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malcolm

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malcolm last won the day on May 14

malcolm had the most liked content!

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About malcolm

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    Contributing Muse

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  • Blog
    https://wewillwritethesesongstogether.blogspot.com/
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Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Gdansk, Poland
  • Interests
    Reading and writing poetry, various musics, outsider art, insider art, indoor-outdoor art, bicycling in summer, icycling in winter, eating, sleeping, breathing.

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    just lyrics now -- I need to buy a guitar
  • Musical Influences?
    Hmm. Whose songs are in my head? For example: Howlin' Wolf, Noël Coward, Sandy Denny. Tom T. Hall, Annie Lennox. Miles Davis, Gordon Lightfoot, Sting, Difford & Tilbrook, Bryan Ferry, Ray Charles, Bee Gees, Kate Bush, Peter Gabriel, George Gershwin, Cole Porter, Robert Johnson, Beatles, Dylan, Robbie Robertson, Bowie, Elvis Costello, Clash, Roxy Music, Brian Eno, Talking Heads, John Prine, Chicago, Temptations, Irving Berlin, Spinners, O'Jays, Hall & Oates, James Taylor, Elton John, Sly Stone, Randy Newman, Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, Joni Mitchell, Paul Simon, and 1970s AM radio.

Recent Profile Visitors

650 profile views
  1. malcolm

    Bottle of Whiskey

    Ha! That popped into my head today at work and I was wondering where I heard it.
  2. malcolm

    Bottle of Whiskey

    Ah! OK, I get it.
  3. malcolm

    I Took a Train

    You appear to be barking at imaginary cats. "City of New Orleans" is better than all the songs on this site put together, and no one is pretending otherwise.
  4. malcolm

    I Took a Train

    Thanks. Ha! No. I know this one isn't big on obvious story. But I get tired of hearing those plain "Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed" narratives people like to write. They can be (and usually are) just as "samey" as anything else.
  5. malcolm

    I Took a Train

    Thanks. I guess it could be a background vocal part, maybe there's a way to designate that? Ah. Pips. "The Pips are parenthetical (woo! woo!)." I thought everybody had heard Gladys Knight and the Pips - Midnight Train to Georgia. She's the Empress of Soul. I guess while we're teaching old songs, I should say this is Willie Nelson singing a song called City of New Orleans. Willie Nelson is a famous country music singer and songwriter (though Steve Goodman wrote that one). Those two songs are probably in a lot of "greatest songs ever written" lists.
  6. It's all pretty good but the words don't quite lock into place. Ev-ery time the same old story You promise me better things Fresh i- deas and fre-sher mo-ney The fat lady starts to sing When did you change? Or was it a soul exchange? All that I know, is The more things change It’s same old thing I’m so ti-red of your [fum-bling?] It's like a [hornet sting?] [Instead of the bee sting, which doesn't fit. But why is fumbling like a sting of any sort?] The sol u-tion to the pro-blem Is get rid of every thing
  7. malcolm

    I Took a Train

    Ha! Well... if I explain what I was thinking, it will probably just get harder to understand, and a song of course stands or falls on its own merits, not on external explanations. But here goes. From my notes, so you know what I was thinking even if I didn't necessarily explicitly write everything I was thinking. A train burning yesterday is a train running on time or history rather than diesel or coal. It's a song about things changing, things fading away. Trains running on ghosts. She wants to ride the train across America with other Americans, not squeeze into an airplane and not see America, and not grip a steering wheel and watch the car ahead across America. So it's a train song, obviously, but a train on no real line. Lucille is and isn't B.B. King's guitar. This train got the disappeared railroad blues, which is why it's got no conductors or mail, and it's burning yesterday. Maybe "he" or "she" makes little difference to the song (except for slight possible implications about Lucille), but it might be interesting to think of Gladys Knight (with the Pips singing "she...") in a duet with... Willie Nelson? Ha! "Midnight Train to Georgia" + "City of New Orleans" (I like Willie and his version better than Arlo and his) = "Midnight Train to New Orleans". The Pips are parenthetical (woo! woo!). And this is not a script for a video, but if it were, the train would be headed east to west, and we would pick up Willie Nelson and friends along the way in time to sing C1 and C2 with or without Gladys as we take the train through middle America. Willie sings the anti-City of New Orleans part. Then we drop Willie and friends off and let the Empress of Soul have that drink (B2) as the train heads into the sunset and for the coast. I don't know whether America itself is fading away or it's all a simple bottle of nostalgia and silliness. If it was a video, they would be at the back of a train heading west, in an ornate observation car watching the setting sun shine on America (glowing, nostalgic, small towns) before the sun heads over the Pacific. And shines on China, because this is China's century. Etc. Well, you asked. I love overexplaining stuff. It's a bit of a linear song as laid out, like a train trip, but you could repeat parts and call them chorus or verse or whatever.
  8. malcolm

    Driving

    I might cut everything between about 3:08 and 4:57, but the rest is cool. The words are strung together a bit loosely, but they mostly work in this context. I have played it back a few times now and I'm liking it more each time.
  9. malcolm

    Bottle of Whiskey

    I like it. The choruses lull me to sleep, I don't even know what "I wake you to cover me , and you will" means, and I gather that she's good at... being unconscious? playing dead? Nonetheless, you could sing any old junk over that chorus and it would still be good rock and roll.
  10. malcolm

    I Took a Train

    A1. I took a train (she took a train) because I cannot stand a plane (she took a train) I took a train because I do not want to drive an automobile. A2. I took a train (she took a train) the time and place, I am not sayin' (she took a train) I took a train I think I dreamed through Mississippi with Lucille. A3. I took a train (she took a train) I do not think it has a name (she took a train) I took a train I cannot say this train is actually really real. B1. I took a train (she took a train) To see America once again To see America eye to eye one more day C1. There's no conductor on the train No sacks of mail, just pouring rain Washing the outside world away C2. How far we'll go, I could not say This train is burning yesterday This train is burning yesterday B2. Get a drink at the bar And from the observation car I see America city by city fade away I see America [city by city, town by town, field by field, depending on how many times we've sung this thing] fade away etc.
  11. malcolm

    Summertime Song

    Yeah, Onewholovesrock, it sounds like you set out to write a nice happy song about summer picnics and beer, and then, because Memorial Day, you succumbed to the relentless "thank you for your service" people. A song about happy picnics and getting drunk would work much better if you dissociated it from mourning millions of dead people. (Just as a song about mourning millions of dead people would work much better if you dissociated it from happy picnics and getting drunk.)
  12. malcolm

    Demolition Baby

    Reading it in the spirit of a band like this: "In 1991 the band famously split up on stage, with Tyla slashing his chest open with a bottle during the set." it sounds right. A small thing I just noticed -- you have "In a bedsit in Tooting in nineteen something" and "In a war zone of our making in nineteen something" One of them has to go. It might be more effective if you just picked a year and ran with it, even if you aren't absolutely sure. If it was two different years, maybe pick two plausible actual years. Mentioning specific years -- started humming a song from 1962, late December back in '63, in '65 I was 17, etc. -- makes the story more concrete and the memory more real. (But I guess you're rhyming on -ing, so maybe it's not that easy.)
  13. malcolm

    Don't Need'em Anymore

    If the conceit is that you don't need your various body parts anymore, you should start right in with that. Not but right in with the inventory And if you don't need to rhyme with sky and cross, you have more flexibility with how your dispose of your eyes, arms, legs, and heart. But let's stop there for now. There's something really wrong with the arms and legs bit. Taking away your eyes (vision) and heart (love) works metaphorically -- you don't need them to see his or her beauty anymore, and you don't or can't love anymore -- but constructing this memorial cross of your butchered arms and legs is plain ghoulish without working very much on a metaphorical level. So, to paraphrase, starting with something like Take my eyes -- what use are my eyes if I can't see you anymore? Take my heart -- what use is a heart if a heart can't love? might put your story on more solid ground without making your song into a charnel house.
  14. malcolm

    All For You

    And it works. Much nicer than the first version.
  15. malcolm

    Sin city

    I would put it on a diet: Vegas is hazy Vegas is spent Maybe I'm crazy but Vegas is bent Too much drinking Too much smoke Not much thinking Too much broke Woke up handcuffed Woke up stitched Beat down, rebuffed Woke up hitched Sin City is Skin City You win some and you lose My body's feeling shitty And my soul is just a bruise
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