Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 

 

This message will be removed once you have signed in.

spanishbuddha

Members
  • Content count

    1,464
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    6

spanishbuddha last won the day on June 18

spanishbuddha had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

55 Excellent

3 Followers

About spanishbuddha

  • Rank
    A Free Spirited Muse
  • Birthday

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Down To Earth
  • Interests
    Lyric writing, travel, jogging, walking, nature & the outdoors, Jet the cat, and reading.

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist who often has a melody in mind when writing.

Recent Profile Visitors

25,898 profile views
  1. rap

    Ah DUH I got that. I was merely making a suggestion that the title is not included in what has been written. It's a strong title and could have a stronger impact on what ya wrote if used.
  2. rap

    Lot of material to work with. Lab rat as a title isn't used in what is written. This came to mind with regards to what was written. Perhaps this can provide some ideas to digest if incorporating the title is of interest. I'm a lab rat getting fat From the medications they have me on It's experimental to shutdown what's mental Will these voices ever be gone Side effects leave me oozy Yet I know I can't be choosy Puking green from time to time I want to break free from the cancer Free myself just like a dancer Ain't no lab rat in a cage
  3. The good news to come out of OJ's future release is that the vulture like attention of the media will be taken off of Trump and redirected to OJ.
  4. Make Me Feel as a title initially projects a different message than in the context of how it's being used in the 2nd line of the chorus. Nobody can make you feel anything. That comes from inside. And there lies the problem. A point of view, that usually isn't affected by much in the romance department suddenly is and feels something for someone else and is upset that he or she can't pull back the feeling. Has no control. Is a prisoner. A hostage. It's the love interest's fault. Parts of this are singable but it's mostly tell and no show. How about a little detail as to what's going on. Too many I's. Title suggestion - You make me feel.
  5. I don't believe in writer's block. It's up to you. It's all in the head. You have to unclog yourself. Just write something. I often find when I want to write something good I'll enjoy, it's not that I can't but often I am too tired or not motivated and or in some instances, trying too hard. Only way to undo that is by writing something. It doesn't have to be great or something you like, but write even when you don't feel like it and even if it is just a little. If the problem still persists write about how you feel at that moment and what is on your mind. As for Force of Nature...........here's mine. I wrote it 5 years ago. Maybe this can give you some ideas. Force of Nature Thought we had a future that would last, but I'm afraid The sun no longer shines on the life we both had made Picnics in the park and Chinese dining once our thing Laughter over ice cream now a memory from last spring There were no signs that you led a double life Until I figured out that you had another wife The long trips you'd take without me or the kids Saying it was business when you headed to Madrid If I were a force of nature I'd strike you dead Like a bolt of lightning From overhead So you better take cover And you better take care You're gonna be affected By my heartache I swear What bothers me the most is how you don't seem to care Even after the facts have been established and shared The PI on the case confirmed all my darkest thoughts You were living two lives while I was feeling caught Caught up in the lies and frozen by the fear Shaken to the core of what comes next beyond the tears You couldn't bring yourself to admit the truth Left with indecision now I'm sparking like a fuse If I were a force of nature I'd strike you dead Like a bolt of lightning From overhead So you better take cover And you better take care You're gonna be affected By my heartache I swear She must be real sexy To have led you astray Did her passion touch your heart To the point where you would stay It really doesn't matter But it's sad to say The only way to reach you Is by going separate ways If I were a force of nature I'd strike you dead Like a bolt of lightning From overhead So you better take cover And you better take care You're gonna be affected By my heartache I swear CarlB (c) 2012
  6. Starts off as a fantasy win at the lottery and turns into a list song of vacation escapes. Mountains, Colorado, Spain/France, lotto/powerball, chorus is a drunken I gotta get away, just gotta get away, yup, shift to the need to be a foreigner, back to the lotto with a small scratch ticket, then shifts to a cheap motel with drinks and grapes and finally ends as a hermit. Hmm. I don't know. If this were the station wagon loaded up it would be in neutral trying to take off. Sounds like a stream of thoughts with some nice ideas going but that's it at present. You may beg to differ. Too many verses each saying the same thing in a different way in my view. Suggestion I know you won't take. I had two students(boyfriend/girlfriend) in a class of mine a decade ago as adult learners of English. They asked me for advice on whether to take a cruise with what they thought was a free cruise that had been offered to them. I looked at their offer and told them nothing in life is free, they'd both be better off getting a motel room for the weekend. So, my point in bringing that up is perhaps the POV in the writing needs to get a motel room too. And isn't that kind of where you ended this in thought almost, right before the hermit and circus part. But, seriously lots of ideas simply repeating. Only way it would work is if there's a bridge where the only escape the guy gets is drunk using it the way it is. You can say all of this with much less than what you've got. Now I think I've said enough. Gotta get away.
  7. Bob, You're moving in the right direction. Quench or ease or calm my thirst make it sound more complete and fit the frame or stage you've set up here. Regardless of virginity status or plenty of past sexual exploits, the POV is a powder keg of pent up sexual energy. He or she in a sense is saying.................Release me. Up to you however
  8. I can't seem to find Rock's epitaph. I would have to agree that Rock is not dead. There are plenty of rock stations on the airwaves where I live that keep all of those classic songs and others alive for those who enjoy listening to them. Since we all live in these insular worlds centered around our technological devices for the most part, it's very easy to shut out what you don't want to see or hear. Growing up, I was never a big rock fan but my tastes have changed or evolved over the years and I now find refuge and liking in music that is considered "rock" often when I turn the radio dial and hear some of the stuff being played over the airwaves today that is popular and current. In fact, rock was just born not too long ago for me, after getting disgusted with many of the current chart topping hits of the present day and then waking up and saying these songs (rock) are great lyrically & musically. So.....while the article makes some good points, the fact is ....Rock is NOT dead. Just depends on how you look at it. Perhaps in a mainstream cultural sense today Rock is not where it's at anymore for the newer generations, but the experience is all subjective as far as I'm concerned.
  9. I like this! Only suggestion is on the bridge. Br: Been sitting in a bubble Just waiting to burst You hold the pin Come on baby let me in - If the point of view is in a bubble waiting to burst and the love interest holds the key or pin to release the point of view from holding back his/her desire, his/her feelings. Then................. The point of view is hungry or thirsty. I get that the point of view wants the love interest to open up but the love interest's openness, willingness, acceptance would then quench the point of view's desire. Like having a glass of ice cold sweet lemonade after hours of baking in the hot sun without any fluid. "Come on baby quench my thirst" Been sitting in a bubble Just waiting to burst You hold the pin Come on quench my thirst Keep or sweep
  10. It's your baby, but I think the original is better than option B. That "fecund peat" really kills it. Had to look both words up. I like the sense of cyclic renewal with coming back in springtime, "I'm in the flowers that have grown". It reminded me of "Where the Red Fern Grows". I felt with option A, we are all reabsorbed back to mother nature and in a sense have transitioned and continue on. I thought this was a beautiful way to end what was written.
  11. Doom Porn. What a title. Certainly got my attention. Seems rather light and upbeat musically (to me) as the lyric depicts, " the world is fucked, everything sucks" and everybody's invited to a party to drink themselves into oblivion. But, I suppose no one would sing it, dance to it or party to it , if this song was musically gloom and doom.
  12. Not for or against guns, but the point of view starts out letting the audience know that she's prepared for the day when little Johnny will be playing with guns and hungry to take aim are his fantasies. After all, he came outta momma with teeth and a ham sandwich at birth. 2nd verse shifts away from what appears to be the mother's perspective and especially confuses me when she says 'mama says it's only natural', or is this the father talking and not the mother from the beginning? Chorus needs some work too. Modern times, yeah. What does that have to do with kids playing with toy guns? They've been doing that for many many years now. What are the new world charms? Seems the technology, the video games and shooting on the screen of a PC/ internet are more the "new world charms" if you can call them that, than a toy rifle. How does the point of view know what her or his little darling's fantasies are? Violent behavior would make more sense. Shows signs of getting a thrill out of using his toy rifle like it's real or better yet, shooting up whatever is depicted on the screen of whatever mindless video game he's playing. Some of these games are absolutely SICK. But, the main problem I have with this one is the point of view who if this is a parent, seems to have forgotten that she or he sets the stage for his or her kids behavior. Blame it on society (modern times), blame it on those games, but ultimately how the point of view raises her kid will determine in large part, how he or she will turn out. In other words, it all starts at home but it's easy to blame modern times, so to speak. I would go back and instead of doing the same regurgitation of the gun scenerio, use a kid that becomes addicted to video games and shooting the place up on a screen instead and a new bridge that provides a glimmer of light on the situation where the parent sets the stage for the child to be this way. Yes, society is out there, violent and cruel but when properly nourished and guided by an attentive, responsible parent not all kids have to enjoy using toy guns or whatever and even if the societal pressure is there, mom or dad doesn't have to buy their little brat all of the latest "in" things to make him feel like a big deal because Tommy down the street has a new bike or a new toy gun or whatever. Subject has potential. Need to shave off some of the fat from the roast first however and that includes that 3rd verse with the sprinkle of politics and religion, really detracts. Just some thoughts.
  13. The ideas behind this one are good Andrew, however the words "economy" and "currency" detract and take away from the overall message. The chorus was the hole in the boat, so to speak if you're looking at this write questioning what went wrong. Not sure anything went wrong except referring to the "gig" as an economy, literal or not. The word in itself is sterile and impersonal. Currency too. Bridge indicates it wasn't for the money and there wasn't much to celebrate, yet it's the gig economy where dreams become your currency. I don't think I could ever equate or compare dreams to money. You basically have a drink where you've mixed two diametrically opposed substances. That's my take. Suggestion: The weakest link (in my thoughts) centers around the chorus and the bridge. Consider re-thinking the layout of these sections. Another option to consider is replacing verse 2 in addition to the above, with a new one that continues the lineage of the point of view and his adventures from verse 1. Seems to shift to third person in verse 2 from first person in verse 1 and presents the defeated image of a wannabe rock star or musician who never made it but had dreams of making it playing live and on the road. Just some thoughts
  14. This is very good and approaches the subject matter from a new angle. Opa is also good and it's different. Please keep it. I figured it was something like "papi" in Spanish. The lyric is personal but relatable sharing in both emotional appeal and realism. Only line I might consider a word change on is in the chorus. ........ "rotting"..... to perhaps something like "death". Embrace the beauty of death, but hmm that might then take away from "seeds". Still kinda split on that thought. Changed or not, it's great the way it is and deserves acknowledgement. Thanks for sharing with us.
  15. Looks like I'll be diving headfirst, first into this one. Don't know how to dive but here goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Step One - Band Name = Clarence Garrett Step Two Name of Album = Chant of the Human Voice Step Three Album Cover Step four - Mash the three together? More images. I like this quote from which the album title came from below. "Each man must look to himself to teach him the meaning of life. It is not something discovered: it is something molded. These prison walls that this age of trade has built up round us, we can break down. We can still run free, call to our comrades, and marvel to hear once more, in response to our call, the impassioned chant of the human voice." ~ Antoine de Saint Exupéry ~