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Luke Min

Iron-maiden world

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I'm working on this song. I tried to use weird chord changes on this soft rock pop. Kinda experimental tune inspired by the verve and the beatles. Feel free to give me any advice. Thank you.

 

 

Lyrics

 

Once I tried to change the world
I used to wear the crown
In the world of knight and bishop

 

Once I stood in front of wall
I used to hold the flag
At the head of furious crowd

 

‘Let the fire burn on and on
Let the children sing a song
the song of revolutions’

 

But I was a foolish man
Who tried to destroy the wall
Of an iron-maiden castle

 

I’m a lonely emperor
Who’s losing his colour
No loyal retainer
Will guard the chamber

 

And nobody comes near
nobody comes near
nobody comes near
nobody comes near

 

When I stepped on the bodies
Held neck of the cynics
Full of fake glory

 

When all the things broke down
Blooms turning into ash
I saw the fire in the sky

 

Now I have nothing on my hands
Some says I’ve lost all the things
When I wondered the maze

 

Let me destroy the wall
Take me beyond horizon
Let me see the true world

 

I’m a lonely emperor
Who’s losing his colour
No loyal retainer
Will guard the chamber

 

And nobody comes near
nobody comes near
nobody comes near
nobody comes near

 

Oh nothing can’t be changed
And nobody can change
This iron-maiden world

 

This iron-maiden world 
This iron-maiden world 
This iron-maiden world 

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Nothing wierd sounding harmonically or otherwise about this well done tune.

 

The performance and recording both sound good. I rather liked the progression and arrangement. It has lots of little motifs and things to sink your teeth into.

 

There are some small issues in lyrics:

1. At the head of furious crowd => At the head of a furious crowd, or At the head of furious crowds

2. Some says I’ve lost all the things => Some say I've lost all the 'things' --- but I would make 'things' more specific for better imagery (which you make good use of in the rest of the song)

3. Oh nothing can’t be changed => Nothing can be changed

 

The mix is solid but could use a bit more punch.

 

Nice sounding tune overall.

 

Peace,

TC

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I'm digging this! Voice sounds nice. I agree that the mix could be a biiit more in your face, but the song has a nice open clean sound. The synth melody is nice as well!

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This is cool! I was digging the synth when it came in for sure. Good vibe!

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Thank you for y'all!

 

Finally I completed this song.

 

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Really Nice - I enjoyed listening to this. I don't hear anything "experimental" about the changes - they're all just major and minor chords and there's a lot of V-I bass motion.  But the progressions change keys nicely.  Great strong vocals. The voice and phrasing is impressive. For the most part I like the arrangement choices. BUT I have a few nits/suggestions..

 

 That string/synth patch is cheesy (for my tastes) and mixed way too hot, even when it's in the foreground.  It helps a little when the horns are there to help out, but it sure would be nice if you could have something more realistic.

 

I'm guessing that you feel the lyric demands that the song needs to be 6+ minutes long, but I was done listening at about 4 minutes - not because the song isn't interesting and good, but because the form had run its course and it just felt like the song should be ending.

 

On the mastering end. it does seem a bit too loud to me.  My ears were fatiguing, especially in those long instrumental tags and choruses.  But I could be wrong there - I've been mixing and mastering a lot today and my ears are a bit shot right now.

 

Congrats on a great song.  -Mark

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Very well done!  My only critique would be the length.  If I think to the longer (>5 minute) songs I really like, they all have different sections or changing parts that keep it interesting.  Many times the last couple minutes sounding nothing like the first.  Anyway... great work!

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