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Gaby

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About Gaby

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    Muse In Training
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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Manakin Sabot, VA
  • Interests
    I write lyrics very sparingly. I'll try to write more.

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  1. "Sending signals out to you" That's my only suggestion.
  2. Terry, I'm glad you liked it. Ron thank you for your suggestions; it allowed me to "take a sad song and make it better."...maybe. Here's a re-write. I Took Love for Granted © Gabriel R. Martinez 2017 V I When I saw how long a while It took to find words to say To light your face up in a smile I didn’t spare the time to stay I let the moment pass me by And drove off to my working day Ch I took love for granted when I started losing sight of you In chasing the end of a rainbow I was slowly letting go How little did I know How far apart we’d grow I took love for granted then V II Had I stopped from time to time I would have seen the things you do To pave my way or make me shine My “Thank yous” were overdue When I fell too far behind They turned to waste as IOUs Repeat Ch I took love for granted when I started losing sight of you In chasing the end of a rainbow I was slowly letting go How little did I know How far apart we’d grow I took love for granted then Bridge Perhaps I need to pay the price But before you say goodbye I must apologize Only now I realize Repeat Ch Coda Oh how I took love for granted then
  3. I Took Love for Granted © Gabriel R. Martinez 2017 V I When I saw how long a while It took to find words to say To light your face up in a smile I didn’t spare the time to stay I let the moment pass me by I drove off to my working day Ch I took love for granted when I reached a fork up on the road And turned away from you Without a second thought as though You’d still be there to return to I took love for granted then V II Had I stopped from time to time I would have seen the things you do To pave my way or make me shine My “Thank yous” were overdue And as I look back I find They turned to waste as IOUs Ch I took love for granted when I reached a fork up on the road And turned away from you Without a second thought as though You’d still be there to return to I took love for granted then Bridge Now forks are few and far between Do I even know what love means Perhaps I’m getting wise It’s not too late to realize Repeat Ch Coda Oh how I took love for granted then
  4. Hi Jim, Canadian Novice and Looking Glass, I appreciate your looking at this. I really hadn't had the time to rework this into something worthwhile. Maybe when I get a long enough break I can get back to this and reciprocate by critiquing other lyrics in this board. Thanks again. Gaby
  5. Here's rewrite. I was wondering if I'd let it sit first but ah well... String Me Along V 1 Cancelled dates, coming late Arriving with an alibi I still look the other way So you don’t see, I cry Chorus Weave me a yarn that goes on To keep me wanting to believe Our romance is ever strong String me along, string me along V 2 I saw you play around Make out with someone else Keeing this inside has turned Moments with you into hell Chorus Bridge This is the end, don’t ever again Chorus V 3 Message and photo streams I’ve turned my phone on to view Have frozen to a halt and now Are souvenirs of times with you Instrumental Chorus and fade out
  6. Jim, Zoe, thanks for looking at the second draft. I'll probably shelve this for a while as I'm busy with my day job. It's Monday morning here where I am right now; in the Philippines. I guess busy is a good problem to have. Anyway, I'll try to get back to this over the weekend. Thanks again. Gaby
  7. Thank you all for looking at this. Mike thanks for pointing out that my chorus doesnt land. I'm not sure it does with the rewrite. Jim, thanks for the line by line almost. You showed not only my writing flaws but also showed me how to critique. I'm not sure this is the place to post edits so if this is a mistake and anyone catches it, please point me to the right place. I'm writing thiis to be sung by a woman. You String Me Along V1. Is our Thursday rendezvous A passing fancy that you hide Your warm caress when we’re alone Grows cold when we’re outside V2 I’d hoped we’d get engaged You say you need more time Your coming late and breaking dates Should be the telltale sign C The yarn you weave goes on False start to dead end You string me along A romance that’s pretend You string me along You string me along V3 I watch you play around Make out with someone else But keeping everything from you Turns Thurdays into hell C B I’m trying to get the nerve To stand up to you I’m writing what I’ll say To make you see the truth C
  8. Please critique. You String Me Along V.1 It seems our understanding Is something you try to hide Your caress when we’re alone Turns to frost when we’re outside V.2 But why I keep believing Our lives are intertwined Your constant dropping out Should be a telltale sign C You string me along Leading my heart on From false start to dead end You string me along A romance that’s just pretend You string me along V.3 I watch while you betray me You make out with someone else You don’t know I know It makes life a living hell Repest C B And yet another second chance Is all I bring myself to do I still don’t want it all to end It gets lonely without you So Repeat C
  9. Century thank you for your astute observations. I hope this re-write adresses your suggestions. My Vacant Heart I’m looking for the right one To sign on a lasting lease I’ve given up on passing thrills No more walk outs please I want someone who’ll stay and fill My vacant heart II Though it’s hard looking back At false starts from so called friends When tenderness got burdensome I wound up in dead ends Love will soothe the aching from My vacant heart Bridge What questions can I ask To break off from my past Is there a truth I must obey To help me change my ways III I’d give away this special key To the one who’ll keep it safe Who’ll open up the inner door To my hope, love and faith Who’ll then take down this notice for My vacant heart
  10. I I’m looking for the right one To sign on a lasting lease I’ve given up on passing thrills No more one nighters please I want someone who’ll stay and fill My vacant heart II Although it’s hard looking back At false starts from so called friends When tenderness got burdensome I wound up in dead ends It’s love that soothes the aching from My vacant heart Bridge What questions can I ask To break off from my past Is there a truth I must obey To help me change my ways III I’d give away this special key To the one who’d keep it safe It opens up the inner door To my hope, love and faith I’d then take down this sign for My vacant heart
  11. Hi Tyler. Some suggestiond below. Minor nits. I like this. Gaby
  12. I'd end this with the artillery getting too near (reason for rushing out)
  13. I'd simplify phrases like: "I had disappeared long ago from your heart" Maybe to something like: "You dropped me cold long ago." "Blurred is the reflection of my self" If you're asking her, how would you know what state your reflection is? Perhaps you can ask: Has my reflection faded fast? Perhaps "memory" would be more appropriate. Instead of repeating phrases in the verses (expensive real estate) I suggest trying to move the story forward with something new.