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Mike B

Passengers

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Passengers  (version 2.1)

V1

Every day another revolution

Men in charge not seeking solutions

Only thinking of themselves

Meanwhile the common man sweats

Doing his best, no chance to rest

Completely overwhelmed

 

Ch

Are we passengers

Watching the world go by

Only passengers  

Until the day we die

 

V2

Greedy men driven by ambition

No concern for the human condition

It’s not what they care about

We must awaken before the fall

Listen to the warnings, heed the call

Remove every doubt

 

Chorus

 

Br

Let’s make a resolution

Start a cultural resolution

Correct the past errors

Make this world better

 

V3

This world’s gone absurd

But we still need to be heard

Can’t be afraid

Don’t just go along for the ride

Have to give it a try

Before it’s too late

 

Chorus

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The idea for this one started a year ago, after seeing the movie 'Passengers'!

 

Original version:

 

V1

Every day another revolution

Men in charge not seeking solutions

Only thinking of themselves

Meanwhile the common man sweats

Doing his best, no chance to rest

Completely overwhelmed

 

Ch

Are we passengers

Watching the world go by

Will we stay passengers

Until the day we die

 

V2

Greedy men driven by ambition

No concern for the human condition

It’s not what they care about

We must awaken before the fall

Listen to the warnings, heed the call

Remove every doubt

 

Chorus

 

Br

In a world that’s gone absurd

We still have the right to be heard

If we just sit and go along for the ride

We can’t say that we ever tried

 

V3

Let’s make a resolution

To start a cultural revolution

We can’t be afraid

We’ll have to be clever

To make this world better

Before it’s too late

 

Chorus

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Mike,

I didn't see the movie, but your message still comes through loud & clear.

 

I like the AABCCB rhyme scheme, and the "completely overwhelmed" line ending V1

 

I think you could have a stronger Bridge.

23 minutes ago, Mike B said:

Br

In a world that’s gone absurd

We still have the right to be heard

If we just sit and go along for the ride

We can’t say that we ever tried

Maybe L2 could be revised to say it's even more important now to be heard (in your words that fit, of course.)

And L4 (in my head anyway) wants to end with "we never tried."  So if this were mine, I'd try to rewrite it along the idea of "otherwise we'll have to accept the fact that we never tried."  Obviously not those words, but that idea.

 

Just some thoughts.

 

Patty

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1 hour ago, Mike B said:

We’ll have to be clever

bad word choice - clever. Too easy and doesn't begin to approach the dedication and hard work needed when the stakes are as high as the prior verses outline.

 

IDEA?

Are we passengers

Watching the world go by

Mesmerized by the rising tide

Will we stay passengers

Until the day we die

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Hi Mike

 

I liked this one - good hook and strong message.

About the message - I wonder if you need to make it less obvious?

i.e. let the listener come to the conclusion by himself:

 

16 hours ago, Mike B said:

We're just passengers

Watching the world go by

Doomed to be passengers

Until the day we die

I would change the POV in the bridge to "you" instead of "we".

That makes it personal IMHO

 

Paul

 

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Thanks for the comments.

Paul - funny, but originally I had the bridge done with 'you' lines, and thought it might be getting a little preachy that way.

 

Patty - do you think the bridge would work better if done with 'you' lines?  I agree it's a little weak. On the last line, the 'never' would require the previous line to be changed.

 

Gary - yeah I'm not real happy with those last lines in V3 either!

 

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Agreed with many comments above.  

Vs 1 and Vs 2 are really good. 

Chorus is pretty good also, maybe not as strong as the verses. But will definitely work with the right music. 

Bridge could be stronger. 

Last verse could be stronger. 

I think you have a good one in the making. With just a little refinement you’ll be there. 

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3 hours ago, Mike B said:

 

Patty - do you think the bridge would work better if done with 'you' lines?  I agree it's a little weak. On the last line, the 'never' would require the previous line to be changed.

 Hi, Mike,

 

I respect Paul’s opinion, but I don’t think it would necessarily  be better with ‘you’ lines.

 

But here’s a thought:

What if you switched the messages in V3  and the Bridge?  So the Bridge message was Let’s start a revolution!  I think that makes more sense, structurally.  Then your V3 could talk about not just going along for the ride with the situation in V1 and V2.

 

Patty

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I tried a little rewriting yesterday, switching over the bridge to 'you' and didn't like it all, but great idea Patty on Br > V3!

 

Passengers (version 2.1)

V1

Every day another revolution

Men in charge not seeking solutions

Only thinking of themselves

Meanwhile the common man sweats

Doing his best, no chance to rest

Completely overwhelmed

 

Ch

Are we passengers

Watching the world go by

Only passengers  

Until the day we die

 

V2

Greedy men driven by ambition

No concern for the human condition

It’s not what they care about

We must awaken before the fall

Listen to the warnings, heed the call

Remove every doubt

 

Chorus

 

Br

Let’s make a resolution

Start a cultural resolution

Correct the past errors

Make this world better

 

V3

This world’s gone absurd

But we still need to be heard

Can’t be afraid

Don’t just go along for the ride

Have to give it a try

Before it’s too late

 

Chorus

 

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Yes, that switch works for me now.

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Hello again Mike,

Although I believe this piece is totally unrealistic I like the sentiment. Not too long ago we were inching toward hell at 3 mph, but in the past 20 years we have been siding down an icy mountain at 100 mph. Who's going to hit the brakes? The corporations which own this country would never allow a revolution. Besides, we have been intentionally divided into small groups so that the proletariat can argue and fight amongst themselves as a diversion tactic by the assholes that own this country. Even when we vote, we are only exchanging one crook for another. I don't mean to rain on your parade as I do enjoy your writing. I'm sure that you will find many people out there who belive that it is still possible to salvage what is left of our once great country, so it will appeal to them. I suppose it doesn't hurt to be optimistic. 

      A few suggestions. Please feel free to use or discard any or all of them.

 

Cheers,

 

jim

 

Passengers (version 2.1)

V1

Every day another revolution  -  Everyday we threaten revolution

Men in charge not seeking solutions  -  Men in charge have their own solution

Only thinking of themselves

Meanwhile the common man sweats

Doing his best, no chance to rest

Completely overwhelmed

 

Ch

Are we passengers  -  

Watching the world go by

Only passengers  

Until the day we die

 

V2

Greedy men driven by ambition  -  Wicked men driven by greed

No concern for the human condition  -  With no concern for human need

It’s not what they care about

We must awaken before the fall

Listen to the warnings, heed the call

Remove every doubt

 

Chorus

 

Br

Let’s make a resolution

Start a cultural resolution - Start a cultural revolution

Correct the past errors  -  Make them pay for the past  -  It is impossible to correct the sins of the past. "errors" is far too weak of a word to use here.

Make this world better  -  Maybe then the world can last

 

V3

This world’s gone absurd - Everything has turned absurd  -  absurd doesn't work in this context.   Perhaps, berserk.

But we still need to be heard

Can’t be afraid

Don’t just go along for the ride

Have to give it a try

Before it’s too late

 

Chorus

 

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Geez, Jim - might as well just kill ourselves, eh?  :ph34r:

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Started noodling some music for this one, and completely flummoxed by my rhyme scheme (AABCCB) - wondering if any otehr songwriters here have an approach to to putting music to this rhyme scheme?

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I'm not concerned with the tempo/beat, but by the chord structure that would fit.  So far I come up with a simple G-Em for the each of the first 2 lines, omit line 3 and then repeating 2-chord pattern for the last 3 lines.

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Try full measure chord 1 for line 2, full measure, chord 2 for line 2, then on the last line half measure chord 3, half measure chord 4, and full measure chord 5.

Example  (Bm, Em, G-D, Em)

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Ok, I've got it now, I wrote the verses in 'triplets', which I've done before, but usually the first 2 lines of the triplet are short, and the last one long, this is the opposite.

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Mike B.

 

I remember this one. I liked the "Are we just passengers along for the  ride." theme. Which does sound like a sermon I've heard on Sunday. But this doesn't sound too preachy'

 

Minute suggestion. 

 

Don't be afraid

Can't just go along for a ride

 

It might sound better (to me) because"Don't be afraid' seems to be the more familiar phrase.

 

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Thanks for the suggestions, AMK! 

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