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Joey M

Nostalgic State Of Mind ~ Revised

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Hi folks. As usual, I have already written music and melody for this. Any suggestions or feedback from you fine writers would be most appreciated.

 

Thanks Musical key, Mike and Real Rush. I think I can get away from the cliches that were in the first draft.  I've made a few revisions that I think might help if you folks happen to check back in on this. Mike, I'm going to stick with the bad English "don't the moon" since it feels and sounds right when I sing it.....probably because of the two consonants (D's) in "Darling" and "Don't".....and I need a single syllable word. And Paul. I think your suggestions put the icing on the cake. Thank you so much. 

 

Nostalgic State Of Mind

 

You're the only one

Picked me up when I fell down

And you always wore a smile

Even when bad news came around

 

You filled my life with memories

All I'll ever need

More than all the stars on a clear Summer night

 

Chorus

Now my journey's almost over

Soon I'll knock on Heaven's door

So much left to do, but I'm running out of time

But Darling don't the moon seem closer

Than it's ever been before

In this nostalgic state of mind

 

You've been there for me

In the depths of my despair

When I find myself in need

You're the only one who cares

 

You always bring the sunshine

When storm clouds gather 'round

You're the daffodils that soak up all my tears

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Bridge

Two hearts made for one another 

Like the moon and stars

Lovers growing old together

That's who we are

 

Lift

That's who we are

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Out

You're the only one

Picked me up when I fell down

And you always wore a smile

Even when bad news came around

 

Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael

 

 

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Hi Joey - there are a lot of clichés in this (ray of sunshine, stars in the Milky Way ...), but don't let that stop you.   My wife always picks at my lyrics when I use clichés!

 

Should be 'doesn't' the moon ....

 

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I can certainly relate to the topic. As the years progress and we're closer to end than the beginning, having someone there to live out those years  with is a gift. I also try to avoid cliche's but sometimes they do work when you can't find other examples to make the same point! I enjoy lyrics that are universal and express an emotion about times. places, people or experiences. Nice lyric!

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Thanks folks. I've made a few revisions....especially to move away from the cliches. And I've posted a few comments on the lyric page.

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Hi Joey

 

I like this - nice sentiment and flow.

Just a couple of small suggs - keep or chuck :)

Every time I read this line it seemed a contraction would flow better:

 

Quote

Now my journey's almost over

 

and I would remove these words - they seem superfluous and dilute the hook:

 

On 2017-03-16 at 2:15 AM, Joey M said:

Lying in bed in this nostalgic state of mind

 

 

and maybe the bridge could be tidied up:

 

On 2017-03-16 at 2:15 AM, Joey M said:

Two hearts made for one another

Like the moon and stars

Lovers growing old together

That's who we are

That's who we are  <-- you could do a lift here..

 

Nice work - looking 4ward to hearing it.

Paul

 

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Hey Paul,

 

I spent allot of time on the music, and wanted the lyric just right. If you check out my revisions, you'll see that I used each one of your suggestions. They really did the trick for this song!!!:)

 

I'm eternally grateful for your contributions to so many of my songs. I am hoping to record this one and post it soon as possible.

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Hi Joey,

 

I have to acknowledge your soft heart reminiscing in this lyric. And while it’s a million miles away from anything I would write I must confess that even I (as hard-hearted as I am) would swoon if a man wrote this song for me. Is it sappy - sure it is, but it surprisingly works within the genre you have chosen to express your longing.

 

I will say that for me the word nostalgic seemed to be a difficult sounding word to sing with its “ick” sound on the end. I kept hearing the word sentimental instead of nostalgic when I read it but the meaning may be a shade or two different than what you were going for.

 

I wasn’t in love with the “when I left your heart to bleed” line but it does go with the emotionality of the piece and I guess it’s age appropriate for the intended audience.

 

This one really tugs at the heart sleeves (my mother used to use the expression) and I can readily hear this song being delivered in front of a warm fireplace with a shared glass of wine and a beautiful yet wistful smile.

 

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Thanks so much Emily. I appreciate your kind words. And you pointed out a real weakness in Verse 2 that has led to a revision I like much better. Maybe you'll catch this song when I post my recording.

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Touching, sentimental, heartfelt. Don't know if this person is really in your life, but you certainly made it sound that way. Now I'm all starry-eyed and wistful. Nice when a song does that. Looking forward to hearing it someday.

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Killer chorus. I love the urgency in the line...

 

"So much left to do, but I'm running out of time."

 

I'll freely admit, I shared the sentiments of some earlier posters in regards to the cliches in the verses, but I feel like there's a payoff in the self-awareness in the chorus. An understanding of just how fleeting this time is. It's as though the man nearing the end still has access to the feelings he had when he was younger and love was a sappy love song. We should all be so lucky.

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