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jonie last won the day on May 2

jonie had the most liked content!

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About jonie

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    ooo xxx
  • Birthday 21/03/1954

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  • Location
    Reading, UK

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Beatles, Brill Building, Paul Simon, Irish pub singalongs and my dad singing Sinatra in the shower, to name but a few

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  1. jonie

    No Present Like the Time

    Hi Patty, I won't belabor points already made by others except to say that I thought the metering was fine and the named places didn't bother me. First let me say that I fully see why your lyric was voted first place. It would have pulled at a lot of heartstrings and was well written. For me though, it came off as another "my Dad is great" lyric and its sentimentality was not entirely to my taste. I don't normally vote based on subject matter but, all other things being equal, I do go there. I voted it in the middle of the pack, for this reason. I thought it important to let you know why it didn't appeal to me (as I'd mentioned it in the Lyric Contest thread) so you didn't think there was something inherently wrong with it. There isn't, except where some improvements could be made, which you have already received great suggestions on how to do.
  2. jonie


    Glad you like it. Two very strong characters who constantly have me wondering who I should be rooting for. When I said chord changes I was referring to verses that don't mirror each other all. As in a verse and a bridge a lyricist claims are V1 and V2. There is no way to sing them to the same melody, where natural stresses can't possibly be adhered to and attempting to do so, results in unattractive vocal acrobatics. As they are all labeled as verses, one assumes in reading them that they will follow the same melody. Does it mean they will make a poor song? Not necessarily. I disregard my tendency to score lower for actual musicians such as fabkebab or Ironknee as I know they are more than capable of writing wonderful lyrics to their great songs, lyrics that don't follow a cookie cutter pattern, but even theirs will have an underlying rhythm and noticeable musicality. But as I said, this is a lyric contest and most lyrics are submitted by non musicians who don't have the luxury of throwing together something that appears unsingable, unique as it may be. It needs to convey a rhythm all on its own or else there remains little more than subject matter to judge.
  3. jonie


    Yes, for me, flow and meter verse to verse and throughout are key. If they're missing, I will generally score lower. It can work in a song if the musician has enough chord changes to go around but this is not a song contest.
  4. jonie


    Personally, I think they should just run this contest for the fun of it and forget the cash prizes. Less contention over the results and all. Oh wait! They already do!
  5. jonie


    Congratulations to Patty and Robert K. I'll have to go read Patty's a few more times. I didn't score it at the top and must surely have missed something. I had Robert's Catch Me on the Rebound and Kuya's How Bad You Got the Blues tied for my 1st place. I found them both unique in subject matter and could hear them both easily fitting with music. Well crafted and clever. Good job, guys. I had a bunch in my second slot as I felt all were worthy: Feeling Like Medusa, Comic Girl Life, Wanda Saves, Sun is King, Evening Echo, Miss Green and I Don't Want to Dream Tonight. 25 lyrics. Wow. Thank you to the voters who liked All I Want to Do (Woo Hoo). It was fun to write and I still chuckle when I think of poor Eddie and Danny running out of that bank wondering what the hell happened to their getaway car.
  6. jonie

    This Highway

    I got to the end and was glad to know I'd guessed right about what the lyric was about. First time I've ever read a lyric that demonized highways and the interstates, but they are certainly deserving. They've helped to destroy so much of middle America. I love the flow and rhythm of it and all without an end rhyme until 4th gear. Kudos for that. Not easy to do. And two killer lines at the end of 3rd and 4th gear (naming the different musical and lyrical movements as gears is quite clever, to boot) I can see nothing to nitpick. I liked it and think it will make a great song.
  7. Hi Hobosage, Yes, it's a true story about a boy who lived in the next row of apartments, in the same housing project I did during my teen years. The part about his uncle abusing him? I'm not sure, though the man was dodgy and boys who abuse animals are surely damaged themselves, often as a result of being abused in some way. I remember sitting on my front stoop with a friend when one of these burned kittens stumbled up to us. The sound the poor creature made - I can't even describe it. And the smell. It died in a shoe box about an hour later. 50 years and I still can't get that kitten out of my mind. The boy either. The younger me had only sympathy for the kitten. The older me understands that human nature is complicated.
  8. jonie


    Welcome to the Muse. I'm reading prose here, rather than a lyric, or at least not one that I can discern and there is no formal or even loose lyrical structure and there's an absence of rhyme, though I read through a couple of time to see if I could find some internal rhyming. There is a hint of some and I've colour-coded those I can hear, but I'm mostly hearing vowel matches and I feel as if some of it might be accidental. I have no clue what underground Australian music is. Is it like rap (which usually has quite a bit of rhyming)? If you can provide a link to the instrumental you are using, I could have a listen and see how your words might fit in. I don't understand the content but enjoy the metaphor. Sorry I can't be of more help.
  9. jonie

    In These Golden Days

    Thanks, OWLR. Like I said, this one rolled out pretty quickly. It's yet to take the shape and content it will end up with. It's not really about old age, though "golden" surely lends itself to that interpretation. ( I will probably change that) I was thinking more about depression and dissatisfaction with life as an adult living in western society. The need for more stuff we think will eventually lead to happiness because advertisers tell us it will. How can we feel such a lack of satisfaction when we live in such a golden time as the 21st century? Maybe the answer lies elsewhere. In ourselves and in each other, maybe? And what in the world is better than a kiss? That's the rough thinking. Now I need the lyric to say it. The gottas are intentional. I've been trying to make that repetition thing work from the first time I listened to Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows". I figure I'm bound to crack it one day, if I keep at it. Thanks for your insights and impressions.
  10. jonie

    Collaboration Contest Results - April 2018

    Wow, what a showing! Triffid and Songwolfe - big congratulations on a stunningly beautiful song that made the task of moving my heart into my throat look so easy. Indecision - such a great song, Oswlek and Patty - Glad to hear I wasn't the only one who considered it a stand out. And to all of us bronze gods and goddesses, I think we can be pleased that our songs were enjoyed enough by voters to place in some of the top spots. I really, really enjoyed this collab contest, more than any other I've been involved in. I am so grateful to Scotto for all of his hard work putting it all together and letting me join in on the chorus (a first) I will be back later tomorrow with my thoughts when voting (which I stupidly wrote in a work notebook that is now back at work) and other general stuff about my experience working with Scotto. I just couldn't wait to congratulate the winners.
  11. That Project Boy The thing he did in those days That project boy When not drinking or smoking Fucking or farting for laughs He set kittens on fire Kittens, yes the most innocent of creatures Maybe on the same days he spent learning morality from his uncle The one with silver dollars in stiff trouser pockets Heavyweights resting against a semi-retired dick Did the boy reach in and pull out fast or linger for more? And later, did he give up his soft mouth for promises That would never be kept? I think it likely Death came quickly for those kittens Sure, they suffered, but were spared A lifetime of lighter fluid and matches
  12. jonie

    In These Golden Days

    This one sneaked out of some irksome little place in the cobwebby corners of my mind. Not sure what it's about but I hear it as mostly upbeat. In These Golden Days Gotta lighten your soul Every now and then Gotta clean out your head Again and again Gotta dance for your dinner When the mandolin plays It’s what we must do How we get through In these golden days You don’t gotta go dark In the dead of night You don’t gotta chase love In the pale moonlight You don’t gotta hold onto What's been taken away They don’t leave a lot Enjoy what we got In these golden days Br And if you’re feeling sad and blue Turn your ear and Find a better tune Nobody here cares what you do As long as you're on the move Walking to the groove Gotta feeling you’ll like it Down here in back Gotta feeling the movie Won’t fade to black Gotta feeling the good times Have come to stay We all need a kiss Goes something like this In these golden days A little bit hit A little bit miss In these golden days
  13. jonie

    Where Were You?

    Some Beatles inspired Where were you Blackbird? Where were you Eleanor Rigby? Where were you Dear Prudence? Where were you? Penny Lane Where were you? The Long and Winding Road Where were you? Across the Universe Where were you? Back in the USSR Where were you? Fixing a Hole Where were you? Here, There and Everywhere Where were you when I Saw Her Standing There? Where were you when My Guitar Gently Weeps? Where were you when I Forget to Remember to Forget? Where were you when I Should have Known Better? Where were you when I'm Happy Just to Dance with You?
  14. Very lovely and thought provoking. I've met a few in my life. Certainly the reason I'm still on the right side of that mound of dirt.
  15. jonie

    Manchester skyline

    It's the angels. Others may disagree but for me, this reference removes the lyric's ability to capture a wider audience. Personally, I find the phrase, in a situation such as this, that "he/she is with the angels now" to be a trite way of minimizing the tragedy. People move on and realize a greater strength from tragedy when they allow themselves to grieve first and pass through all those stages of loss. I don't like the line "we will defeat this evil" either. It's judgmental in a religious way and shines a light on the cause of the tragedy, where all else is attempting to move on from it, to care for each other, to rise above. Stick with the main message. You're coming together to support each other, to rise above the thoughtless desire for revenge and retaliation, which is what terrorism seeks in its actions. Don't let it change your heart, your commitment to peace and unity. Don't give it a way in by giving it real estate in your lyric.