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spanishbuddha

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spanishbuddha last won the day on March 3

spanishbuddha had the most liked content!

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About spanishbuddha

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    A Free Spirited Muse
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    Male
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    Down To Earth
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    Lyric writing, travel, jogging, walking, nature & the outdoors, Jet the cat, and reading.

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist who often has a melody in mind when writing.

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  1. I like it a lot!! Words & message are good. Love the vocals and the guitar riff works well but at certain points it screeches a little too much. My ears are rather sensitive, but don't get me wrong. I think what you've got, finished or a work in progress is really strong. I'm not a musician so I'll leave the technical component to others but again I do like it a lot. Lyric wise - The word 'noice' stood out. It was actually the only noise in your vocabulary usage (for me). Must be honest. I've never heard of it till now. Thought you had a typo and were trying to spell "noise" in the chorus, but then I see much to my surprise "noice" is a word although the spelling corrector on the muse website is indicating to me it is a spelling error. So did you mean noise or noice. Will the winner please stand up!!!!! noice vs. noise Noice (urban dictionary) - "Beyond the boundaries and exceeding the limits of nice. Spoken with emphasis when describing something particularly awesome." Noice could make sense but is that what you meant? And will anyone know it? ...... It sounds like "noise" in the recording. No big deal I suppose. Love the tune & thanks for sharing.
  2. I think this sounds great. It's reflective, deep, sentimental but most of all simple. Nice work. Vocals could be a little louder and clearer at certain points but not a problem at all. Look like the town I live in. Art work in the video is beautiful. Only thing I wish for is that the lyrics that flash across the screen remain long enough to read them in conjunction with the vocal delivery and the visuals in the video. No complaints however. Pleasant and enjoyable to listen to and watch. Thanks for sharing.
  3. Yeah, I heard the song.  Nice. Some of the Hillary nuts are having anxiety problems for sure.  Laughed my ass off.  Good for Chazz, I'll be sure to drop by.

  4. Doesn't sound like a good situation for the person who is the point of view's interest. Opening line says it all. Point of view love's the coffee made for him or her, love's the bright day dawning. The writing is generic and unclear to me at certain points. Language usage also sounds somewhat disjointed at times too. I realize you've written words to an already existing melody but that's how it comes across to me. Suggestion - Scrap it and start over. Make it more emotionally moving and clearer as to what's going on. Most of all it doesn't sound like love.
  5. I think that's a good point that crossed my mind last night, after sharing what I have finished writing for this challenge with a family member. On the PC screen we had Band Maid's video and on paper printed out were my lyrics. I had to guide with my finger line to line at first from the start along with the melody and music on the video. It made sense to the family member I showed the lyrics to in conjunction with the video, singing, music and so forth, but she was more focused on the words on paper rather than the video and was listening with head phones like I have numerous times before to Band Maid's song while reading the words I wrote simultaneously. I think having the words running across or up and down the screen at the same time as the video plays is much better and ideally makes sense. It certainly would enhance the experience and add to what it is written for this specific tune. Without be able to have the words on the screen leaves a couple of options in my thoughts which can be done as well. 1) Open two browsers to the muse. One via google and one via fire fox or explorer for example. One has the video set up and the other has the lyric. Obviously, the lyric would be the focus and one could still listen to the song at the same time. 2) Or.... The lyric is attached at the bottom of the video with each entry and one simply scrolls down to read the lyric while at the same time playing the video for the completed song in Japanese. Anyway, those are my thoughts. I would think it's possible to have the words each of us wrote running up or down or across the screen as the video plays. Happy I was able to complete what I wrote. I got off to a late start with a downed PC for a couple of weeks. Finished the chorus two weeks ago before original PC problems kicked in. Then attempted to use public library which I just couldn't do as it was filled with distractions. Then I got my PC back a second time, the juices weren't flowing in the brain dept., gave it a rest, came back and finished several days ago. Still brushing things up, but I liked the experience. Oh well, hope it's not premature to post this now, but 14music's comment was something I was thinking after listening to the tune and reading my words at the same time. Whatever, the outcome of how people will "receive" the video in conjunction to the lyrics created from scratch, I think we'll all survive and adapt. Great experience for me and while my final product is far from perfect, I still continue to go over it with a magnifying glass & airbrush if possible.
  6. Ahhh. No. Fright and dark conjure up other images. Since this is directed specifically at someone you're still interested in, I would go with your gut and in doing that I would go back over and get rid of words like paradise and others that are in my humble opinion bullshit words. Keep it real. Be honest. Tell her how you feel. In doing that, you take a risk and expose your own vulnerability but if there is any chance of rekindling the fire, the truth will lead you back. Don't go overboard either. Keep it simple. That's the best advice I can give. But, again, listen to your own heart when deciding what to do and how to write what it is you want to say to someone you still have feelings for.
  7. This is funny. But, I was thinking more along the lines of the seriousness of the issue. This is in your face and proud which is cool, which will probably piss off (did I say that) a few, but it's an issue that I think people would have strong feelings about one way or another and would be more inclined to react to it if it was a situation that was serious. Anyway, Thanks for sharing, Vara!
  8. I like the original version below much more than the newer version above. Look as if the chorus was added in an attempt to make this singable and here lies the problem in why you're not satisfied with it. Nice piece of poetry. If you're going to make poetry into a lyric, the meter will have to be worked on and was pointed out as well in regards to syllables/vowel stresses. My only thought and what springs to mind regarding the verses as it could potentially relate to a new chorus is this........ Hypnotized by the flow of dreams Romantic notions and lover's themes Like a magnet's pull You came to me Making love Is all we see................. But, it's your poetry. Yours to figure out. Verse 2 you came to me in the midnight with no refrain by the hand Not fond of this line, especially the word "refrain". you took me away among the restless souls through the empty streets of mainz our playful act felt so alive lovers eyes Not long ago our destinies aligned and of all the people it had to be you your fragrance in the wind is left behind as you walked by as i held the door for you we wined and dined and hoped to outshine the glittering stars of the night you came at me in the midnight and held my hand with no constrains you took me away hand in hand amongst the sleepless souls Side by side through the half empty streets of mainz our brilliance playful act of love felt so alive Sitting down spacing out to thoughts and memories of you uncertainty overshadows every dream of you piggyback rides and lingering goodbyes of the same mind tonight i hope we could be two mesmerised by the sparks between our eyes passionately yielding to this sensation you and i shared with fastened lips and no words to spare the essence of love was in the air in a surreal like dream time stood still for you and me Sitting down spacing out to thoughts and memories of you uncertainty overshadows every dream of you an unseen dramatic contraction of what seemed to be a lasting attraction Unanswerable questions are left in wander Unquestionable answers are left to ponder Words of love and poesy used to quickened you bittersweet traces is all that I now leave you Silence is all that remained that only a wonder can break To enlighten your heart and brighten your smile like a summers day is my aim Copyright © Jonathan Moya | Year Posted 2017
  9. Who's stuck with who is what's coming to mind, assuming I got the point of view wrong. I thought the alleged victim was telling the story, then I went back and imagined the alleged abuser telling the story. In the end, I felt the alleged victim if there is one here was telling the story. What threw me off was the shift from second to third person. Could make things a little clearer in who's who but I gather that two people are or were (that's another issue), sounds on going at certain points and then reflective and past tense at other points, involved in some sort of dysfunctional co-dependent sadistic relationship. They both knew the situation was not good but got something out of it and continued on anyway. Memories of rape? I'd need more information to back that claim in the writing. I do think the idea of people staying or living together or even being sexually involved with each other in situations where they're miserable but say and do things anyway is not uncommon and remain for fear of having nothing else or at least is the psychological perception of those in these situations that there is nothing else. Whatever, the circumstances, it is abusive to both parties involved. Not a bad write. Would anybody want to sing it? My only suggestion is to keep things consistent with "you" as opposed to "his" in the verses. In other words, don't use both and perhaps go back and make it a little clearer as to who's in it for what and why.
  10. This is excellent, Charles! I love it. It's simple and generic enough to cross the aisle unless perhaps some are aware of the song's true intent and are offended, but I doubt it. It's funny. Good musical sounds and great vocals Scotto and whoever else contributed. Thanks to Lazz also for nudging Chaz to write the song with the title hook. It's about time a song like this came out in light of all the political whining and complaining these days. It's fun and a great hook by the way! Only suggestion (not that it matters) is to have the complete hook advertised in the song title. I think it would certainly attract more attention. Cheers
  11. It's a word salad in many of the lines focused on above in blue. I'd go back and start editing and making some things clearer as well as finding better word choices to make this more emotionally moving.
  12. April Rain shifts from a nature tour to the girl who broke the point of view's heart and then back to nature. The concept of April Rain as a cleanser or purifier from the toxins is good but the shift is abrupt and kind of disconnected with the second part of verse 1 in my view. I'd get rid of the pre-chorus and I would work at making the chorus stronger. Words like 'fain' are rather archaic and not commonly used at least in English speaking North America. The picture here doesn't say much. It's April, seasons change, spring arrives, nature scenes and then plop, girl the point of view loved, thought he knew well, breaks his heart by leaving him and from there it's cyclic. Not that it's necessary, but who is the heart breaker and why did she leave comes to my mind as well as how has the point of view been reborn when it's clear he's still soaking in the rain. I want to feel his pain or at least understand it and at present I do not. Verse1: April, it's spring in the air - Spring is here, it's in the air Gently wind is blowing your hair - Gentle wind is blowing your hair Misty rain falls from the sky while migrating birds are passing by She was the girl you used to know - I think you could use these lines in a bridge. You have two parts to the first verse, 8 lines and then 4 lines for V2. but now it's time to let her go You thought that you knew her well but she left without words of farewell Pre-chorus Your mind is pure, your mind is fain when you are standing in the April rain Chorus: April rain, warm and sweet It's gonna melt the snow away April rain, you reborn again Wash your tears in the April rain Soon it's gonna be summer again Verse2: Year after year the grass grows green above the dust where you have been Feel the first taste of summer breeze blowing down through the birch trees Pre-chorus Your mind is pure, your mind is fain when you are standing in the April rain Chorus: April rain, warm and sweet It's gonna melt the snow away April rain, you reborn again Wash your tears in the April rain Soon it's gonna be summer again C-part - This adds nothing new to the picture. Why not use this section to add a new dimension to what's happening. April rain is falling like the rail of tears Running down your face, Washing out the years She's gone and the winter slowly disappears while the birds whisper sweet in your ears Pre-chorus Your mind is pure, your mind is fain when you are standing in the April rain Chorus: April rain, warm and sweet It's gonna melt the snow away April rain, you reborn again Wash your tears in the April rain Soon it's gonna be summer again
  13. I like it! but I'd like to see the lyrics a little more in your face, naughty and risque however. Incoming as a title is not very strong in my thoughts, although I think it probably works. Other title thoughts that come to mind, "Take it in", "Deal with it". "Here it comes". Chorus could be stronger in my estimation. After reading over the words here a couple of times, I listened to the song in song feedback and I had a hard time making out the words with the sound system you used. Although, I do think the musical genre and style you've projected and used for the musical sounds just adds to my initial thought that the lyrics need to be more in your face, with a sprinkle of naughty and dash of risque. Subject is not as shocking or as risque as it once was. Perhaps placing what is described as incoming into the lives of lets say middle America in some way that directly affects some or many would be more controversial as it seems to me that there is a slight in your face texture to things here. How about a song about trans folks using the public restroom.
  14. I must admit I have a double challenge that just surfaced earlier today that I am going to overcome. I had computer troubles two weeks ago that have returned and have taken my access to listening and viewing the song and video to the confines of the local public library until I either get the PC manufacturer to fix the technical issue ( I thought they had done the first time) and or get a new PC . Still waiting to hear back from PC manufacturer. Either way, I'm still in this and have begun writing the first verse to go with part of the chorus. I'm going to jot down what comes to mind first, spontaneously and then go back over with a reflective airbrush. Song is growing on me. Voice sounds like a Japanese version of Lady Gaga, without the shock at least in the visual dept.
  15. The inner Jedi will be much more interesting. May the force be with us.