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Little Dive Bar                            James L Kleinheksel                                  © Copyright 2016

 

Chillin’ at my old hangout, sittin’ in the corner                                  

Back against the fireplace, tryin’ to get a bit warmer  

Outside it’s cold, but in here we're feelin' alright

There ain't nothin’ cuts the chill, like a Saturday night

The pool table busy there's fight at the bar                       

There’s a hippie on a stool, tuning his guitar  

 

 

Lookin' for the waitress I guess she’s on break                  

Just like any other Saturday night at this place               

In this little dive bar with no name or face                          

 

 

Now the dude with the guitar looks a bit confused            

I’s really hopin’ for someone a little more enthused                                                                                                 

He looks disheveled I think he slept in his clothes             

Where in the hell'd this guy come from, well nobody knows  

I gotta see this freak try and play that guitar                     

And just maybe l’ll throw a couple bucks in his jar             

 

Looked back at the bar see they broke up the fight          

So I’ll have a beer and a bourbon chase                               

In this little dive bar with no name or face                        

 

 

Instrumental Bridge

 

Now he started in on playin’ that that guitar                       

The whole joint went dead silent and I dropped my cigar               

He's playin' that guitar like you ain’t heard before         

With a voice so beautiful, we're crying out for more              

We'll remember him forever at that dive bar             

This skinny awkward misfit and that ratty old guitar            

 

Such a beautiful sound a peculiar sight                               

I rushed to the stage to find myself a place                                 

In this little dive bar with no name and no face                             

 

Edited by James L Kleinheksel
Revision

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A few little thoughts . . .

Some good rhymes.

Not sure about the meter.

An enjoyable story song. It would call for a really good instrumental bridge.

I’m at my old hangout sittin’ in the corner                                  
By the fireplace tryin’ to get a little warmer  
On a cold rainy blustery Saturday night                          
Everybody here’s drinkin’ and they're feelin’ just right                           
The pool table’s seized /  busy. There’s a fight at the bar.                       
There’s a hippie on the stool, tuning his guitar             
 
Lookin' for the waitress I think / guess  she’s on break                  
Just like any other Saturday night at this place               
In this little dive bar with no name or face                         
  
Now the dude with the guitar looked a bit confused    (This one line jumped to past tense. Maybe: looks a bit confused)       
I’s really hopin’ for someone a little more enthused                                                                                                 
He looks disheveled I think he slept in his clothes             
Where in the hell did this weird guy come from well nobody knows  
I gotta see this freak try and   to play that guitar                     
And just maybe l’ll throw a couple bucks in his jar             
 
Looking back at the bar, they're breaking up a fight          
As I order up a beer and a bourbon chase           (Good alliteration; 5 B's in two lines.)                        
In this little dive bar with no name or face                        
 
 
Instrumental Bridge
 
Then he started in on playin’ that that guitar      (Now this whole verse went to past tense. Probably should make the whole song past tense, as it's a story)           
The entire joint was  had gone silent.  I dropped my cigar.               
Now he played that guitar like you ain’t heard before         
And with a voice so beautiful we cried out for more       (good couplet)            
He’ll forever be remembered at that dive bar             
This skinny awkward misfit and that ratty old guitar      (This line might not sing well)      
 
Such a beautiful sound, a peculiar  sight.                               
I rushed to the stage to find myself a place                                 
In this little dive bar with no name or face        

 

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Hi Ron, Good catch I was so focused on the syllable count that I overlooked the tense.    L1 - 12      L2 - 14     Ch - 11          That's why I used the word seized, rather than busy or taken in the pool table line.  I like it much better this way.  I also changed the last line of verse 3. I'm not sure if this will help, but to me, it seems to be better.   Any other suggestions would be appreciated.

 

Cheers,

 

Jim                                                                                          

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Maybe this neighborhood bar without a name or a face. 

I’m not sure little dive bar is a natural expression. In my mind there would be either a little dive or a little bar, but not the two nouns together. On the other hand I googled it and got all kinds of little dive bars, including seven pages of Ashley McBryde - A Little Dive Bar In Dahlonega (Official Video)

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I think you're off to a good start. I'd give the verses a little more kick along these lines:

 

Chillin’ at my old hangout, sittin’ in the corner                                  

Back against the fireplace, tryin’ to get a warmer  

Outside it’s cold, but we feelin' alright

Don’t nothin’ cut the chill like a Saturday night

They're hustlin’ at the pool table n doin’ shooters’ at the bar                       

There’s a hippie on a stool, tuning his guitar     

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Hey Gary, good to hear from you. I used your idea for the chorus in Ruby's Cadillac Inn. It really makes the song. Great idea. It should be completed soon.

I will try to punch this one up a bit. Thanks,

 

Jim

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