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Snabbu last won the day on May 25

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About Snabbu

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  1. Snabbu

    Shadow of our Guns

    Hi Patty I considered the rhyme scheme in V1 as ABCB. Is that the same as XAXA? Yes it is when I refer to rhyme schemes all non rhyming lines get an X I have no idea if that's a valid way of noting it, but it seems to make what is the rhyme scheme more obvious to me. Probably not, but by then I felt it was time for some imagery and those lines said what I was trying to say. But, everything's on the table. Saying what you want to say is more important than anything else And if those two lines have to go together "Heres" and "shelter" Then make the decision to have a non consistent rhyme scheme because of the content being the more important aspect. But do consider toning down the cat /mat rhymes. Example: Heroes bloom from the hearts of the dying When they shelter their classmates as bullets fly ( subtractive rhyme less stable) I don’t know the answer, each side makes a case their point (de rhymed) But all I really care about is keeping my kids safe So without diluting your message try to get the feel of the rhymes right. Cheers Gary
  2. Aha, so there it is different name same message and same result. I don't get the point, unless they want to do a promo then try to sell you some service, like a loss leader. Weird. Cheers Gary
  3. Hello T.T Thanks for having a listen and taking time to comment. It is much appreciated. And I thought Chucks guitar work on this was very imaginative, like he got the point and bought into it. Which was a real nice thing. When he did those Tick Tock things I thought it was magic. Like I thought of doing it with backing vocals and then decided that was a corny idea, and independently of me across the other side of the world he did it on the guitar which was really cool. It made my day. Cheers Gary
  4. Yes I agree and if you look at the comments some of them are pretty trite, and repeat. I suspect it's a thing to say now we've done this, you pay us to make a you tube video or something, maybe? I do know that Chuck who played guitars on this has a couple of thousand followers for his band so that could account for some of them, but they wouldn't be making comments like that. Surely sound cloud can stop bots playing a song. I know soundclick can. I used to use that in the old days. I just checked the stats and there are 343 reposts. I did because of soundcloud marketing advice put something like if you like it repost it. On my page. But that's about 150 plays per repost. So i've sent a message to soundcloud admin to check into it. I can't see how many followers those reposts have. I still don't get why you would pay someone to hack your soundcloud with bots. You are not going to achieve anything. It's not like going to get genuine people to follow you or share or repost. And as far as I am aware there isn't a chart like on soundclick. So it's not like anyones going to notice it. There is a bit coming out of Liverpool because of my cousins band red sails, and they have a sizeable youtube following, face book twitter and all that. But that doesn't all add up. I understand the old days there was payola where you paid disc jockeys under the table to play your record so you would sell more, and get in the charts, but I am missing the point here as I have since the Linux Tag Free music CD over ten years ago, not charged for music. And most people don't it's on Viva or youtube so what are you paying for if you do not perform live anymore, there is no gig or merch. profit so I don't really get the point. I will let you know what sound cloud Admin says. Cheers Gary
  5. I got this email from soundcloud. I tried to find something out about the person who sent it because it seemed like a scam. And I was going to do a post here asking. In the end I didn't do anything. Because I sent a PM to this dudes profile and got no reply. Then this started happening yesterday. I can see a comment from My cousin in Liverpool Red sails right at the head of the track so hopefully Kieren played it twice before putting that there. And yes the comments I can only recognise about 12 of them who they are. So no I didn't pay for anything and I don't see the point of doing that. I don't see what it achieves. I checked my Music to deal account and there was the normal amount from there. So it must be something to do with this. Cheers Gary Hey, Taylor Spencer sent you a message: "Іts nіce to meеt уou І'm аbout tо dо rе-Shаre of уоur trасk Shes Only Watching The Clock to оur VіP nеtwоrks аnd musіс cоmmunіtiеs. Аs a rule, а trаck gaіns the fоllоwing асtivіty: ● 206 reаl fоllоwers, 7333 рlаys, 326 оr even mоrе vіral shаring аnd lіkеs, ЕXTRA Vidеo for уour trасk. Fіnd the lіnk in mу Рrоfіlе pic" To reply, go directly to the conversation (this feature is currently only supported in desktop browsers). © 2007 - 2018 SoundCloud Ltd. All rights reserved Manage Notifications | Support | Terms of Use | Community Guidelines | Imprint | Privacy Policy SoundCloud Limited Rheinsberger Str. 76/77 10115 Berlin Germany
  6. Snabbu

    Shadow of our Guns

    Hi Patty So at last I will comment on the song, as the last time I looked at it the subject matter sent me into a extremely lengthy rant. And I gave no feedback on the song. I was exhausted at the end of it. Firstly let's talk about guidelines, the telling and showing one. This is telling. Is that wrong? In this instance I feel it is not wrong, because telling is blunt, showing is artistic, is it appropriate to the subject matter to be artistic? Is that going to be the best way of communicating a message? In the the light of my answers to those questions, I feel telling was a good decision. So well done there. The telling is naive as well, which I feel adds to the thing of, I don't know the solution but I just want it to stop. The rhyme scheme goes off the rails in verse two where you use AABB perfect cat/mat rhymes. Are the perfect rhymes and the rhyming couplets appropriate to the lyric story? If I look at verse one the scheme Is XAXA, and the rhyme type is consonant only, too me that feels very right. It also contrasts with the rhyming couplets and perfect rhymes in the pre chorus. The shape of verse two is also very regular compared to verse one, I have not done a stress test but I'm sensing issues of meter consistency inter verse. The structure of the chorus is fabulous, the contrast with the pre could not be more pronounced. The questions being in the second iteration of the chorus. Why is there no Pre? Should there not be a progressive pre using seeming repetition, adding another angle to support the chorus. Why is the hook statement " broken hearted" omitted? The bridge is again contrasting, three lines, X AA, so there is contrast between all the parts. That is a good thing. Am I going to get home to Brooklyn is the question, or will I be stuck in Manhattan for the night? "It’s time to end this now, the question is how To defend both our rights and our young When a monster gets hold of a gun" If as you have done you leave off the hook I can get on the bridge fine "As I send them off to school in the shadow of our guns It’s time to end this now," Getting off the bridge is a bit more tricky, it's like I have to take a running leap because it doesn't quite reach the other side. "When a monster gets hold of a gun I just want it to stop" It's like you only want it to stop when a monster gets hold of a gun. It's not quite there for me. I like to stroll across my bridges and not have to leap on or off them. I feel you might like to think about the following Connecting the bridge to "Broken hearted" Having a better connection to "I just want it to stop" In addition is it a monster? It's a kid usually with mental illness, it's a bit blaming the messenger. So I feel the bridge content or idea is not the best choice. The function of the bridge is to bring something new and to get me from here to there. I don't think it's doing either completely. Now having said that, I ask my self this. What does this sound like? what is the tone of the song. What do I see in my head that is not actually said. It's direct, no fancy language, It's telling someone the facts, not showing every one the picture. This is what I see. I see a woman probably mid thirties, sitting at a breakfast bar drinking coffee with a friend, it's 10.30 am. They are both shocked distressed, and worried as they have both rant to each other about how terrible this all is. Both women have sent their kids off to school and they fear that they may never see them again, they just don't know. And they need it to stop. Now if you "Show" me that in the bridge then that contrasts with the telling in the verses. And isn't that so cool "Show and Tell" That's what we call little kids morning news at school. Like they take something in to school and do a little speech about it. Now that would be like a hammer to the head for me and you would be communicating a lot more than a few words. So there is not a lot wrong with it for me, it just needs a few edits and a look at a second pre idea. Where it comes in a lyric contest is irrelevant, unless the voters are restricted to melody writers, who can tell if it's actually a lyric or just some clever words with nice images, that rhyme. That is not the case here. And Not picking sides was the best decision you made. If you pic sides and tell your preaching and end up sounding like Bonno and I'm just gonna want to whack you. So you won't communicate anything. Cheers Gary
  7. Snabbu

    "Another Life"

    Hi Andy Good imagery. The verse is seven lines which I think suits the suits the story, together with line five not rhyming, seems to me to give it the right balance stability wise. The point of view singing from beyond the grave is I think not done very much I can't think of an example Oh yes maybe "Sister Morphine" although he's dying rather than actually kicked the bucket. So that is interesting and I think it's Ok because it means the character can know everything. Pace wise, if we talk about verses one and two, ( because line two, verses three and four are a rhythmic anomaly.) It works well because it accelerates into line three then slows down in line four, so it feels to me as if that is going to work OK. The line two issue. In verses one and two line two is short it is two naturally stressed syllables long. In verses three and four it is four naturally stressed syllable long. It is important that it is only two, A because of the pace issue, B because of the instability the difference between line one and two lengths create. There is also the issue of minor words such as conjunctions pronouns not being stressed unless there is a special reason to do so. So if you look at the stress on "is" which is unusual but can you feel how it gives it a feeling of urgency. So below from verses one and two the count is 2 stressed syllables and they are in exactly the same place in both verses beats 3 and 1 probably, if this line was set back heavy like with a rest on beat one of the bar. but there is no time The enemy’s about Now because there is no chorus in this, there needs to be musical hooks within the verse and here is the place for one of them, at line two. That means that verse three and four stress structure must be identical, 2 beats in exactly the same place. So you need to edit those lines to make them so. You can then see that this two stress hook musical motive that appears in line two can be repeated twice in line seven which is a four stress line and as the hook in line two will not end on the root note, when its repeated in line seven it will be just a straight repeat for the first one and the second one the last note will change to the root note most probably. So I feel before worrying too much about individual line images the rhythm needs checking and editing certainly line two. Nice lyric Cheers Gary
  8. Hi Thanks for the listen and the comments. That female vox is actually me singing falsetto. Cheers Gary
  9. Snabbu

    Seems Like Only Yesterday

    No it's not, lyrical hooks are not protected. Unless they cover more than one short phrase. Cheers Gary
  10. Snabbu

    The Truth Comes Stumbling In

    Hi Paul It's great song idea. The decision to put the salutary lesson in a verse rather than in a the bridge or a chorus was to delay it. The only other not I have is the non conversational English here and there to force rhymes it kind of reads in places like a limerick. Cheers Gary
  11. Snabbu

    Text "Down the drain"

    Hi Weyland before me (wanted to say, that things we are imagine, are in our head, before we think about it. Maybe another phrase make more sense, then "before me"?) The word or the expression may be a French one adopted into English, "deja vu" literally translated as already seen. It is common in english to adopt phrases from other languages that neatly explain something for which we would have to use many words, and example from German would be "schadenfreude" to say that in english would take a short paragraph. Cheers Gary
  12. Snabbu

    Table for Two

    I think that's like about a 7% to 10% increase in speed. I will give it a go and see how it sounds. I've never used varispeed before so it will be interesting to see how well it works. Cheers Gary
  13. Hi Jim Thanks for the listen and the comments. I kind of painted myself into a corner with this, arrangement wise. I think the middle eight should have been the big part, as you say, and should have been done twice, but with this structure at this tempo it was impossible. So if I use this structure again it needs to be for an uptempo thing. Because I ended up trying to make the bridge sound small. Because that was really my only choice. I deliberately wrote these lyrics to inform the melody, it was about structure, variation line length etc. So I'm thinking about melody more than lyric content when I'm writing the lyric. Pop song lyrics are more about how they sound than what they say really. Cheers Gary
  14. Hi Tony Thanks for the listen. This basically is I guess my version of Beatle music. 😀 If you look at the structure of this it is based on a Lennon structure, of putting a false chorus in the middle of your verse. "No Reply" Would be an example of that. So basically an AB structure with short fake choruses within the verse. Cheers Gary
  15. Snabbu

    Table for Two

    Hi Kuya Thanks for the nice comments. I actually think you can in Logic there are two ways to do it. I forget what it's called but it's in the project menu, you can either speed it up affecting the pitch to give it more energy they used to do this to records in the 60's or you can speed it up not affecting the pitch. Which you would have to do too get it closer to 3.5 minutes. Regards Gary