verse, it briefly becomes xAxA instead of AA BB.

Also maybe you could find a shorter word than hopelessness. And you use the word picture twice in those two lines.

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi Ron,

 

Thank you very much for your critique. According to Webster's dictionary the word forlorn, means, DEF. # 1 a: BEREFT, FORSAKEN b: isolation or desertion DESOLATE # 2 MISERABLE, WRETCHED #3 nearly hopeless. I will copt and paste the lyrics of one of my favorite songs to make this point. Not that I wish to prove you wrong but to show you a little bit of where I am coming from and what type of songs I like. I don't like most popular songs as I believe that the best songs have not received great exposure. After reading the following lyrics, please listen to this song ten times. I believe that you will love it and understand better why I write the way that I do. 

Genocidal tendencies are silly to extreme
After all you're still quite small you don't know where you've been
You was only swearing yesterday
Oh you want to win the world away
But now you got nothing to say-ay-ay
Boy you're getting out of hand
You've got to make a stand
So put the coke away
Boy you got the do the show
Got to let the people know
You got the strength to stay
I can see you run
I can see you hide
Oh your heart is aching
Lost in a dream of what might have been
You're the guide
You're the number one
And your knees are shaking
Stand and deliver in an endless dream
Schizophrenic, photogenic, aggravates me so
Only yes-men
Have a guess man
Watch the spirit go
Batman zips the monster as he bleeds
And gets up on the buzz he needs
And a kid on the street just reads
And reads, and reads, and reads
And reads, and reads, and reads
Boy it's them hard case city blues
Cagney is the news
Does the giant ring a bell
Boy it's the Hudson East river cruise
It's the Empire State buffoons
Oh you know the story well
Do you have to run
Do you have to hide
There's a new tomorrow
Yes you're a mess
But you're more than less
When this battles won
You can look inside
Oh you did not borrow
Yes you're the best
But you still can't rest
You know, you know
The carnival is closed
Your street's alive with ghosts
But a friend says don't look back
Don't look back, don't look round
Your vision is your fate
Through long electric nights
When a woman helps you write
Na na na, na na na
Na 
Na na na, na na na
Cheer up mate, put the dramas in the past
See you did not have to fast 
Euphemism lasts and lasts and lasts
And lasts, and lasts, and lasts
And lasts, and lasts
Boy if you've got an axe to grind
Be thankful for this time
For it gives you what you need
Boy you've got an eighty-eight to play
It'll tell you what to say
It'll tell you when to breathe
Boy take a turnpike heading West
Turn the people on to Beau Geste
'Cause that's what you did the best
Boy play the pipes 'til they're old and worn
Sing the words 'til they fall forlorn
Like the pieces of a jigsaw jet
Boy don't let the Earth get in your face
Its a middle-aged displace
Its the middle ages snide
Boy we're a million miles away
And to think its so insane
Take a chance on a one way ride
Boy shoot a rocket clean out of your mind
Oh these people ain't your kind
No they ain't your kind at all
Boy shoot a rocket clean out of your brain
No these people ain't the same
You can hear another call
Boy the other book starts with no
They don't show us how to grow
They only show us how to win
Boy the secret's in the bicycle shed
Ain't no answers now they're dead
To seek is a mortal sin
Hey you know boy let your madness be the clue
Songwriters: Ian Hunter / Mick Ronson
Boy lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
 
Notice the lack of prosody and the rhyming scheme is all over the place. Yet, Ian Hunter pulls this off flawlessly. 
 
 
All over my hopes are strewn  - I rather like the way this sounds
 
"

A lot of your lyrics seem to be about philosophical hopelessness, without the personal suicidal ideation. About my speed.
I think this is how a lot of people are beginning to feel.
So much negative potential looming in our world."

 

I am happy to see that there are people out there who think similarly to myself. When I was young I never saw anyone my age who was unhappy. Since around 1980 I watched this country slide downhill at about 3 mph, accelerating to 25 mph in the 90's. The way that I see it, we are now speeding downhill at 100 mph. If people were willing to look below the surface of what they see and hear, I am sure that they would concur. But we are now programmed by our audio & visual world and most people take it at face value. It saddens me to the core when I see that this country, which had the chance to be great, has turned into a place for which I no longer have respect. We have a president who is probably going to be our undoing. We have school school children on powerful drugs to control their behavior. Look at the last lines of The Pledge Of Allegiance, "with liberty and justice for all". Liberty means the freedom to do as you please. And justice for all, Seriously? When did this ever happen? I could go on for days but I won't comment any further. I will copy and paste my lyrics "A Million Miles", and leave it as that. Again Ron, thanks for your comments and critique.

 

 

A Million Miles  (From Where We Oughta Be)           James L Kleinheksel         © Copyright 2016

 

 

Last one standing take down the flag  

Fold it neatly and place it in a bag

For posterity's sake

Maybe they can see what great nation used to be

Yo turn off the lights and close the door

Man this is the end the start of the war

Take with you only what you need

From the liquidation of the land of greed

We had some fun it was a good run

It's all over now and the time has come 

This is the death of the land of the free

Cause we’ve strayed a million miles

From where we oughta be

Where we oughta be

 

 

 

The last stop’s ahead, it’s the war of the classes

And all orchestrated to divide the masses

It’s red versus blue, boy versus girl

Black versus white and rich versus poor

And all sides against the middle

As Nero stands by and tunes his fiddle   

Ha ha ha haw haw haw

Don't you worry  it'll be over soon

Absolutely no one's gonna be immune

This is the end that you couldn’t foresee

Cause we’ve strayed a million miles

From where we oughta be  

 

 

 

Yo, It's too late to turn this monster around

We can only stand by and watch it go down

Swept away into the sea of despair

Without any lifeboats waitin’ for us out there

You know by now the whole thing was fixed

Only an illusion, just a grand parlor trick

Hey there ain’t nothing left here to redeem

All of your money, your hopes, and all your dreams

And there ain’t nothing left you can save

It’s dismantled now, the home of the brave 

It’s all in the past, nothing left to see

Cause we've strayed a million miles

From where we oughta be

 

Click on the link below to hear the song

 

 javascript:KOMPOZ.PLAYER.playToggled('sidebar-805055');

 

Thanks,

 

Jim

 

 

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I  don’t care anymore
All my steps are missed steps

I'm not concerned about anything

Or who’s in charge

I just don’t care anymore

Nothing turns me on

All my dreams are pipe dreams
I don't care anymore

And there's nothing’ I can do
 

But I’ll tell you right now

I want to care

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