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wallwriter

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About wallwriter

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  1. I like the verses, very poppy, simple and catchy. Not too much information but still setting the scene well. I think the pre-chorus also could work well, but I think the chorus could be a lot more 'catchy'. Also, I would maybe try to link the pre-chorus and chorus a little more to try to give a bit more forward momentum. Something along the lines of....... I want you here, holding me tight I want you, loving me right, right.... ... Right on the edge Giving me love, love on the edge Don't give me sense, just give me intense Give me your love out here on the edge. The point here is using repetition to try to make the chorus more catchy and 'rememberable' - especially for the type of poppy song l think you're trying to write here.
  2. I personally would remove the direct reference to the "corporate ladder" to make it more generic and relevant to a wider audience. If you changed to something like "life's unforgiving ladder" the story has much more appeal to a wider range of people's lives, meaning more people can connect with the song. Other than that I like the visuals and it is a joy to read your work Donna- as always.
  3. The song's natural development took us in a direction where we needed a bridge and just the change in time signature fitted really well to the song, giving it some extra dimension. Up to this point it flows really well. We just had problems coming back to 4/4 for the final chorus/outro: Either the energy was lost, or the final chorus sounded as if it was just 'tacked on', almost like an afterthought. I wanted to find some other examples to see how others had tackled this problem. Our next session with the band is tonight, I've got some ideas from here so we'll see how it goes.
  4. If anyone would like to listen to the finished song. Here we are playing it 'live' https://www.youtube....h?v=M4INyyOUTeU
  5. I like the REM example. Thanks for that!! Oswlek, sorry, I forgot the reply to your post earlier. Also a good example, and I really like the turn around in your Safe demo - coming back to 4/4, almost unnoticable - good work!
  6. Thanks for the examples, I know a few the Beatles ones. And I know there are a lot of songs there with weird time signatures, where the verses alternate between 4/4 and 3/4 for example, but I'm really looking for some examples where the time signature change is over a much longer period. Like for example in the Suspicious Minds (see above). Where you have 4/4 for most of the song then an entire section (a bridge or chorus) changes to 6/4 and then back again.
  7. Don't worry Mortal_Soul it's a complex and interesting topic. To add my own two pence worth, at least with regards to 3/4 vs 6/8 - and I may be wrong, but for me if I imagine counting 3/4 1-2-3,1-2-3 then in a simple rhythm there's a kick drum happening every 3 beats eg: 1-2-3,1-2-3. Whereas in 6/8 the second accented 1 beat of 3/4 is more like a back beat. So imagine a rhythm where on 1 there is a kick and on 4 there is a snare. 1-2-3-4-5-6. 3/4 is very much a waltz kind of rhythm, but 6/8 sounds much more like a 4/4. In my mind that's how it sounds at least. Back on topic, after searching around, I found a very well known song which does something very similar to what I'm after. I'm just not sure if the turn around back to 4/4 will work in the song I'm working on. The bridge starts at around 1.45. Listen how it's more natural to count 1-2-3-4-5-6 than 1-2-3,1-2-3.
  8. Hey guys, I'm looking for examples of songs which travel between 3/4 or 6/8 time and 4/4. I'm writing a songs which starts in 4/4 but goes to 6/8 in the bridge and then I would like it to return to 4/4 for the final chorus. The problem I'm having is getting the return from 6/8 to 4/4 to flow nicely. If anyone know of any songs that have this or a similar change in their structure that I could study, I'd be very grateful
  9. Here's a song we recorded last week: http://www.youtube.c...h?v=E5H5brBtkPw Facebook Page
  10. To make a cheap analogy I suppose it's like opening the door for the listener without showing them the whole room.
  11. Thanks, some great ideas there. I really like your point about about finding one small unique detail in the corner. That makes a lot of sense. The uniqueness of that observation, I suppose, would help to strengthen that line and hook the listener in.
  12. I tend to find it changes a lot, though I do prefer when they kind of come out together - maybe a chord progression for a verse, then a melody and a few words, to get and idea of where the chorus should go. Chorus next, and then see where to go from there. The worst for me, is when I have the whole song idea set out musically, and then have o fit words into that as an after-thought - this way always takes the most effort to find the right lyrics.
  13. Hi, it's my first post in this part of the forum, so I hope my question is suitable. I've been wondering lately about how to set the scene in a song. I'm thinking specifically about more narrative based songs though I suppose the question could be equally valid for other songs. In songwriting it is rather essential I think to set the scene as economically as possible - using as few words as possible, in order to get to the core of the subject in the limited (verse) space available. Is it always necessary to set the scene in the first line, or even in the first verse, how about about after the chorus, or in the bridge? Starting a song along the lines of: "It was a cold, dark night in December" (Although it can work... I'm thinking "Standing at the door of the Pink Flamingo, Crying in the rain" - Soft Cell ) can be a bit cliché and taking in to consideration the fact that the first line should be the strongest, perhaps not the most ideal start to a song. What ideas can you guys share? What advice, tips and tricks do you use to set the scene in your songs? Maybe you have some relevant examples?
  14. Thanks everyone for their comments so far I've had to sleep on this but I've made a few changes, please add any comments Verse 1 We planned to sail the seven seas Much younger then and full of dreams But you said stay just one more day Till the winds change I sailed into the morning sun While you waited for your winds to come Upon the shore I'm sure I saw your heart change Upon the shore I'm sure I saw your heart break Chorus You could be here watching the world turn a page You could be here. You could be standing on the crest of the wave You could be here, if you dared to be brave We never regret those days that we made As a new dawn breaks, a new day wakes and it calls you. Verse 2 Times change, I see the walls you've built, Surrounded by a silver moat A fort you say keeps the wolves at bay Till the winds change Now you stand beneath the morning sun At last you see your winds have come Upon the shore you wait once more, but your heart's chained Upon the shore you wait once more, is it too late? Chorus You could be here watching the world turn a page You could be here. You could be standing on the crest of the wave You could be here, if you dared to be brave We never regret those days that we made As a new dawn breaks, a new day wakes and it calls you. I decided to change the line in the chorus about half as much again for a more general statement about regret. I also changed back to all could's, rather than adding some should's as I think it makes the chorus generally stronger. I'm close to saying this one is finished, but if anyone sees any gaping holes, please let me know. To answer some of the earlier comments I didn't reply to: Donna, thanks for your insight, always much appreciated and valued. Suggest re-thinking these lines. The sense is ambiguous because of 'on the shore' at the beginning of each line. It sounds as though the singer himself is on the shore, though I know you mean that the girl is on the shore. I'm not going to disagree with you, but I feel I can get away with it here. The varying line lengths make the chorus a little clunky. On paper it may seem so, but when sung to the melody I have for this part, it really flows much better. Oswlek: You made some comments about the 'girl's' lack of commitment, and that was really what I was trying to achieve. You picked up on a few other things which I hope I've managed to correct, so thanks. Btw, thanks also for the Petty link, I hadn't heard that song before, and you really turned me on to some good stuff.
  15. A few slight changes based on suggestions, my own comments in peach. Verse 1 We planned to sail the seven seas Much younger then and full of dreams But you said stay just one more day Till the winds change I sailed into the morning sun While you waited for your winds to come (I swapped these lines round to match the second verse) Upon the shore I'm sure I saw your heart change Upon the shore I'm sure I saw your heart break (I swapped these lines round as I think 'heart break' has more impact coming last) Chorus1 You could be here watching the world turn a page You should be here. You should be standing on the crest of the wave You could be here, if you2 dared to be brave You would be half as much again.3 As a new dawn breaks, a new day wakes and it calls you. 1 - I changed some of the could's for coulda-shoulda-woulda's 2 - The grammar monster in me is asking should this not be "if YOU'D DARED" - past tense? 3 - With this line I wanted to express that, by being brave, taking a risk, taking that leap of faith you can be a much better person, you can find more courage to do more - you could be more than what you are now Verse 2 Times change, I see the walls you've built, (A slight change here I think works better) Surrounded by a silver moat A fort you say keeps the wolves at bay Till the winds change Now you stand beneath the morning sun At last you see your winds have come Upon the shore you wait once more, but your heart's chained Upon the shore you wait once more, is it too late? (Maybe one last rhetorical question here? One last moment of doubt.) Chorus You could be here watching the world turn a page You should be here. You should be standing on the crest of the wave You could be here, if you dared to be brave You would be half as much again. As a new dawn breaks, a new day wakes and it calls you.