Jump to content

John Voorpostel

Members
  • Content count

    603
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    22

John Voorpostel last won the day on November 15

John Voorpostel had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

107 Excellent

1 Follower

About John Voorpostel

Recent Profile Visitors

2,639 profile views
  1. Planes Trains And Automobiles

    Don't mind the make up sex so much, but this guy was (I thought) on a business trip...why would he interrupt that just for make up sex?? The consequences are either a lost deal and\or a lost job. I do like this a lot, and the bit about the shoe paints a great picrture of a man in a hurry, but I'd make this about you wanting to get home for something more important ===like you realize you love her and want to propose. As is, you're a slave to your penis.
  2. Love Hotel by Dani

    Yeah I'm kinda with The Buddha in this. Perhaps because the first hotel\shell one is a bit hard to take. I know it's about the looks, but... Then immediately after you swing into a quick it was clear...which is grammatically wromng==should be quickly as it is an adverb. Now I'm not for being pedantic about grammar, but in this isntace it messes things up IMO. Then that debt thing==now why would you be deep into your partner's debt? Nothing that came before===it seems to have been a whirlwind quickie===would indicate that. Altogether it's a great story idea, but I think you need to go back to the drawing board here because there is no real clear "narrative, no real "core" other than that quick fling which does not normally stir up the emotions you are trying to paint,. Why would you almost instantaneously have sex with this person...is it normal for you? Unlikely, so why is this different??
  3. Connie

    Hi Mike Actually had the music down before posting the lyric and it all works nicely. The certain\garden and the dancing\romancing are "shorter" than the trying\electrifying internals, and the Connie's also stand out because of the music. The chorus is almost a plea while the verses are more hiya Connie...and the conversation going on in his mind that's like a practice of what he's going to say to her...at least that's what's going on in the back of my mind Hey Paul==that half way there is really saying he's incomplete without her==and the lyric is sypposed to set up a kinf of angst...will she finally say yea to him tonight?? Hi Dani==welcome to The Muse. I read your first post and will get to the next on in a minute. If you want to sit back and get comfy in a saloon...go for it and enjoy Hi Kerry==as I said to Paul==he is feeling incomplete without her...but that phrase is so overused, I wanted to say it in another way.
  4. It ain’t my song written from Dani

    only one suggestion for you to consider===no one wants to hear me scream....IMO more powerful as you mention the regime==they are ignoring you despite your fight Otherwise pretty good...
  5. "Superkettle" / "Ten and Out"

    So will you change your name when you're the headliner? Scans well with good images and the struggle is clear... so make er sing
  6. Solid Evidence

    Timely Paul. And every day we are hearing more and more. Glad women (and men) are being empowered by all this. I suppose seeds have been germinating for a year or more with Bill Cosby, Trump and the allegations made during his presidential race, the Fox scandals that took down some important people Guess it is, as they say, all about power and exercising it.
  7. Darker Than Black

    Thanks for the suggestion Bob==hows the fix I ?? I guess I was thinking things you go through rather than places you go to HoboSage==and taking your tack that colours would work really well. Thanks for the help folks
  8. Connie

    Connie ©2017 John Voorpostel Hiya Connie, do you think tonight’s The night that all our stars align You need not say for certain I can cultivate your garden I’m no stranger to waiting outside Connie all I need’s a chance But I’ll be waiting here no matter what you do Just know I’m going to keep on trying “cause you’re so electrifying And I’m feeling only halfway there without you Hiya Connie am I good enough To be deserving of your love You’ll find that my intentions Are not some mere invention They’re not some tear off thinly veiled facade Connie all I need’s a chance But I’ll be waiting here no matter what you do Just know I’m going to keep on trying “cause you’re so electrifying And I’m feeling only halfway there without you I feel the jolt, the flying sparks, envigored expectation And Connie you’re the only one who gives me this sensation Connie all I need’s a chance But I’ll be waiting here no matter what you do Just know I’m going to keep on trying “cause you’re so electrifying And I’m feeling only halfway there without you Hiya Connie, I’m a brand new man “cause I think tonight you’ll say we can We’ll start off with slow dancing With an eye on more romancing Maybe I can be your handyman Connie all I need’s a chance But I’ll be waiting here no matter what you do Just know I’m going to keep on trying “cause you’re so electrifying And I’m feeling only halfway there without you Connie all I need’s a chance But I’ll be waiting here no matter what you do Just know I’m going to keep on trying “cause you’re so electrifying And I’m feeling only halfway there without you /20
  9. Darker Than Black

    Hi James==thanks for checking this twice and getting that naughty or nice thing out of the way (too early ??? ) Clemo, I like that==slight change to "You who have known"...really drives the theme home Hi Musical key== the primary theme is that there are things worse than you can or have experienced, kinda like there will always be people worse off than you (and better for that matter) so be grateful for that. Yup Paul, that is a cousin of what I was trying to get across Spot on DonnaM.. the bridge was trying to be ironic..if your love is as sure a thing as those 4 imaginary creatures, what would you be hanging on to?...implying that it should be the core thought....which your suggestion makes clear. Let me think about this a bit==now what if I get rid of the sasquatch and make it clear it is all imaginary?? Thanks all for looking in and your comments...
  10. Darker Than Black

    Darker Than Black ©2017 John Voorpostel There are doors Darker than black Everyone feels So much better for that Every day is a gift Every flower a rose When you’ve known Darker than black Staring down bulls You brave, brave heart Deep down inside You’re only playing the part Every day is a gift Every flower a rose When you’ve known Darker than black Where love’s a sure thing Like a mermaid or a unicorn Some imaginary leprechaun==How's this DM?? What would you be hanging on? Chasing the future Tomorrow’s the past The faster you realize You’re better than that Every day is a gift Every flower a rose You who have known==thanks Clemo Darker than black
  11. My American Hero

    Sorry Patty, I'm going to be the contrary viewpoint. Your V3 is absolutely stellar when you say your job is to dream him home and IMO you need to focus on that as your hook. The rest is by no means badly written, but it suffers from linearity and lack of pictures we can see. For this to go over the top, we have to be there with you, and simply telling us what you are going through doesn't cut it IMO Where is the waking up with the night sweats, wondering where you are? Where are the two wives meeting in the base grocery store, and in just a glance, knowing each other's pain??? There's nothing wrong with telling us some things, but let us see what she is going through because that is the only way we can feel it too. And write a chorus something like You heard the call to fight for freedom Bravely enter battle zones And while I wait here aching hearted I'm here to dream you home===this dream you home is a million dollar hook....it says EVERYTHING about waiting, wondering, anguish etc
  12. MOOD

    8 minutes of stream of consciousness and it seems to work The knighthood as a reward does not work well this side of the pond, but hey, it's the UK
  13. Home For Insane

    No I'm no Spanish Buddha, I know, but I rose to the bait. Just going to rewrite using my thoughts.... Come in, settle down, I heard you knock Everone's welcome, the door’s never locked Pick up your things and close the door Watch your step there's a cat on the floor Come on in take a load off your feet Pull up a chair and have a seat Someone will be here in just a few So feel free to kick off your shoes This is the house of confusion Where none can abstain From periodic madness Here we're all insane eliminated v2 entirely There’s no need to worry anymore Nobody cares what you’re here for Bring your own gear, remedies too Where you go next is all up to you Just sit down there and have a beer You're next in line they’ll be right here This is the house of confusion Where none can abstain From periodic madness Here we're all insane If you like why not start right now Nobody here needs to show you how Simply relax have a valium or two Soon you’ll be numb as we bid you adieu This the house where anything goes But try not to step on anyone’s toes This is the house of confusion Where none can abstain From periodic madness Here we're all insane People like you come from far and near To surrender their minds then disappear This is the house where anything goes There are no rules no friends no foes This is a place where obsessions appear Naked and cold without any veneer This is the house of confusion Where none can abstain From periodic madness Here we're all insane This is the house where anything goes And everything happens right under your nose Roll up your sleeve hold out your arm A tiny pin prick full of cellular charm Soon you'll relax and you'll be in your mind There's some who will stay there forever in time This is the house of confusion Where none can abstain From periodic madness Here we're all insane
  14. A Better Class of Dog

    Kuya it gives me great pleasure to hear you took the scientific approach to this. And to know that you now specialize in Taiwanese flight attendants is great news. I look forward to your doctoral dissertation. And the "haute couture" rhyme was definitely in my mind...not for V1L2...I was actually looking to place it in the bridge somewhere. I had already used grandeur and au courant so I left it alone...but I may revisit that. Glad you had fun with it.
  15. KING COBRA

    How's about "still incomplete"
×