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SongWolfe

Love me, marry me

1st draft of a new lyric that I've been working on. Started it whilst on a wedding anniversary date with my wife which perhaps contributed to the romantic theme! I imagine it having a light jazzy feel, perhaps the kind of song that you could imagine listening to whilst sitting in a café ...

 

Love me, marry me

 

(Verse 1)

I took a train into the city lately

Hope I invested wisely,

Didn’t buy diamonds or gold

Just a ring to you from me.

 

(Verse 2)

We’ve got a little money for the weekend, baby

Let’s take a trip to the sea,

We’ll walk along the sand and just maybe

You’ll say that you’ll marry me.

 

(Chorus)

Love me, marry me

Love me, baby

I’ll go down on bended knee,

Love me, marry me

Love me, baby

As we kiss beside the sea.

 

(Bridge)

My daddy used to say, that in this life

There are no guarantees,

Love don’t just fall into your lap

And money don’t grow on trees.

You gotta work for it

You gotta work for it

Work for it

You gotta work for it.

We’ve been working

For the last five years,

There together

Through the smiles and tears.

 

(Verse 3)

We’ve got something special in this life, baby

So come ride the waves with me,

We’ll build a cottage overlooking the ocean

We can have our perfect dream.

 

(Verse 4)

We’ve got a little money for the weekend, baby

Let’s take a trip to the sea,

We’ll walk along the sand and just maybe

You’ll say that you’ll marry me.

 

(Chorus)

Love me, marry me

Love me, baby

I’ll go down on bended knee,

Love me, marry me

Love me, baby

As we kiss beside the sea.

 

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Overall I good upbeat lyric. I hear it more as a singer-songwriter kind of thing, but jazz might work as well.

 

One line stood out to me, namely; Just a ring to you from me. Mainly because it's comes after you said didn't buy diamonds or gold, and rings are usually diamonds or gold, so I'm confused at to what the meaning of the first verse is. You invested wisely in the relationship, or invested wisely on not buying an expensive ring???

 

I hope that helps!

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On 5/13/2017 at 17:40, SongWolfe said:

Love me, marry me

Love me, baby

I’ll go down on bended knee,

Love me, marry me

Love me, baby

As we kiss beside the sea.

There's something about the last line of the chorus.

A non sequitur?

It doesn't seem to be an outcome of the lines that led up to it.

It seems like an after-thought, an anticlimax, an aside.

And what does it actually say? Marry me as we kiss beside the sea. A strange thought.

The whole rest of it seems quite well crafted.

 

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On ‎5‎/‎17‎/‎2017 at 20:28, Aneanani said:

Overall I good upbeat lyric. I hear it more as a singer-songwriter kind of thing, but jazz might work as well.

 

One line stood out to me, namely; Just a ring to you from me. Mainly because it's comes after you said didn't buy diamonds or gold, and rings are usually diamonds or gold, so I'm confused at to what the meaning of the first verse is. You invested wisely in the relationship, or invested wisely on not buying an expensive ring???

 

I hope that helps!

Hi Aneanani. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Yeah, singer-songwriter could work as well.

 

On the ring line, I had in mind that he bought a fairly modest engagement ring, which could be made from something other than gold, maybe platinum or silver? And yes, he's investing in the relationship. Will have a think about whether there's a better way to express that.

 

 

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On ‎5‎/‎17‎/‎2017 at 20:43, Ron99 said:

There's something about the last line of the chorus.

A non sequitur?

It doesn't seem to be an outcome of the lines that led up to it.

It seems like an after-thought, an anticlimax, an aside.

And what does it actually say? Marry me as we kiss beside the sea. A strange thought.

The whole rest of it seems quite well crafted.

 

Thanks Ron. Yes, what I visualised is that he proposes to her on the beach and then they kiss as she says yes. So I saw it as following on from the preceding lines. I'll give it some thought when I come to do the next iteration. Maybe if the last line was changed to something like 'And then we kiss beside the sea' it might make it clearer

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I like it and get a Maroon 5 kinda vibe from it for some reason (musically in my head) As a read (without hearing music) verses 2 and 4 come off more like a pre chorus than verses, especially since they are repeated. It's not really an issue, just an observation. It might be subjective, but I was thinking in the bridge, instead of "We've been working" you could relate how you've been working for it (As in, "I've been working it"), that's just another angle, since you're hoping she will marry you. Good write regardless. Good stuff

 

 

 

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22 hours ago, LooknGlass said:

I like it and get a Maroon 5 kinda vibe from it for some reason (musically in my head) As a read (without hearing music) verses 2 and 4 come off more like a pre chorus than verses, especially since they are repeated. It's not really an issue, just an observation. It might be subjective, but I was thinking in the bridge, instead of "We've been working" you could relate how you've been working for it (As in, "I've been working it"), that's just another angle, since you're hoping she will marry you. Good write regardless. Good stuff

 

 

 

Thanks. Yes, I agree that verses 2 and 4 could easily be labeled as pre choruses. May be better to do that actually, so thanks for that suggestion.

 

I'll have a think about the wording change suggestion too.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts

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Songwolfe -- 
 

Not bad. Not bad at all.  

 

FWIW -- A couple of word choice alternatives:

Invested >> By referring to the ring as something you "invested" in, it kind of spoils the moment. A different word or phrase or way into the song might help with the romance.

Gold .>> No gold ring? I'm confused

 

Ocean >> Several references to the sea and the cottage is going to be by the ocean? Sea fits better.

 

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Pretty solid first draft - I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been pointed out all ready, but i think you're on the right track.

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