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Posted (edited)

link to rough vocal guide -  https://drive.google.com/open?id=0By_gtWNFkJjETUhVeTJrSmhoLVU

 

When you've broken everything around you

When you look about and find yourself alone

When you kinda want to die while you lay sleeping

When there's no place in the world that feels like home

 

When you doubt yourself and everything you're feeling

When your dreams have all been burned up and they've died

When you want to smile but you can't keep from cryin'

When you don't know how to fill that hole inside

 

That's when you put it all in a song

That's when you put it all in a song

And let it bleed..

 

Let it Bleed

Let it Bleed

Let the pain pour out your heart

Let It Bleed

 

Let it Bleed

Let it Bleed

Can't carry that weight inside you

Let it Bleed

 

When your heart is breaking every moment

When your tears come quicker than a happy smile

When you look behind and all you see is failure

When you look ahead and see the lonely miles

 

When you're standing on the road to nowhere

When a car's parked on your chest and you can't breathe

When you're so damn lost you wish someone could find you

When you're tangled up inside and can't get free

 

That's when you put it all in a song

That's when you put it all in a song

And let it bleed..

 

Let it Bleed

Let it Bleed

Let the pain pour out your heart

Let It Bleed

 

Let it Bleed

Let it Bleed

Can't carry that weight inside you

Let it Bleed

 

Let the blood run red

Let the blood run red

Let it Bleed

Let it Bleed

Let it Bleed

 

(copyright - Scott Smith March 31/2016 - all rights reserved)

Edited by shamrocksmith
adding link to vocal guide track
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Shamrocksmith,

I like this!  Great rhythm, very relatable lyrics.

 

This line stood out to me as especially good:

53 minutes ago, shamrocksmith said:

When a car's parked on your chest and you can't breathe

Nice work!

 

Patty

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59 minutes ago, Peko said:

Shamrocksmith,

I like this!  Great rhythm, very relatable lyrics.

 

This line stood out to me as especially good:

Nice work!

 

Patty

thanks Patty! :)

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This is excellent Shamrock.  No crits. She's good to go in my book.

 

I love this line too..........."When a car's parked on your chest and you can't breathe"

 

Nice hook .... "Let it Bleed"  All in all very easy to sing and easy to relate to.

 

Welcome to the muse!

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Hi Shamrock and welcome :)

This is very good. My only advice would be to avoid any musical similarities to "Let it Be" :)

And for me, the "car" line seemed a bit out of place - maybe "life" or "the world" wouldn't evoke a comedic image of a car on his chest :)

But others seem to like it so I'm likely wrong..

 

Looking 4ward to more from you :)

Paul

 

 

 

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Hi, I'm wondering if you considered making this first person? With a few changes it could become a very personal song. I hear a female vocalist. It's a good lyric with a very positive chorus and inspiring message.

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2 hours ago, PaulCanuck said:

Hi Shamrock and welcome :)

This is very good. My only advice would be to avoid any musical similarities to "Let it Be" :)

And for me, the "car" line seemed a bit out of place - maybe "life" or "the world" wouldn't evoke a comedic image of a car on his chest :)

But others seem to like it so I'm likely wrong..

 

Looking 4ward to more from you :)

Paul

 

 

 

I have the vocal phrasing/line for the song worked out.  Nothing like Let It Be. ;)   As for the "Car"..  it's the physical tangibility of it that I feel works better than something as subjective as "life" or "the world".  Everyone's life has its own relative weight, however a car on your chest is heavy and painful no matter how much sunshine is in your world. :)    Thanks for your thoughts!

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2 hours ago, FrankeeLeeFabian said:

Hi, I'm wondering if you considered making this first person? With a few changes it could become a very personal song. I hear a female vocalist. It's a good lyric with a very positive chorus and inspiring message.

Hi FrankeeLee..  It could indeed come from that perspective, and with a female vocal it would probably work pretty well. :)  My perspective is to say to people 'we all hurt'.  You can ake that pain and heal it by turning it into something beautiful Coming at it second person, says empathically; "I know how you're feeling," rather than a more ego-centric, "this is how I feel".   Or maybe I'm spewing hot-air out my derriere! Haha :)

In my head, I hear it with a raspy male lead, either from a rootsy John Hiatt place.. or even a Chris Cornell rock version.   Maybe I'll post my rough vocal for it in the music feedback forum... if vocals only are allowed there! 

 

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3 hours ago, spanishbuddha said:

 

 

This is excellent Shamrock.  No crits. She's good to go in my book.

 

I love this line too..........."When a car's parked on your chest and you can't breathe"

 

Nice hook .... "Let it Bleed"  All in all very easy to sing and easy to relate to.

 

Welcome to the muse!

Thank you spanishbuddha!

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On ‎2018‎-‎01‎-‎02 at 15:50, shamrocksmith said:

Thank you spanishbuddha!

 

On ‎2018‎-‎01‎-‎02 at 12:25, spanishbuddha said:

 

 

This is excellent Shamrock.  No crits. She's good to go in my book.

 

I love this line too..........."When a car's parked on your chest and you can't breathe"

 

Nice hook .... "Let it Bleed"  All in all very easy to sing and easy to relate to.

 

Welcome to the muse!

FYI - I've added a link to the rough vocal for this lyric too.

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Hello Shamrock, 

         I think this is pretty darned good. As I read it I can feel the energy and the urgency building with each line.  Paul was concerned with this sounding like Let It Be by the Beatles, but my first reaction before reading this was how close a story line will it have in common with Let It Bleed by the Stones.  The title is an exact match but the lines are different.  That’s the comparison to be more concerned with, as you record this. Good job!  Welcome here. You’re off to a good start, I’d say. 

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