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PaulCanuck

Song for Summer

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This is for a summer song competition on another forum.

I know it's pretty cheezy but the music I have is sort of Frankie Valee 4 seasons so I hope it fits that genre.

And advice would be welcomed :)

 

Song for Summer

Scholarships are really hard to get
But clever girls are added to the list
It's no surprise they offered one to you
But did you have to start that school
On the 21st of June?

Summer
Oh Summer
Summer isn't summer without you

Paris seems a million miles away
And I know you love to "Parlez-vous Francais"
But when you talk that way I'm holding back my tears
It's my favourite time of year
And you're not even here

Oh Summer
My Summer
A gentle breeze is blowing, skies are blue
But Summer
My sweet Summer
Summer isn't summer without you

instrumental

{br}
They should have called you Autumn
Fragile Free as a falling leaf  
But when I reach out to touch you
You fly away from me
And drift across the sea

Oh Summer
My Summer
The clouds are gone, the sun is shining through
But Summer
My sweet Summer
Summer isn't summer
Honey, can you feel the hunger?
Summer isn't summer without you

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Awww. I feel the longing is in this one. So many great lines Paul. I especially love the bridge-great images. I would love to hear this.

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Hey Paul. Definitely has that summer romance wistfulness. I kept wanting to add the word "dream" to your chorus.

 

Oh Summer
My Summer dream
A gentle breeze is blowing, skies are blue
But Summer
My sweet Summer dream
Summer isn't summer without you

But if Summer is a girl's name -- as I suspect it is -- that obviously won't work.

FWIW. I figure if I can make one suggestion that hasn't been made, I feel like I've helped provide a different insight into the lyric. Sometimes more than others.

 

 

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Major Nit here.  Fragile?  Perhaps she's agile,  but fragility is not the correct attribute i think  you're grasping for-- pun intended. All in all not bad Paul. In the last week i've heard two different versions of autumn leaves, one of my favorites. 

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7 hours ago, kuya said:

Major Nit here.  Fragile?  Perhaps she's agile,  but fragility is not the correct attribute i think  you're grasping for-- pun intended. All in all not bad Paul. In the last week i've heard two different versions of autumn leaves, one of my favorites. 

Hi kuya - yep you're so right - she's off to live in France on her own - so she's hardly fragile, even if the leaf is.

I changed it to "Free as" which better represents both (I think).

Good catch - thanks! :)

 

Paul

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On 2017-05-19 at 16:52, cindyrella said:

Awww. I feel the longing is in this one. So many great lines Paul. I especially love the bridge-great images. I would love to hear this.

 

Thanks Cindy - I have the music half-written so hope to post it in a month or so.. :)

 

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11 hours ago, A Musical Key said:

Hey Paul. Definitely has that summer romance wistfulness. I kept wanting to add the word "dream" to your chorus.

 

Oh Summer
My Summer dream
A gentle breeze is blowing, skies are blue
But Summer
My sweet Summer dream
Summer isn't summer without you

But if Summer is a girl's name -- as I suspect it is -- that obviously won't work.

FWIW. I figure if I can make one suggestion that hasn't been made, I feel like I've helped provide a different insight into the lyric. Sometimes more than others.

 

 

 

Hi Musical

 

That is an interesting suggestion.

I was thinking Summer is a girl's name, but that could be changed. I'll think on it for sure.

Thanks for reading and commenting :)

 

Paul

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Nice.  

 

I like how much light get's through this one.  It's not crowded.  Perfect for the light comedy feel.  

 

I was a little thrown by the rhyming pattern of the  the first verse,  I had to go back and read it again lest I was lost.  Those first two lines?

 

"holding back my tears" was a little cliche.  "A gentle breeze is blowing, skies are blue" - ?

 

I've read a lot of your stuff.  This is a nice one, but I don't see enough of you in it yet.  

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Hey Paul, I just figured out where I got the suggestion from. Brain flash! I had just listened to the classic Seal & Croft album with Summer Breeze --  which I subconsciously passed along to you as summer dreams. Anyway that's where I got it. 
 

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I dig it, very sweet. The first verse i had to read a few times, seems like it didn't flow the way the second one did. I guess it seemed more specific in a way the second one didn't but I got the feeling that those details were something pretty specific that you definitely wanted in there. 

 

But i like details.

 

Nice job, Paul

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On ‎5‎/‎21‎/‎2017 at 14:33, BigHappyJack said:

Nice.  

 

I like how much light get's through this one.  It's not crowded.  Perfect for the light comedy feel.  

 

I was a little thrown by the rhyming pattern of the  the first verse,  I had to go back and read it again lest I was lost.  Those first two lines?

 

"holding back my tears" was a little cliche.  "A gentle breeze is blowing, skies are blue" - ?

 

I've read a lot of your stuff.  This is a nice one, but I don't see enough of you in it yet.  

 

Hi BHJ and thanks for reading/commenting. Yep - flirts with cliché or maybe married to it :)

It's for a brief so not a lot of room to get creative - but those old four seasons songs didn't wade into deep water much :) so I hope it will work.

On ‎5‎/‎22‎/‎2017 at 08:37, SnarkyAnarky said:

I dig it, very sweet. The first verse i had to read a few times, seems like it didn't flow the way the second one did. I guess it seemed more specific in a way the second one didn't but I got the feeling that those details were something pretty specific that you definitely wanted in there. 

 

But i like details.

 

Nice job, Paul

 

Hi SnarkyAnarky - yes I agree the 1st verse is detailed - maybe too much so.

I wanted to set up the hook fast and the chorus is SO generic it won't carry the song without a proper set up.

We'll see if it works musically.. :)

 

Thanks for reviewing!

Paul

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I can definitely see this as something 4 Seasons-y. Simple, and the emotions shine through well.

 

I can't really find any nits to pick here (the fragile line and the difference between verse 1 and 2 are the only things I'd have called out). I'd be pretty tempted to call this done and get to recording it!

 

 

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This is nice, Paul. Has a '50s or '60s innocence to it. But I would like to point out that both your first line and your second line use the word "get" -- and I'm not going to suggest a replacement (you're fully capable of finding your own if you feel it's warranted) but I'm almost positive if this were my lyric, you would point that out to me.

 

Best of luck on the contest!

 

Doug

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On 2017-05-25 at 16:40, RepeatingZERO said:

I can definitely see this as something 4 Seasons-y. Simple, and the emotions shine through well.

 

I can't really find any nits to pick here (the fragile line and the difference between verse 1 and 2 are the only things I'd have called out). I'd be pretty tempted to call this done and get to recording it!

 

Thanks repeatingZero :)

Likely start recording next week - hope I don't screw it up :)

 

On 2017-05-27 at 00:41, lyriCAL said:

This is nice, Paul. Has a '50s or '60s innocence to it. But I would like to point out that both your first line and your second line use the word "get" -- and I'm not going to suggest a replacement (you're fully capable of finding your own if you feel it's warranted) but I'm almost positive if this were my lyric, you would point that out to me.

 

 

You're right of course - seems to me I noticed that earlier then forgot about it. I'm changing the second one to "Clever girls are added to the list". It flows better anyway. Post Edit - haha now there are two "are's". Oh well ya can't win :)

 

 

Thanks for that!

 

Paul

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Hi Paul,

 

A very sweet lyric that tells a lovely story in a straight-forward way.

 

I will admit that the line

 

Honey, can you feel the hunger?

 

felt a touch heavy-handed to me and a little too explicit considering the aura of innocence that preceded it.

 

That would be my only critique.

 

(I'm not really well-versed in the Four Seasons so I you tubed them... can't quite make the leap based on what I heard but I'm sure you know how to make it work!)

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1 hour ago, EmilyEmily said:

Hi Paul,

 

A very sweet lyric that tells a lovely story in a straight-forward way.

 

I will admit that the line

 

Honey, can you feel the hunger?

 

felt a touch heavy-handed to me and a little too explicit considering the aura of innocence that preceded it.

 

That would be my only critique.

 

(I'm not really well-versed in the Four Seasons so I you tubed them... can't quite make the leap based on what I heard but I'm sure you know how to make it work!)

Hi Emily and thanks.

You are right about that line - i wanted a tag line to rhyme with summer - but it doesn't fit the mood.  I might just leave it out rather than replace it. :)

Cheers

Paul

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