Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 

 

This message will be removed once you have signed in.

Wendy D

Members
  • Content count

    63
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

0 Neutral

About Wendy D

  • Rank
    Contributing Muse
  • Birthday

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=796147
  1. About a Spanish fighting bull who defeated (it is said) Spain's greatest Matador, Manolete. Islero Wendy DuMond http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13126104 Islero, ranked number five In the fight Second bull To fight that night That night Islero, they blew that trumpet sound And the horses Went round and round Round and round (Chorus) Covered in blood and near death Manolete felt your hot breath One more pass, one more charge for the kill Islero, what happened Was not wrong You were bred for the blood And the song And the song Islero, the crowd Swore you were doomed Told Manolete Finish you Finish you (chorus) The sword behind his red cape Manolete made a mistake One more pass, one more charge For the kill He could not know your will (music break) Islero, you and the man Take your rest Death won Your contest Contest The arena will Always be full of the man, the lamb, and the bull One more pass, one more charge for the kill Islero, Ranked number five In the fight Second bull He fought that night
  2. P.S. I hear what Wendy is saying about "They pour milk and honey of hardscrabble." But, I think in context, it's pragmatically saying that the "milk and honey" of America is worthless - it's an illusion and it's money that determines whether it's make or break. By having the brotherhood of greed pour milk and honey over the hardscrabble, I think you have the bastards saying to themselves "let them eat cake while we grab the cash" - duping the masses with the well-worn talking points selling the illusion that anyone can achieve "The American Dream". You know, like the standard trickle-down b.s. still be shoveled by so-called "fiscal conservatives" that way too many are willing to eagerly lap up even though it's against they're own interests and a proven failure as public policy. I think "They pour milk and honey over heaps of hardscrabble" is the best line in the whole write. I am right and you are WRONG, Mr. Sage!! :-) Okay, so you have made me reconsider the milk-honey image. Perhaps the reference to "trickle-down" economics could be incorporated? As in "trickle down the milk and honey on the heaps of hard scrabble." Is this why you call yourself "sage?"
  3. I think lyric wise, there is a disconnect with the idea of "blinding greed" and some of the other images you have here. What does "pour the milk and honey over heaps of hardscrabble" mean exactly? Milk and honey would typically speak to "the good things in life" or "God's blessings." Would not pouring it over hardscrabble somehow be good? Hard scrabble being land that does not yield crops, so pouring the "good things/God's blessings" onto the land, takes the punch out of the next lines "while hoarding all the money on the banks of other lands." I think maybe "mining" the poem might be the way to fix the images and make them tie into the idea of the shining sea being a force that blinds men with greed. The purple mountains are deforested. The halcyon skies clogged with pollution. The patriots who loved their country are living on the streets, being denied medical care. Souls not confirmed in self-control, liberty and law (instead martial law/cop shootings). At the very least, I would modify the lines about "milk, honey and hard scrabble." I watched the video but need to watch/listen again to make some comments on the music. It's a good start but this type of song has to walk that fine line between making people think and being too preachy. That's why I think the lyric is really important.
  4. Ilya, I apologize if my comment offended you in any way. Perhaps a better way to express my thought is to say that sometimes dark humor can be used as a device to make a point. Anyway, keep writing & working at it. By the way, I heard an interview the other day re: a movie about stray dogs that takes place in Chile. The movie tells the dog's story through flashbacks of the people the dog encounters while living on the streets. Maybe you could do something similar with your song as well? Just a thought.
  5. Thanks to Sharon for moderating the comp and compiling the scores. The top three choices were my top three as well, to the best of my recollection. I believe Mikey was my top choice, followed closely by Steve and then David (Hobo). I liked Iggy's track too. I meant to make notes about all of them as I scored but ultimately, I hurried through b/c my kid graduated from high school this week and she got the flu, there was college stuff to do, etc. But I'll try to add some thoughts anyway. I have to say that I really enjoyed the two "dog" songs. I thought Rick's was charming and sweet. And Len's comment re: Ilya's song being sort of a comedy/canine horror story is a gift here for Ilya, if he was not aiming for this already. Keep working on it, Ilya..you have something with Len's interpretation! This could be genius. I also really wish I had picked-up on the "Obey the King" parody. I noticed the words "Benny" and "data" in the lyric but it still flew right over my head. Well played on your part, Joe! I wish I had picked-up on it b/c I thought it made no sense. I thought Neil's song was really moving and agree with Steve that it sounded like a standard. I could see a character in a musical singing this under the spot light. And damn, you can play that piano! I thought Len's song was lovely as well. Really nice changes and picking, Len. I liked Mike's song, but it just did not grab me emotionally. I can't qualify why, but it just felt like the details were not very personal. David's (GoCart Moz) song had really nice changes but I thought maybe it was a little preachy. Listening now, I'm not sure why I thought that. I liked Bruce's song, especially his voice. I think his song was a bit like mine. Maybe we both needed to have more musical variation? I don't want to say much about my song, but it started when my ex-husband got cancer. My response to this was to try and acquire knowledge. How do we interpret test results? What are the facts? How do we separate facts from our emotional response? The word "data" is plural, but it also is singular. It's a plural verb for a "set" of things. I guess I was trying to figure out how to express my thought process during that time in my life but maybe I couldn't and still cannot. Oh well, it's probably something to file in the archives. I agree it needs work but perhaps it's time to let it go.
  6. Tom, I thought the production on this was great. I was not sold on the outro initially but liked it after a couple of listens. I noticed that you used "often" harder on the girl. Was that a concession to Kathy?
  7. Our Data Wendy DuMond http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13119784 Am I the part Am I the whole Am I the body Am I the soul Am I the plant Am I the flower Am I the minute Am I the hour You see the sun I see the sky You see me live You see me die And at the end I ask you my friend Are we alpha Or are we beta What can it mean What can I glean From our data You see a clock It has hands It has a face And there it stands It doesn't live But yet it moves What can it give What can it prove You and me We knew what that meant There were no shreds No fragments We were the truth We were the vine We were the grapes We were the wine What can it mean What can I glean Here at the last I feel I must ask What did it mean What can I glean When I'm the alpha And you're the omega Here at the last I must ask What did it mean To be that thing What can it mean What could I glean From our data
  8. A bit creepy but I really enjoyed it. There's something interesting going on here between the music & the words that makes this work. Keep playing/singing it and your performance of it will lock-in.
  9. Wow, thanks everybody! This gives me some direction. I was wanting to write something along the lines of Suzanne Vega's song Caramel and the Lou Reed VE classic, Femme Fatale. I wanted to have that sort of vibe with something kind of light/breezy/smooth, etc. I agree that lyric wise, the 2nd verse needs some work. I don't hear a chorus but I like the suggestion re: a bridge or change-up. I am way better at sad songs/words than sorta "fun" stuff like this. In that way, this is a challenge for me. So I will consider the sage advice of the great writers here. Here's a link for Caramel, if you have not heard it.
  10. Forgive me for posting this as I am not sure it it's even worthy of any listens. I just quickly threw this recording together last night. It's a new song and I can't decide if I need another verse. First, I should say I can't really play this yet. That will take time b/c my brain and this syncopated rhythmic thing I'm doing on my guitar are not really "in the groove" yet. So, questions are: Does it need another verse or just a musical break with some nice solo licks courtesy of Don, music guru and songwriting partner in crime? What about the outro? More or less? I might try to scat but feel very intimidated by that thought. Or should this just go into the "graveyard of songs?" Mostly, I perform. So I'm not really interested in audio quality and recording tips (though they are nice). Guess I'm more interested in the song (and execution forthwith). Does it have legs & that sort of thing. Thanks! http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13111802 You're like lemonade On a summer day You're smooth as ice cream On my lips I like your groove And the way that you sway Put your hands On my hips You're like lemonade On a summer day You're sweet to the taste And you're crisp And I drink you in Feel you on my skin Put your lips On my lips Do, do, do outro
  11. Gosh. I feel like you've already gotten the feedback you need on this music-wise. Lyrically, I'm not sure about the the "love's golden ladle" line in the chorus. It seems like it's there just to rhyme with cradle. The verses mention "spools" of memory "bits" and "fragments" and I think the image in the chorus should be about "weaving a fable" or "spinning a fable" instead of a "ladle." It makes me think of the Odyssey and Penelope weaving an endless fabric until her man comes home to ward off all the other suitors. I feel like the singer is trying to keep the relationship from becoming stale? I guess that's what I get from this anyway. Just my 1-1/2 cents of input here.
  12. Guitar playing is good. Vox is good. You've got good execution of your tune here but I feel like it's missing something. Change-up in the music would help. It is good but the couple returning to the beach, I don't know. I guess it would be more touching and real if she declined to wear the bikini and the timing was not right but they still love each other anyway.. Just some thoughts, that probably mean nothing and don't resonate.
  13. I thought this was lovely. I know the old "you remind me of __" is a bit trying, but this tune made me think of I think there are some production ideas you could implement in your tune from the Ariel Ramirez tune, like the tiny bit of piano and tempo change at the end. Perhaps such a tempo change might work on your bridge? There are also some faint "dock" or "boat" effects on AR. I could hear some kind of audio into for this. Maybe a young child talking about stars, wishing on a star or something before the music starts. Of course, your voice makes this and though there are some production things (bells/whistles) to consider, the song itself, the emotion/communication is there.
  14. But the nervous short chick plays her sympathy card..
  15. Perhaps a group like Mother Falcon?