Jump to content

UnitedByRhyme

Members
  • Content count

    52
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

5 Neutral

About UnitedByRhyme

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Tasmania
  • Interests
    Rapping, listening to Australian rap music, talking shit

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyrics
  • Musical Influences?
    Mat Rafle, Kogz, Complete, TPW, Urthboy, Thundamentals, Jane Tyrrell, Kerser, Rates, Tuka, Hilltop Hoods, Bliss N Eso, Savilian, Cheap Sober, Plutonic Lab, Phil Gektor, Jay UF, 360, Omac, Sever, Mysc, Muphin, Horrorshow, Adam Koots, Ciecmate, Bigfoot, Alex Jones, Montaigne, Lisa Mitchell, Sia, Vents, Briggs, Newsense

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. UnitedByRhyme

    We're Signing In

    Hey guys I was revising untitled (potentially Dear Gran or Endure as suggested) and this kind of came to me. Completely unrelated but it just flowed out. Down the track I'd like to do some collab work with another rappish person (I'm far from ready right now). I feel like this could be a collab track, myself doing 2 verses and the other member another 2. But I feel like this one needs a chorus that I couldn't write. I feel like it needs a bridge section thats sung to build up to a really powerful chorus (without been too poppish). I was wondering if anyone had any inspiration upon reading. Also i need to tighten up some lines, like i say it came all at once. I'm sure you guys know the feeling of wanting your lyrics to be perfect. I usually struggle to write because of 'perfectionists block' but Ive had a creative patch lately.im not saying what i write is perfect, but you know when you can't satisfy yourself with your own work sometimes? Lately I have been satisfying myself. That probably sounds egocentric but i don't mean it like that. I have no idea what I've even written about but it feels kind of monotonous and apocalyptic so i want a powerful chorus that contrasts that exactly, like a rebirth or something. Probably a female vocal but anyone who has an idea love to hear. And just thoughts, you might even be able to tell me what I've written about! I didn't mean to drag that out so much.VD. VERSE 1 Let me Engrave some words upon this page Inscriptions across a cave wall Could we be the prophecy that was foretold? The lyrics between these lines provide me with every breath I inspire Call them lifelines Call us the light at the end of the tunnel in these dark times The planets align And our arrival coincides with the departure of the night As the light tries to take back the grip it had in decades gone by And I just sit and I write And regardless of whether or not there's a beat there's magic in the words if you use them right A piece of paper signed by yours truly, Ashley Wright United By Rhyme ???BRIDGE/PRECHORUS 4 LINES CHORUS 4 to 8 lines VERSE 2 One verse Can't suffice the advice I have to give and require And the abrupt conclusion to my first stanza required expansion So I'll transcribe my transcript And translate these cave paintings into modern day language Try to clear up this shit With this second verse allow us to continue to converse Rehearse these words and try expose the codes contained within this prose that I wrote INCOMPLETE V2. Maybe just a chorus no bridge here and a bridge again at the end of the fourth verse.
  2. UnitedByRhyme

    Fly

    Hi and welcome to the muse crew my friend. With open arms and the warmest of tidings we welcome you and accept you into our fold. Your chorus is very triumphant sounding. Out of interest what has the character found? I find this line mysterious and intriguing but slightly vague. I like it. Once again welcome to the crew and may the passion in our group embrace wrap you in a warmth that overcomes the darkness in your very soul.
  3. UnitedByRhyme

    Needs a title.

    Forgot to write: Nib creep is what it's called when the pen ink all collects on the end of the pen. It makes a chunk and you have to wipe it away. Logographia is 'the inability to express words in writing' according to The Insomniacs Dictionary. I suppose given the grandma is talking that makes her seem unwise... i can get more info on that book if anyone needs author, year etc. Moved interstate is a common term here (Australia). It justs means moved from one state within Australia to another state within Australia. There definitely are more weak points in V2. I've got a bit to think about.☺
  4. UnitedByRhyme

    Hey Diane

    It's funny, I saw the title of this song and I have a song on my Ipod called 'Hey Dianne' by this guy from Queensland called Urthboy. Anyway that was what attracted me to read this and I'm glad I did. Chorus is good, not overused here. I'm just not sure about the 'have the hope to pray' line. Maybe find the hope to pray. But then 'find' has to be changed in the next line, maybe 'pass that narrow way' as in pass through? I'm not even sure about my suggestion there, does it make sense in the context of the line? Like I say, as it is its still good. One day you will awake to the light And life will be an endless delight Hold on Diane with all of your might Tomorrow is going to be bright My favourite bit was this. (Above) You could even use that bit above again. If the first one is sung just before that chorus, you could have it again after the chorus but sung almost in a spoken tone. I don't know if that will make sense. It sounds so clear in my head though. It would drive that section home and end really positively. Maybe its just because I like hearing the vocalists talking voice as well as singing voice. I had a look at two of your songs tonight, this one is my favourite of the two. I feel a sense of peacefulness reading it. Not claustrophobic!
  5. UnitedByRhyme

    The Miner's Lullaby

    I agree with RepeatingZERO about the chorus been overused. A suggestion would be to combine verse 1 and 2, then chorus and that would reduce the chorus to 3 times. I reckon those last 2 lines of verse 1 are great though, good imagery. After rereading. Another idea to reduce choruses: keep verse 1/chorus/verse 2/chorus/verse 3/chorus then have verse 4 (where all the lines start with may) as an outro without the chorus following it. Maybe? Just a thought. I did find the narrative easy to follow and I like the theme you have going. You have some great image provoking lines in there, i mentioned 2 already. That 'tunnels turns to graves' is effective, makes me feel claustrophobic when I read it. I mean that in a good way.
  6. UnitedByRhyme

    Needs a title.

    So this is a little something I've been working on for years...i first started it in 2015. I got the first few lines of each verse down. I just revisited it recently. I am writing tracks for a mixtape and this would be a secret unlisted track, but there are a few references that tie in with My Angel which I uploaded a few days ago to this site. My Angel would be the mixtapes opening track. So the firat and final tracks kind of tie in together. I know theres some weak bits over the 2 verses, i want to see if anyone picks out bits I think are weak. If we both think so I'll hit the drawing board again. And title suggestions are welcome. VERSE 1 Dear Gran, seriously this fighting's getting out of hand Its Mum and Dad, they're going at it again I really feel like I could use your helping hand And your friendly face amongst all of this animosity and hate I really wish you and grandad could come stay Cause they won't fight around others except for throwing fiery glances the others way I know I'm asking heaps and you've got lots on your plates But I'll sacrifice my presents this Christmas if you sow up all the breaks Mum's at breaking strain, its hard to see her in this state The tears down her face are reminiscent of the pouring rain And I hope I don't grow up to treat my wife this way But if it's like father, like son likely it's the path I'll take But hey, anyway, I hope you're glad to hear from me And I know it's a little harder now that we've moved interstate I guess that's it, I love you guys, I know it's something I never say Your favourite grandson, joking joking, I just wanted to put a smile on your face VERSE 2 Don't worry man, don't you know scars fade, bruises do to It doesn't matter what they put you through, I have no doubt that you can make it through Cause you're a fighter at heart, possess a strength I wish I had at your age You're wise beyond your years with a wisdom like that of Socrates 'Member long as you keep smiling the sun will continue rising Just know that you are the beauty on someone elses horizon I don't know what words to offer and I don't suffer from dementia Yet I feel a case of logographia within me taking over Try to block out the violence like the suns rays from your eyelids Know you don't have to face this alone because I'm always with you in spirit Consider me your angel, unseen and intangible Look in the mirror, I promise I'll always be right behind you I might have to leave it there, my pen's suffering from nib creep Do me a little favour, give a hug from me to your sister Keep out of trouble, dreams don't only have to come true if you're sleeping And remember the strongest of men even have to face their demons
  7. UnitedByRhyme

    Picture This... (Pt. 1)

    Thanks Paul, I think I will change that to 'her heavy heart on the bottom of his shoe'. To clear it up, what I originally had (a heavy heart on the bottom of his shoe) referred to the hurt heart been stood on by the person, thats what I meant, if that clears it up. And I agree, the line you really liked was my favourite too, I had it jotted down for a while and finally got the oppurtunity to use it. I have been experimenting with this kind of poetry style rap, at least thats what I'd call it and I find I can write more freely and expressively through it. Not that I've given up rap.☺ And SpanishBuddha. It was a note taking song kind of from an outsider perspective, like I said it was based on a friend but I changed it up a bit. She also writes songs, I'd say popish ones and i have told her about this site so she may start using it. Probably I'm unhappy with the whole line, just the happiness of life and groping fingers bit. I think lurking or clutching fingers was a good suggestion, I'll edit that. Maybe just a differemt word for happiness now...it seems weak so I'd like to tweak that. Glad you both liked it.
  8. UnitedByRhyme

    The Turd That Got Left Behind

    Good lighthearted lyric. I had a laugh to myself and after showing my sister she wonders exactly what this site is all about and what i read in my spare time. Keep it up.
  9. UnitedByRhyme

    Picture This... (Pt. 1)

    Not sure exactly what category this falls into. In my head its a spoken word 'interlude' kind of track. Although the story in this track is embellished, I based it on a friends experience. No instrumental for this, just the words. Not happy with the 'groping fingers of darkness' section...ideas? Part 2 has a verse 1 and chorus for those interested but is incomplete. Also most of the 'picture this' lines are backing vocals as well as the 'isn't it?' bit. Picture this A heavy heart on the bottom of his shoe The girl that he hurt writing tracks about the blues Uh That's how I picture it anyway Call it romantic but she's sitting under a lamp light, writing the old fashioned way Pen, paper and erasers Admittedly a less prettier version of Jane Tyrrell The dull light of the lamp shade illuminating her freckles Picture this A room full of posters of her favourite idols She worships the mainstream so Katy Perry's among them Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran, probably even One Direction Several others surround her, too many to get a mention Uh She doesn't need to be told the world's turning, it's turning against her Always has, always will be The dying light of the lamp symbolic of her departure From the happiness of life to the groping fingers of darkness Picture this I know it's just a still image and I can only paint so vividly with my lyrics But squint up close to her face and tell me that isn't a tear Despite the freeze frame that's clearly liquid Isn't it Take a close look at her lyrics, we're looking for any evidence that could suggest how it came to this Nothing The paper smudged by tears and half covered by her wrist And the lamp light doesn't allow us to make out the letters But I'm pretty sure there's seven of them
  10. UnitedByRhyme

    Home

    Thanks for your feedback. The consistent 'I've been' opening in each verse line is a good idea, and I like the way the verses are set into the past tense and the chorus becomes the present. One word bothers me in this line though...it really is knit picking an otherwise good set of lyrics. The use of 'don't' here...maybe 'doesn't' or 'won't' would be better. Maybe you're after some sort of effect with using 'don't' as the word and it is your song, just my 2 cents. Sounds as though it will be a good track, to me it sounds like it could be an indie style, gentle guitar melody behind it. Nice work.
  11. UnitedByRhyme

    Stuck on songs...

    Hi everyone. I have a track I've been working on for a while now, I'm stuck on where to go next. I'll add the lyrics below here and then I'll address what I'm going for and other relevant bits and pieces (references, what it's about etc) So these are the lyrics so far. Verse 1 is almost finished but needs work with flow, some of it doesn't fit as of right now. Verse 2 is just a random assortment of lines at the moment and verse 3 is yet to be started. VERSE 1 Let society dictate our place in the world Step by step, you don't have a say, just fit into the mould Don't question anything you're told May the unseen sculptor craft the perfect follower I don't want to hear that shit, it is or isn't fair Who would've thought we'd be compared to rabbits in a headlights glare? A booby trapped planet causing this effect As I stumble over tripwires borderlining the edges of being politically correct I swear we're the exact same generic lego men Clones with different hair colours, Moira Burton and Sherry Birkin (Moira everyday) And, I reach for pen and paper in my car glove compartment As the community evolves from Bedrock to the Skypad Apartments VERSE 2 bits and pieces Take your place in the line, just follow Check out the expiry date stamped right beside your barcode We aren't free, we're blinded by the dancing lights of a cinema screen Trapped within a belief that was force fed down our family trees I never thought we'd reach a time when there's more meaning in a Taylor Swift song than in our lives There's a more striking resemblance between this world and RE than Dracula and Dom Sheed In a society where distrust spreads like a disease and breeds like rats How could communication not take the first hit? I hate to say it but this isn't the good old days I hear so much about, we're living in the new age If Annie was okay before in YEAR chances are we're now cowering under the same table Yet mils apart in connection Where the stranger is the symbol used for danger Every stranger you converse with could be your murderer I swear this world's mantra us work to the grave and obey Lower the mask from their face youll see they have the face of the.... Sly hands shaped us Are you really yourself? I don't think so A society built on disrepair Something about despair Shaped by the sly hands of our predecessors If everyone's the same how can anyone make a difference This is the planet of great apes restrained in rusty chains, different is dangerous, that's why we're all the same NOTE that alot of that verse 2 stuff is just ideas and mightn't be used. I have just copied that directly from my phone notes as it is so its a bit shorthand. SO WHAT I'M AFTER... A TITLE : At this stage its called Disease, as in its kind of a disease spreading through society that we tend to be distrustful of strangers and so don't often talk to someone unless we know them. Although I'd be interested in how many people agree with that statement. When i started the track, i saw an add on TV about how we can't communicate anymore. Of course this was blamed on technology, but it got me thinking. I reckon it has more to do with how society has changed. The world has become a more dangerous place (?). I know my grandparents happily talked to strangers back 'in the day'. But now, to sit next to a stranger on a train would be seen as wierd and unwelcome (?). Or is it just me? Anyway the lyrics ended up becoming a bit about the lack of our ability to be ourselves in a society that has a predetermined mould for how it wants us to be. I cover that theme a lot subconciously. So yeah any lines or where to go nexts are kind of what I'm after. Thoughts welcome as well on lyrics so far. THE REFERENCES: MOIRA AND SHERRY: Resident Evil franchise characters. Look exactly the same with different hair colours. The bracket bit is a backing vocal. SKYPAD APARTMENTS/BEDROCK: I think most people will get it, reference to old cartoons (before my time). One is set in the future amd the other the past. Flintstones and Jetsons. RE is Resident Evil abbreviated. DOM SHEED: An AFL player for West Coast Eagles. If you look at the right pictures of him or see him in TV on match day he looks like Dracula. ANNIE: That was a reference to Michael Jacksons Smooth Criminal, may or may not use it. Like I say alot of those notes for V2 will be discarded. Think thats all. Keep up the good writing everyone, I'm enjoying reading all your work.
  12. UnitedByRhyme

    My Angel

    Thanks for the thoughts so far. I've written it about music been a guiding light, it has an undestimated power to heal, hurt and cure. Its sort of an angel watching out for us, I'm sure a lot of you can relate to its power. It can do all these things without us been able to touch or see it. All we can do is hear and feel it. In the song I've tried to make it seem like a divine god or something. Yeah some references are Australia related, I wasn't sure how many people would get it, next time I'll get provide details. It is a rap song. And now that you mention spontaneous thoughts written down, that is kind of what happened. I wrote it over a few weeks, writing down lines that occurred to me as they came. I like the idea about making verse 2 more questioning as you mentioned, then building up more evidence until the character is certain. I think that's what you mean, if not if you get a chance can you clear up the confusion? Thanks for the detailed feedback. It was good to hear what you thought. 👍
  13. UnitedByRhyme

    There's Nothing Sweeter Than A Dream

    Hi Steve I'm confused about the set up, maybe its just coming up funny on my phone. I'm not sure, is 'there's nothing sweeter than a dream' part of verse 1 & 2 or are you labelling the verses for your own reference? The final line of verse 3 is strong, I like that best, bit of a cliffhanger and leaves the listener to determine what became of the character. The chorus is good as well, I just think the verses need work as well as the bridge. Especially the bridge, maybe a little cliche and simple? Not that there's anything wrong with that. As a suggestion, maybe drop the Please please please say you feel the heat line. I think it ruins the effectiveness of the chorus when it starts because the lines are so similar. Anyway just some thoughts, overall its a good start. Ashley
  14. UnitedByRhyme

    Voices Inside Myself

    Hi I like the title heaps. I'm wondering if you would consider an element of positivity towards the end, providing a kind of light at the end of the tunnel? This could be delivered through backing vocals or maybe a fourth verse/outro. Just a suggestion, I know the song isn't supposed to be happy.
  15. UnitedByRhyme

    My Angel

    VERSE 1 Like stars in the sky There's something watching over me day and night Just a presence Intangible, I've never touched it and I can't see it What form? I'm unsure, can't quite put my finger on it But the way it has eyes on me all day I sometimes wish it was Anna Macy Is it beautiful? I have no idea, doesn't matter when something cares so much for you It would lay its soul down on the altar if it had to For you? Yes for me, this entity would do anything No questions, just action, no trace of hesitation Undying dedication CHORUS I wish I could look to the sky and Thank the angel that's been watching over me all my life Then I realise I don't need to look to the sky It's always been by my side This presence has been in disguise Whether it's real or only in my mind I'm always safe in its sights VERSE 2 Like time in my hands This presence seems to slip through my grasp And I can't begin to comprehend the powers that it may possess Is it there now? I can't be sure, but at a glance at my reflection I can catch a glimpse behind me of a transparent apparition Can it be heard? Who knows, the breeze drowns out its attempts to speak That's why I'm searching for lost words amongst the whispers in the wind Call me Give me a sign, give me evidence of your existence Give me something to believe in when my faith in all else is fading Amen CHORUS I wish I could look to the sky and Thank the angel that's been watching over me all my life Then I realise I don't need to look to the sky It's always been by my side This presence has been in disguise Whether it's real or only in my mind I'm always safe in its sights SPOKEN OUTRO (No beat) My angel Forever watching Please don't turn your eyes or glance the other way Give up on me or this crazy dream May your wings protect you from the harshest of storms And may you forever live on And may this world eternally remember these songs May I never let you down Roots, 2018
×