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I will think about it  too. G'nite. It's  11pm here... 

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Out of data, no wifi, I'm disconnected;

Omg, I'm feeling so dejected.

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Humanity's hacked 
by an app, imagination has been 
hastily sacked and replaced 
with innovation
I can't put down my phone
it's the one thing I know
that still knows me

 

All my data's been breached
still I'm seeking information
Like I'm just out of reach
of singularity's salvation
out of many, alone
with the hope that we won't
feel so lonely

 

Every site I download
is a change to my code
Every site I download
is a change to my code
Every site I download
is a change to my code
Every site I download
is a change to my code

 

My humanity's hacked
all my passwords are invalid
and my touchscreen is cracked
with all the colors turning pallid 

 

Now if I could unplug
'til I work out the bugs
If I just could unplug
'til I work out the bugs
If I just could unplug
'til I'm sure I'm the one
who controls me
 

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Thanks you for that. What do you think about our progress thus far? 

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I think it needs better a metaphor. There's nothing hooking me or making me think about the topic in a unique way yet. And the messaging style is hitting over the head too much. It could use more subtlety.  

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Gotta turn off the screen and find a new scene.

I'm tired of being a tech junkie

Gotta shake off this darn monkey

Turn it off, shut it down, pull the plug

And just say no to that drug

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Yes, I agree this needs to be sprinkled more with metaphors or images.  Perhaps coming at it from the standpoint of the drug addict that is aware he's in too deep.   If not we can continue down this path and see where it goes.  

 

Here's the piece I wrote yesterday after reading over your write . It's a poem. 

 

Past, Present, Future

 

Started in the sea
Evolved onto land
Crawled to find a way
Through forest, pond and sand
Crouched like an ape
Formed into groups
Before you know it we're human
Armed with weapons and troops 

 

Declared ourselves God's gift
Supreme beings on this earth 
Battled one another 
In an economic birth
Enter the technology
We're addicts with a cause
Living in bubbles
Few stopped to think or pause

 

A new order for the world 
With machines rising fast
Out of our racing minds
Comes innovation that's vast
Artificial life forms 
A genderless race
Determined to reach the stars
In the dimensions of space

 

Seeking to find an answer
To the beings we've become
Targeting the process
That expands beyond our sun
Subconsciously connected
To the channels of life & death
Transforming into an equation
A mechanical state of meth

 

 

Carl B  © 2017

 

 

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Screen Damaged

By @Amerigo & @spanishbuddha 


 

[V1]

When a cracked screen is devastating;

When a dead battery ruins the day;

When devices are so life dominating;

I should realize my life is in decay;

But I can't, I can't, I can't get away
Or

But I can't seem to make a clean break.

 

[V2]

I'm spending too much time online;

Googlin’, oglin’, and postin’ on social media;

How can I break from this digital shrine?

You can bet the answer’s not on Wikipedia;

What is the answer? What is the answer?

Or

I wonder if there's a better direction to take.

 

[Ch]

I'm a screen damaged fool;
Who's become a human tool;
I want every new device;
And never think twice;
My mind spins out of control;

I've ignorantly lost my soul.

 

[V3]

I bought into this completely blind;

It is already turning me into its slave;

It's already taking control of my mind;

Is it going to send me to my grave?

What does my future hold? What does it hold?

Or

Is it too late to undo this huge mistake?

 

[Repeat Ch]

 

[Bridge]

Out of data, no wifi, I'm disconnected;

Omg, I'm feeling so dejected.

Gotta turn off the screen and find a new scene.

I'm tired of being a tech junkie

Gotta shake off this darn monkey

Turn it off, shut it down, pull the plug

And just say no to that drug

 

[Repeat Ch]

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Got a game on my tablet and Netflix on the TV;

Got Facebook on my cell and a .doc on the PC.

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Posted (edited)

I'm curious. What genre do you imagine this to be in?   Those two lines above rhythmically reminded me for some reason of Coolio's Gansta's Paradise. 

 

"I'm a educated fool with money on my mind
Got my ten in my hand and a gleam in my eye"   From Gangsta's Paradise 

 

In any event,  thank you for the chance to collaborate.  If you want to continue let me know.  Thanks to Kerry also for his input.   

 

Hmm.  The collaboration thing is giving me an idea I did once on another site where I set up the idea for everyone to create a lyric together. Would be open to the public to add a line in an attempt to create a lyric with an already pre-determined theme.  We managed to get about 8 people that put together a pretty funny lyric about Bigfoot.  Wonder if that might interest anyone ?  The idea of creating a lyric in this forum for anyone to contribute to and that is not using the subject matter we used at the other site of course.  :P

 

 

Edited by spanishbuddha

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While most of my lyrics seem to lean towards Country, I think that this topic would be more suitable for rock/pop.  

I definitely want to continue with our collaboration. The bridge above is just ideas, and, if I'm not mistaken, too long for a bridge as is. The two lines you mentioned are just other ideas I thought of with the realization that the related terms TV and pc rhyme very well. 

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The bridge should add a dimension to the material that expands the space the existing lyric (verses, chorus and all) are currently in and or potentially puts or adds a new angle to the existing dimensions .  The piece needs something that lingers in people's minds and perhaps leaves it up to them to decide upon the meaning. 

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I welcome anyone to contribute to this and share credit... 

 

Oh, I'm gripped by my gadgets

And they got me screen damaged

Yeah, I'm glued to my gizmos

And they got me screen damaged

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When I lose a phone

I lose my mind, lose my cool

Like it was my flesh and bone

I go off like a crazed fool

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Good stuff there. Are you going for a bridge there or what? I really love "We're becoming the Borg". I don't understand the line, "In a monetary morgue" though. 

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Hi Amerigo,

I saw the blurb pasted at the bottom on the news the other day and was flabbergasted. Holy Shit !!!   Seriously?

But then again, I saw it on a TV screen and I am communicating with you through another screen. I also write all of my lyrics on my phone. Maybe I have this horrible disorder as well.

Somebody Help Me!!

If I could go back to the days of pay phones, pen and paper, verbal conversations, and politeness, I would be there in a second.

This world is getting colder and more impersonal by the day. It won't be long before most people will be unnecessary as they are replaced by machines. Then what?

To me this subject matter is very important and needs to be conveyed in a very meaningful and maybe brutal way.

Public school students are no longer required to learn cursive writing. This certainly won't help. 

When I was young, I was never in the house. My mother had to holler that it was suppertime so we kids would come inside. Then right back outside after supper. Any season of the year. I never see kids playing outside anymore, and it saddens me greatly.

 

Maybe there is something in my reply that you can use. I'm sure your lyric will be very good when your finished.

 

This disorder is now covered under medical insurance. How do you like that?

From BBC

Gaming addiction classified as disorder by WHO. Gaming addiction is to be listed as a mental health condition for the first time by the World Health Organisation. Its 11th International Classification of Diseases (ICD) will include the condition "gaming disorder".3 days ago

 

When I was young, I was never in the house. My mother had to holler that it was suppertime so we kids would come inside. Then right back outside after supper. Any season of the year. I never see kids playing outside anymore, and it saddens me greatly.

 

 

 

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36 minutes ago, James L Kleinheksel said:

When I was young, I was never in the house. My mother had to holler that it was suppertime so we kids would come inside. Then right back outside after supper. Any season of the year. I never see kids playing outside anymore, and it saddens me greatly.

This is why the original first verse was :

On 12/29/2017 at 20:37, Amerigo said:

Whatever happened to going outside to play?

Staying out riding bikes and playing ball all day.

Kids now days live on their devices;

If they go unchecked, we'll be in a crisis.

 

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The topic of this lyric has really hit home in the last few days with my older son (who's 7) who has been trying to sneak downstairs early in the morning to play his favourite game on the tablet. And who has also been screaming blue murder at the end of his closely regulated allotted screen time!

 

It prompted me to have a go at writing a lyric which I'll post for comments. Thanks for prompting an interesting debate!

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