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Doesn't mean you should live like your kin

Just because it's the one place you've been

Where they always have to take you back

Even when you've given them years of flack

Even when you've given them years of flack

They still expect you flat on your back

It's no wonder with today's new trends

Forget the horizontal, try the vertical bends :rolleyes:

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Forget the horizontal, try the vertical bends

Geriatric yoga for the limber and bold

But make sure when you're in midriff fold

You're wearing a fresh pair of Depends

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Now move outta that walker and lets ****

Get down and dirty, lets do it in the muck

Wallowing in mud like pigs in heat

No feelings of guilt, dementia is neat

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No feelings of guilt, dementia is neat

Though with this huge gut, I've lost my feet

You tell me it's not considered amnesia

But with this alzheimers, I just don't believe ya!

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But with this alzheimers, I just don't believe ya

Even though you might be right

At war with my memories, oh how they'll deceive ya

And oh, how I love a good fight

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And oh, how I love a good fight

Though sometimes I like to give in

I know you are wrong and I'm right

But I know I get sex if you win

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I know I get sex if you win

I kinow get sex if you lose

No matter what shape you are in

I'm in the position to choose

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I'm in the position to to choose

Among all the foods in the store

But is it a measure of success

When it's not better, just more

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When it's not better, just more

Of the same, it sucks to be poor

Deciding between having heat

Or food on the table to eat

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Food on the table to eat

But first, let's arrange their defeat

Those Vikings ain't tough to bring down

After a night on the town

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After a night on the town

I sometimes suffer a bit

I feel like a bit of a clown

And acted like one, I admit

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Acted like one, I admit

Though my acting is not very good

You can see, I'm nothing but sh1t

I would fool you, if only I could

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I would fool you, if only I could

But love shines through any facade

I promise I'll stick around for good

Though frowned upon by God.

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Though frowned upon by God

He had the angels support

He stroked and made it hard

Then steered it into port

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Then steered it into port

Where comfortably it nestled

While all the eager seamen

Lined up and de-vesseled

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Lined up and de-vesseled

It happened in the ring

When grabbed and wrestled

Best protect your thing

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Best protect your thing,

the one we all adore

the one that makes hearts sing

and cannibals ignore

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Cannibals ignore

Mexicans galore

Si Senior

Too forlorn

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What a bad hit

That Tom Cruise bit

"Days of Blunder"

Or was that Thunder?

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Or was it that thunder

That crack and that rumble

That drove me down under

That caused me to stumble?

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That caused me to stumble

my head began to spin

never mix a pint of cider

with a class full of gin

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With a glass full of gin

I weaved through the crowd

That they'd let me in

Made me feel quite proud

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Made me feel quite proud

Made me crow, made me strut

Though I know I'm too loud

And too much of a slut

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Too much of a slut

Too much of a whore

Life is a glut

There's always much more

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There's always much more

To want when you're greedy

There's always a door

To be slammed on the needy

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To be slammed on the needy

The weight of our shame

The wretched and seedy

Were born to be blamed

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Were born to be blamed

Were born to be used

Were born to be shamed

To be hurt and abused

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To be hurt and abused

Costs a fortune these days

To go home with a bruise

Costs an extra week's pay

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Always wanted to, before I die

Jump out of a plane and eat kidney pie

Too bad I'm afraid of taking the leap

And I heard kidney pie tastes as bad as pig's feet

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And I heard kidney pie tastes as bad as pig's feet

And smells as bad as ten aged and moldy sheets

So I won't be eating that no matter the cost

So don't even ask, I don't give a toss

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And I heard kidney pie tastes as bad as pig's feet

And smells as bad as ten aged and moldy sheets

So I won't be eating that no matter the cost

So don't even ask, I don't give a toss

So dont even ask, i dont give a toss

whether you make me more money or trade at a loss

Give me something that I know will last for a while

not something that will end up stored in a file

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Not something that will end up stored in a file

Rather, something to be lived & dismissed

Therein lies the exhilerating lifestyle

Of the timid mistress secretly kissed

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Not something that will end up stored in a file

Rather, something to be lived & dismissed

Therein lies the exhilerating lifestyle

Of the timid mistress secretly kissed

Of the timid mistress secretly kissed,

her bold young Romeo said this:

"I only kissed her with my lips--

she kissed me with her lips and hips!"

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She kissed me with her lips and hips

And clearly wanted more

So I got a better grip

And took her, on the floor

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And took her, on the floor

Then showed her the door

So many woman so little time

I've yet to reach my prime

(I'll run and hide now laugh.gif )

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Says he's skinny but he's really fat

You cant be thin wearing a straw hat

Try stripes or hoops, baggy jeans will do

but at the end of the day just be you

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But at the end of the day just be you

My chemical fix a drug I abuse

you grab my shirt and pull me near

oh no it broke and her father I fear

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Oh no it broke and her father I fear

A gigantic bloke if he knew I was here

He’d cut my throat from ear to ear

And gut me out while drinking beer

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And gut me out while drinking beer,

Tequila or Gin, whatever is near,

And when my wound is sewn

a glass of wine and I wont moan

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We'll reconcile some other day

When pigs turn blue and donkeys fly

I'm just relieved I got away

Before you punched me in the eye

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Before you punched me in the eye

I stabbed you in the heart

For telling her a lie

That I was no good from the start

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Where you chained me to your bed

with chains and rope and ties

For the wicked words i said

the rumours, tales and lies

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So tell me what you heard

From the little boy next door

about Ruby from down the road

and the man who wanted more

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