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Neal K

February Lyric Contest

51 posts in this topic

The February Lyric Contest is now open for entries.

The standard rules apply (you can read them in full here) but, in short, they are:

- Send your lyric to me (Neal K) by Private Message before the end of Sunday, February 5.

- You must have 25 posts to enter

- Lyrics must not have been posted on the Muse as a lyric or a song.

- No changes to a lyric once it has been submitted. The first version of the lyric you send WILL BE THE ONLY VERSION THAT I POST.

Scoring -

Scoring will commence on Monday, Febrary 6th but please do not send me your scores until I ask for them. Sometimes there are last minute entries that I don't get a chance to post until after the deadline, so wait until I givce you the go ahead before you send your scores.

Neal

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He's my brother

-

(Verse 1)

They say he has a bad reputation

And he don't have too much education

They tell me he dosen't have no ambition

Trying to put me against my brother

-

I know we had a fight but we did get it over

And he talk's rough to my sister and mother

They say he's the worst of all the other's

But what they say to me it doesn't really matter

-

(Chorus 1)

He's my brother

We grew up together

Came out of one mother's womb

Ask bout him and I'll tell you

When he's in trouble, despite the vibes we've had

(he's my brother) I'll lend a helping hand

If you have a brother, a sister

You know what I mean when I say, he's my brother

-

(Verse 2)

Our mother raised us without a father

Standing by his side as a brother

They tell me that he doesn't have any future

Cause he choose to live life has a rasta

-

The police lock him up for smoking marijuana

Put him on a bail of two thousand dollars

They say they'll leave him in there to suffer

I'm against them because I want them to remember

-

(Chorus 2)

He's my brother

We grew up together

Came out of one mother's womb

Ask bout him and I'll tell you

When he's in trouble, despite the vibes we've had

(He's my brother) I'll lend a helping hand

If you love your brother, your sister

You know what I mean when I say, he's my brother

-

(bridge)

He can change I know he can

But they would never think such a thing bout him

I know you said he's bad and can't get no better

But I won't forsake my owe no not for another

-

(Chorus 3)

He's my brother

He's my brother(We grew up together)

Came out of one mother's womb

Ask bout him and I'll tell you

When he's in trouble, despite the vibes we've had

(He's my brother) I'll lend a helping hand

If you've lost a brother, a sister

You know what I mean when I say, he's my brother

-

(Solo, fade Out)

He's my brother.....

Oh my brother.....

Didn't grow with a father

Not trying to make excuse

Just want you to know how much means to me

Just like your brother and sister meant to you

Oh.....he's my brother.....

He's my brother.....

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I Remember Georgia

I remember Georgia

The sound of that old screen door

Red dirt and magnolia

Daddy leaving to go to war

The sound of mama crying

When that yellow cab drove up

She wailed like she was dying

Shards from her coffee cup

Life has its lonesome valleys

Good days and bad

Forty-four years I’ve spent wandering

Between happy and sad

I remember Georgia

Daddy’s smile; his favorite chair

The pain and passing euphoria

The smell of pine in the air

Yes, I remember Georgia

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The Promises of Princes

V1

I succumbed to dizzy heights

When my world was young

I was like Rapunzel

Let my hair become undone

V2

He promised he would catch me

As I leaned out on the ledge

I learned not to trust a prince

As I fell to the death...

C

The death of love...the death of trust

Crushed my beating heart

He shrugged n' said 'uh sorry'

As he made haste to depart.

I climbed broken...up the stairs

It took me many years

Now I am in no hurry

To be getting out of here.

I am in control

Of my body and my soul

The promises of Princes leave me cold.

V3

Now I've become the tower

Made of stone so cold and hard

Desire's not a fire

That your kindling can start

V4

You can circle round my walls

With grappling hooks and stakes

But I won't listen, I won't fall

For promises you make

C

The death of love...the death of trust

Crushed my beating heart

He shrugged n' said 'uh sorry'

As he made haste to depart.

I climbed broken...up the stairs

It took me many years

I'm scarred and in no hurry

To be getting out of here.

I stay in control

Of my body and my soul

The promises of Princes leave me cold.

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We Are One

(Verse 1)

Take my hand

Hear my voice

Take this ring

I'm your choice

Just repeat

Words after me

In my eyes

You're all I see

(Verse 2)

Look at me

Tell me now

Say together

This sacred vow

With this ring

I thee wed

You're my blood

You're my bread

(Chorus)

I will never want anyone else but you

Just tell me you feel the same way

Now that we're joined in love

We are one for ever and a day

(Verse 3)

That afternoon

Our first dance

Kiss me now

A knowing glance

Waltz in time

Our favourite tune

I held you close

I felt you swoon

(Bridge)

It's been a wonderful day

That's all I want to hear you say

(Verse 4)

Guests have gone

Dance floor clear

Come with me

My precious dear

On our own

Our hotel room

Making love

Bride and groom

(Chorus)

I will never want anyone else but you

Just tell me you feel the same way

Now that we're joined together

We are one for ever and a day

We are one for ever and a day

We are one for ever and a day

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Jesus, Can You Hear Me Now?

Can’t call me a saint

A holy roller, I’ ain’t

I’m just a man living on faith and wine

Yes! I played a part

But I never knew my heart

‘Till you blew my mind

Jesus, can you hear me now

The one voice in the wilderness that’s calling

Jesus, can you see me now

The candle in this empty sea of darkness

Determined and bent

My younger years were spent

With living out my life carefree of mind

Now that I’ve grown old

And my faith is taking hold

I see I was blind

How many roads lead to regret?

How many deserts crossed?

There was a name I did forget…

‘Till I learned how to pray when I was lost

Jesus, can you hear me now

The one voice in the wilderness that’s calling

Jesus, can you see me now

The candle in the empty sea of darkness

Some say God is dead

And the end time’s are ahead

While gold is touted as some sacred cow

From ruins to dust

In the good Lord, we must trust

More than ever now

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Amelia

V1

Born into a century

When Man was bound to earth

You fought the chains of gravity

That shackled you since birth

No laws of men or God could hold you down

You were meant to soar,

Not (to) stay here on the ground

CHORUS:

Amelia… (You’re) a distant constellation

Amelia… A bird up in the sky

Amelia… (You’re) up among the angels

Amelia… You were born to fly

V2

A fateful day, an airplane ride

A great epiphany

You watched the future open wide

And saw your destiny

Walking through this world was not enough

You pulled the throttle back

And lifted off

CHORUS

BRIDGE:

Seeking richer atmosphere

You circled round the globe

Your luck ran out

Amelia… Where did you go?

CHORUS X 2

Tag: Amelia… You were born to fly

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FOREVER AND A DAY

V1:

It's not easy

Plucking up the courage

To pick up the phone

And the pieces of our marriage

When I'm away

Seems like forever...

V2:

I'm a liar

I hope you know that

When I said "I don't love you

And I'm not coming back"

I lost my way

Seems like forever...

CHORUS:

Are you mad at me

Are you crazy enough to think

I could really leave, and give up everything

You saved my life

And I want you to know

Let me in, and I'll tell you so

V3:

Call me crazy

I'll understand

I had everybody's dream

In my own foolish hands

Why did I stray?

Seems like forever...

V4:

I'm a loser

And I could be losing you

Let me prove I can be trusted

We can talk our troubles through

What can I say?

Seems like forever... forever and a day

CHORUS

BRIDGE:

How I craved something else

When I already had it

Why I looked somewhere else

When I was looking at it

I don't know...

CHORUS

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Swan Song

(intro)

Laughter flows in gold

Then teeters on a wave

Breaking on my heart

The visions that I crave

(v1)

Waiting in silence

I slip into a daze

Slowly beats the drum

A hypnotizing phrase

Mellow is the song

The night wind gently plays

(v2)

Sitting all alone

I face the breadth of night

Softly falls the shroud

A tantalizing sight

Heavy hangs the fog

A silver swan takes flight

(v3)

Rising in darkness

I peer up through the gloom

Sadly cries the swan

A mesmerizing tune

Echoes underneath

A melancholy moon

(bridge)

Sunrise is a dream

That moonbeams trade away

Every day

She retreats into the shadows of the night

Softly fall the rays but I can’t see the light

Refracted through my eye

Starlight makes me cry

Every night

(v4)

Stranded in darkness

My nerve’s about to break

Gently glides the bird

So tranquil in her wake

Pulling at my heart

Too tender now to take

(v5)

Standing all alone

I fear the depth of night

Quickly fades the haze

And I can see the light

Shining on my soul

Faint memory’s insight

(out)

Laughter flows in gold

Then teeters on a wave

Breaking on my heart

The visions that I crave

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MY LIFE

My life is a candle in the night

Just enough to get me through

But that fire burns out too soon

My life is a boat on the waves

Trying to avoid the possible crash

And later on I can sit and laugh

CHORUS

Cause some things will never change

Though some days are easier than today

I know some things will never change

My life is a car stuck on a dirt road

That keeps spinning out its tires

And I'd swear I'm dancing on wires

My life is a book that’s left opened

For everyone to look and judge me

And there’s nothing they haven’t seen

CHORUS

And my life is a bottle of pills

It’s so easy to fall back down

But it’s harder to climb that hill

My life is anything I want it to be

The good and the ugly that I live

A faith that will never see me

That’s my life…

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Teenage Love

V1

I’ve lost my faith

I’ve lost my mind

I’ve lost my way

We’re out of time

C

We fell in too deep

No one taught us how to swim

No one told us how to keep our heads above

Now we’re falling

Falling deep into the dark

No one told how to play the game, teenage love

V2

I’m so alone

I’m so upset

I’m so tired

Let’s just give up

C

We fell in too deep

No one taught us how to swim

No one told us how to keep our heads above

Now we’re falling

Falling deep into the dark

No one told how to play the game, teenage love

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Song for an indie film soundtrack

You were told that you could “be someone”

But it was never nature’s plan

And now your time is almost gone

And a grave awaits an ordinary man

The mists of illusion blow away

You see your castle is made of sand

The flame of truth it burns today

And you stand revealed as an ordinary man.

You never had even fifteen minutes of fame in your life

Your insignificance stabs your heart, your anonymity twists the knife

But all around are millions for whom ordinariness is fine

Why did you have to ruin your life by poisoning your own mind

The veil of lies falls from your face

Your mask slips from your hand

You’re standing in no special place

Just one more simple ordinary man

And tomorrow waits, just an ordinary day.

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Pleasure Den

Empty and silent by day

Only the singing birds to be heard

Till darkness draws the people of the night

To a still voice blaring in the shadowy moonlight

Ch:

Welcome to the pleasure den (ha, ha, ha)

Where anything goes and nobody cares

Tonight is open house, no cover no minimum

But you’re all in when you step into the night

So come in come in my friend

Let me take you on a one way trip - into the pleasure den.

V:

Party on and party long

Whisper, scream or anything in between

No matter as long as your mind is free

To follow the voice that leads you to your fantasy

Ch:

Welcome to the pleasure den (ha, ha ha)

Where anything goes and nobody cares

Tonight is open house, no cover no minimum

But you’re all in when you step into the night

So come in come in my friend

Let me take you on a one way trip – into the pleasure den.

Br:

Men in suits desperate housewives

Pick a partner

There’s candy, bud, mary and even Arnold

What’s your pleasure

Fade:

Empty and silent by day

Only the singing birds to be heard

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Let Them Sing

When you try to take the words of the broken souls

And tie them down to keep them from their goals

Don’t clip their wings

Let them sing!

When you fill their heads to make them more confused

And scare them into feeling used

When the bells ring

Let them sing!

When you put all this evil on the news

And fuel the fire of their blues

Don’t taint one thing

Let them sing!

Come feel the rain

Come feel the pain

They’re both one and the same

Who’s to blame?

When you did what you could to take their voice

And thought you took their last choice

You forgot something

Hear them sing!

Hear them sing!

Hear them sing!

They’re going home!

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Defending this whole City

On a clear day I can see the roofs of Bedford Hills

From this prison yard where time stands so still

In my mind I've climbed that fence a hundred times

But never once, never once did I make it out alive

Pre-chorus

The guard tower looks like a lighthouse

All that's missing is the sea

Chorus

A girl can only take so much

Of being slapped, kicked and cussed

I found the .22 he hid

And loaded it with stolen bullets

I heard the fatal shot ring out

Watched his sorry self fall down

I said I was defending me

They say they're defending this whole city

Sometimes I’ll stand and peel paint off these cold steel bars

And I've built mansions with a deck of cards

Sunday’s fourteen hundred and forty minutes

Another day, like every day no one’s been to visit

Pre-chorus

I see empty stares without a mirror

Till I drift off in my dreams

Chorus

A girl can only take so much

Of being slapped, kicked and cussed

I found the .22 he hid

And loaded it with stolen bullets

I heard the fatal shot ring out

Watched his sorry self fall down

I said I was defending me

They say they're defending this whole city

Bridge

I hope and pray one of these days

My torment will end

Then never again

No, never again

Will I have to climb that fence

Chorus

A girl can only take so much

Of being slapped, kicked and cussed

I found the .22 he hid

And loaded it with stolen bullets

I heard the fatal shot ring out

Watched his sorry self fall down

I said I was defending me

They say they're defending this whole city

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I Don't Want To Be Alone Tonight

V1

When I was younger

I would fool around

Being single

Made me feel proud

Friends were present

Almost every night

Life was just a party

Things were going right

V2

As I grew older

There was change in me

Something inside

Opened me to see

This life is short

And I need to find

Someone who will comfort

And bring peace of mind

Chorus

I don't want to be alone tonight

I just want someone to hold me tight

I never thought I would say these words

But, here I am and still it sounds absurd

I must look desperate, but I'm really not

All I want is love for this lonely heart

V3

I'm optimistic

That someone out there

Searches for love

And wants to share

I'll keep going

Moving on with life

Just wishing for the day

I won't have to recite

Chorus

I don't want to be alone tonight

I just want someone to hold me tight

I never thought I would say these words

But, here I am and still it sounds absurd

I must look desperate, but I'm really not

All I want is love for this lonely heart

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I Got Your Postcard Today

I'm driving down a midnight highway

while memories we made

lay easy on my mind

I'm finding lessons come the hard way

and I hope not too late

to do it right this time

Chorus

I got your postcard today

said you're in your new place

and that it's not home without me

So, I packed my suitcase

my fears and my mistakes

I'm speeding your way

to have my say

I got your postcard today

I'm learning that there's no one, but you

a friend I can turn to

that makes everything right

I'm seeing now there's no one, like you

my lover with a clue

wielding magic every night

Chorus

I got your postcard today

said you're in your new place

and that it's not home without me

So, I packed my suitcase

my fears and my mistakes

I'm speeding your way

to have my say

I got your postcard today

Bridge

Finally I'm following directions

to where my heart's leading me

Chorus

I got your postcard today

said you're in your new place

and that it's not home without me

So, I packed my suitcase

my fears and my mistakes

I'm speeding your way

to have my say

I got your postcard today

outtro

Thanking my lucky stars,

Fear didn't stand in my hearts way

when I got your postcard today

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Something Lost

Twilight shines through beveled glass across the kitchen floor

This house has known its quiet times, but not like this before

The silence of my memories almost splits my ears

They hit like it was yesterday, but it’s been years

(chorus)

I didn’t know if I would find what I came looking for

And I can’t even say that I know what it is

I know I had something that I left behind

I lost something years ago that’s too hard to resist

The more I thought I had to make it all alone

The more I found myself drifting further from my home

With a feeling that I carry that never seems to fade

At night sometimes it rips through me like a razor blade

(chorus)

I took a walk around the lake out at Stony Creek

I thought if I listened hard, someone would start to speak

And for a moment I could swear I heard voices in the trees

But they were sounds of something lost carried by the breeze

Pale moonlight whispers through the bare-branch trees

And dead leaves blow along the ground like taunting mysteries

There’s a haunting feeling rising from this crooked trail

And it’s sure to get me, ‘cause my ghosts, they never fail

(chorus)

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Uninvited Ghosts

Uninvited ghosts

Wait inside my door

Hover in the hallway

Glide across the floor

They don’t threaten harm

They leave me alone

But uninvited ghosts

Freeze me to the bone

Uninvited ghosts

Move in pantomime

I don’t need to hear

I know all their lines

I can’t change the ending

They ignore my pleas

Uninvited ghosts

Bring me to my knees

Bridge:

Shadows show and show again

What a sorry fool I’ve been

Uninvited ghosts

Act out old mistakes

All the bad decisions

And that final break

Now in an empty house

I play lonely host

Just me and one more bottle

And uninvited ghosts

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The February Lyric Contest is now closed for entries and it is time to submit your scores.

Simply give each lyric a score between 1 and 10, and submit that score to me via private message.

If you have entered this contest, you are required to vote, but do not score your own lyric.

Scoring ends Midnight, Pacific Standard time, Wednesday, February 8.

Winners will be posted sometime the following day.

Here are the titles:

He's My Brother

I Remember Georgia

The Promises of Princes

We Are One

Jesus, Can You Hear Me Now?

Amelia

Forever and a Day

Swan Song

My Life

Teenage Love

Song for an indie film soundtrack

Pleasure Den

Let Them Sing

Defending this whole City

I Don't Want to be Alone Tonight

I Got your Postcard Today

Something Lost

Uninvited Ghosts

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We have our winners.

1st Place

Uninvited Ghosts

scubed

2nd Place

Amelia

neuroron

Good job folks. Scube's lyric qualifies for the Don Martin Lyric of the Year.

Here are all the scores and all the writers.

Uninvited Ghosts scubed 6 7 8 5 9 8 8 8 9 4 9 5 6 8 8 7 115

Amelia neuroron 9 9 4 5 6 7 8 8 8 5 6 5 7 5 6 8 106

I Remember Georgia graybeard 6 8 7 7 7 7 8 10 5 3 7 6 5 5 7 7 105

Something Lost feegis 6 8 7 4 6 5 8 9 6 5 7 5 8 6 7 8 105

Song for an indie film soundtrack AMereHobbiest 5 8 6 8 8 5 5 6 6 3 6 6 8 6 7 7 100

Defending this whole City Dottie 8 6 4 5 7 4 7 9 6 4 6 5 7 7 6 7 98

I Don't Want to be Alone Tonight Spanishbuddah 8 7 6 5 6 4 6 9 6 4 7 4 6 6 6 7 97

I Got your Postcard Today Kimberlyinnc 6 7 5 5 6 7 7 7 7 4 6 4 5 5 7 7 95

The Promises of Princes starsinmyeyes 7 7 5 6 5 5 7 9 5 2 6 5 7 5 7 6 94

Let Them Sing Paradise dismissed 5 7 7 4 7 7 6 8 6 4 6 4 5 5 6 7 94

Jesus, Can You Hear Me Now? Ironknee 7 7 5 5 6 3 7 5 6 3 8 8 6 4 6 6 92

Swan Song Gordon 6 7 7 4 5 5 7 5 5 3 7 5 6 5 8 6 91

We Are One CabDryver 6 7 5 6 5 4 6 5 5 3 6 4 6 4 6 7 85

Forever and a Day adf 6 7 6 5 4 5 7 6 5 3 6 5 5 3 6 6 85

Pleasure Den Bernabby 7 6 4 4 5 3 6 6 6 4 6 4 5 3 7 7 83

My Life klo 5 7 4 4 5 4 5 7 5 4 6 4 5 4 7 5 81

Teenage Love The Eggmen 6 6 5 5 4 6 5 5 5 4 5 4 6 4 5 6 81

He's My Brother Irwin Abrigo 5 6 2 3 3 5 5 6 4 3 5 4 4 3 5 5 68

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Congrats to Scubed for another win!! Great stuff girl. I had this lyric as my top choice too, it flowed wonderfully, said alot in a small space and was well written!

Congrats also to Ron for his song about Ms. Earhart. I always admired her, did a long spoken report on her in high school and she led an interesting life. It was well written and I hope you put her to music.

My 2nd choice was Defending this Whole City by Dottie. Good lyric, girlfriend! :)

I had two tied for 3rd.

Thanks for running this Neal...and again congrats!

Kimberly

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Congrats to scubed and neuroron!

And thanks for the 8's, 7's, and the 6's I received on my song :P

And special thanks for the one individual that voted me tops!! B)

AGAIN............CONGRTS TO THE WINNERS AND TO NEAL FOR RUNNING THIS! -Tom

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congrats to everyone who entered, and huge thanks as usual to neal.

im a little surprised my lyric scored as highly as it did, i projected it to go towards the very bottom...

and scubed i really liked your lyric, i think this is the first time i actually scored the winner with my top lyric.

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Congrats Scubed, I seem to be saying that a lot and its quite likely Ill be saying it a lot more. :)

Congrats to you too Ron, I had you in 2nd place I know it will make a fine song. :)

My top vote went to Ironkee, Ive had the pleasure of hearing the song on another site and I love it!

I tried to separate my top votes this month but I had I remember Ga. And AmereHobbiests song and Star's song tied for 3rd place. After that they were all bunched up.

Kim thanks for your vote on my lyric. :)

I thought there was something good about all of them.

Thanks for your time putting this together Neal. :)

Dottie

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Congrats Scubed, I seem to be saying that a lot and it’s quite likely I’ll be saying it a lot more. :)

Congrats to you too Ron, I had you in 2nd place I know it will make a fine song. :)

My top vote went to Ironkee, I’ve had the pleasure of hearing the song on another site and I love it!

I tried to separate my top votes this month but I had I remember Ga. And AmereHobbiest’s song and Star's song tied for 3rd place. After that they were all bunched up.

Kim thanks for your vote on my lyric. :)

I thought there was something good about all of them.

Thanks for your time putting this together Neal. :)

Dottie

So much for anonymity. Is this a case of voting for the writer and not the lyric? Why go through this whole exercise if people are going to other sites anyway to find the lyric and writer. Let's just send in our entries like they do in the song contests and dispense with the anonymity factor.

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Bernabby,

I didn't not vote for the writer, I loved for the lyric. There is no rule that says we can't hear or read the lyric on another site. If it makes you feel better even without hearing the song I would have voted for it because I love what it says! I just happen to have had the pleasure of hearing it. You're more than welcome to join JPF and if had you would have heard it too.

Oh and I didn't join JPF 2 years ago to wait on him to write this lyric so I'd hardly say I went looking for it.

Dottie

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I had “Uninvited Ghosts“ first, “Song for an indie film soundtrack” second and three way tie for third between “I Remember Georgia,” "Let Them Sing,” and “Defending this whole City.” As usual after that there are tightly packed clusters.

Congratulations Sharon (S3) and everyone else – When you enter a race and are not a DNF ["did not finish"] you are definitely a winner.

And especially thanks Neal. This contest is responsible for a new lyric-driven song every month for me. Your announcement was on very short notice this time and I thought I was going to have to work on something started before that needed revision, but after seeing the post, I went to Starbucks (on the way to the Bark Park) and saw a poster about Amelia Earhart and while running around the BP with the dog the song came to me. And while it is great to score well, it's producing the song that is the greatest reward. After submitting the entry as I played it a lot a better Bridge came to me - Lyrics can only be finished when the whole song is finished. - Ron

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Congratulations to Sharon & Neuroron!!

My top picks were "Song for an Indie Soundtrack", and "Something Lost", with the edge to Song for an Indie Soundtrack. I had a tie for second with "Defending this Whole city & Amelia running neck and neck. It was hard sorting through the batch, I liked so many of the lyrics!

Thank you Neal for your time and energy and I would imagine patience in the scoring dept! Without you and everyone at the muse, such a contest wouldn't be possible.

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Bernabby,

I didn't not vote for the writer, I loved for the lyric. There is no rule that says we can't hear or read the lyric on another site. If it makes you feel better even without hearing the song I would have voted for it because I love what it says! I just happen to have had the pleasure of hearing it. You're more than welcome to join JPF and if had you would have heard it too.

Oh and I didn't join JPF 2 years ago to wait on him to write this lyric so I'd hardly say I went looking for it.

Dottie

You missed my point. I don't believe that people will alter their voting just because they know who submitted what - people vote the best song even though they know the artist. That's why I don't think the anonymity factor is necessary in the lyric contest. I was simply pointing to the futility of trying to hide the author of a lyric. Do you think it would make a difference if you knew the writer or not?

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[Do you think it would make a difference if you knew the writer or not?

Yes.

I don't just "think" it, I know it because I watched it happen before we decided to post the entries anonymously.

Neal

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[Do you think it would make a difference if you knew the writer or not?

Yes.

I don't just "think" it, I know it because I watched it happen before we decided to post the entries anonymously.

Neal

ok.

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Thanks so much, everyone, for the votes on "Uninvited Ghosts"! Kim and Paradise, I really appreciate your kind words. :)

I had Ron's "Amelia" and Feegis's "Something Lost" tied for first, with Graybeard's "I Remember Georgia" and a number of others tied for second - my scores were really bunched-up this month, as there were a lot of really good lyrics in the contest.

All in all, an impressive group of entries - especially considering the short turn-around time. It's always fun to read through the entries.

Neal, as always, thank you SOOO much for running this show (and putting up with the headaches)! :)

Sharon

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Congrats scubed. Had Amelia and Something Lost tied with the rest all bunched up closely. I enjoy these monthly challenges cause it motivates me to write at least one lyric a month. Out of ideas so I tried something out of the box. Looking forward to next month.

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Hi and CONGRATULATIONS to the top two this month, Scubed and Neuroron! Ron I had your Amelia as my top pick - it's a wonderful lyric, and I had I Remember Georgia, Something Lost and Song For An Indie Flim Soundtrack tied for second with Scubed's Uninvited Ghosts in third place.

A great bunch of lyrics this month as always! And on a personal note, groundbreaking! I've never received a 2 for a lyric before - so whomever you are, thankyou! It's a special moment for me! I figure I must be doing something right, for the '2 Club' has some very distinguished members, and I now settle into my place amongst them.

Neal has anyone ever received a zero? I'll be aiming high next month :D !!!

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Hi and CONGRATULATIONS to the top two this month, Ron and Scubed! Ron I had your Amelia as my top pick - it's a wonderful lyric, and I had I Remember Georgia, Something Lost and Song For An Indie Flim Soundtrack tied for and with Scubed's Uninvited Ghosts in third place.

A great bunch of lyrics this month as always! And on a personal note, groundbreaking! I've never received a 2 for a lyric before - so whomever you are, thankyou! It's a special moment for me! I figure I must be doing something right, for the '2 Club' has some very distinguished members, and I now settle into my place amongst them.

Neal has anyone ever received a zero? I'll be aiming high next month :D !!!

HA HA!!...girlfriend, I have got you beat...on a song contest once when we were voting 1-5...I got a .5 !!! (not even bad enough for a 1 but a .5) :lol:

I would have loved to know why, not out of anger really, but out of figuring out where I had gone so wrong with the song in their eyes, but I was never told, they never fessed up. Which is their right. so..

It was hard to not take it personally since my name was on the song.

I have seen many get scores in the past where I scratched my head and thought, what the....? Either too high or too low...so it happens often...it is something I finally had to just laugh about and shrug off.

Though it's not always that easy ;) It can hurt and cut kinda deep sometimes and play havoc with my self esteem and sometimes makes me wanna throw in the towel on writing, but I am here to try to learn and improve.

I strive for that and as long as it fulfills something in me, then I am a winner in my own right by doing something creative and that I enjoy. (as are we all, that take a chance to share our creative and tender sides for all the world to see)

Hang in there girl. :P

Kimberly---

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great" Mark Twain

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I didn't vote (thought I had some time left) but I've read through them and have to say I would have had a really difficult time of it. They were all wonderful lyrics. Loved the winners - congrats to Sharon and Ron. The real standout for me was graybeard's "I Remember Georgia". Simple and straight forward. A nice little gem.

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Ah... very very nice lyric, Scubed!!

I still like yours from last month better, but this is really good, and i knew it was yours, and i did tie it for first for a variety of reasons. It is nice and clean and precise, and i love the way you work the ghosts into the rhyme in the last verse. I figured this was you, but i left a small percentage chance it was possibly Robbie Thinman gracing us with his presence again because i know he loves "ghosts"... he usually uses them a little more literally than you though...

I also really loved Neuroron's "Amelia" - this was just solid all the way through, and given the historical context, i suspected this was your work!

I tied Something Lost for my top spot as well. this one i found very complex and thoughtful... not that the others weren't or anything, but this seemed to have a deeper layer and a poetic backdrop... very solid writing, and i can hear this sung as well.

And I also tied Graybeard's "I Remember Georgia" for first... very simple, but expresses so much with so few words. This is like a Hemingway lyric! I have to say, because of the title, i think, i read this totally in a Jim Croce sound - like "Walking Back to Georgia"... it works right with that I think! and as i say, the title probably led me to that, but man, oh, man, it really fits, i swear!

After that, there were a large number i left tied for second. I think this means i artificially inflated my own score, but i assure you i did it only because i liked a lot of the others and couldn't decide on which one or two to "knock down" a point to lower my own average!

This was the first time i tied four in first place, but i really liked each for different reasons, and i just couldn't separate them!

I do want to make a few special mentions...

Stars... yours was so smooth... i was so close to putting you up with those four...

Ironknee - i did not hear yours on another site... but i really liked the lyric... it seemed it could be a gritty kind of thing... hey - i feel honored that i share the distinction of being the only lyrics that finished in the lower half, but took one first place vote. Dottie gave you a solo first vote (Dottie! I thought you like me!), but i only tied (though it was with Scubed's excellent lyric, so i feel flattered!). I really liked this lyric as is, though. I put it just off my top 4, but it was "high" in my cluster in the next level! In all honesty, i had this at number 5...

Dottie - i also had you just in this second tier, but your verse 1 was especially wonderful - this i thought was among the best individual verses the entire month!

Kim - my "absolute" scoring had yours at number 6, right behind Ironknee! of course, that doesn't mean a lot, it is only my opinion... but this was a nice easy read with a clear message, natural rhythm and familiar somehow, but not "cliche"... very nice

Bernabby - hey, this is my favorite from you so far! I thought this has wonderful potential for play and singer involvement, like ELP Karn Evil 9 or something... i think this could be a wonderfully fun song! On my absolute scale, i think i put you at number 8!!

ParadiseDismissed - don't be surprised you finished well... that is a nice, smooth, easy lyric... i like it a lot... left it middlin'... but... not sure why - it is solid...

I would really like to make a shout out to Irwin, too - I think this ended up lower than it deserved!! I think, Irwin, that there's a little language/usage issue that does ding you a bit with at least the "American" writers... but i picked up an Island Beat with steel drum and tho that isn't my "style"... it was strong, and even some of the phrases you use that may be "awkward to at least us midwest US people... i got a feel off it... there's a good story here, and i think a good island or "regae" beat, and with a little maintenance, and not sacrificing you island sound... this could be a lot better than what we all have given it credit for!!

I think lots of solid writing and ideas... and all of these are at least good drafts that people have obviously worked hard on... and we should all strive to improve them!!

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Oh, i should have said:

Thank you so much to my one fan that voted me tied with Scubed for first - you flatter me!!

I got a few 7s, but one seems to have been a legit tie for second, so i thank you as well!

I did not think this would do well because it is very "purple" and is in the same style as Broken, which i submitted back in August. In fact, this is the "companion" piece to Broken, written about the same woman... originally given to her as a poem on Valentine's Day a few years back...

I've had a number of my female friends pestering me to submit Swan Song, because it is their favorite thing i've written... i decided to relent and submit because it is February, and it was a V-Day poem, and i'm a bit nostalgic... and i wanted those women to stop bothering me!!!

thank you again to my few fans...

...and of course, thank you so much Neal for taking the time to run this competition!!!

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Hi and CONGRATULATIONS to the top two this month, Scubed and Neuroron! Ron I had your Amelia as my top pick - it's a wonderful lyric, and I had I Remember Georgia, Something Lost and Song For An Indie Flim Soundtrack tied for second with Scubed's Uninvited Ghosts in third place.

A great bunch of lyrics this month as always! And on a personal note, groundbreaking! I've never received a 2 for a lyric before - so whomever you are, thankyou! It's a special moment for me! I figure I must be doing something right, for the '2 Club' has some very distinguished members, and I now settle into my place amongst them.

Neal has anyone ever received a zero? I'll be aiming high next month :D !!!

That was me and you're welcome.

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I have to say, I was partial to the 'Amelia' lyric.

This contest reflects real life. You've got to get the reader's interest and keep it, and leave an impression. I failed to do that with my entry, so I'll be more determined for the March contest. I think it's called experience.

Andy

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Congratulations, Scubed, on First Place and to Neuroron for Second Place. Both excellent lyrics.

Sharon, I'm curious, are you a Lucinda Williams fan? I read your lyric and Lucinda Williams popped right in my head. She's one of my favorites, and I think she'd be proud to lay claim to Uninvited Ghosts. Great writing!

Thank you so much to my one fan that voted me tied with Scubed for first - you flatter me!!

That was me, Gordon! And, may I say, I was shocked your Swan Song came in where it did. "Heavy hangs the fog, a silver swan takes flight" caught my attention, and verse three hooked me. Nice writing, Gordon.

There was so much good writing going on here throughout the contest. Even on some of the lyrics where some things might need to be reworked in spots, the foundations of these lyrics, the ideas around which they revolve, are great. Irwin - you've got the makings for a great song. I truly think it's one you can work on and make something special. As for the other lyrics, every lyric seemed to have something that really made me consider it.

Thanks to those of you who thought well of mine. I was amused that the last line in mine seemed to serve as a segue into Sharon's "Uninvited Ghosts", with our lyrics being posted back to back. (Yes - I'm just trying to get you all to read them both again :lol:).

Thanks, Neal, for running the show!

Best Regards,

Feegis

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Thanks to the people who voted me into a way higher position than I expected. In fact, I honestly don't think my downbeat, narrow-niche lyric should have rated so high in an open competition...Frank.

Frank,

I didn't think your's was "narrow niche" - only apparently so because of the title "Song for an indie film soundtrack" - Even for a film, the song title could have been "An Ordinary Man" and the perception of "narrow niche" disipates - Ron

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First; thanks to Neal for his time in running this contest.

I'm not a pessimist but when I read Uninvited Ghosts, I thought "Well, that's me done for this month. I'm reading the winning entry now".

Well done scubed.

Regards

Cab

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Thanks to the people who voted me into a way higher position than I expected. In fact, I honestly don't think my downbeat, narrow-niche lyric should have rated so high in an open competition...Frank.

Frank,

I didn't think your's was "narrow niche" - only apparently so because of the title "Song for an indie film soundtrack" - Even for a film, the song title could have been "An Ordinary Man" and the perception of "narrow niche" disipates - Ron

Here..Here....thanks for reminding me...of all the thoughts I was thinking when reading all the lyrics, it was why you didn't just entitle your song 'An Ordinary Man"...it would have been more powerful (and a little less pretencious)....I am the ordinary man...and I would have given you an extra point for a great title......(However, you got the top spot w/ me, anyways, on this one)!!! -Tom

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Thanks to Neal and everyone who participated! It was a lot of fun voting.

My top votes were:

Let Them Sing - 8

Defending The Whole City - 9

I Don' Want To Be Alone Tonight - 9

Something Lost - 9

I Remember Georgia - 10

The Promises of Princes - 9

Amelia - 8

I was wondering how other's go about voting?? This time I made up a list of 5 areas I want to focus on when voting, but it would be cool if we had a guideline to go by. Don't know if this has been done before.

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Congrats Scubed, I seem to be saying that a lot and it’s quite likely I’ll be saying it a lot more. :)

Congrats to you too Ron, I had you in 2nd place I know it will make a fine song. :)

My top vote went to Ironkee, I’ve had the pleasure of hearing the song on another site and I love it!

I tried to separate my top votes this month but I had I remember Ga. And AmereHobbiest’s song and Star's song tied for 3rd place. After that they were all bunched up.

Kim thanks for your vote on my lyric. :)

I thought there was something good about all of them.

Thanks for your time putting this together Neal. :)

Dottie

So much for anonymity. Is this a case of voting for the writer and not the lyric? Why go through this whole exercise if people are going to other sites anyway to find the lyric and writer. Let's just send in our entries like they do in the song contests and dispense with the anonymity factor.

I have to agree with you. No offense to anyone. But if this is the case then we might as well publicly submit our scores through a reply.

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Feegis and Cab - thank you so much for those very kind words!

Feegis, although I'm not a huge Lucinda fan, she's written some songs I really love. I'm tremendously flattered that you think "Uninvited Ghosts" is Lucinda-worthy. :) The music I have for this is not her style, though - this lyric insists on being more New Orleans jazz than alt-country. Hope to have a rough demo up for critique soon.

All the best,

Scubed

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Thanks to Neal and everyone who participated! It was a lot of fun voting.

My top votes were:

Let Them Sing - 8

Defending The Whole City - 9

I Don' Want To Be Alone Tonight - 9

Something Lost - 9

I Remember Georgia - 10

The Promises of Princes - 9

Amelia - 8

I was wondering how other's go about voting?? This time I made up a list of 5 areas I want to focus on when voting, but it would be cool if we had a guideline to go by. Don't know if this has been done before.

What were those 5 areas and how did you tie them into your voting? The one major guideline for me is if there is a story that I can follow from beginning to end. If I can get thtrough it on the first read with a smile it will certainly garner a top score from me. If I can't get past the first couple of lines without going back to re-read then it is very likely going to score lower. I think guidelines would restrct our freedom to judge and, quite frankly, I don't think many would follow them religiously.

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Personally, i score a couple different ways.

First run through, i just give a 1-10 "initial reaction" without thinking to hard about meter or rhyme scheme or anyting technical. I do give half-points here.

Second, i rate each one according to the "suggested scoring system" that is posted under Alistair's guidelines at the top of the contest board, but that i understand he did not develop, nor does he particularly like or use. This is one of the reasons i don't think i've ever given less than a 4, and usually never less than a 5 - so far as i've seen, everything i read people seem to have spent time on... worked pretty hard on... and so don't deserve a "scrap it all" or "looks like a first draft"... they all seem to me to be respectable drafts that have been revised, tweaked and adjusted somewhat. That, and if i just don't "get" someone, i really don't want to penalize them severely with a 1 or a 2 and hand someone else a 8 or 9 - that starts to become a big differential to overcome with relatively few voters if i've just totally missed something...

finally, i go through and rate each entry according to BubblingSoul's guidelines for how to critique a lyric. I have developed an Excel spreadsheet to tabulate the scores and autosum, average and rank.

Yes, i am a nerdy engineer. I believe i've made that abundantly clear in the past.

Anyway, at that point, i kind of size up how each of the three stack up... maybe have to make a few gut decisions... then typically end up rating everyone somewhere from 5 to 8 or 9...

it's a lengthy process for me.

it helps me to have like a Sam Adams or a Great Lakes' Irish Ale while i do this...

:D

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