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spanishbuddha

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spanishbuddha last won the day on November 12

spanishbuddha had the most liked content!

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About spanishbuddha

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    A Free Spirited Muse

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  • Gender
    Male
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    Down To Earth
  • Interests
    Lyric/Poetry writing, travel, jogging, walking, swimming, nature & the outdoors, taking care of Jet the cat, helping my mom, reading, getting away from the rat race going on around me.

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist who often has a melody in mind when writing.

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  1. Love Hotel by Dani

    Hello Dani & welcome. Most if not all of the rhymes here sound forced.
  2. Death

    There's nothing to critique from my end. It's very good and I like it.
  3. Punching Bag

    I really appreciate your effort. I don't know what else I can say, Jane. Again, thank you.
  4. Punching Bag

    I'm open to constructive criticism, Jane but I sense you're no longer interested in helping to improve this piece when you make a statement like this above: "Don't tell me that I don't understand it though, I think I understand it a bit better than you do." Sorry, now you've lost me. I mean, I wrote the piece. Can I pull the Curtain or must we go on? I got what you said the first time. Thanks for clarifying you got what I meant.
  5. Punching Bag

    It's edgy because it's a taboo to talk about let alone sing about in this superficial, fucked up, money oriented world we've created for ourselves. Thanks for commenting!
  6. Punching Bag

    This write hits on issues (very superficially) that no one wants to look at. You either get it or you don't. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
  7. Punching Bag

    Hi, Jim! Thank you very much. I didn't think anything in this was offensive either. It speaks to the order of the day and it touches some of the hot button taboos many don't want to look at or focus on with regards to the bitter polarization today that spills over into all avenues of life in my thoughts. Oh, regarding the changes reference I highlighted above in purple. Those changes in the post you're talking about (in blue) are mine as a result of editing in an updated version from February of this year (2017). The updated version was copied N pasted by SFX with his response. Jim, I'd be curious as to what you think of another write of mine here several pages back on the thread. It's called: Resistance is Futile. If you have the chance and it interests you I'd be interested to hear your thoughts but only if the write interests you. No worries. I'll keep your suggestions in mind. Look forward to reading more of your lyrics. Thanks for commenting Carl
  8. Punching Bag

    Ron The lyric illustrates the polarization we as a society, maybe even the world face. I'm not married to game of tag, but punching bag really is at the heart of personifying for me what I am witnessing in general. There's a pent up feeling of anger and frustration at the national level (at the least) and to me it's obvious that one person or group piles on this person or group and its a feeding frenzy at least in how our news and information is often depicted by many different sources of that information, but this is not meant to be political commentary. In the private life, the same thing. This is everybody inclusive. Private lives, the schools, the kids, the media, the special interest groups, politicians, Hollywood, could be family, among friends, colleagues etc, etc, etc. I'm giving thought to your remarks on the tag line, but to change it I would need to get more folks on board first. For me, I think what I've got works. Not married to it but at present, will keep. Thank you for commenting
  9. Punching Bag

    Thank you!
  10. Home For Insane

    Hi, Jim I like it! I see Mr. Voorpostel beat me to the timely response. I like John's suggestions on your chorus but my thought initially was on what you said. You wanted to work this into something horrific and quite frankly I think this works the way it is for the most part minus something that's chilling or dark. If you really want to turn this into a scene that paints a horrific picture with graphic images then consider a completely new write. Wouldn't like to see what you've already got chiseled away and eventually lost. This can stand on its own but to do the horror story might take what you've already created in another direction in my thoughts. I'll give my initial thoughts and I have come back to revisit this a number of times before commenting. At first, a nut house, insane asylum came to mind with some of the references but then the cat on the floor, needles, valium, beer, gave way to the possibility that this was or could be almost anywhere. Initial thoughts came to mind of a good friend of mine, who many years ago was in a rehab center for his drinking problem. He jokes with me about it in his recollection and calls it quote "The House of The Painful Truth". So, his experiences in the way of stories he shared with me came to mind after reading this for some reason. Only thing that stood out that I thought needed to be revised in order to mesh with what was going on was this..... Things start off, it's a place you can relax, be yourself, anything goes, it's all up to you and then came this verse and the last line there seems contradictory in my eyes. People like you come from far and near To surrender their minds then disappear This is the house where anything goes There are no rules no friends no foes This is a place of obsession and fear Keep to yourself and don’t ever sneer - Consider an alternative because at first it sounds like a place anyone can be themselves and keep to yourself doesn't encourage that. Anyway, just some thoughts.
  11. My American Hero

    Oh I almost forgot. Hmmm. I'll digest that line change you've already made in the chorus. But................ I think I like "Pretend" to be brave better and here's why. 1) You now have two "try" words used back to back in the chorus with the change you've made as well as the following line. 2) I don't know about you but sadly I come from an extended family that doesn't know each other very well and when they get together for holidays it's pretty phony and artificial in my observation. Probably why I've had such little contact with them.. My point being, "pretend" works beautifully to illustrate just that, how artificially staged such encounters can be at holiday times and other times when extended families gather. You could also make an argument that for the (positive) sake of the children, the "pretend" mode is better for their well being too even if it's not what you really feel inside. Sometimes projecting one way as opposed to one's true feelings going in the opposite direction is in everyone's best interest and this may be one of those situations. Just a thought.
  12. My American Hero

    This is contest material Patty. I wish you had saved it for the monthly contest and how fitting it would have been as Veteran's day was on the 11th. It's excellent. Keep in mind it works beautifully but I have two lines I think could be stronger. I leave it to you to decide. Regardless, what you have works, but here goes. 1st - The last line of the first verse. "He's never quite at ease". I don't know any Navy Seals or Green Berets but I do have a colleague I'm friends with who was in the military and I'm not sure the uneasiness line best describes the actual servicemen. Many of them in fact (like my friend) have nerves of steel and live for the experience to serve. Not that this line couldn't be accurate, I just think it mirrors the singers feelings and is a projection. "But, still I'm not at ease" might and I say might make more sense in the context of what's going on in the song. The song projects the singer's feelings about her man being away and in potentially dangerous situations. I think that's the only line where the serviceman's personal feelings are interjected. Keep the feelings to the singer herself and again it's a projection. She's uneasy. Then.....The bridge 1st line there. We both volunteered for this duty - The singer wishes her man home. If she's in the military also (if that's what you meant and I'm not sure it is) then wouldn't her situation be similar to his? In that, she's never home either and on constant call. Not that it is not possible because I am sure it is but I thought it would be stronger to have the singer as a woman who was back home and her battle is as verse 3 depicts, to be superhuman too. He struggles with terrorists and special missions and she struggles worrying about his safety and whether or not he'll make it home. Emotionally its hard for her. Gotta have nerves of steel on an emotional battlefield as well back home. He volunteered or I know he volunteered for this duty might be better on the 1st line of the bridge. Again, your baby and a great one at that regardless of what I've said. Thanks for sharing this with us
  13. Darker Times Comin' - formerly Black Day Comin'

    This (to me) speaks to the order of the day. Everywhere I go publicly & privately the general feel is......the state of our cultural, social/community & political situation is in decline and will continue to do so making the subject matter relatable to many, myself included. Only thing I might argue is the title. As some might say black days are already here. Perhaps as the point of view suggests things don't look good and could potentially get worse. Darker times are comin',....... All out intense....."Darkness is descending". Work on replacing that 'sinister' line in the bridge if you can. I would also consider getting rid of "Satan" as this works fine and stands strong on its own without help from down below. Regardless, you've made your point. I don't know that I would necessarily call this dark, but rather realistic as (to me) it paints an accurate portrait sadly of where we are as a society and or potentially headed. Would be interesting to read some of your political and or darker writes. If it moves you post a few if you have the chance. Nothing wrong with dark or even negative, as long as it is something I can say, hey yeah I get what you're saying. I understand you.
  14. RED

    Obviously you're offended. How am I biased? You're attacking me for something I said you don't agree with. That says something about you. Did I say every song needs to be happy and upbeat? No, but it does need to be relatable and in its present state this is not relatable to at least me in my very humble opinion. If this is personal for you I am sorry I even bothered commenting. Wasn't worth it. Nobody will sing it in its present state except for you. Over and out
  15. RED

    And I cant breathe Without God tormenting me - Wondering what the POV's God has to do with tormenting him or her? Sounds like he or she has him or herself to do that after completely reading over the piece. I don’t believe In any of the gifts I strive to keep They say beauty Is truly only skin deep But it’s a portal to so much more you could see - And that's just it. Haven't even scratched the surface. I'm sympathetic to a point but the voice is very negative. I don't think this is something I would want to hear sung in a song unless perhaps you can add something that is positive despite the feelings and obstacles the singer faces in life because of his or her skin condition. Red is my favorite color and I know I look best dressed in something with a lot of red. Could add something positive that has yet to be discovered. The voice here sounds real down on him or herself. I think either a friend or love interest tells the point of view that the problem the perspective is dealing with is "superficial", but the point of view then says, "what if that's the best of me". "Don't go any deeper, you might catch my disease". And there lies the problem for me. The perspective is more comfortable or so it seems being miserable than exploring the things that make him or her beautiful that might lift the spirits if he or she were emotionally open. Maybe the perspective is angry with him or herself too (not only because of the condition) but because he's afraid or unwilling to go beyond what is described as superficial. Another reason to be red I suppose. I guess sometimes it's easier to be miserable and feel sorry for oneself and this is what turned me off about the piece. Good starting point but lots you can do to make this better. Food for thought.
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