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malcolm

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malcolm last won the day on May 14

malcolm had the most liked content!

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About malcolm

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  • Blog
    https://wewillwritethesesongstogether.blogspot.com/
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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Gdansk, Poland
  • Interests
    Reading and writing poetry, various musics, outsider art, insider art, indoor-outdoor art, bicycling in summer, icycling in winter, eating, sleeping, breathing.

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    just lyrics now -- I need to buy a guitar
  • Musical Influences?
    Hmm. Whose songs are in my head? For example: Howlin' Wolf, Noël Coward, Sandy Denny. Tom T. Hall, Annie Lennox. Miles Davis, Gordon Lightfoot, Sting, Difford & Tilbrook, Bryan Ferry, Ray Charles, Bee Gees, Kate Bush, Peter Gabriel, George Gershwin, Cole Porter, Robert Johnson, Beatles, Dylan, Robbie Robertson, Bowie, Elvis Costello, Clash, Roxy Music, Brian Eno, Talking Heads, John Prine, Chicago, Temptations, Irving Berlin, Spinners, O'Jays, Hall & Oates, James Taylor, Elton John, Sly Stone, Randy Newman, Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, Joni Mitchell, Paul Simon, and 1970s AM radio.

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  1. malcolm

    Demolition Baby

    Reading it in the spirit of a band like this: "In 1991 the band famously split up on stage, with Tyla slashing his chest open with a bottle during the set." it sounds right. A small thing I just noticed -- you have "In a bedsit in Tooting in nineteen something" and "In a war zone of our making in nineteen something" One of them has to go. It might be more effective if you just picked a year and ran with it, even if you aren't absolutely sure. If it was two different years, maybe pick two plausible actual years. Mentioning specific years -- started humming a song from 1962, late December back in '63, in '65 I was 17, etc. -- makes the story more concrete and the memory more real. (But I guess you're rhyming on -ing, so maybe it's not that easy.)
  2. malcolm

    Don't Need'em Anymore

    If the conceit is that you don't need your various body parts anymore, you should start right in with that. Not but right in with the inventory And if you don't need to rhyme with sky and cross, you have more flexibility with how your dispose of your eyes, arms, legs, and heart. But let's stop there for now. There's something really wrong with the arms and legs bit. Taking away your eyes (vision) and heart (love) works metaphorically -- you don't need them to see his or her beauty anymore, and you don't or can't love anymore -- but constructing this memorial cross of your butchered arms and legs is plain ghoulish without working very much on a metaphorical level. So, to paraphrase, starting with something like Take my eyes -- what use are my eyes if I can't see you anymore? Take my heart -- what use is a heart if a heart can't love? might put your story on more solid ground without making your song into a charnel house.
  3. malcolm

    All For You

    And it works. Much nicer than the first version.
  4. malcolm

    Sin city

    I would put it on a diet: Vegas is hazy Vegas is spent Maybe I'm crazy but Vegas is bent Too much drinking Too much smoke Not much thinking Too much broke Woke up handcuffed Woke up stitched Beat down, rebuffed Woke up hitched Sin City is Skin City You win some and you lose My body's feeling shitty And my soul is just a bruise
  5. malcolm

    WWDD? (What Would the Devil Do?)

    So far, my favorite part is: Generally, I would try to cook down a lot of the rest, make it tighter. But I'll go think about it... OK, here's my take on the first part, for better or worse: When I'm sober I'm a man you could trust to follow Jesus. What would Jesus do? Well... I would do that, too. (To a point, you understand. I'm just an ordinary man Just ask my wife.) Yeah, when I'm sober I'm a man you could trust to follow Jesus. But when I've had a few Well... What would the devil do?
  6. Where do you draw the line between "cliche" and "simple"? If your line says exactly what you mean to say in the context, with the exact emotional and intellectual weight you want to express to the listener, use that line, even if it's the cliche of cliches, "Let's spoon under the moon in June." If your line was just the easiest bit of junk to fit into your rhyme scheme -- "stay all night... stay all night... how about morning light, guys?" -- that's bad practice.
  7. malcolm

    Lunar Blues

    [slow, relaxed, romantic] All we have in common is that moon pasted yellow on the sky All we have in common is that moon pasted yellow on the sky Better get to what we came for 'Fore we tell that yellow moon goodbye. Close the window to the night air The birds will all be singing soon Close the window to the night air The birds will all be singing soon And don't forget to pull the curtains on that sneaky old man in the moon. [a bit faster...] Baby, watch that clock Time's running faster than you fear Baby, watch that clock Time's running faster than you fear Maybe check your almanac It's the shortest evening of the year [vinegar strokes instrumental] [resolution] I will slip out your window and head down the road with the moon I will slip out your window and head down the road with the moon but I won't forget you, honey, or this moon in June too soon... [whistling]
  8. malcolm

    Heartache on a railroad

    Yeah! Sound comes first. If you had wanted to write an essay, you would have written an essay.
  9. malcolm

    Five-and-Dime

    Thanks for the nice feedback, everyone. Yeah, it's definitely on the short side. I just said as much as I could say at the time. But anyone who says it's too short is probably right. I'll keep a lookout in my head for something else -- maybe DonnaMarilyn's bridge over the flood. I do have a longer flood song, but it's written from the point of view of the flood personified ("I am come down from the mountains / Mountains, rumble in my blood..."), so it might not go over too well. Maybe I'll write a bunch of flood songs? There should be a song about every town that was ever swallowed up by a reservoir or hydroelectric project. Here are just the American ones. A small sample of the names: "The communities of Old Neversink and Bittersweet were lost to form the Neversink Reservoir, while Eureka, Montela, and Lackawack were lost to form the Rondout Reservoir."
  10. malcolm

    the mocking ghost

    How's your entomology?
  11. malcolm

    the mocking ghost

    [[ This one began with something in this world -- Diplacusis dysharmonica, Diplacusis echoica -- and turned into a spirit walking at night in my peripheral hearing and mocking me, and this became a song to be sung with chants and drums and a chorus of mocking spirits singing in insect voices. ]] [the predicament of the soul] A spirit coiled in the curl of my ear talks to me like a lurker in the other room. I cannot tell above the wind that whistles by: is this the me who's talking? Whose tongue is this? My mind or spirit coiled within my inner ear? Whose tongue is curled in my left ear? Come out now! [one explanation of the soul's predicament] They say the mocking ghost will walk your words back home. They say the mocking ghost will turn your tale around. They say the mocking ghost will live in your left ear. [chant of the mocking ghost in insect voices] They say the mocking ghost They say the mocking ghost They say the mocking ghost [wonderment from within] My mind or flight of birds? My mind or branches aching? My mind or not my mind? [another explanation of the soul's predicament] They say the mocking ghost will show another you. They say the mocking ghost will bend the light round you. They say the mocking ghost will live in your left ear. [chant of the mocking ghost in insect voices] They say the mocking ghost They say the mocking ghost They say the mocking ghost
  12. malcolm

    Comic Girl Life

    Because she's not satisfied with the panels you've drawn for her, comic girl would steal your song and rewrite it to suit herself: [verse 1] I want to live the comic girl life Scene after scene, I'd never think twice I'd be a / sketch of a / girl in a / tight sketchy / suit So active! So on! So cute! I'd go and find the stolen loot! [verse 2] I want to live the comic girl life Smooth as my hairstyle, sharp as my knife I'd be a / sketch of a / girl in a / tight sketchy / suit So active! So on! So cute! I'd give the heel a thigh-high boot! [chorus] I could become a shape no people ever see the same. I could become a color people see but cannot name. I could become a sound. I would become a sound. [verse 3] I want to live the comic girl life Nobody's daughter, nobody's wife I'd be a / sketch of a / girl in a / tight sketchy / suit So active! So on! So cute! I'd TKO the big galoot! [chorus]
  13. Yeah, Abacus! I know nothing (or not much) about rap, which is one reason I'm here: I want to make myself sit and listen to and think about things I don't know. And I like this. Can you tell me about it? How you wrote it? Words first or making it up to match an existing track? How do you choose the words? I hear a lot of assonance, lots of internal vowel activity, internal rhyming. How much of that are you doing carefully and consciously according to a set scheme, and how much of it is just doing what sounds good? How much inspiration and how much perspiration? In the first four lines, for example, we have: I gotta focus on the road I got in front of me, My self critical ways make me be a cunt to me, In these pitiful days, I'm ripping my brain, In a despicable haze, i swear I'm always pumping G, Lots of word fun. Way more inventive than a lot of the regular pop lyrics you see. (And I have zero clue what "pumping G" might mean.) And here's a hard question or two: What do other rappers think of you? What do you reckon: are you any good?
  14. malcolm

    Sweet heart was a devil

    This one needs a little fixing up, Steve. First, let's clean up some of your alternative spellings to make it clearer: her horn's --> her horns (no apostrophe needed here) she ante --> she ain't (you can move that spare apostrophe down to the ain't) an angle --> an angel (like the opposite of devil, right?) But those are minor things. The major thing is whether the world needs another song about a man calling a woman a devil just because she doesn't love him back. Did she do something wrong or is she just not interested in him? What did she do to make him think she's a devil?
  15. malcolm

    Five-and-Dime

    Does it denote background vocals (call and response)? Yes. Shared vocals of some sort. And the whole whirling five-and-dime is literally a general store floating down the river, but it's also a synecdoche, where I have chosen the general store full of everyday stuff to stand for the entire town. I never write a song where the words mean just one thing.
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