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Joey M

Faded Memory (a few more revisions ~ 8/13)

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Joey M    27

Thanks Barney and bob. Your input has led to this re-write, which I hope is much better. I didn't do a bridge since the song seems long enough with two pre-choruses. I'm hoping the plot has thickened enough now. Any further input will be most welcomed.

Thanks Snarky and everyone, I made a few additional revisions to V2 and PC2 which I think tightened things up a little more.

Another Revision 8/13 (please scroll down for Original and 1st Revision)

 

Faded Memory

 

Sometimes late at night

When the stars are just right

I can still hear the sound of her voice

And I see her standing there

At the top of the stairs

Telling me I’ve left her no choice

 

PC1

With her suitcase and purse in her hands

Her auburn hair tucked in a red band

She said don’t try to stop me

Cus this time I’ve made up my mind

 

Ch

Then I heard her say

You’ll be better off this way

Sometimes love runs its course

Some things aren’t meant to be

You’ll find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

Blew my second chance

Cheated on our romance

How could I have been such a fool

Now there's no one else to blame

All alone and ashamed

Promised I would follow the rules

 

PC2

But the road is a dark lonely place

Where an empty bed can lead men astray

And the flesh is much weaker

When somebody's drinking alone

 

Ch

Now I heard her say

You’ll be better off this way

Sometimes love runs its course

Some things aren’t meant to be

You’ll find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

You'll find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

Now she's just a faded memory

 

Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael

 

.............................................................................................

1st Revision

Sometimes late at night

When the stars are just right

I can still hear the sound of her voice

And I see her standing there

At the top of the stairs

Telling me I’ve left her no choice

 

PC1

With her suitcase and purse in her hands

Her auburn hair tucked in a red band

She said don’t try to stop me

Cus this time I’ve made up my mind

 

Ch

Then I heard her say

You’ll be better off this way

Sometimes love runs its course

Some things aren’t meant to be

You’ll find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

Blew my second chance

Cheating at romance

How could I have been such a fool

Now there's no one else to blame

All alone and ashamed

Promised I would follow the rules

 

PC2

But the road is a dark lonely place

Where an empty bed can lead to disgrace

And the flesh is much weaker

When someone is drinking alone

 

Ch

Now I heard her say

You’ll be better off this way

Sometimes love runs its course

Some things aren’t meant to be

You’ll find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

You'll find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

Someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

 

................................................................................................................

Original Version

Sometimes late at night

When the stars are just right

I can still hear the sound of her voice

And I see her standing there

At the top of the stairs

Telling me that I’ve left her no choice

 

PC1

With her suitcase and purse in her hands

And her auburn hair tucked in a red band

She said don’t try to stop me

Cus this time I’ve made up my mind

 

Ch

And then I heard her say

You’ll be better off this way

Sometimes love runs its course

And some things aren’t meant to be

You will find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

Years have come and gone

As my life has moved on

Leading me down a long winding road

There’s been tears of joy and pain

Times I’ve almost gone insane

And a yearning that nobody knows

 

PC2

You might think there’s a smile on my face

But look closer and you’ll see just a trace

Of the heartache I felt

When I saw her walk into the night

 

That’s when I heard her say

You’ll be better off this way

Sometimes love runs its course

And some things aren’t meant to be

You will find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

You will find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael

 

 

 

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Barneyboy    44
On 8/2/2017 at 17:29, Joey M said:

Wrote this one this afternoon. I've got a melody and chords already, but still thinking about a groove. Didn't think it needed a bridge. Probably should know better than to put it on here until it's had a chance to simmer awhile, but all comments are welcome. 

 

Faded Memory

 

Sometimes late at night

When the stars are just right

I can still hear the sound of her voice

And I see her standing there

At the top of the stairs

Telling me that I’ve left her no choice

 

PC1

With her suitcase and purse in her hands

And her auburn hair tucked in a red band

She said don’t try to stop me

Cus this time I’ve made up my mind

 

Ch

And then I heard her say

You’ll be better off this way

Sometimes love runs its course

And some things aren’t meant to be

You will find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

Years have come and gone

As my life has moved on

Leading me down a long winding road

There’s been tears of joy and pain

Times I’ve almost gone insane

And a yearning that nobody knows

 

PC2

You might think there’s a smile on my face...........Don't understand why we would think you would have on a smile when your v, pre-ch and ch say something else.

But look closer and you’ll see just a trace

Of the heartache I felt

When I saw her walk into the night.........I probably would re-write this pre-ch for consistency.

 

That’s when I heard her say............I'm not following the logic here as she's already gone based on your first half of the story.  You may need to re-write this as a memory moment.

You’ll be better off this way

Sometimes love runs its course

And some things aren’t meant to be

You will find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

You will find someone else

Who will love you for yourself

And someday I’ll be a faded memory

 

Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael

 

 

 

I think you can cut out some of the prepositions to make this flow much more like country.  I don't quite understand the story as you end v1 with her telling you that you left her no choice.  To me, it sounds like you might have cheated or done something to turn her away. However, your ch seems to suggest something else.  I found a disconnect in the flow of the story as described in my notes next to your lyric lines.

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=Bob=    51

This is very tender, but I think it could benefit from some details that tell us what went wrong. The 2nd verse is where I would have expected to find those details. You could reserve them for a bridge, but the 2nd verse seems like it's just not doing much. Nice write!

=Bob=

 

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Joey M    27

Thanks so much Barney and Bob.

 

I agree with your nits and have tried to make use of your comments in this re-write. It certainly did need a better 2nd verse and pre-chorus. I hope this is getting better.

 

As always, your advice is most valued and any further input would be greatly appreciated.

 

Joey 

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Joey M    27

Thanks Snarky. I appreciate your reviewing the lyric. I made a few more tweaks to V2 and PC2 if you get a chance to look at them.

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