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Everything posted by spanishbuddha

  1. spanishbuddha


    Sounds cathartic and personal. Relationship abuse as a topic could certainly have emotional appeal in that the audience is empathetic to a character who has been physically or emotionally abused by someone else, but the problem for me is that the POV sounds a bit masochistic. Guy is abusive in some way, perhaps emotionally, physically yet the POV (point of view) still wants him in her life and is afraid he will eventually disappear. I think, at one point she even says she'll take the bullets for him. She's hoping he'll change, and when he's nice, gets her hopes up high to only repeat the same old thing, yet she still wants him and what bugs me is the ending. Instead of gaining the courage and strength to walk away, the abuser in this situation is the catalyst for the necessary change that happens when he finally moves away from the area the point of view is in. So, in my mind, the ending contradicts the fear the point of view clearly states she has that this guy will disappear, which he does. I just wish the disappearance had been on the main character's own terms and not because of unforeseen circumstances that were out of her control. Reason I say this is because the POV didn't resolve this conflict on her own terms (based on the writing) which leads me to believe it could happen again. Might consider altering the ending, where he moves away. If that is the reality and this is you consider yourself lucky but I would find another ending that puts the driver's seat in the hands of the victim. I think people will identify more with the position in the write because the way you have it, the point of view didn't resolve anything. Also, can't imagine anyone regardless of whatever appeal this has for anyone, wanting to sing a line like this ; "You beat me no matter what I do". Might shift a word or two, like "beat". Typos (below)? I'm is constant fear I'm is constant danger But then you say me name Just some thoughts as I always find it of value to see how what it is I write comes across to others. Perhaps it's not fair to think the same of others? I don't know. Feel free to ignore if you don't like what I've said, but this is my reaction. You did put it up for critique.
  2. spanishbuddha


    Enjoyed this one. It's very clever but has the flavor of floccinaucinihilipilification as far as a song goes. Keep writing. Very creative.
  3. spanishbuddha


    Your song has strong sentimental value. I like it. The video enhances the beauty and lives of these adorable little Puffins. There's a whole world going on out there beyond the human experience we should be more mindful of and sensitive towards. Thank you for sharing
  4. spanishbuddha

    Sorry, lover

    Why would one (in the writing) keep saying she or he is sorry when it's quite obvious that she or he is not sorry?
  5. Speaks the truth, Dan. Drug em' up to shut em' up is how a lot of problems are dealt with today, unfortunately. Thanks for posting! I love the title.
  6. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    Cut off, disconnected There's a price when you're free It can lead to isolation Could be you, could be me Next Topic: Sunrise
  7. spanishbuddha


    This is excellent. I love it. Sounding very radio friendly. Welcome!
  8. spanishbuddha


    I'll give it a 4. Why? Did nothing for me. Couldn't make out the words and the voice had no emotion and sounded robotic. Technical component I'll leave for someone who makes music to dissect. Oh and one thing I did appreciate is that this does sound like a nightmare. You're welcome.
  9. spanishbuddha

    Open Box

    It's a blend between someone opening a box or a gift that has something he wants inside of it with the idea that the box symbolizes a girl of interest, who is possibly closed or has been closed to him and he is trying to either bring her back to life and or make her interested in him. That's how I see it. Hmmm. Not sure I care for the idea of referencing a love interest as a box. I get that she's not open to either him or the world perhaps, generally speaking but it's almost as if she's an object for the POV, point of view to toy with, play with and in trying to get to know her or bring her out of her shell, he's annoyed or frustrated, getting tired. And then the title. Why open box? He opened her? ....or so he says, yet he's not satisfied with what he's found. Maybe "Open Door or Open the Door" with a few word shifts could personify this better getting rid of the idea that the love interest is like a light switch or even a box for the point of view's amusings and then include the title hook in a way that impacts, has clear meaning and even repeats. I just don't like the concept of someone with high expectations playing with or using someone like a wind up toy and that's how this comes off to me. Attitude in lyric also comes off as egotistical. Not at all surprised the girl isn't interested. This one is all about the point of view with an over-inflated opinion of himself. Maybe the perspective in the write is the open box, living in his imagination.
  10. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    Will leave the blow up dolls for you Would rather visit a farm to pet the sheep The intention for this one isn't up my alley And really gives me the creeps Next Topic: The Way of the Peaceful Warrior
  11. Tom There's nothing disappointing about this. It's beautiful, man. Perhaps a few technical nits here and there but I think the whole song sounds great. Cheers Carl
  12. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    Buffy the vampire slayer Supernatural drama Where a girl chosen by fate Battles forces that cause Sunnydale trauma With help from her friends, the Scooby gang And a guiding watcher named Giles The show was a favorite Along with the X-files. Next Topic: X-Files Quick sidetrack have a look Mr. D Looks delicious - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mgd0YfKqozg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYOCgKYaPD0 Chocolate Pizza! Below....... Yum! In France, they serve this beauty which is absolutely delicious too. A chocolate sandwich on French bread of course. Heehee Anyway, I'm sorry. Now that an appetite is building. Back to................. Next Topic: The X-Files
  13. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    He was 400 pounds of jelly She was 300 pounds of flab And when they got together in bed A lot of beef was up for grabs Couple of peas in a pod The size of an SUV They were two bumping uglies A sight for all to see Next Topic: Chocolate Pizza
  14. spanishbuddha

    This Is Divorce

    If this is the point of view's divorce from feelings for someone else, then I don't sense a divorce and the title seems paradoxical. I sense anguish and frustration, maybe even pain coming from the part of the point of view in the verses. He's telling everyone he's over it and moving on with the chorus, but the verses have him reflecting on the feelings of guilt and pain, with self blame, pity, and proclaiming it's a two way street with the share of guilt falling on the love interest too. That's how what's written above comes across to me. If this is divorce is going to be the hook, then I'd at least like to feel it myself. So, in a nutshell you've got a guy reflecting the way it is or was and then says this is it, no more feeling. This is divorce, in which case some imagery could help but again, I don't sense a divorce here, the POV still feels something and is hurting. If this is divorce, then I don't think he needs to go back over the reasons why this or that happened and who if anyone is to blame. Just some thoughts. Perhaps others will view what you wrote differently. Oh and I would begin the first verse & second verse without "I". Feel like..... and continue from there.
  15. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    Fishing!!! Cast the line Into the pond Water ripples Fish have spawned Patiently wait Until you hook A feisty catch That tonight we'll cook Next Topic: Auto Shows
  16. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    Working out is fun to do Walking, running, swimming too It relaxes the heart, mind and soul Keeping fit is the goal Next Topic: : Mountain Climbing
  17. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    I hear the guy who rides a bike is kind of funky A jack of all trades who's a quintessential grease monkey He's got oil stains on his clothes With a reputation to fix up cars like the pros A natural mechanic, He was born Outside of working on cars He enjoys watching kinky porn Next Topic: Sexy Beast
  18. spanishbuddha

    Frankestein Love

    I think this is a great starting point. Title is creative. Reminded me of two older writes I have utilizing the name Frankenstein. One is rap, the other not sure about the genre but in any event, I'd like to see the idea of a love brought back to life from the dead in some way made more graphic or pronounced. Regardless, however it sounds good even as a very rough draft . I like it!
  19. spanishbuddha

    Omniabsent- Soul

    Wow, that video, the art work and design are really hypnotic and mesmerizing when combined with the music. Very effective. I got sucked in to the sounds as I stared into the screen. Wonderful! Love it. Thanks for sharing
  20. I like it, but question the title. The melody is peaceful enough and not at all loud but the sound quality and mix leave me thinking and wondering , so I am not sure "The Calm" is completely justified yet I do like the piece as well as the title. There is something eerie or at least some component in what I am hearing that is kind of eerie and thought provoking as well as mysterious perhaps, Dan mentioned "sinister" and I can see that too. Yes and (to me) it's stimulating. I don't feel relaxed by the sounds but rather I am intrigued by them. Very interesting. Different. Thanks for sharing
  21. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    The grim reaper is a peeper A voyeur from a far Who gets off when people die Also called the check out czar Topic: Scary Dreams
  22. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    Where's the rest? Are you're referring to the other 4 lines regarding the twinkie I decided to edit? Well, if you are I wasn't in the mood to include the words" shaped like a turd with a fluffy center of cream" in the write. At least not today. I suppose I can try to recall it from there to re-edit. But, not sure that's what you're talking about. If it's about Atlantis. Well. I realize it's sunken now if it even existed, so where's the rest.....Don't know. Maybe a mile or two under the ocean somewhere in the mid Atlantic. Shall I pick another subject?
  23. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    Deep fried twinkies Are a delectable treat But bad for the health Even if every morsel is sweet Next Topic: Atlantis
  24. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    No point resisting temptation Since the food entree has arrived No point in saying no When your appetite's revived Next Topic: Piña Colada
  25. spanishbuddha

    Rhymes 8

    Hope is not a plan My grandfather used to preach Words I never felt Until I began to teach I hoped for interested students I hoped to facilitate them well But their personal problems and the system stopped them From learning things, oh what the hell Yes, hope is not a plan My grandfather used to preach Now I must create a plan to exit The institutions that are out of reach Next Topic: Give Me Someone Real!