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John Voorpostel

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John Voorpostel last won the day on August 16

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About John Voorpostel

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    A Muse's Muse

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  1. John Voorpostel

    August Lyrics Contest

    Hope it wasn't armed robbery fabkebap...that would be far too ironic
  2. John Voorpostel

    August Lyrics Contest

    Congratulations Kuya, Peko, & 9th Street. And a special shout out for Collection...short, to the point, and not at all preachy because of the satirical approach...and invoking Heston to end it all was IMO genius.... And of course Iggy, thanks once again for putting it all together
  3. John Voorpostel

    Mr Smith and Mr Wesson

    much improved on the rewrite Songwolfe...that ending definitely had to go Now a tweak here and there maybe?? 1) countenance should be rethought...just does not fit in his vocabulary "with a strange look in her eyes, but we had sworn a deal" ??? 2) The missus pefched at the wheel...maybe not the missus but some temporary hookup..and perched???? 3) This VIP service is as top as notch can be???? 4)She said “I’d like to talk about, our previous arrangement” Meet Mr Luger, he's my negotiating agent" His opening bid, a new nostril for my face But his trigger jammed and Mr Smith and Mr Wesson Yeah, you bet-ya They put her in her place! (Verse 4) I turfed her out the car and drove away at full speed There’s a beach in Acapulco that was calling to me Saw a roadblock up ahead, some sheriff keen to make a name Looks like me and my best buds need to sort this shit again All in all a great lyric in here somewhere. Deserves polishing.
  4. John Voorpostel

    Sorry, lover

    I like the write even as I agree with the comments===far too much time apologizing and explaining AND that changing POV is pesky If you are going to tackle a rewrite, maybe run this through the "story filter" I learned about at Dar William's "Write A Song That Matters" retreat 1) where did you go (place, emotion, idea etc) 2) prove you where there 3) what did you bring back\why should we care 4) what is the aha of the piece If this is about that rendesvouz with uncertain meaning then opening with your second verse is far stronger and sets the table immediately...you know exactly what is coming===except you will twist that around to make it interesting AND leave us with some AHA
  5. John Voorpostel

    Buddy Boys

    No nits here...nice way to bring out what you like about playing with your "little buddy". Mine's now 25 and taller than me, but he's still my "little buddy"
  6. John Voorpostel

    Lipstick stain

    Do like it. May not need one if you vary the music in V3.....might be a tad short that way, but you said pretty much all there is to say "is possible of having a mistress" is too grammatically wrong IMO. You can always get by with little twists here and there, but this almost renders the phrase meaningless in the interpretive sense
  7. John Voorpostel

    Perfect Moments

    I honestly don't know where I scored this so it must have been middle of the pack Do remember liking In these moments we need to take joy where we can Live in the present and find a place of calm Guess looking at this again, on its own like it is, it has some nice lines but all in all, I just wasn't transported to the scene. I got descriptions of what people went through but little in the way of pictures that show me you were there.
  8. John Voorpostel

    Man Bun

    I think this is a lot of the way there with everyone's picture of a man bun at stake, but if you feel confident, a lot of what you mention need not be said, Should you ever consider a rewrite you might focus on something more specific and develop that instead of covering a broader defence directed at the listener, some of it based on inferences made by yourself. Cheers
  9. John Voorpostel

    hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobic

    Good On Ya Mate it is. Courtesy Graham Henderson RIP. Used to be given out on Just Plain Folks in the early decade of this century Graham lived in Esperance, on the south west coast of Australia around the corner from Perth and was a regular with us on line at JPF. Means exactly what it says
  10. John Voorpostel

    Distance

    Yes thank you for sharing these raw emotions. Somewhere in this there is a great lyric and you write well. If you are looking to improve it you might think core and soul of what you want the listener to hear. Lots of good lines in your lyric as is, so pick a central, binding image and phrase, and build around that. This is introspective and moody. Dar Williams said this about how to write a song 1) Where did you go...physically, mentally, mood, idea 2) Prove you were there, so what did you see, experience, do etc 3) What did you bring back\learn 4) What is the "aha!!" and "so what?" Angel Stoner Hagar, a fellow Darling (graduates of Dar's songwriting retreat) sometimes uses a quilt approach whereby you write the phrases on paper and move them around. That could work if you want to run your lyric though this kind od process You say you do not play buto I assume you do hear it all in your head and can make your musical thoughts take shape with your words. You surely show it. You do write well If there is one thing to keep in mind for you as someone who does not write their own music it's prosody, how words flow towards rhymes and along rhythms. It's about creating a lyrical shape to a phrase, so lyrics are poetry meant to be sung and structured into musical sections of intros and outros, verses, choruses, refrains and bridges. Prosody helps move everything along And welcome aboard
  11. John Voorpostel

    Ball and Chain

    Well first off Bakers Dozen life cannot be easy with those demons lurking, but I hope that writing and talking about it gives you strength And this one's definitely relentlessly skewed toward worthless and defeated all right. Do you write and play music as well?
  12. John Voorpostel

    20 Years Ago

    Thanks Discatticus and congrats on the win for Autobiography. Because this was a song it was heard and one person remarked on a key change that starts the song and that comes around on the comfortable pair of shoes line. I kinda liked that best. I'm capoed up and strumming C for a bit then transitioning to G through Am, continuing the strum pattern. Then on Comfortable Pair of Shoes I transition back from C which I'd gone to in the Chorus. Anyway I really liked it because it was the first i'd done something like that and it did so in a way that many voices can participate
  13. John Voorpostel

    20 Years Ago

    Hi Mick...thanks for the thumbs up Always good to get different POVs Paul. I generally do think about them...some longer than others. Your direction is a good alternative. Someone there suggested I change the tone to "relax, there is lots of life and time ahead"
  14. John Voorpostel

    20 Years Ago

    Hey Bakers Dozen..nice to meet you. Can you explain odd? Because here is the lyric re written so far. I tried to make the story more understandable because one thing mentioned was pronoun confusion. But I've kept that line Now the lyric itself says I'm comfortable in life. I've had my stages and been graced with a wonderful wife and family. I'm no longer full of the same passions as I was ... the term "comfortable as an old shoe" is used in this context. So on this rewrite I am actually ending in a way to imply my wife is as comfortable as an old shoe...which could be taken a bit awry Watcha think? Twenty years ago This used to be my house This used to be my neighbourhood We were all so young and loud With everything so new and feeling good Now after all this change I know a little more Than I knew when I was young Twenty years ago Since you’ve become my home Your life’s become our neighbourhood And while our children fill it I still feel young and although I should Get older as I change I play a little more Than I did when I was young Twenty years ago I stopped searching for el dorado I don't care for the fountain of youth You live it long enough Your life becomes a comfortable pair of shoes I'm proud we've kept our home The centre of our neighbourhood Paint jobs now and then Keep it looking pretty good Now even as we change A little more a little less Than we did when we were young Twenty years ago I stopped searching for el dorado I don't care for the fountain of youth You live it long enough Your life becomes a comfortable pair of shoes
  15. John Voorpostel

    The Crows of Wheelock Park

    Well I gave this a shout out as one of my favourites from the title on. Great imagery So there is this song from long ago by John Cooper Clark called Beasley Street that has this relentles theme of inner city squalor Lyrics below the video Far from crazy pavements The taste of silver spoons A clinical arrangement On a dirty afternoon Where the fecal germs of Mr Freud Are rendered obsolete The legal term is "null and void" In the case of Beasley Street In the cheap seats where murder breeds Somebody is out of breath Sleep is a luxury they don't need A sneak preview of death Belladonna is your flower Manslaughter your meat Spend a year in a couple of hours On the edge of Beasley Street Where the action isn't That's where it is State your position Vacancies exist In an X-certificate exercise Ex-servicemen excrete Keith Joseph smiles and a baby dies In a box on Beasley Street From the boarding-houses and the bedsits Full of accidents and fleas Somebody gets it Where the missing persons freeze Wearing dead men's overcoats You can't see their feet A riff joint shuts, opens up Right down on Beasley Street Cars collide, colours clash Disaster-movie stuff For a man with a Fu Manchu moustache Revenge is not enough There's a dead canary on a swivel seat There's a rainbow in the road Meanwhile on Beasley Street Silence is the code Hot beneath the collar An inspector calls Where the perishing stink of squalor Impregnates the walls The rats have all got rickets They spit through broken teeth The name of the game is not cricket Caught out on Beasley Street The hipster and his hired hat Drive a borrowed car Yellow socks and a pink cravat Nothing, la-dee-dah OAP, mother-to-be Watch the three-piece suite When shit-stoppered drains And crocodile skis Are seen on Beasley Street The kingdom of the blind A one-eyed man is king Beauty problems are redefined The doorbells do not ring A lightbulb bursts like a blister The only form of heat Here a fellow sells his sister Down the river on Beasley Street The boys are on the wagon The girls are on the shelf Their common problem is That they're not someone else The dirt blows out The dust blows in You can't keep it neat It's a fully furnished dustbin Sixteen Beasley Street Vince the ageing savage Betrays no kind of life But the smell of yesterday's cabbage And the ghost of last year's wife Through a constant haze Of deodorant sprays He says retreat Alsations dog the dirty days Down the middle of Beasley Street People turn to poison Quick as lager turns to piss Sweethearts are physically sick Every time they kiss It's a sociologist's paradise Each day repeats On easy, cheesy, greasy, queasy Beastly Beasley Street Eyes dead as vicious fish Look around for laughs If I could have just one wish I would be a photograph On a permanent Monday morning Get lost or fall asleep When the yellow cats are yawning Around the back of Beasley Street Songwriters: John Cooper Clarke / Martin Hannett / Stephen Hopkins Beasley Street lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, BMG Rights Management
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