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John Voorpostel

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John Voorpostel last won the day on July 13

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About John Voorpostel

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  1. Yes Liam---great to see something simple and original that can be duplicated ---well by creative folks better than me Jeepers Paul, I only count 4 of them (ignored the rest) so I have to think you errr really don't like that kid Thanks for checking in
  2. No need to apologize for an honest assessment Liam. I expect you are not the only one who feels this way give the number of views vs comments....if I can even take that as a measure But I was inspited by Jack Johnson's latest "My Mind Is For Sale". http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/jack-johnson-busts-walls-in-anti-trump-my-mind-is-for-sale-w492140 After listening to it, I read the accompanying article, and he talks about things he did, that happened and he learned last year..... and riffed off of that. Thanks for checking it out
  3. Wonder if "Following the old ways" may not be a bit more powerful. If the music needs "we follow". then never mind. Not sure about the chorus. You bring the nets in before you even cast them out, and head for "a safe port"--means any port in a storm---but the you are raiding the waves home. Then you start the second round of verses by fishing and thinking of home before you even talk of the storm So in general, I think this needs more cohesion one key idea--your hook I expect--- so you need to tie everything into "we follow\following the old ways"...fishing, what you do in the storm, dying etc It's the same now as it always was--tech may be different, but the way of life, the people, the places, the ocean--that is all the same. KOS
  4. Good morning (or whatever this is for you when you read this Now maybe I'm overthinking this, but things broke down for me with the college girl. Why were these girls too sweet? We know cereals are full of sugar, but college girls' conversations? And why is sweet bad in a girl? I know you are setting up that delicious pun, but I want to agree with you about those college girls and I can't. On the plus side, it does sing off the page, so that part is definitely working. So maybe if I heard it, I'd pull an Emily Litella
  5. May not meter or look like it, but it does work musically. I Don't Like What I Learned This Year © 2017 John Voorpostel A year in which I learned the world Was not as fair as I supposed The rich build golden palaces Poor folk just get callouses A year in which I learned reality’s Not always as it seems All but ninety nine percent Can bend the ears of presidents A year in which I learned that love Can conquer all, but it’s not enough When all that love is focused on yourself I don’t like what I’ve learned this year Shocking doctrines taught in school I don’t like what I’ve learned this year Been playing the naive fool A year in which I learned that words Can be made up, turned into weapons Polarizing weapons man It’s such a waste of talent and A year in which the world’s a twitter Temperatures and tempers rising Everything is rising With the level of the anger I don’t like what I’ve learned this year Shocking doctrines taught in school I don’t like what I’ve learned this year And I don’t like to play the fool I wish I had the words to teach But I can’t think of any good solutions Maybe in a year or two Or ten the world can think of some I surely hope there’s smarter people out there “Cause I don’t like what I’ve learned this year Shocking doctrines taught in school I don’t like what I’ve learned this year Been playing the naive fool Yeah I don’t like what I’ve learned this year Shocking doctrines taught in school I don’t like what I’ve learned this year And I don’t like to play the fool /30
  6. Thank you Kuya Yes, this one is going back into the hopper for a total revamp. Not sure how or even when I'll salvage it. but who knows...
  7. Thank you Musical Key. Mike B and Paul (and all who chimed in) for the critical assessment. Will be going back to the drawing board here ...
  8. Oops. one more suggestion now that I see it She can ride up close BEHIND (you in the bridge) would be the placement I think and set up that slide to the front better Still like this lots===also like Ron's some favourite toy suggestion
  9. Some good points Hobo==we could turn this into a debate, but that just proves you're right in that there is no real answer to that big question, so this is only my own POV. Despite the fact that there are people who would agree that our goal SHOULD BE (so value based judgement) to live fully to our potential, there are definitely other POV out there. So good catch and I will have to look at that more closely
  10. Lots and lots to like here Kuya. The "inside references", the names and remembrances and that awesome double entendre to end the bridge (or do I just have a dirty mind??) Just one teenie suggestion...sweet sidecar---for the alliteration and setting up these two sweet ladies Did wonder about whether or not to comment on the order scooter hooter hooter scooter reversal, but then the reasoning became clear and I realized it just had to be done that way. All in all top notch idea and execution.
  11. Hi Liam Anthone Torres, who frequented Just Plain Folks and The Write Stuff some dozen year ago coined the term "Obscure du Jour" for my stuff because I wrote stuff that had to be explained. Guess I still haven't learned And the issue with Moments in Time is that really isn't the central theme--merely how life fits together "mechanically". The heart is that ideally, you become your dreams..I Think Therefore I Am, I Dream Therefore I Become....and fully realized you are like a vibrant garden--hence "Why Are We Here??" Hey Snarky---first, give due to where its due. In Woodstock, the Joni Mitchell\CSNY classic, the chorus changes, but the first time around it goes We are stardust, we are golden, we are billion year old carbon And we got to get ourselves back to the garden And then changes to to rhyme garden with golden when they stretch those two words out.... So I definitely "lifted" that rhyme and the core of my chorus from a classic song
  12. Well thank you kindly for that Songwolfe. Glad you liked it and that you had an immediate connection If I change the title, the "Promises On The Wind" is nice but things do lean towards Whispers. I actually went with Talk Is Cheap because the full line is long, and talk is cheap really does underscore what this is about. Later---
  13. Shooting from the lip Liam----- Lotta "she's" in this Broken shooping cart simile a bit jagged and seems to waver into the diection of a homeless person with all she owns in a shopping cart--which we know is not true Not sure about hysteria there-- Other than that, scans ok...probsably will revisit this to take a second look
  14. Had a real struggle coming up with a name for this song. This may not make it in the end, but I kinda like how to lyric answers it. Suggestions welcome. In the meantime Why Are We Here? ©2017 John Voorpostel V Jane is very busy simply being free Chasing every kind of dream and making memories Building her life out of moments in time Building her life a moment at a time V Jeremy is looking for a reason to be more Finding that his answers are a way of keeping score Building his life out of moments in time Building his life a moment at a time C Today, you’re all of yesterday, everything you wish for Building palaces and dreaming in the sun We are vibrant golden stardust Conscious living carbon We are here to turn ourselves into a lush and verdant garden B1 Funny how life works you learn you end up where you start Every destination learns the passion in your heart Step by step you fill an empty glass up to the brim And you’d do it all again In a heartbeat C Today, you’re all of yesterday, everything you wish for Building palaces and dreaming in the sun We are vibrant golden stardust Conscious living carbon We are here to turn ourselves into a lush and verdant garden B2 Building our lives out of moments in time Building our lives, a moment at a time Building our lives out of moments in time Building our lives, a moment at a time C Today, you’re all of yesterday, everything you wish for Building palaces and dreaming in the sun We are vibrant golden stardust Conscious living carbon We are here to turn ourselves into a lush and verdant garden /30
  15. Some high level comments Overall not a bad write but there is definitely room for improvement 1) as noted, things are perfect at first sight--so maybe somehow qualify that it is on looks only. As is, it's Hello I Love You What's Your Name? (that is the name of an actual song I wrote and performed at a friend's wedding ) 2) naming names makes this more relatable " Brenda wanted flirty with a special kind of dirty" 3) your journey to "love" is fast and entirely shallow---I know women want a sense of humour, some smarts, some drive, someone who cares about them, really listens and connects etc SO make this a physical attraction and how you want to buy him a drink, but you know he'll never finish it because.....point is, as you've written it, you're not in love, you have the hots for this guy.