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https://www.kompoz.com/music/collaboration/799298

 

Can't Do This Anymore      James L Kleinheksel    George Schiessl              © Copyright 2016

 

Got a love note in my pocket

Used to make me blue

You got a heart and a locket

That I once gave to you

I went this way

You went that

Never could find

Where and when the middle was

Now I think it’s time

Say goodbye there's the door

Say goodbye

I can't do this anymore

Oh no

 

I got a lot more give

You got a lot more take

And you have a heart of stone

That I just can’t break

You want everything

It’s always all about you

You got nothin’ more to give

So I got nothing to lose

Say goodbye 

Now honey there’s the door

say goodbye

I can't do this anymore

No 

 

I don’t need to hear you plead

Just grab your things and close the door

I can’t do this anymore

I can’t do this anymore

C’mon 

 

Instrumental Bridge  

 

Say goodbye

Honey there’s the door

Say goodbye

I can’t do this anymore

no no

Can’t do it anymore

Say goodbye

Say goodbye

Say goodbye

 

 

Original Lyrics

 

 

Can't Do This Anymore                               James L Kleinheksel                        © Copyright 2016

 

Got a love note in my pocket

That used to make me blue

You got a heart and a locket

That I once gave to you

I went this way

You went that

And we never could find

Where the middle was at

Say goodbye now there's the door

I can't do this anymore

 

I don’t need to hear you plead 

Grab your things and close the door

I can’t do this anymore

 

I got a lot more give

You got a lot more take

And a heart of stone

That I can’t break

You want everything

It’s all about you

You got nothin’ to offer

So I got nothing to lose

Say goodbye now there’s the door

I can't do this anymore

 

Short Instrumental Bridge

 

I don’t need to hear you plead

Grab your things and close the door

I can’t do this anymore

 

I got a pile of memories

And a mile of grief

I got the letter you sent me

That’s bitter and brief

You go that way

I'll go this

You can’t sneak back

Cuz I’ll hear that hiss

Say goodbye now there’s the door

I can't do this anymore

 

I don’t need to hear you plead

Grab your things and close the door

I can’t do this anymore

No, I can’t do this anymore

 

Edited by James L Kleinheksel
finished

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Hey James,

 

  The music sounds familiar but I dig it.    But would you please post the lyrics as it's a bit hard to make out what you're singing at times. 

 

Thanks,

Pete

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Hi RoadDog, Thanks but I can't take all of the credit. George Schiessl made this come to life. I have posted the lyrics which are revised from the original which is posted in Lyrics Feedback. 

 

Cheers,

 

Jim

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Wow, this is like The Band + Neil Young + maybe a little Eagles mixed in there as well plus something else - not sure if those are the influences but that's the feel for me.   What I really like that is not constant throughout is (at least on the first chorus)  the line "Say goodbye ..." has this big almost anthemic (sp?)  sound but then "there's the door" is much more personal.  And that makes it sound just a bit more fun (whether that is intended or not).  I guess I'd like to hear a bit more variety in the lyrics and push the bridge slightly further from the main theme in terms of the melody.  But I like the cool honest feel of this one.

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FWIW, I'll just weigh in on the arrangement and recording.  To my ears, in sharp contrast to the fairly slick sound of the music bed, the vocals sound poorly performed and poorly recorded, and overall, very amateurish.  There's even the conspicuous sound of rumbling as the vocal mic is turned off at the end of the song, and there's really no excuse for that.  In my opinion, the arrangement is also aching for a lead guitar line in the instrumental section following the bridge.  I think if you can get the vocals sung well (and I think this singer can probably do it) and nicely recorded and mixed well with the music bed, and if you can also get someone to add some tasty lead guitar licks to the instrumental section following the bridge and mix that well too, the overall presentation of this song would be vastly improved from how it is now, and be a pitch-worthy presentation you could be proud of without excuses.

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RoadDog & HoboSage, Thanks for your feedback. RoadDog, thanks a bunch, that's quite a compliment. There is a third verse, for some reason George decided not to use that. But it is unfinished. I'll get the third verse in there. I will post the original lyrics below the present posting. Let me know what you think of the third verse.     HoboSage, Thank you very much for your insightful feedback. I am not a musician, I'm a lyricist, so I am totally dependent on people like yourself. I obviously don't hear the nuances that you hear. I hope that you will continue to evaluate my future postings. This is my first lyric put to music, so I guess it's a starting place. Thank you both very much for your feedback.

 

Cheers,

 

Jim 

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Sounds good to me - a little slicker than what I imagined from reading the lyrics but if that's your vision that's cool. It's always interesting to me to hear what the creators had in mind verses what the reader of the lyrics heard. 

 

I still dig it, man

 

 

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Jim,

I like the lyrics much better than the song.  When I read your lyrics, I got a definite feeling of the POV's frustration and anger and certainty that he was done, done, done with this relationship.  This music/delivery sounds weak and plain vanilla to me.  None of the power that is so clear in the lyrics.  Take a listen to the old Johnny Paycheck song and you'll see what I mean by a really satisfying rant.  That's the kind of treatment I think your lyrics deserve.

 

I'd like to be more positive, but this just didn't do it for me.

 

Patty

 

 

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Hello Snarky Anarky & Peko, Yeah, it's not exactly what I had in mind. I also want the third verse included in the piece. If you could offer any information that I can pass along to the composers of the harmony and vocals, it would be most helpful. Peko, you are right on the mark, the JP song is more what I was thinking, only with a voice similar to that of Steve Earle.  If there are any musicians or singers on the Muse site that would like to have a crack at this, please feel free to do so. I would love to collaborate with one of my Muse family members.

 

Cheers,

 

Jim

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@James L Kleinheksel if i was any kind of musician, I'd love to work with you. Such as it is, my 2¢ is limited to a more stripped sound, sung like you're actually hurting. There was a lot of nice sounds in there but too nice for the sentiment

 

I would agree with Peko that the music/delivery weakened it a little, I'm glad I read the lyrics first. Like I said, I still dig it, but the lyrics are so strong and carried it. I don't usually critique anything more than lyrics, I'm not a musician or a vocalist so I don't feel as qualified to comment

 

Jamey Johnson's High Cost Of Living is what sprung to mind when i read the lyrics (the album version is still a touch shiney on the production side but still..). It's not as punchy as Paycheck, tho. A link, if you haven't heard it: https://youtu.be/jkhtlhxP9JQ

 

 

Another one was The Bird Hunters by Turnpike Troubadours - this one is a bit more country-ish than maybe you were intending but thematically it was reminiscent of the 'i'm hurt but you can piss off' vibe of the lyrics. It's a quieter song and a less gruffer voice but the angst still comes through, presented for example. https://youtu.be/hFBDxLYNNVQ

 

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Pretty sure the music is just Band in a Box's Real Tracks . Nothing wrong with that, I've been using it myself lately since my band is in a bit of disarray but the sound selection is pretty limited even considering the "thousands" they have to offer. You could get Biab yourself and tweak it to your liking or just use parts like the drums and bass and record the rest. Dunno, just something to consider :)

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Hi SnarkyAnarky & Kerry, Thanks for the feedback.  I am not a musician in any sense of the word. It may be a bit of a hinderance writing lyrics but I still know what I like and what sounds good. I depend on people such as Kerry to pick up the nuances that I can't. This is a collaborative effort, and George is still looking for a lead guitarist. I'm not sure that I'm sold on the vocals. I was hoping to hear more emphasis on "can't do this anymore", rather than "say goodbye". I will be reposting changes to this piece as it progresses. Please keep an eye out.

Thank you both very much for your comments. SA, thanks for taking the time to post a couple of YouTube videos. Very helpful.

 

Cheers,

 

Jim

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I share HoboSage's assessment pretty much word for word. I like the song idea and vibe and with a little more polishing, it could be an excellent track. The main thing would be to get the vocals to sound a little better (stronger delivery with more "attitude", and a clearer recording with a bit more presence and less reverb). The instruments sound great except the drums seem to lag or "flam" in places - were there two drum tracks edited down to one? 

 

Really like the raw lyrics and guitar tone.

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I know you say the song's "finished,"  but, FWIW . . . .

 

George did fix the mic sound at the end of the song and added some leads that work pretty well, but what did he do to the drums?  Now they start out with a full kit with an overly-healthy dose of reverb and a snare oddly panned conspicuously to the right, and then another, drier-sounding kit with more u- front toms and a  more up-front snare conspicuously panned a ways to the left come in andadd to the other kit.  Maybe he's thinking a band with two drummers playing live or something, but to me, it just sounds really weird, and it's distracting.  But, that's just me.  :)

 

P.S.  FWIW, given the structure of the musical arrangement, I don't think the third verse would fit in well and would cause to song to sound like it drags on unnaturally.  After the bridge, the musical structure dictates that the song wants to start winding up with a final chorus, etc., and to reset the song with yet another verse at that point would hurt the whole vibe.  And, I don't think another verse would fit in well before the bridge either.  So, I'm with George in making the call to cut the third verse given this music.  In my opinion, the lyric has to give way when, as is, it can't be reconciled with a musical structure that's working well for the song.  As I hear things, with this music, the only way you might be able to get the third verse lyric in this without hurting the song, would be to change the chord progression of the bridge to something new so it doesn't sound like an instrumental verse with lead line, and then cut the lead guitars and sing the third verse lyric in the bridge.

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Hi HoboSage, Thank you very much for your feedback. Unfortunately, you are speaking to me in a foreign language. I am not a musician and possess no musical talent. I have always loved song lyrics since I was ten years old. I always wanted to study music but too many obstacles fell in my way. I can only go by what I believe will work in my head when writing lyrics. I am totally dependant on people such as yourself to guide me through nuances of the music. On the next one, I will gather the feedback from you and other musicians before marking the project complete. The problem is, that it will appear as though I know what I'm talking about, when in fact, I don't. I guess I could say, these are the critiques that I have received from others. Thanks again for taking the time and interest in writing your critique. It is very much appreciated.

 

Cheers,

 

Jim

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