Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Sometimes we have charismatic friends who can get us into trouble and that's the case for the protagonist of this lyric. I can picture this as a singer songwriter song, singer with acoustic guitar?

 

Some day

(Verse 1)
Stepped out on a dirt track
Dust in my eyes
Wiped blood from my hands
Waved away the flies
You're Dead... and
I'm all out of Alibis

(Pre Chorus)

Half a kilo of cocaine in my backpack
Didn't put it there but I can't backtrack
The deed is done
Last chance gone
Left you staring sightless at this blazing sun

(Chorus)

Not my fault
Not my way
Only following you
Knew it would kick some day..
Knew it would kick some day

(Verse 2)

Got the world on my back
Only hope now
Get this shit to the cops
Find a way out
Or I'm Dead... and
I'm all out of Alibis

 

(Pre Chorus)

Half a kilo of cocaine in my backpack
Didn't put it there but I can't backtrack
The deed is done
Last chance gone
Left you staring sightless at this blazing sun

 

(Chorus)

Not my fault
Not my way
Only following you
Knew it would kick some day..
Knew it would kick some day

(Bridge)

Some scary Mafioso want me whacked
Hollering and hooting ' bout the theft of their crack
Dear friend you were a junkie
An addict all your life
But I knew I’d follow you to hell
Even though I knew the price

 

(Chorus)

Not my fault
Not my way
Only following you
Knew it would kick some day..
Knew it would kick some day



 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SongWolfe - Just curious - are there un-scary mafioso? And mobsters don't hoot and holler like frat boys... and even if they did, how would you know?

 

 A reality check: If you went to the cops you're in deep shit. You're either going to jail or if they let you go you're a dead man from the mob. They'll no doubt figure you ratted them out or are working for the cops.

The smart play is to arrange to give it to the mobsters and move on. This song doesn't really ring true to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi SongWolfe, 

         I liked this but also felt the story line fell apart. V2L3  this guy is not looking for the cops because he's just become a murdering dope dealer. The other thing is coke and crack are generally thought of as two different things. Yes crack is cocaine, but somebody who wants coke for a toot doesn't want to be smoking crack. The words aren't really interchangeable. 

          The bridge needs work too I think.  For the reasons Gary said. The mob would let a street gang push the crack in their neighborhood. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some Day

I liked the concept of this: A guy put in a tough spot by his junkie friend. I understand you're looking at it from the viewpoint of "I knew this would kick me in the ass some day!" but I think there's more here for a hard rock story especially the way V1 dives right in.

Soft spots: Generic title, the line "knew it would kick some day" is an incomplete thought, Backpack/backtrack

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, GaryHale said:

SongWolfe - Just curious - are there un-scary mafioso? And mobsters don't hoot and holler like frat boys... and even if they did, how would you know?

 

 A reality check: If you went to the cops you're in deep shit. You're either going to jail or if they let you go you're a dead man from the mob. They'll no doubt figure you ratted them out or are working for the cops.

The smart play is to arrange to give it to the mobsters and move on. This song doesn't really ring true to me.

Thanks Gary.

Yeah, maybe 'scary' was a lazy adjective. I'll have a think about changing that but I do think there are probably mafia members who are scarier than others. For example, the heavies whose job is to administer punishment 

 

The song's not really meant to be a nitty gritty real life portrayal. It's entertainment so I'm not overly worried about whether it completely rings true as long as it sounds good. And I think this guy really has no alternative but to go to the cops. The mobsters have killed his friend so they're unlikely to leave him as a loose end if he hands over the drugs. He's just an ordinary Joe so it's not as if he has alternative contacts who are going to get him out of trouble. Not many choices in that situation

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, kuya said:

Hi SongWolfe, 

         I liked this but also felt the story line fell apart. V2L3  this guy is not looking for the cops because he's just become a murdering dope dealer. The other thing is coke and crack are generally thought of as two different things. Yes crack is cocaine, but somebody who wants coke for a toot doesn't want to be smoking crack. The words aren't really interchangeable. 

          The bridge needs work too I think.  For the reasons Gary said. The mob would let a street gang push the crack in their neighborhood. 

Thanks Kuya. Just to be clear, he's not killed anyone. He's seen his friend killed by the mobsters. And he's not part of any street gang, just an ordinary person who finds himself caught up in a bad situation. Maybe need to think about whether to signpost that more

The point around crack and cocaine is interesting. Just familiar with the term 'crack cocaine'. Will have a look at that and probably also make some other refinements

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, A Musical Key said:

Some Day

I liked the concept of this: A guy put in a tough spot by his junkie friend. I understand you're looking at it from the viewpoint of "I knew this would kick me in the ass some day!" but I think there's more here for a hard rock story especially the way V1 dives right in.

Soft spots: Generic title, the line "knew it would kick some day" is an incomplete thought, Backpack/backtrack

Thanks Musical Key. Glad that you got the crux of the story and I deliberately wanted verse 1 to jump into quite a dramatic scene.

 

Thanks for your soft spot comments - I think I tend to agree with them, particularly the first two. Had difficulty coming up with a title so maybe a sign that the chorus needs some work

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/10/2018 at 14:29, SongWolfe said:

Some day

(Verse 1)
Stepped out on a dirt track
Dust in my eyes
Wiped blood from my hands
Waved away the flies
You're Dead... and
I'm all out of Alibis...........Really sounds like you've got several things going on in this v.  I don't know what the connection is to each other. I think these last 2 lines come out of nowhere and gives this read a sense of finality.

(Pre Chorus)

Half a kilo of cocaine in my backpack.........Don't know how you get to this point - maybe you need another v. 
Didn't put it there but I can't backtrack
The deed is done
Last chance gone
Left you staring sightless at this blazing sun............Who or what does "you" have to do with any of this pre-ch?  Further, how does this line relate to the rest of the lines?

(Chorus)

Not my fault
Not my way
Only following you
Knew it would kick some day..
Knew it would kick some day

(Verse 2)

Got the world on my back
Only hope now
Get this shit to the cops
Find a way out
Or I'm Dead... and
I'm all out of Alibis............  I don't get it. Seems you killed him off in v1. You won't need any alibis if you're dead. 

 

(Pre Chorus)

Half a kilo of cocaine in my backpack
Didn't put it there but I can't backtrack
The deed is done
Last chance gone
Left you staring sightless at this blazing sun

 

(Chorus)

Not my fault
Not my way
Only following you
Knew it would kick some day..
Knew it would kick some day

(Bridge)

Some scary Mafioso want me whacked.................Really?  How would you know this?
Hollering and hooting ' bout the theft of their crack..........Somehow I just can't see this image of hollering and hooting by some Mafia guy. This is becoming comical. I thought it was cocaine now it's crack.  You have go with one or the other for consistency.
Dear friend you were a junkie..........Dear friend?  Really?  I don't know how this line fits but you should, at least, make it more personal. 
An addict all your life
But I knew I’d follow you to hell
Even though I knew the price........I think you have these last 2 lines reversed. It should read something like:  Even though I knew the price, I still followed you to hell. 

 

(Chorus)

Not my fault
Not my way
Only following you
Knew it would kick some day..
Knew it would kick some day

I think this is a story about your friend stealing drugs, getting whacked but he hid the stuff in your backpack and now you are afraid you're getting whacked. It just made too many jumps with set ups that had nothing to do with anything.  It was quite confusing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/10/2018 at 14:29, SongWolfe said:

Some scary Mafioso want me whacked

The verb is plural - so the subject should also be plural - i.e. Mafiosi

 

(And yes - but not that it makes any difference - there are indeed reasonably un-scary generous and hospitable gentlemen involved - they just change demeanour quite quickly when the circumstances demand it.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

dont think you give us the whole story of your dead mate in the first verse

it would help set the rest of the story line

all the best

mike

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×