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About discatticus

  • Rank
    Muse In Training

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Gainesville, FL.
  • Interests
    Running, cycling, water, mountains, movies, reading, etc....

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both...Primarily lyrics.
  • Musical Influences?
    The Low Anthem, The Decembrists, Richard Schindell, Joe Crookston, Josh Ritter, The Barr Brothers, Dan Reeder, Townes Van Zant, Ellis Paul

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  1. discatticus

    SEE FOR YOURSELF (Jan lyric contest entry)

    Hey Tony, I think this is an interesting lyric. It reminds me of a revival preacher's sermon in some ways, though a bit more subtle. I like the show don't tell aspect of the message. There is, however, perhaps a need for a bit more of a zeroing in on the actual take-away message. Don't get me wrong, I like that style of telling what something is like...Very Boston song-writer....but I think it might behoove you to be a bit more direct throughout. Either way, I liked the style. It's conversational. It shows that faith, when discovered, can lead to a myriad of beautiful moments in life; and that it is akin to many aspects of human existence. One specific idea... Or the stars at night as they wink in the sky Or when they die in a fiery streak Or the winking of stars as they laugh in the sky. Or when they die in a fiery streak. It sets up a mini-catharsis and provides a tidy personification. To go from a jovial moment to one of destruction. Just a thought. -Belmore
  2. discatticus

    Streets of Coeur D'alene

    STREETS OF COEUR D’ALENE (Verse) We were walking down the streets of Coeur d’Alene You could not stand still The crowd had gathered for the big parade Up on Independence Hill We stopped and listened to a street musician Down at Sunset Park You said you’d like to get down to the water Before it got too dark (Chorus) We were both so unafraid Too young and foolish to see this was not forever On the streets of Coeur d’Alene Blinded by not knowing any better (Verse) I hailed a taxi to the Wall of Fallen Heroes Up at Cherry Hill You said you could not understand such violence I said I hope you never will Then it was night and you were feeling restless Down on Hubbard Street We sat and watched the ripples in the water Felt the sand beneath our feet (Chorus) We were both so innocent Just two kids, pretending we knew better On the streets of Coeur d’Alene Learning slowly, that nothing lasts forever (Bridge) And I tried to hold that night To keep it safe from the years that rust our senses But in that cold moon light We felt the stirring of life’s consequences (Chorus) I still think about that day And though the years have left me old and weathered On the streets of Coeur d’Alene We’re still young lovers believing in forever
  3. discatticus


    This is a well-formed piece. It feels fully structured. None of it feels rushed or shoved together. The subject matter isn't my favorite, but that's personal preference and not a reflection on your writing. I'm just not good at painting such broad emotional pictures. I do love the line, "I humble myself to receive the unknown." The only suggestion I have would be to continue to sharpen and polish. Drop extraneous words and phrases. (For some reason the word "quite" in stanza 2 line 3 feels a touch out of place.) That is such a nit-pick though, that it's hardly an issue. And honestly, if I heard this in song form, I might overlook it completely. Really well done.
  4. discatticus

    Another Weekend Gone

    paint the closet, clean the john, fix the faucet, mow the lawn. Damn fine line. I'm captured by the story and interested in the protagonist. I feel like there's a deeper emotional punch just waiting to be coaxed out, though I'm less clear on specific changes that would require. Perhaps some specific thread of regret that carries throughout each verse. Some specific thing that he knows he's neglecting when he's "lost" another weekend. Like the book line, but more present through the entire song.... Anyway, tight writing.
  5. discatticus

    Lay Down Your Burden

    First of all, it flows. And that's great. I get the imagery, and I think it works as a faith song. I have a couple ideas. 1) the A, A, B, B rhyme scheme is really cool in the verses, but how about switching it up in the chorus to an A, B, A, B? chorus Layed down my burden at the feet of my creator Turned over my fears...released my pain Embraced my life stopped being a spectator Infused by the light...cleansed by the healing rain It changes things up and keeps it fresh. Also, I think the third verse could have a bit more punch. You've got the struggles of the young man in V1, the love and struggles of a married couple in V2. V3 seems as though the guy has it all figured out. Whenever something fearful happens he turns to faith. Perhaps a specific fear he has? Death, or the loss of loved ones, the questions surrounding aging. I don't know. Just some thoughts. Overall it's tightly written...not too much fluff.
  6. discatticus

    No Surrender

    Vivid imagery. The intensity is evident early on and doesn't lessen throughout. Without knowing much about the actual history, I'm left wondering about the thirty years piece. Did he remain at his post that long? Or is he still living his life based on the principles set forth in the order, but not actually fighting anymore?
  7. discatticus


    It's got some cleverly-couched words and rhymes. I have a soft spot for cleverly couched words and rhymes rhymes, even if they're meaning strikes me as ambiguous. I'm a just a huge fan of the shape of some of the words you used. I particularly liked: Unknowing disease to a haven of greenSpewing our death on this ultramarine It's just fun to say these words in this order. The meaning is, I'll admit, lost on me. My best guess would be that it's about pollution of some sort. But either way, I can hear this going behind some heavy guitars.
  8. discatticus

    Reaching for the Angels

    This is a tune I wrote after a night of too much alcohol. It explores the thoughts of someone whose feeling that kind of drunk-sick that makes you wonder if you're dying. This someone is lying down to sleep but finding instead thoughts of regret and sorrow. There's plenty he's walked away from in his life, and plenty that's walked away from him. This night is a realization that he's never really gotten over it. He is very much alone. Yet, he's holding out hope that the morning will free him of those feelings. Hence the chorus. Anyway, a lot of backstory, but I'm curious to hear thoughts on tone, emotional hit (if any), and imagery. I rhymed L3 and L7 in V1, but made the conscious choice not to do the same in V2, as a way to push this idea that he's having a harder and harder time keeping it together. I'm open to your thoughts on that as well. This song is slow, done in a pinch/pluck style on acoustic guitar with many hammer-ons/offs. REACHING FOR THE ANGELS (V1) It’s another night Of lying in the dark Pretending I’m asleep and reaching for the angels Alone The backs of my eyes They make the room spin I’m tying up my mind in bourbon-soaked tangles Alone (Pre Ch. 1) My thoughts as I lay here Are destined to stay here I’m turned out and weeping For lost things I’ve been keeping (Chorus) Everything changes when morning comes Everything changes when morning comes (V2) It’s an early light That scares away the dark And I wait for the day while reaching for the angels Alone These tired old eyes Can’t hold back the river Pretending that it’s not the sadness of the wanderer Alone (Pre Ch. 2) These ghosts that I’m fighting Are cruel and inviting It feels like I’m falling A restless sleep is calling (Chorus) Everything changes when morning comes Everything changes when morning comes
  9. discatticus

    I tell them I love fishing

    I'm equal parts, shocked, impressed, offended, and in awe. No easy feat..... Emily, that goes for the feminine rendition as well. Well done? guys. Well done?
  10. discatticus

    Not Okay

    Daniel, I get the message of this song in a big way. It speaks to that part in me that wonders if I'm just too messed up to do right by another person. I agree with Mike about the rhythm, but then again, you're the one playing/singing it, so if it works for you, so be it. I have a few housekeeping suggestions just to clean up the lyrics and give them more punch. Take em' or leave em'. (Chorus 1) I'm not okay and I don't think I want to be, Or maybe I do but I'm just so confused, (I'd drop the "but" here.) Everything is telling me to get up, Everything is saying that I'll lose, ("Everything" is a blanket statement. Focus it a bit more and make it more intimate. "My mind is telling me to get up. My heart is saying I'll lose.") (Bridge) You thought that I was different, but I'm not, You thought that I was stronger, but I'm not, You thought that I was over you, but I'm not, You thought that I was happy now, but I'm just not, (I like the I'm not repetition. How about changing the "you" in L3 and L4 to "I") Just a couple thoughts, man. Good luck.
  11. discatticus

    You and the Moon

    Thank you guys for the feedback. Musical Key, excellent note on the adjective. Barney, harsh but honest. Thanks for taking the time. The concept was being far away from the person you love, somewhere exotic and unique. Then realizing that even from that far away and beautiful place, their face is still the image you hold. Then it's about getting back to them, letting them know you want to come home to a place of warmth and love.
  12. discatticus

    The Person Below Me 5

    Sorry...haven't found one that's gluten free. The person below me is trying my patience.
  13. discatticus

    Kindred Souls

    Hey Paul. I know a lot has been said about this lyric already, and I really enjoy the sentiment. The first verse is a real gut punch which leaves me ready for the soothing theme of connection that follows. For whatever reason, and I know that the chorus has been analyzed six ways to Sunday, I had this idea. It just hits my ears nice and tickles that part of my brain that likes when lyrics are creatively couched. How's this... Kindred souls across the oceansKindred hearts across the seasKindred minds share kindred notionsThat this world can live in peace There's something about couching that extra kindred in there that just seems cool to me. Anyway, awesome lyric. -Belmore
  14. discatticus

    You and the Moon

    This is a song I wrote in a sparse lyrical style, using a slow pinch/pluck acousitc guitar style. It's bluesy and folksy and should absolutely be sung by a woman with a soulful voice...or a guy...also with a soulful voice. It's fully formed with music and lyrics. The chorus is song only once at the end, but its melody is played on the guitar earlier in the song. I am looking for feedback on mood and imagery. I'm also open to tweaks that anyone thinks might clean or tighten the lyrics. Thanks! (V1) I'm lying I'm here on the moon All cradled in blue Carved out for you. And I'm flying I'll be there soon There's not much to do When you're just a fool Riding the back of the moon. (musical chorus) (V2) I'm floating I'm floating in space Think I see your face Somewhere in the blue. And I'm spinning Like a big sattelite. I'm faster than light Sending signals to you (break) (chorus) And if I don't burn up in the atmosphere Will you fill my cup, my dear? And ask me about my adventures all afternoon? My love, you're even lovelier Than the moon.
  15. discatticus

    Nostalgic State Of Mind ~ Revised

    Killer chorus. I love the urgency in the line... "So much left to do, but I'm running out of time." I'll freely admit, I shared the sentiments of some earlier posters in regards to the cliches in the verses, but I feel like there's a payoff in the self-awareness in the chorus. An understanding of just how fleeting this time is. It's as though the man nearing the end still has access to the feelings he had when he was younger and love was a sappy love song. We should all be so lucky.