Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 


This message will be removed once you have signed in.

Alistair S

  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Alistair S last won the day on March 5

Alistair S had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

26 Excellent

About Alistair S

Contact Methods

  • Music Page

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Reading, Berkshire, UK

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Neil Young, James Taylor, Leonard Cohen, Tracy Chapman, Tom Waits, John Martyn, Harvey Andrews, Ralph McTell

Recent Profile Visitors

60,346 profile views
  1. Oops! Does this help?
  2. I don't think it's really a Songcrafting discussion and I don't think we have anywhere else for it, so yes, I agree.
  3. Very rarely. I haven't deleted anything in the last year and have no plans to delete anything anytime soon. I'd give a warning before any clear-down. I can't find it either - but it was definitely posted on this site? I don't recall seeing it. I can see you posted it on a couple of other sites - are you sure you posted it here too?
  4. Hi Alex, This is very nice and your voice works just fine. It could be given a fuller treatment but I like this stripped back version. It does strike me that one or two lines are a little crowded and that it could be both easier to sing and deliver more impact with a little judicious trimming. YMMV but here are my suggestions: In this verse: Now you say you'll live without me oh baby, you ain't go a clue So I'll take all my love away and watch what you do. I quite like that shortened last line. You could leave it as it is. However, I'm not sold on "watch". You could go with "and let's see what you do". You then go on: I heard you've been running round asking after my name Turns out when I kicked you out Life just wasn't the same That last line sounds awkward and you have to mess with the phrasing to make it fit. Now, on the page, I know you mean his life, but it could just as easily be yours (and that's what I heard when you sang it - as opposed to when I read it). This line might be stronger (and fit better) if it was simply "Life goes on the same". Maybe try it? I suspect it sounds wrong to you right now, but I think it could be better. Skipping on to the chorus: Goodbye, it's better than revenge I don't want any part of your love and I sure don't miss your friends if you wanna see me cry, then you're wasting your time 'cause goodbye, it's better than revenge My simple suggestion here is simply to cut that last phrase out. I think it will be stronger without it and will also let the music breathe ... Goodbye, it's better than revenge I don't want any part of your love and I sure don't miss your friends if you wanna see me cry, then you're wasting your time Goodbye You could even repeat the Goodbye at the end but I'd keep it as a single Goodbye. Not much more to add. The last line here is a bit weak: I don't want to think about you no thank you, what's it going to take you'll live in my memories in the past you will stay. It's yoda-speak and could be stronger anyway. As a suggestion: I don't want to think about you no thank you, what's it going to take You're in my memories But memories will fade ... or something similar? Lastly, I prefer the way you sing that last line of the bridge "and I'm better" rather than "but I'm better" (as you have it written). Overall, I think you have something very nice here that could be tightened up a little further -and is worth the effort
  5. Hi Ramadean - if you would like feedback, maybe post this in either Songs Feedback or Video Feedback (or both)?
  6. As this is now running, I think I'll lock this thread to prevent it from bumping the regular contest down the list (where it gets less attention). Let me know if that's an issue.
  7. Assume this was meant to be its own topic instead of in somebody else's, so I split it out.
  8. Doesn't belong in this forum - moving it to Self promotion and Advertisements (and deleting the one already there)
  9. This has now drifted into personal attacks, which isn't acceptable. I'm closing the topic (especially as Arius has already stated that the lyric has been abandoned). My suggestion to people posting their lyrics is to not respond defensively to critiques, even those we disagree with strongly. My suggestion to those offering critiques is to avoid getting into personal battles - and definitely don't start on personal attacks. This wasn't going well already, but "You got schooled and you tried to act like some sort of a jerk" was designed to inflame and the last post was absolutely not OK.
  10. Yes, you can say fuck if you like. I don't think anyone will have a fit of the vapours! And if they do, well ...
  11. I think it can be quite challenging to critique a verse on its own. I expect people would give it a shot, but it would be a bit like asking "What do you think of this meal? So far, I only have asparagus - the rest is undecided, so you'll have to use your imagination". Probably the best way people can help is by addressing the reason lyrics remain unfinished, even as a draft. I don't know why they remain unfinished. It could be because you lose interest in the subject matter. It could be because the second verse is often harder than the first (because it has to match stresses with the pattern set by the first). It could be for a number of reasons. Have you considered starting a thread in the Songcrafting forum addressing the difficulties in finishing a lyric? I'm sure you aren't alone. You could give an example and see whether people can help. Just a thought. Of course, it could be that the lyric IS finished. It could be very short (some songs are) or it could just be a poem - in which case try Artist's Cafe? And then there is always Songs in Development. Post something up and see where it takes you - but think about what help you want. I'd suggest help should be directed at getting something finished
  12. Welcome aboard, Rainchaser! Dive right in and start posting your material (and providing critiques for others) - hopefully, you will find what you need here.
  13. My bad (I should stop skip-reading!) - pretend I wasn't here
  14. I don't think he's trying to tune an instrument. He's trying to adjust the pitch of some recorded audio (from a vsti).