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The realrush

I'M NOT AFAID ANYMORE

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I'm Not Afraid Anymore    

 

Verse 1

 

I'm not afraid anymore                  

To stand in the spotlight on the floor

I'll take my  my bows with grace

I now feel safe in this place

 

 

Chorus

 

I'm  through with running 

No longer hiding

There is no more shame

No one left to blame

I got what I deserved

When fear was the master I served

 

 

 

Verse 2

 

I'm not afraid anymore

Life is no longer a chore 

I see hope no more despair

I gave up my cross to bare 

 

Chorus

 

I'm  through with running 

No longer hiding 

No more shame

No one left to blame

I got what I deserved 

When fear was the master I served

 

Bridge

 When the veil is lifted and the anguish is exposed

There is room for trust and confidence to take hold

 

Verse 3

 

I'm not afraid anymore 

To knock on loves' elusive door

Rejection no longer brings sorrow

Just hope for better tomorrow

Chorus

 

I'm  through with running 

No longer hiding 

No more shame

No one left to blame

I got what I deserved 

When fear was the master I served

 

 

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I like the title and message. I'm not afraid anymore.  I'm not sure the chorus does the rest of the lyric justice and again the point of view (in chorus) shifts from 1st person singular to 1st person plural with the last line there when the entire lyric outside the last line of the chorus is written in 1st person singular.

 

At present the lyric is all tell and no show. It could be much stronger if perhaps there are images that illustrate how the fear that the point of view used to experience or face everyday was overcome.  What kinds of obstacles did the point of view have to climb over.

 

Another thought -  You could just have the verses starting with the title that elaborates with more show than tell and removing the chorus. Chorus in its present state explains the problem as "fear".  If you keep it as is, could even combine what you label the Pre Chorus with the Chorus but I think it needs some work.

 

It's all general in terms of the written content but with the right music I suppose could work but these are my thoughts.

 

Hope they're helpful.

 

 

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9 hours ago, The realrush said:

I'm Not Afraid Anymore    

 

Verse 1

 

I'm not afraid anymore                  

 

Standing in the spotlight on the floor

 

Take my bows with grace

 

I belong in this space

 

 

Pre-chorus

 

I used to run, Used to hide  (repeat )      

 

I was frozen in place and terrified

 

Chorus

 

 

It's a crying shame when there's no one to blame

      

We get what we deserve when fear is the master we serve.........Not a fan of this ch. V1 is about you but you you get away from yourself with a narrative first line and then refer to we instead of keeping it personal.  

 

 

Verse 2

 

I'm not afraid anymore

 

Life is one act no encores

 

Grateful to be on the stage.............seems like you're repeating thought in v1.

 

Start each day with a blank page.........not a fan of this line sounds like a forced rhyme.

 

 

Pre-chorus

 

 

I used to run, Used to hide  (repeat)       

 

I was frozen in place and terrified

 

Chorus

 

It's a crying shame when there's no one to blame

      

We get what we deserve when fear is the master we serve

 

 

Verse 3

 

I'm not afraid anymore 

 

To knock on loves' elusive door

 

Rejection no longer brings sorrow

 

Just hope for better tomorrow.....I don't think the stage and love works together in this one.  

 

 

Pre-chorus

 

 

I used to run, Used to hide  (repeat)       

 

I was frozen in place and terrified

 

 

Chorus

 

It's a crying shame when there's no one to blame

      

We get what we deserve when fear is the master we serve

 

 

 

 

 

 

My take on this one is that v1 sounds more like the ch. If this is a love rebound story it should be more focused rather than using stage fright as a metaphor. 

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I can see that I missed the point on this one! What I hope to convey was I was once afraid of being on the stage, worried about what was to come in life and love in general! Fear keeps us all frozen in place unable to achieve anything meaningful! I'll try to find another way to convey this idea which I think is a universal for some.

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7 hours ago, The realrush said:

I can see that I missed the point on this one! What I hope to convey was I was once afraid of being on the stage, worried about what was to come in life and love in general! Fear keeps us all frozen in place unable to achieve anything meaningful! I'll try to find another way to convey this idea which I think is a universal for some.

How about look at this as a third person point of view or what is your first reaction when you see someone on stage that is nervous. "Stage fright is just another obstacle that must be handled in the pursuit of the dream".

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I think you missed an opportunity to really delve deep into the theme of this lyric - FEAR - and opted instead to approach it simplistically by listing the various “stages” or challenges in your life without truly delivering the personal and crippling anguish in a greater and more dramatic way. Although you present this in an autobiographical manner, it didn’t evoke in me a resonance with which I could identify... it seemed cursory and abrupt and the shame is that it’s such a great topic and one that we can all easily identify with, when presented in a compelling way. It was difficult for me to believe what you were saying because I didn’t get a sense of who you were in this lyric.

 

Because so many of my lyrics revolve directly around the enormous fears I’ve faced (and avoided) in my life I have a very powerful and intimate familiarity with the subject. I will admit I come to this topic with a very specific mind set, which in my case demands a greater respect and deeper exploration than I found in this lyric. I am deeply affected by lyrics on certain topics so if I offended you or allowed my own afflictions to intrude and carry me beyond a simple critique please accept my apologies. I acknowledge and commend you for tackling this subject in your own unique way.

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On 3/18/2017 at 3:18 PM, The realrush said:

Hi Emily. I'm gonna stick my neck out and possibly get it chopped off by messing with your lyric a little. Just want to give you my ideas...not that they're all that good. 

 

Verse 1

It's a crying shame

But there's no one else to blame

When fear is the master we serve

And we lose our nerve

 

Pre-Chorus

I used to run, Used to hide      

Just froze up inside

All alone and so terrified

 

Chorus

But I'm not afraid anymore                  

Standing in the spotlight on the floor

Take my bows with grace

I belong in this space

 

Verse 2

Now there's a feeling of peace

Walk thru the curtains with ease

Grateful to be on the stage

Start each day with a blank page

 

(Repeat Pre-Chorus)

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Verse 3

I'm not afraid anymore 

To knock on loves' elusive door

Rejection no longer brings sorrow

Just hope for a better tomorrow

 

(Repeat Pre-Chorus)

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Emily, I hope you can glean an idea or two out of my fooling around with your lyric. Just trying to shake things up a little. It's a nice song with a clear simple message.

PS:

Thanks for commenting on my song. Your message led me to a great revision in my Verse 2.

 

Joey

 

 

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Hi Emily. I'm gonna stick my neck out and possibly get it chopped off by messing with your lyric a little. Just want to give you my ideas...not that they're all that good. 

 

Joey:  I don't think this is Emily's lyric.

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Hi realrush and thanks for posting a lyric!

 

Not trying to pile on here, but I got the same feeling as Emily on this.

When someone is talking fear, I want raw emotion. I want the writer to reach down to his very soul and spill it out on the page.

I want nothing less than T.S Eliot:

 

And I will show you something different from either  
Your shadow at morning striding behind you  
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;  

I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

 

 

I get some imagery from the stage/spotlight lines but telling me you are terrified doesn't paint a picture - I want to know what effect it had on you so I can empathize and relate.

 

Feel free to ignore me!

 

Paul

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Love the message and I think it comes across clearly. I think the above suggestions are good, and could help you turn this into something really special. I'm too new at this to give much advice at this point. The only suggestion I have is not to throw it away.  I think you've got a good start to a potentially great lyric. 

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I tried a re-write. I'm still unsure if I have exposed the rawness some suggested! Thanks all for the advice and clarity!

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