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spanishbuddha

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Everything posted by spanishbuddha

  1. Untitled Poem

    Amerigo, Why don't you try writing directly about your daughter, her friends and their experiences with harassment. Hey! Even better, how about writing about what you describe as being asexual or not identifying as either gender. Sounds very personal and very interesting. Backtracking to this particular write, you might want to consider adding some symbolic reference such as a rainbow to take the place of one or more of the color references because I really thought this was more black and white related in terms of race. Don't want to come across as overly harsh because that is not my intention. I liked what I read but it just needs a little refining. Suggestion re: this line - Full of colors mixed and swirled. Possibility : Full of rainbow colors and swirls In any event , Thanks for sharing
  2. Untitled Poem

    I hope my honesty doesn't offend you but this strikes me as phony and a little preachy at times, kind of like the gay writes you posted in feedback not too long ago. Not going to waste your time or mine going through it line for line but in a nutshell, I get the same "do gooder" image you've been attempting to project. Suggestion: Shorten what you've written and make it less naive and adolescent sounding. As for the title, I would call it................... "Stranger" The perspective (to me) sounds like someone who is attempting to show how open and accepting he is when at heart he's as prejudice as the strange world he describes. Hey! There's another title idea for you. "Strange World", or just......"Strange". The perspective sounds unworldly and like a point of view proclaiming to have moved beyond the injustices of the mainstream society by embracing each souls true colors when that may not be the case at all. It's like someone trying too hard to show or do something which kind of makes it unnatural. My after thoughts on the write, prejudice is not limited to the color of one's skin or one's soul and or geographic location. Perhaps making this more human, more emotionally sensitive and less preachy for starters could strengthen what it is you, the writer are attempting to say. Another title suggestion: White on White. I'm left with the impression that the point of view here is the only white who thinks he sees it right.
  3. Revolution Sound

    Hi, Quintin I like it. Funny how the mind sees things differently between people. I didn't get a Twisted Sister feel to this at all. The beat reminded me of this tune by the group Love & Rockets. (I'm talking the rhythmic beat only) as the songs are worlds apart. Have a listen on the link provided. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff5wxR081YQ Diig the visuals in the video too. Great title.
  4. Birds of November

    Could be wrong but I'm thinking this could relate to the average person today in the digital age, who is obsessed with and overly attached to the technology and all it has to offer. Use of "binary code" leads me to believe its use here is in some way insidious, but whatever the meaning is in its contextual use here, we are disconnected from each other and stuck in what we've got in a culture of dissatisfaction. English for the most part is good with a few bumpy spots in the word dept that might be difficult to sing as noted above. Consider alternatives for "binary code" and "sticking", but I have a funny feeling after digesting this a couple of times that the binary code here is key unless you mean technology or some other aspect of it. I only throw this into the mix and give it thought because you make mention early on that English is not your first language. But, I will stick with my gut, binary code is key and yes insidious and perhaps so is the title, Birds of November. Hmm November at least in my neck of the woods is an election month. Anyway.................... Suggestion: expand this a bit more, not much but a little and tighten the lines and meter if you think it can be sung.
  5. Recent shootings

    There is no easy solution and if there is a way to curb outbursts like the one in Florida recently, then it must extend far beyond the usual arguments and debates leaving the Republicans, the Democrats and all their supporters at each others throats. Take out of the equation for a moment, laws, legislation, guns and mental illness. Hear me out. I work in an urban school district. The populations I work with are in great need of help as are the children in suburban communities across the country. I teach as well as observe, actions, thinking and behavior today that is frankly shocking to me among the populations I teach and much of the behavior I witness would never be tolerated in any form when I was a kid growing up. We've had kids bring unloaded hand guns to some of our schools, knives, condoms, porn video tapes, hookah pipes and even once a machete. Nothing surprises me any more. I've come to expect the unexpected. These same children are hyperactive, unable to focus and many have little to no interest in scholastic news and information that pertains to learning. Today's school age kids are exposed to things much the way an adult is exposed to things and many of these same kids have responsibilities that their parents place on them like picking up younger brothers or sisters, going to the store for them on foot, cooking at home for younger siblings because one or both parents are working and or one parent is absent from their lives and the other must work to support whatever family they have. It's a very sad, disheartening situation that plays itself out in the classroom as well as in the real world when they step outside of the parameters of the school grounds. Today's youth in my school, 1st through 8th grades live and are exposed to violence non-stop, whether it is a drive by shooting in the neighborhood and or on TV via the news, movies, a video game and or a newspaper. And that brings me to my point. No matter who you are or where you live or come from in the United States of America, we are programmed to accept the culture of violence that we see all around us and this is at the heart of our problem on the issues we are constantly confronting with regards to shootings. Yes, the media and the Hollywood crowd with their news and movies all perpetuate the killings, shootings, bombings and the darkest things they can conjure up for us to witness and or fathom possible in the human psyche and the video games too that these kids spend much of their time on also is even more violent than the TV and movies. In many ways, the TV and the movies and the video games have become surrogate parents for today's youth who are given these devices (ipads, ipods, video games, etc, etc) to occupy their time, to consume them, since mommy and daddy have their own problems, lack of time, are overworked, uninterested etc. In my observation and sadly......there is no love. These kids today are love starved in a culture that is hellbent on greed, money, sex and violence. The kids I work with all put each other down and bully each other, flash how much money they've brought to school, show off their electronic devices like it's a brand new sports car and there you have it. All of them are extremely needy and easily agitated and at the heart of it many of them are angry. So, consider all of this before diving into the typical conversation on the issues that many start squabbling over with regards to why these shootings happen. If we can't come to an agreement on issues that divide us when shootings like this occur, then perhaps finding common ground in the fact and it is a fact, that I said before and I will say again. These kids are love starved and it mutates and they act out in different ways based on their experiences , perceptions and outlook. Teaching today is a daunting task, at least in the US and quite frankly I don't envy anyone who chooses to raise kids today across the land as I firmly believe based on experience at work and what I see, that raising a kid today in many parts of the land is not a healthy experience for anyone involved. The solution if one exists realistically goes far beyond curbing gun access and addressing mental health issues. It's complicated as today's youth are more influenced by their peers, the greater society (TV, movies, video games, each other) than they are by their parents and authority figures. We live in a culture that openly embraces violence and we wonder why these young people act out??? I think back to when I was growing up. I was a shy, often a scared kid who had my own share of problems and then try imagining me as a kid in today's world with the toxic TV/media and movie culture we've got and the devices that seem to have many sped up literally and unable to focus or calm down. I think it would or could be very overwhelming and thus could cause some to act out and in different ways unfortunately if they aren't getting the attention they need from home first and foremost but then the outside cultural influences with the technological wonders are now as much their family as their parents. Today's kids are also under a lot of pressure to perform, not only in the classroom but there are expectations from their peers, parents, the schools and frankly life is just getting much too overwhelming & complicated. Just a few thoughts
  6. Memories

    I don't know. My memories of you will never fade, in reference to the new love interest and something has begun leads me to think, it sounds like saying good-bye to someone before there are even any memories to reflect on. If something has begun then what memories is the perspective talking about? Sorry, still a little confused. Anyway, interested to see any added verses.
  7. Memories

    Hello Aña The above comments are how this piece comes across to me. Why on earth would you entitle this "memories" ? It's about re-discovering oneself and learning to be free and love again after a bad experience. Focusing on the past over again several times will only delude the overall message of triumph and hope in my opinion. Use or lose my suggestions. Welcome.
  8. How can we improve the site?

    This place is long overdue for a collaboration contest (pairing a lyricist & a musician) as well as variations in standard lyric contests which should from time to time challenge people to step outside of their circle of life where a set criteria is designed and or set up for whomever enters a given contest and with specific parameters. I'm assuming most of us here are creative but with that said, speaking for myself, this creative mind would like a little more spice added to the mix of things around Muse Canyons. Even the same old , same old can get monotonous and boring, with a routine that instead of bringing more people into the fold, can isolate (over time) the same characters into dead end pools without variety equating to nothing more than the stale bar syndrome with pats on the back. I think from time to time, a few activities such as the above mentioned (at least once a year, maybe late Spring or summertime (north of the equator) ) could help to improve the site activity not to mention stimulate the creative juices and interest. I also think, these kinds of activities can potentially bring the community together when sharing in a goal and or activity mutually interested in. Just some thoughts.
  9. Young woman's name

    Here's a link that may be of use to you, Mike. Check it out below. http://hasani.net.phtemp.com/water.html
  10. Young woman's name

    I like "Rain", too and I know someone by this name, except I'm not sure how she spells it. I think she spells it either "R-a-y-n-e" or as Bob spelled it, "R-e-y-n-e". Rhymes with Wayne either way. Other suggestions: Skye , pronounced like the sky above. The word origin as a name has multiple meanings in different cultures but I once knew of a girl named......... Skye, S-k-y-e and was told it was of Turkish origin. In any event, if I think of others to add to the list, I will return.
  11. Crashing Down

    Very good Crashing Down = The hook (But, that's my preference) Could even add in two more downs after each 'Crashing Down' to make it even more emphatic. Either way having two more downs to one after crashing could work with Crashing Down and or Down as the title. Can't you hear the breakers roaringCan't you see the lightning flashingCan't you feel the tables turningCrashing down, down, downCan't you hear the tempest blowingCan't you hear the echoes soaringCan't you feel our worlds turningCrashing down, down, down Just a thought or two.
  12. Racist

    It's been a while since I've posted something here in feedback. I wrote this a year ago but have played around with lines and altered things over the course of the past year. I'm looking for line suggestions that could make this stronger but I am also open to constructive comments on the material. I realize the content contains a number of different issues of the day, but I am comfortable having more than one issue at hand, but if that is a problem then by all means let me know why. What motivated me to write this is the constant attention I see given to the use of the word "Racist" mainly on TV among the media, which has turned me off to the point where I don't watch much in the way of any television news. Again, line or word suggestions are the goal and focus for me but I am open to and interested to get a reaction to the content of what I wrote because as the writer it may come across or project one way to me and come across quite differently to someone else. Please weigh in. Oh and if this were to be sung I can't imagine too many genres that could or would encompass it. Rap? Hmm Lines may be too short. Hip Hop? Anyway............Here it is. Have at it folks. (New line 5 Verse 2) 4th Posting Racist If you don't believe the fake news Then you can't be for what is right You'll be placed in a category Along with the other whites Your education must be lacking Your mind stuck in the past tense And to firmly go against the grain May be viewed as a capital offense You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word So you think all lives should matter Immigration's out of control Blacks are as bigoted as the whites Third world countries are shitholes Cops are good guys made to look bad Statues should remain intact The nation is losing its culture And if you speak out you will be attacked You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word Anyone who questions or challenges the strategic plan set on a course Is a threat to the media hype that exploits with all its force You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word Carl B © 2017 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Racist (Revised - 3rd Posting) Returning to original 5th line of Verse 2 but that line is still being worked on. See line 5 V2 in purple. If you don't believe the fake news Then you can't be for what is right You'll be placed in a category Along with the other whites Your education must be lacking Your mind stuck in the past tense And to firmly go against the grain May be viewed as a capital offense You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word So you think all lives should matter Immigration's out of control Blacks are as bigoted as the whites Third world countries are shitholes Cops are being painted as bad guys (THIS LINE IS PRESENTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION )- Open to suggestions for this line but prefer to have "cops" included. Statues should remain intact The nation is losing its culture Our And if you speak out you will be attacked You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word Anyone who questions or challenges the strategic plan set on a course Is a threat to the media hype that exploits with all its force You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word Carl B © 2017 __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Racist (Revised - 2nd posting) Original is below this. CHANGES ARE IN PURPLE. If you don't believe the fake news Then you can't be for what is right You'll be placed in a category Along with the other whites Your education must be lacking Your mind stuck in the past tense And to firmly go against the grain May be viewed as a capital offense You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word So you think all lives should matter Immigration's out of control Blacks are as bigoted as the whites Third world countries are shitholes The cops are described as vicious pigs Statues should remain intact The nation is losing its culture And if you speak out you will be attacked You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word Anyone who questions or challenges the strategic plan set on a course Is a threat to the media hype that exploits with all its force You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word Carl B © 2017 ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Racist (Original post) If you don't believe as some do Then you can't be for what is right You'll be placed in a category And of course you must be white Your education must be lacking Your mind stuck in the past tense But to firmly go against the grain May be viewed as a capital offense You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word So you think all lives should matter Immigration's out of control Blacks are as bigoted as the whites Third world countries are shitholes Cops are being painted as bad guys Statues should remain intact The nation is losing its culture And if you speak out you could be attacked You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word Anyone who questions or challenges the strategic plan set on a course Is a threat to the media hype that exploits with all its force You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist To the herd You're a racist You're a racist You're a racist That's the word Carl B © 2017
  13. Afraid of life

    Hey, that's really cool! Please share that completed demo recording with us should you have the chance. Looking good.
  14. ghaw2007's Lyrics

    Our Brand is Chaos might work better with what it is you're going for here. Streams of thought with what you've set up in the verses, could then be well supported by the suggested title. Then work on the meter and line balance making each verse at least the same amount of lines. An odd number could certainly enhance instability and reinforce the idea of chaos. That might alter your intent here a bit but at least then it would make this a little more understandable. If that's offensive, then I'm sorry for even bothering to comment, as what I've said is not meant to be offensive. I'm assuming people want a straight up reaction to see how their material comes across to others who may view it, but I suppose it's not my place to assume anything. Good luck
  15. Lost Boy

    Hi, Anna Consider removing "Peter Pan" (which seems out of place) in this and replacing him with some other character who is darker and more ominous. Would make it even more interesting than it already is in my view. Title reminded me of a great vampire flick with a very similar title, The Lost Boys. If you have the chance take a look on the link I provided below. Maybe this can help with ideas to explore, although a vampire direction may not be what you want to sink your teeth into regarding what you've already written. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lost_Boys
  16. ghaw2007's Lyrics

    Again, a lot of thought went into this but, I'm really not sure what it is the point of view here is trying to say.
  17. Afraid of life

    New chorus from your posting at top of thread (not original posting). I'm getting older and time is passing by I don't wanna waste a minute of my life Don't want to regret, my life when I'm dead Being brave is what I'm gonna do Being brave is what I'm gonna do You took out the original line 3. Gotta get this feeling, outta my head I like the original better. Song is not about saying one is going to be brave. It's about the struggle the perspective has with feeling the way he or she feels in relation to his or her life based in large part on standards others have set (worrying about what others think, worrying about not being perfect) according to who? Although, being "Brave" is more punk like and defiantly in your face saying. I'm afraid, yeah, fuck you anyway fear. I'm gonna be brave is what I'm gonna do. Hmmm Yeah, I could see it. That would work better than Afraid in one regard if this is to be punk. Otherwise I still like the original which shows the honest feeling without the cover. Just some thoughts.......I'll leave it at that. Again, great starting point. OK. I'm out now.
  18. Afraid of life

    I think this is really good. Hope you're open to suggestions beyond the hook. Feel free to keep or sweep ideas in purple above. As for the hook being a one liner. That's tough as it would have to be pretty strong and in my imagination I can't picture it NOT repeating. You've got a pre-chorus and a chorus already and the pre-chorus appears to use the current title and it is used only once, so my suggestions, ideas below (like the above) are merely designed to fuel your own thought process. Not here to change what you've already got. Afraid, afraid, afraid to live life Afraid, afraid, afraid of the strife Title: AFRAID I would also consider adding a small bridge that could clarify that although the perspective was afraid as a child, the perspective still is afraid as an adult. The only difference is........the adult is going to live life and work his or her way through the fear and at the same time living, trying, experiencing or in a sense conquering it. A good teacher I once had said to me, if you resist the fear, you will experience pain. Go through it to move beyond it. You envision punk and yes you wrote it but I don't see subject matter like this as punk. Perhaps that's just my own personal angle on the subject matter, which I think is very relatable and at any age if we are to be truly honest. Thanks for sharing LATE ADD IN: You added a few things at about the same time I posted this. The above relates of course to your original.
  19. ghaw2007's Lyrics

    A very interesting read but I don't see it as singable. Sounds like an advertisement.
  20. Thoughts on Offensive Lyrics

    Well call out the guard!! My what's deemed offensive. Love all those tunes on the list above, especially Sugar Walls (which actually is about a vagina I believe), We're Not Gonna Take It, In My House & of course She-Bop (yeah, work it Cyndi!). Hey, I have an idea just thinking on this list now. How about a muse songwriters list of the top 10 PMRC for what's posted here at the site to be voted upon by our lovely muse family (including our very own lyric & song police). Would certainly be interesting and potentially fun.
  21. Racist

    Thank you. I like your ideas.
  22. Racist

    Hi, Dan I appreciate the suggestion and thoughts but I think I'll save that line for perhaps another write.
  23. Racist

    Thanks. I'll think on it. Let me know your thoughts if any on the current 5th line V2, when you have a moment.
  24. Once upon a time

    Reminded me of those Clint Eastwood westerns I like so much. One itsy bitsy nit. Take out 'but' from the opening verse and replace it with....Now An enjoyable read.
  25. White Valentine

    I like this and think I get it yet don't understand the meaning behind the term 'White Valentine". For some reason, I keep thinking "white roses", which are often extended to loved ones of someone who has passed away. Is the meaning similar?
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