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Kerry Parr

Damage Done

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Sickened by the sight of me

There's no fight in me anymore

I've been tried and I've been tested 

I gave my best but now

I've been bested by the floor 

And as I lay here waiting

Regaining strength 

Just to wait around some more

As I wait for you to save me

My sweet baby 

Tell me whatcha waiting for?

 

Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight

At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un 

It's just a matter of ti-i-i-i-i-ime

Until the damage has been done

 

In the back of your apartment

Parked in the darkest spot

By the church outside your window

Beneath the shadow of its cross

Mother Mary, would you have wept for me

For yet another soul has been lost

Outside of your window

Outside in the night

I watched the lights go off

 

Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight

At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un 

It's just a matter of ti-i-i-i-i-ime

Until the damage has been do-o-o-o-o-one

 

(guitar solo)

 

 

Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight

At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un 

It's just a matter of ti-i-i-i-i-ime

Until the damage has been do-o-o-o-o-one

 

Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight

At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un 

It's just a matter of ti-i-i-i-i-ime

Until the damage has been do-o-o-o-o-one

 

Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight

At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un 

It's just a matter of ti-i-i-i-i-ime

Until the damage has been done

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That’s good, I like the dark themes but I feel like it could use another verse or even a bridge with more lyrics for how many times the chorus plays

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Sickened by the sight of me
There's no fight in me anymore
I've been tried and I've been tested 
I gave my best but now    gave my all but now been bested  ?
I've been bested by the floor 
And as I lay here waiting
Regaining strength  looking for strength?
Just to wait around some more   great!!
As I wait for you to save me
My sweet baby 
Tell me whatcha waiting for?
 
Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight
At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un      (yet another suicide song??)
It's just a matter of ti-i-i-i-i-ime
Until the damage has been done   (seems like the damage has, at the time of the singing, been done)
 
In the back of your apartment
Parked in the darkest spot    ( I'm parked??  to give the sentence a verb)
By the church outside your window
In the shadow of its cross
Mother Mary, would you have wept for me   weep?
For yet another soul has been lost    is lost?
Outside of your window   (I guess could be either her window or the church's window, or both)
Outside in the night
I watched the lights go off
___________________
Two very excellent verses and a whole bunch of chorus repetitions.
This is really my cup of tea, except for all the choruses.

And in fact, to me, the verses are stronger than the chorus.

It's open to interpretation but I find it to be a  really-devastated/ lost--at--love  song.

To me, the lights are going off 1) in her room as she is with her new lover and, consequently,  2) in your life.

A+
 

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Really good verses.

One nit with the chorus - is there light at the end of a gun?

Maybe a laser gun :)

 

I enjoyed this!

Paul

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Hi Kerry,  

Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight       The way I take these lines, is the muzzle flash that occurs after a gun is fired.

At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un                Is the tense off? maybe, but that doesn't bother me at all.  I don't think that it matters here.                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Not that I would recommend suicide but I really like songs on the subject. It is a very interesting topic and can be looked at from several viewpoints. This is not a black and white area. The is plenty of in-between.   I too would like to see at least one more verse and maybe lose a chorus or two. Ron has also made some good observations. The only thing that bums me out a little is that I have a lyric about suicide which is almost complete. I will not post it until your lyrics run down the page, or maybe onto page two.            I really enjoyed reading this piece.

 

Cheers,

 

Jim                                                                                  

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I  just thought of a term—“sinking heart song.” Few things are more potent. 

Imagine the size of the audience for those. 

(My favorite bottom line in one of these:

“But now I feel such emptiness within
For the thing that I want most in life's
The thing thing that I can't win.” Snowbird)

 

A listener enters into the persona the singer has assumed. 

So—to all you suicidal writers—what might be the size of the suicidal sub-population of sunken-heart listeners?

Puny, I would suspect. 

 

So why not temper your expressed emotion—to simply be miserable? Why not be content with just scraping the bottom?

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I'm sure this is much clearer when it's performed.  If the melody is a strong carrier this could be a fun piece.  I interpret the chorus as; when you're on the wrong end of a gun it's a good time to "see the light".  I don't see it as an acutal light source.

 

 

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Thank you all for your comments. The music to it has a pretty heavy "80's hair band" sound in the chorus, so that first time it comes in after the guitar solo, it's the old trope of just drums and vocal a la Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name" (and countless others) before the full band comes back in... so I hope that explains the repetition. The verses are a bit of a mix of 90's alt and funk if you can imagine how all that works together :huh: 

I don't know if this helps with the "light" question but I was originally playing with the phrase, "seeing the light at the end of the tunnel". It went from "seeing the light down the barrel (a tunnel of sorts) of a gun" to it's current incarnation. I kind of thought of "seeing the light" as "finding the answer" but none of the other interpretations are wrong as they all work.

As far as whether or not to write suicidal songs... granted, there is an abundance. Creative types often come with depression, I suppose? I usually don't start with topics to write about. I either come up with a phrase I like or just scat to music until words come out and figure out the meaning as it starts coming together. If one subject doesn't appeal, I have many others. ;)

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Hi Kerry, 

       I’m in agreement that the verses are excellent. To me, in comparison, the chorus was kind of a let down. I think a man who can write ‘god’s on the clock, but the devil’s on commission’ can conjure up a more powerful chorus. Maybe as simple a change as ‘staring straight at the sun’ for L2 of the chorus.  Give us just a little more of your razzmatazz.  

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On 12/6/2017 at 13:26, Kerry Parr said:

Sickened by the sight of me

There's no fight in me anymore

I've been tried and I've been tested 

I gave my best but now

I've been bested by the floor <-- As in life's knocked you out? As in even the "lowly floor" could best you? 

And as I lay here waiting

Regaining strength  <-- I agree that if you're going suicidal, then you're not really regaining strength, right? On the other hand, if this song is really about finding strength and recuperating after a suicide attempt or suicide contemplation, I've completely misunderstood. 

Just to wait around some more

As I wait for you to save me

My sweet baby  <-- I assume the baby here is the gun or death. Or is it actually a woman? Of course, it could be a double metaphor, which is cool. Metaphors with multiple layers can be pretty strong, sometimes giving new meaning with each listen. (On another read, I see the possibility that you are foreshadowing being outside an ex's window, hoping the person will save you.)

Tell me whatcha waiting for?

 

Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight

At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un <-- I personally think these two lines are good. They're depressing as all hell, and I probably wouldn't want to listen to this song, but that actually means you're doing it right. You're evoking a feeling, and one that is distinctly uncomfortable. Very appropriate for the subject. 

It's just a matter of ti-i-i-i-i-ime

Until the damage has been done

 

In the back of your apartment  <-- "You" is an ex or someone similar? For a moment, I wondered if this crossed with the Mother Mary image. Maybe you are trying to do that. There's a strong symbol there, if used correctly.

Parked in the darkest spot

By the church outside your window

Beneath the shadow of its cross

Mother Mary, would you have wept for me

For yet another soul has been lost

Outside of your window

Outside in the night

I watched the lights go off  <-- Good multi-symbol. Very disturbing. 

 

Now I'm seeing the li-i-i-i-i-ight  <-- After watching the lights go off, this line doesn't feel as strong, but I understand it can be hard to change that, being the chorus and all. Perhaps it's because the lines are so close together. Maybe put the guitar solo here to put some distance between the lines? After all, "watching the lights go off" is a pretty powerful phrase, and there could be a shift in music to support it. Even if you didn't intend the symbolism in the light, I still think there is a slight conflict (in these two very good phrases) that possibly would be best settled with a change somewhere else. 

At the end of a gu-u-u-u-u-un 

It's just a matter of ti-i-i-i-i-ime

Until the damage has been do-o-o-o-o-one

You've got some good stuff here, and appropriately it's very disturbing/depressing. Assuming this is a reflection of a personal reality, I do hope that you are doing better, or have gotten the right support. Good luck, brother. And keep writing. 

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Man, I just hear this as hip hop - whataya think?

 

Sickened by the sight of me

There's no fight in me

I've been tried

I've been tested 

Gave my best but

I've been bested 

 

 

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