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DonnaMarilyn last won the day on April 22

DonnaMarilyn had the most liked content!

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About DonnaMarilyn

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    A Muse's Muse

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    Delft, Netherlands
  • Interests
    Photography, writing, films, literature

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    The Beatles, Moody Blues, Deep Purple, Pink Floyd, Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, B.B. King, Judy Collins, Wishbone Ash, The Decemberists, Rogers & Hammerstein, Rachmaninoff, and many others in between, before, and after.

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  1. Breathe Me Tonight (REV 4)

    Thank you for your kind comment, RZ. Im glad the poignancy comes across, Good point about the last two lines: indeed, the room number could be changed so that those lines rhyme. I can't decide at the moment. Maybe the singer will have a particular feeling about it.
  2. Never Gonna Lose (the Blues) REV 3

    Thanks, Justin. And yes, the blues are pretty much about women and how mean they are. Or about men and how mean they are. Brady, thank you for the look and for your observation. The 10-syllable/beat-line meters OK when I sing it, but if need be I'm sure I can fit in another syllable. Though I want to keep the focus on the woman, so would likely choose a different word.
  3. Never Gonna Lose (the Blues) REV 3

    Thanks, Paul. I agree. No need for 'Cause'. The line's stronger without it.
  4. Breathe Me Tonight (REV 4)

    Well, this revision took a lot longer than that weekend in February.
  5. Genre: blues direction. Male vocals This is from a few weeks ago. After valuable feedback, here’s the revised version, in which I’ve: - dropped syllables to tighten up the piece; - written a new bridge; - re-written & shortened the chorus; - re-written lines in the verses; - tweaked words here and there. Have at it, folks. I want to get it more or less into shape before I send it off for music. Never Gonna Lose the Blues Chorus Wanted somethin’ special I was never gonna lose And babe, along came you But I got more than I wished for ...I’m never gonna lose the blues V1 Look at you, girl, how you ridin’ so high Yeah, look at you now, bet you think you can fly All your comin’ and goin’, and me never knowin’ Was enough to make this grown man cry V2 Lookin’ at you makes it harder to breathe Yeah, lookin’ at you, I can hardly believe All your cheatin’ and lyin’, was so mystifyin’ But damn, I didn’t want you to leave Chorus Wanted somethin’ special I was never gonna lose And babe, along came you But I got more than I wished for ...I’m never gonna lose the blues Bridge One day, baby, your façade’s gonna fade Mirror gonna taunt you when the piper gets paid You’ll run outa time, too late for excuses The devil takes when and where he chooses Chorus Wanted somethin’ special I was never gonna lose And babe, along came you But I got more than I wished for ... I’m never gonna lose the blues Yeah, more than I wished for ... I'm never gonna lose the blues © 2018 Donna Devine
  6. Where Were You?

    Thanks for hopping on board as well, Carl and DinoRider. Carl, sure the ensuing 'new' lyrics could be any combination.
  7. Attention Lyricists! (not a lyric)

    Glad you want to contribute, Patty. Just click on the blog link here. It will go automatically to the last post in 'Writing Lyrics: Formula or Freefall?' (which is the one I wrote inviting lyricists to post their thoughts regarding the contest).
  8. Attention Lyricists! (not a lyric)

    Now that the collaboration contest songs have been posted (with voting results in the offing), how about lyric writers sharing a few thoughts about your role as wordsmith. In the most recent blog post (in the 'Writing Lyrics: Formula or Freefall' blog), you'll see a few questions to get you kick-started. Click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. I believe it will take you automatically to the last post. If not, simply scroll down.
  9. Writing Lyrics: Formula or Freefall?

    Now that the collaboration contest writing is over (and results pending), I hope the lyric writers will share a few thoughts about their role as wordsmith in the two-person team. (Not related to the partnership itself.) For example (if any of these apply): 1) What part of writing/adapting the lyric did you find easy or difficult? 2) What sorts of things about writing did you learn in the process? 3) Would you take part again in a collab contest? And if so, what, if anything, would you do differently? 4) Did you use a particular formula you thought would be effective? (For reference, see Neal’s post at the beginning of this thread.) 5) On the whole, was it a positive experience? Do you feel your writing benefitted? My own experience: I discovered (again) that it’s possible to restructure and tweak a lyric that I’d thought was set in stone. And still keep the integrity of the original. And also, when you think a lyric is finally – permanently – once-and-for-all − finished, you can still tweak. Even if it's just one word. In addition, when music requirements come into play, it’s possible to step back, and become objective again about what you’d written. And if you think a particular suggestion might not benefit the lyric, it can be discussed, and another type of approach can resolve the issue. Thoughts, anyone?
  10. Where Were You?

    Where Were You - when 'I "Didn't Know What Time It Was'? (Ella Fitzgerald [among others])
  11. The Table's Prepared REVISION 2

    Folks, e.g. @jonie, @AndyLeF, @PaulCanuck, @Alistair S, @SongWolfe and others who've kindly commented/made suggestions, I'd be grateful if you'd have a look at the revised version. I'll be sending the lyric to my collaborator in Scotland (who coincidentally is well-versed in the lore ) later today, and I want to make any further adjustments as necessary beforehand. Thanks!
  12. The Corridor Shuffle

    Andy, this is as cute as can be. Could even become a dance craze. Only thing that gave me pause was that when I read the title I presumed the lyric would be about the shuffle that often takes place inside a building (i.e. the corridor in an office). I wonder whether there's something fun and street-related you could use as the title/hook (e.g. The Street-Shimmy Shuffle)? Or maybe mention something in the lyric about how you're bringing the Corridor Shuffle into the streets (kind of along the lines of the mood in 'Dancing in the Streets'). Or how the Corridor Shuffle sometimes spills out into the street? Just random thoughts, to be kept or swept.