Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 

 

This message will be removed once you have signed in.

Patticake

Members
  • Content count

    62
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

0 Neutral

About Patticake

  • Rank
    Contributing Muse
  • Birthday

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://www.soundclick.com/PatriciaBishopSongCollaborations

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Lyricist from Stafford, TX

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  1. Hi Iggy, I really enjoyed reading this lyric. I think you've done a great job with it. Since there was a mention of the 2nd line in V1, maybe you can switch the 3rd line with the second line with just a little change in words...i.e. Tonight, her singing sounds so sweet Hoping she might make enough to eat As coins are thrown down at her feet Patticake
  2. Hi =Bob=, It looks like you're right...I get somewhat confused on some of the "near rhymes/imperfect rhymes. Thanks....
  3. Thanks Patticake - are you still the Baker's Man :)/>/>? Can't see where the scheme changes in the verses - any specific lines? Hi Paul.....I could be wrong with the rhyme schemes not matching...but this is what I'm seeing: V1 and V2 have the same rhyme schemes ABAC V3 rhyme scheme appears to be ABCB V4 rhyme scheme appears to be ABCD (unless den/hand are near rhymes? then it would be ABAC) Patticake P.S. I like the Baker's Man comment :)/>
  4. :)/>/> Thanks, =Bob=
  5. CONGRATULATIONS TO GARY HALE AND SCENESFROMPALACIO.....2 great songs! I enjoyed listening to all of the songs posted....lots of good ones! Patticake (Patricia)
  6. Congratulations to Iggy and lyriCAL.....both great lyrics. I enjoyed reading through all of the lyrics posted....lots of good ones! Patticake (Patricia)
  7. Hi Paul, thank you for your comments. I really appreciate them. I understand what you mean by the confusion with October 31 and ten thirty one. I meant for the ten thirty one to represent the time of night in the last line of V1 and thought it would work either way at the ending of the song. Patricia
  8. Hi Bob, thanks for the comments. I really like your suggestions and will use them (with just a little change). Patricia
  9. Hi Paul, I really like this .....you had me going with the gory story line and it fit right in there with the CSI TV stories.....great job! I did notice that the rhyme schemes in the verses were not consistent throughout. My suggestion would be to have an ABAB or ABCB scheme throughout the verses. All in all .... well done! Patticake
  10. THEY COME ALIVE (Halloween) - critiques are welcomed! (Made a couple of changes thanks to =Bob=) By Patricia Bishop V1 October thirty one is when the goblins all come out Don’t believe in things like ghosts? Me? I have no doubt On that night the moon shines bright so look up at the sky At just about ten thirty one you’ll see the witches fly Chorus It’s Halloween, it’s Halloween When the spirits can be seen They come alive; they come alive There’s no place for you to hide On Halloween, on Halloween V2 You’ll see the fangs of Dracula and the dead rise from the grave If you feel somebody touching you don’t you be afraid Feel a creepy, crawly hand? Wait! Don't be afraid It’s just their way of saying hello, how do you do? But don’t you drink the witch’s brew they might offer you Chorus It’s Halloween, It’s Halloween When the spirits can be seen They come alive; they come alive There’s no place for you to hide On Halloween, on Halloween V3 The skeletons will dance around as the hungry werewolves howl And those big black scary cats are forever on the prowl Big black scary cats around? Yep! They're on the prowl! Don’t get too close to see what might be boiling in that pot Curiosity killed those cats …… believe it or not! Chorus It’s Halloween, it’s Halloween When the spirits can be seen They come alive; they come alive There’s no place for you to hide On Halloween, on Halloween Tag It’s Halloween, it’s Halloween When the spirits can be seen Relax…they’re just having fun on ten thirty one
  11. Hi Cindy, I really like your song and think it's a great tribute to your brother. I also want to extend my sympathy to you. I know what it means to lose a brother. I think personal songs about loved ones are very hard to critique because they come from a person's heart and I think Donna has done a great job with her comments... she always gives such great advice. I can personally relate to your song and would like to also send you some suggestions through PM. Patricia
  12. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13232013 FIND SOMEBODY NEW By Patricia T. Bishop and Jesse Navarro ©2015 Verse 1 Crawlin’ out of bed I started wonderin’ why No coffee was brewing, no eggs were fried Looked around the kitchen, I found a note on the stove It said, “I’m leaving you, baby, before I get too old, so” Chorus “Find somebody new to cook and clean for you Find somebody new to be your dog-gone fool Wasted many years taking care of you Now, I’m through” Verse 2 Lookin’ for the pot I pushed the note aside I guess she was mad at me cuz I stayed out all night Well that ain’t no surprise, done it so many times Now, all of a sudden she’s writin’ little rhymes like Chorus “Find somebody new to cook and clean for you Find somebody new to be your dog-gone fool Wasted many years taking care of you Now, I’m through” Music break Verse 3 Later at her job thought I’d give her a call I knew she’d forgive me, wasn’t worried at all Thought I heard her say “How can I help?” And I cried, “Come back little momma I can’t live by myself” and she said Chorus “Find somebody new to cook and clean for you Find somebody new to be your dog-gone fool Wasted many years taking care of you Now, I’m through” “Find somebody new to cook and clean for you Find somebody new to be your dog-gone fool Wasted many years taking care of you Find somebody new
  13. Congratulations....this is awesome. I enjoyed it very much! Patticake
  14. Paul, I really enjoyed listing to this in the contest....I think it's great....I gave it a 1.5 rating! Patticake
  15. Hi Paul, I really like what you're doing with this lyric. It is not your standard type of structure and without hearing the melody and music along with it, it could be a little confusing to follow. I do understand the title meaning in the beginning and then twisting it around at the end....good job. Here are some thoughts if you decide to change it up with a more "standard structure". - Patticake V1 Last September you said we should go our separate ways I remember the tears run down your face like it was yesterday You said you hoped the words you'd chosen wouldn't sting But you felt our love could never be a precious thing {ch} Well, teardrops never lie So I knew you were hurting too And the last thing you wanted to do Was make me blue V2 I'd been thinking 'bout that day all winter long But I still couldn’t see where I went wrong So I called your friend to see if she’d heard from you And what she had to say hurt me through and through {ch} No, teardrops never lie But it's hard to face the truth Cuz the last thing you wanted to do Was make me blue V3 She said your plan was to find someone better than me Then you’d play me like a fool and set me free Your intent all along but next time I won’t get burned Cuz my heart will heal and this will be a lesson learned {full bridge} teardrops never lie teardrops never lie No, teardrops never lied Until they fell out of your eyes.. Chorus So I guess you got your wish My heart is torn in two And the last thing you wanted to do Was make me blue, oh so blue.. {outro} The last thing you wanted to do Was make me blue