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discatticus

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11 Good

About discatticus

  • Rank
    Contributing Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Gainesville, FL.
  • Interests
    Running, cycling, water, mountains, movies, reading, etc....

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both...Primarily lyrics.
  • Musical Influences?
    Townes Van Zandt, Old 97's, Dan Reeder, Blaze Foley, Guy Clark, The Felice Brothers, Dave Rawlings, Jason Isbell, The Avett Brothers, The Decemberists

Recent Profile Visitors

3,434 profile views
  1. V1 The lines across my face are growing deeper. The year ain't wearing very kind on me. The only love I knew...I couldn't keep her. Gone as far as gone could ever be. V2 I pour the last shot from a bottle. The one we opened up last New Year's Eve. We toasted us...and raised our glasses. I was a fool to ever leave. Chorus Now I haven't heard a word from you in ages. There's no reason you'd be calling me today. Tomorrow I'll be leaving here for Tennessee. Tonight I wish you were asking me to stay. V3 If I had paid closer attention, There's a chance I might have seen The grass in the field where I was standing Was already a lovely shade of green. Chorus I haven't heard a word from you in ages. There's no reason you'd be calling me today. Tomorrow I'll be leaving here for Tennessee. Tonight I wish you were asking me to stay. Bridge I never knew regret could break a heart. It pushes in, then it tears the thing apart. Chorus I haven't heard a word from you in ages. There's no reason you'd be calling me today. Tomorrow I'll be leaving here for Tennessee. Tonight I wish you were asking me to stay.
  2. discatticus

    The Meanest Man of All

    Hey SOK, I really liked the instrumentation on this tune. It had that sort of "Back in the holler" patina that I absolutely love. I started tagging along to folk/bluegrass jams with my Dad when I was a kid, and I would love to show up to a jam somewhere and hear this playing as I walked up...I'd be rushing to get my guitar out in time to join in. Sure, vocally it could be cleaned up some, but the voice quality once again is reminiscent for me of many a late night picking on someone's porch....and who doesn't love a good murder/cannibalism song? Thanks for posting.
  3. discatticus

    'Til Daybreak

    Hey J, The lyrics are my favorite part of this song. It tells a good story...a sorrowful story (My favorite kind) The fingerpicking guitar is very nice in the verses, and keeps the song introspective and intimate. The strummed guitar is well-placed...being in the pre-chorus/chorus it really breaks up the song and gives it some good build...It does, however, feel somewhat stiff in places. The background lead guitar is a cool idea, and not a bad sound. However, it feels like it's a bit off the rhythm at times? Perhaps this is an artistic choice, and if so I don't wish to impede it. The melody is subdued, which isn't bad in and of itself. I feel like it's got potential, but feels like an unfinished piece of wood...with some sanding it could be smoother and more engaging. The vocals aren't the strongest, but from your previous comment you mentioned you're looking to put this in the hands of a stronger vocalist anyway. On the flip-side, your vocal quality fits this sort of song better than say, a power ballad. Final thoughts... You've got a good story here, and the progression supports it well enough. With some melodic tweaks, and another run at the vocals, this could be something really nice. The lyrics are solid, the structure is good, the length is ideal. Thank you for sharing your work.
  4. discatticus

    The Crows of Wheelock Park

    Hi SOK, I had this song pegged to win the July Lyric Contest; it was my top score along with Iggy's. I love the wryness, the imagery. I was digging it the entire way through, but the verse that hooked me outright was V5. She thinks she's got you figured When she should be eatin' crow That is some fine writing. The verbs...I love the verbs! Also some of the descriptions left me very happy....Your gramps was renaissance...That's killer. V4 is also delightful, though I agree with Paul that the ho at the end feels a touch out of place given the rest of the verse....and the rest of the verse is brilliant writing...Words like "knack" "the human form in action" "sand diamond"....Spectacular word choices.
  5. discatticus

    Paper Angels

    Hi Nuclear, I'm going to agree with Mike B. on this one. It's always a good idea to trim as many ands, buts, justs, etc. out as possible, unless they're serving a specific contextual purpose. A couple other thoughts.... Follow my army of angels As they They're breaking down Heaven's front door You wonder how you're gonna make it Believe me when I tell you how... (The first part of this couplet is really good. The second line feels like a missed opportunity....I feel like there's something more powerful to be said here...I'm not sure what exactly...but something.) These are just my two cents. I think this is a cool lyric overall. I thoroughly enjoy the verbage....your use of words like fold, guide, break, drop, turned....These are the power words in a song...and you've got em.
  6. discatticus

    Foreigner

    The lyrics are good. Your economy of scale is very nice....You're not wasting very many words, and there isn't much fat to trim. If this is truly one of your first attempts at song-writing, you've got some serious natural talent. Sound-wise, your voice is great...what I wouldn't give to work with a singer like you....and your harmonies are spot-on. The mix is cool, and I liked the way your vocals panned throughout the song...That technique doesn't always work, but it did here. This song's got a familiar feel, and it would not be out of place in a good mix of good Pop/folk/R&B. The Italian influence is cool. Find yourself a good collaborator who can put original music to your lyrics (or do so yourself) and I think you've got something to market. -Dis
  7. discatticus

    Rhymes 8

    Socrates said, "Now here's a trick... More impressive than some gymnast's flip" Then soothed his stomach with some tea... Wise to what his body needs. Next Topic: Lost at Sea
  8. The drums are a bit janky. (I'm just learning) Any and all feedback welcome, be it on lyric, melody, instrumentation, etc... Thank you. V1 I wish I had some money... I wish that I could find A freight-train with enough track to forget that you're not mine. I've never been to Branson... Or even San Antone And I'd like to see Lake Michigan before I'm dead and gone. CHORUS I never meant no trouble, I never meant no harm. I never told you how I loved just lying in your arms. I can't slow these days down no matter how I try. I'd say that I'll forget you, but we both know that's a lie. V2 My father worked his whole life... I've worked my whole life too. And Granddad was an Army Major back in World War Two. Sometimes I still hear you... Still see you in boots. I still wear your memory like a faded three-piece suit. CHORUS I never meant no trouble, I never meant no harm. I never told you how I loved just lying in your arms. I can't slow these days down no matter how I try. I'd say that I'll forget you, but we both know that's a lie. V3 I have read The Bible... I've read "Bloody River Blues" And I have walked the woods at night without wearing my shoes. I wish I had some money... I wish that I could find A freight-train with enough track to forget that you're not mine. CHORUS I never meant no trouble, I never meant no harm. I never told you how I loved just lying in your arms. I can't slow these days down no matter how I try. I'd say that I'll forget you, but we both know that's a lie.
  9. discatticus

    JULY Lyrics Competition

    Hi all, Thank you for all the kind scores. I had Crows of Wheelock Park and National Bankers' Dance as my top two picks this month. I also really liked Watercooler Jake and Out of Control...Thanks for hosting the event, Iggy.
  10. Hey Tamara, A few thoughts I had on your song. Firstly, there are a couple of really nice bits of writing peppered throughout the piece... Those three are the definite standouts in terms of interesting writing. That's not to say that the rest of the song isn't well-written...just that these three pieces feel fresh and powerful. As for the song as a listening experience. There are a few places where I think things could be tightened up a bit. There are a couple of times where it felt like the lyrics could have been a bit punchier if you had waited a beat, as in the case of the line "Please just leave me today." Thanks for putting this up. I enjoyed it. -Dis
  11. discatticus

    Pale Morning Scene 2

    Krum, MG, Fish...thank you all for the compliments on the harmonies. Quindfish, any thoughts on where the instrumental would work best in your opinion?
  12. discatticus

    American Dream (starting over)

    I think this lyric is getting tighter. I like quite a few of SOK's suggestions. They trim the fat and verb out the action. I think anything that can be done to make the fist that is this song pack a stronger punch is beneficial. Good stuff, Rock.
  13. As I lie in my pre-morning bed I can see on the wall the paint's peeling. My breath gets found out by the cool morning air. As it escapes from my lips to the ceiling. Since the day that you first threw the keys, And the paint chipped, and started to fall. I've kept watch on your slow getaway, Every morning when I look at the wall. At the wall. And you said, "Why don't we just stay here in bed?" And I said, "Now, what could be better?" And you said the cold wouldn't leave you alone, So I went to go get you a sweater. Thinking Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... Look at this weather.
  14. discatticus

    I Dream Too

    The instrumentation on this song is seriously tight...Impressively so. Your harmonies are spot on...Your ooh's are placed just right.....The last ninety seconds of this song were my favorite. I think the lead vocs could stand to be brought forward just a touch, but otherwise I think you've got a winner.
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