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Love Me Like I'm Dead

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Love Me Like I'm Dead

 

With reverence, she spoke of him

His name tattooed upon her wrist

A tortured soul, a genius

Too beautiful for this

 

He waded out into the sea

Knowing that he couldn't swim

And drowned to death romantically

Oh, I want to be like him

 

Love me like I'm already dead

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I'm dead

 

Her one regret she now confessed

She should have told him how she felt

Her love for him burned in her chest

The tragedy was that she kept it to herself

 

Love me like I'm already dead

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I'm dead

 

Like I'm dead...

Like I'm dead...

Like I'm dead...

 

Love me like I'm already dead

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I'm dead

Love me like I'm dead

Love me like I'm dead

Love me like I'm dead

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56 minutes ago, Arius said:

Oh, I want to be like him

For me, this is the strongest line in the lyric and I think this really needs to be expanded in terms of the why you want to be like him. It feels like the chorus doesn't do justice to this idea "I want to be like him." It's a very powerful statement that is really the entire focus of the lyric.  Also, I'm uncertain as to who this person is speaking to, or pleading with, as the case may be. Lots to like about this. A really strong and potent lyrical idea.

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1 hour ago, Arius said:

 

 

 

Love Me Like I'm Dead  -   Not fond of the title

 

With reverence, she spoke of him -   Outside narrator perspective

His name tattooed upon her wrist

A tortured soul, a genius -   Who's the tortured soul, the genius?  The guy who drowned or the woman who with reverence, spoke of him? 

Too beautiful for this

 

He waded out into the sea   (Again a narrating outside perspective telling a story) 

Knowing that he couldn't swim

And drowned to death romantically    How is drowning romantic? You don't need to say "drowned to death".  If you drown, you die.  It's implied. 

Oh, I want to be like him -  Why?  And who wants to be like him?   Does the narrator want to be like him? Does "she" (the one who with reverence from 1st line, spoke of him) want to be like him? Who is "him" for that matter?

 

Love me like I'm already dead -  Who is saying this?  The narrator?  The woman from first line who (with reverence she spoke of him?) or the guy who is dead (voice from beyond the grave?)  Confusing. 

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I'm dead

 

Her one regret she now confessed

She should have told him how she felt

Her love for him burned in her chest breast?

The tragedy was that she kept it to herself

 

 

Arius -     Not a big fan of this one, but think you can do a lot to make it stronger.  (For me) this was a little confusing. It's almost like there are two different voices or perspectives going on at the same time within this piece.  Consider keeping it the same. Either have it as a narrator or use first person and completely do this from the female perspective about her feelings on this guy's death which sound kind of guilty.  Why "Love Me Like I'm Already Dead" ?  Is this the same as trying to say, you don't know what you've got till it's gone?  If you didn't love somebody while they were alive why would you do it when they were dead unless the perspective (which is it?) doesn't realize until after the person is gone how much it was he meant to her?   There's got to be a better way to say this, but I suspect the title is an original you'll probably keep.  Regardless, these are my thoughts.  Keep or sweep away the comments as best they can help you.

 

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Arius very well done one this lyric I think it's clean and flows smoothly and it's definately my cup of tea. One of the best I've read on here for a while. No nits from me

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This song does have a variety of characters. Is that confusing?

 

 

Cast

I - the person who is singing, whose perspective the song is from

She/Her - A woman who idolizes her dead friend

He/Him - An artist / beautiful soul who drowned himself

You - the people I am singing to

 

In the verses, the woman tells the protagonist about her friend who committed suicide and reveals that she was in love with him. It's evident that she really worships this person now that he's gone. The chorus is about wishing I could be loved like that without having to kill myself first.

 

I'm not sure how I could make it simpler and still tell the story. Collapsing all the perspectives into one doesn't make any sense. The "she/her" character can't be the person who wants to be idolized. 

 

SpanishBuddha, you spoke of being confused, but you nailed my meaning exactly. I even wrote the words "You don't know what you've got til it's gone" on the original brainstorm sheet for this lyric. 

 

This lyric is based on an amalgamation of four true stories, told to me by four different women who each had a friend they were secretly in love with commit suicide. In each case it was apparent that committing suicide had somehow elevated this person to the status of a myth. An intelligent person becomes a genius who was too beautiful for this world, etc. People pore over their journals trying to really understand who this person was. There's almost a religious aspect to the way they talk about him.

 

I think we're all beautiful in our own way, we all suffer, and we all want our beauty and our pain to be truly seen and acknowledged and celebrated. And I think it's ironic that we have to die in some spectacular way at a young age to achieve this. Why can't we really love each other this way all the time?

 

Anyway, this is a first draft and I'm happy to revise.

 

I agree that "drowned to death" is redundant. I can easily say something like "drowned himself":

 

He waded out into the lake

Knowing that he couldn't swim

And drowned himself and all his pain

Oh...

I want to be like him

 

Or

 

He waded out into the sea

Knowing that he couldn't swim

And drowned himself poetically

Oh...

I want to be like him.

 

Personally, I think it IS romantic or poetic to choose to die in that way. But more importantly, that's how SHE sees it. So I wanted to include a word like that there to remind the listener of her deep infatuation or obsession with him, her image of him as a brilliant, beautiful person. Thoughts?

 

"Breast" is a better word choice. I considered using that word originally and I guess I shied away from it out of sexual shame or something, but actually the consonance (burned, breast) enhances the lyric. Thanks for that suggestion.

 

Gary, I agree that perhaps "I want to be like him" should be bigger somehow. Though I'm not sure how. Suggestions?

I might try something like this:

 

He waded out into the lake

Knowing that he couldn't swim

I hear the way you speak his name

Oh...

I want to be like him

 

In this version, I never actually say that he's dead; but I think it's implied strongly enough elsewhere.

 

Now I'm wondering if it would be better and/or less confusing if I made "You" and "She/Her" into the same character. Like so:

 

With reverence, you speak of him

His name tattooed upon your wrist

He was a tortured soul, a genius

Too beautiful for this

 

He waded out into the sea

Knowing that he couldn't swim

I hear the way you speak his name

Oh...

I want to be like him

 

Love me like I'm already dead

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I'm dead

 

Your one regret you now confess

You should have told him how you felt

Your love for him burns in your chest

The tragedy is that you kept it to yourself

 

Love me like I'm already dead

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I'm dead

 

Like I'm dead...

Like I'm dead...

Like I'm dead...

 

Love me like I'm already dead

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I'm dead

Love me like I'm dead

Love me like I'm dead

Love me like I'm dead

 

 

In this version, it seems like I'm singing the chorus to her. I'm not sure if I like that or not. Perhaps it does seem tidier, but also I think it's less relatable (not everyone knows a person who killed themselves, and now I'm asking the listener to step into her shoes instead of being an outside observer) and I think it makes the I/Me character seem insensitive given what the She character has gone through. Thoughts?

 

I'd like to make this one as good as possible. I think the line "love me like I'm already dead" has potential, and I want to make a song I can be proud of.

 

- Arius

 

P.S. Happy Birthday, Mithra!

 

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Hi Arius, 

        I'm happy to see a new post from you, and such a strong one as this too.  I picture the POV as a man competing for this woman's love with a mythicized version of her previous love interest.  It's been said before by many a man who marries a widow and vice versa, that it's hard to compete with a saint.

       the story line was just slightly mysterious, as if you were deliberately not spoon feeding me the info too quickly, but clear enough to be interesting and mysterious at the same time.  I like the fact that you don't give the story away too easily, but make the reader / listener delve in and think .... hmmm what's going on here.... a little bit. 

        I want to study this a bit before I suggest any  changes. the one idea I had was-  ok the POV is having this conversation with the woman. she's saying  how perfect the dead man is/was and how sorry she is that she never told him, or perhaps how sorry she is that she never consummated  her love for him. 

       and then it's the POV's turn to say something: 

 

and I said

love me like I'm already dead.  

 

     I thought the repeating  said / dead rhyme might be nice.   it reminds me just slightly of John Lennon's line from one of his late Beatle songs 

 

....and she said, I know what it's like to be dead. 

 

      I'm still thinking about it.  It's very good Arius.  

        

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I like the narration as you originally have it. It sets it up as a legend one aspires to without actually having to die. The only possible drawback, that I'm not sure how to circumvent, is the bringing to mind of necrophilia or a really bad lay from the title lyric. I mean, no one will misunderstand once they read/listen to the rest of it but I could see it as a hurdle. I really dig it though.

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Hi Arius - I'd +1 on most of what Spanish said.

I like to get a hook - and if I don't get it, I expect the song to tell me why it is relevant.

If it doesn't, I feel cheated :(

 

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7 hours ago, Kerry Parr said:

I like the narration as you originally have it. It sets it up as a legend one aspires to without actually having to die. The only possible drawback, that I'm not sure how to circumvent, is the bringing to mind of necrophilia or a really bad lay from the title lyric. I mean, no one will misunderstand once they read/listen to the rest of it but I could see it as a hurdle. I really dig it though.

lol. The necrophilia angle hadn't occurred to me.

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6 hours ago, PaulCanuck said:

Hi Arius - I'd +1 on most of what Spanish said.

I like to get a hook - and if I don't get it, I expect the song to tell me why it is relevant.

If it doesn't, I feel cheated :(

 

 

I'm a bit confused because I thought "love me like I'm dead" was the hook....

 

You know, the line I start and end each chorus with and repeat over and over at the end? The one I named the song after?

 

But you are saying there is no hook. Am I missing something? That line literally sent a shiver down my spine when I stumbled across it in my journals, which is why I chose to make it the centerpiece of this song. Is there a way I can improve it or make it hookier?

 

 

 

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Thanks for putting so much thought into this, Kuya. I appreciate it.

 

I'll consider what you said about inserting an "and I said" bit before the chorus. Problem is that with the structure and melodies being what they are, I'm almost certainly not going to be able to make that work. But i'll see what I can do.

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19 hours ago, Arius said:

Now I'm wondering if it would be better and/or less confusing if I made "You" and "She/Her" into the same character. Like so:

 

With reverence, you speak of him

His name tattooed upon your wrist

He was a tortured soul, a genius

Too beautiful for this

Hi, Arius,

 

The second version was clearer to me. Fewer characters.

 

We all can relate to your L1 and the feeling of how can you ever compete withe the memory of a loved one who died. Your line, "I want to be like him" is brilliant.

 

I'm sure you must have thought of this during your writing, but would it work to say something like: 

Love me now before I die

 

Or have a line or two in there like

Love me like I'm dead

But do it now

 

You have something good here.  I'll think about it some more when I'm not rushing.

 

Patty

 

 

 

 

 

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Arius,

 

I really like your lyric.  A lot of my suggestions depend on the music, so understand if these words don't fit the melody you have in mind.  But just for your consideration, how about keeping just him talking to her about his acceptance that:

there was the other guy who killed himself

she regrets she didn't tell him (enough?) that she loved him,

because he's dead now, she naturally reveres him a little more

and the POV is fighting what might be an uphill battle (to compete with a saint, as the expression goes)

 

The current lover (the POV) is asking her to

love HIM now as much as she reveres the former lover

Don't leave anything on the table, do it NOW.

 

So you might have:

 

With reverence, you speak of him

His name tattooed upon your wrist

His tortured soul, a genius

Too beautiful for this

 

He waded out into the sea

Knowing that he couldn't swim

And drowned himself dramatically

Oh,

to be revered like him

 

Love me like I’m dead, but do it now

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I’m dead, but do it now

 

The one regret that you confide

You kept your passion to yourself

Your inner feelings stayed inside

You should have told him how you felt   (or similar.  I'm not fond of the breast line, either.)

 

 

Love me like I’m dead, but do it now

Think of me whenver it rains

Say the things that need to be said

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I’m dead, but do it now

 

etc.

 

 

Keep or Sweep.

 

Patty

 

 

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Hi Arius, I like your rewrite better, but it would take careful music to make it all work.

 

One line I thought was just too long:  'The tragedy is that you kept it to yourself ', 12 syllables, compared to 7 in the previous verses.

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15 hours ago, Arius said:

 

I'm a bit confused because I thought "love me like I'm dead" was the hook....

 

You know, the line I start and end each chorus with and repeat over and over at the end? The one I named the song after?

 

But you are saying there is no hook. Am I missing something? That line literally sent a shiver down my spine when I stumbled across it in my journals, which is why I chose to make it the centerpiece of this song. Is there a way I can improve it or make it hookier?

 

I understand what the hook is - I just don't understand what it means :(

Love someone like they're dead?

So love him as a fond memory? As someone she'll never embrace? Never touch?

Why would he want that kind of love? ???

Sorry, doesn't send any shivers down my spine :)

 

 

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@PaulCanuck

I think there are 2 messages applicable.

1) People are often more regarded in death than when they were alive. It kind of romanticizes the past, especially the more tragic. Think how premature death has made Cobain, Buckley, Hendrix, etc even more legendary than they would have been otherwise. In this story, would the girl have been so in love with him if he actually lived and had to deal with his day to day?

2) There's sort of a carpe diem "tell everyone you love that you love them before it's too late" message.

 

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Kerry nailed my meaning perfectly. So have a few others, with varying degrees of confidence. I guess I need to work to make it just a bit more obvious.

 

I'm not happy about collapsing the "she/her" and the "you" characters into one character. It alters my meaning and gives the song almost a creepy vibe that I don't like. The "you" who "I" was singing too originally was really a plural "you"; it's a message to everyone. If I make the "you" into "her," then I think I'm just ruining the lyric. It creates a love triangle that I didn't intend between "her," "him," and "me."

 

Grr. I'm going to rest for a while and try to fix this lyric.

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This reminds me of the story about Killing Me Softly with His Song. It was offered to Helen Reddy but she never really gave the song a chance because the title creeped her out. Oops. (I prefer Roberta Flack's voice and singing anyway... ;))

 

I feel SpanishBuddha and Paul had legitimate complaints here. When you have to break down in a post who the "cast" is, from my perspective that's a warning the lyric's too complicated. And yet... so many others here loved it. On the other hand, the people who loved it -- it's not clear that they all understood it they way you want everyone to.

 

I find the title... challenging. Even without raising the specter of necrophilia, it's a strange sounding idea. If someone grasps the concept of the song, it will make more sense but a lot of people might be put off by the title itself. Imagine announcing this as your next number at an open-mic night. What would the reaction be?

 

Like, Mike, in reading this I see prosody issues that may not actually be prosody issues if you already have music. But if you don't have music, I suggest it's going to be hard to fit these words to music because the stresses appear to be all over the place.

 

But for me the biggest issue remains the very concept itself -- which I find very intriguing -- and then the lyrical execution. How can you avoid creeping listeners out right from the start, tell a story that makes sense and evokes emotion, and avoid confusing listeners?

 

Seems to me it's a good idea to re-think how to shape this lyric.

 

--Doug

 

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How about

 

Love Me While I'm Still Alive

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Posted (edited)

Patty's idea above is real good. 

I'll throw another idea into the mix.

 

Love Me Like I'm There

 

Love me like I'm there

Think of me whenever it rains

Say the things that show you care

Recognize my passion and pain

Love me like I'm there

 

Edited by spanishbuddha
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omg i love the idea of this, it's so twisted and morbid, i love it! but i think there's so much more you could do with this, it could go so much deeper and darker (just what i would do with it).. i think there's a lot more to explore here, it's a wonderful idea!

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