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9thStLine last won the day on March 30

9thStLine had the most liked content!

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About 9thStLine

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    Contributing Muse

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  • Interests
    Guitar, piano, drums

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Dylan, J. Mitchell, G. Lightfoot, B. Taupin, lots of others

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  1. 9thStLine

    Rhymes 8

    Karate chop salad Flying carrot feet Sparing tomatoes Time to eat Next topic; Eggs Benedict
  2. 9thStLine


    There seems to be a mismatch in tone between the verses and chorus. Verses read pop ish to me and chorus gets more big life questions vibe, and a little over wrought. I think this could be re structured with V1 as chorus, in a pure pop musical setting, something like Have you come straight from Eden with an apple in your hand? You lure me with your body and dare me to withstand Temptation Temptation And I also think a stronger position in v2 would be the singer's the one committed, and the one being tempted. So I might invert that verse. Anyway sorry to throw a bomb into your lyric. Just some thoughts on a pop melody I was hearing. Disregard at your convenience!
  3. 9thStLine

    Molly Brooker

    I like this. Good descriptive lines, chocked full of concrete images, good story. I did chuckle a bit at the last line in the bridge, which is the only line that strikes me as more writer than lyrical. I can't recall hearing "denouement" in a song lyric before. That could be good or bad. I enjoyed the poetic tone and thought it made for one of the more interesting reads in the contest. I explored the same theme in my entry in the May contest. Women have been falling for the "bad guys" since long time 'go.
  4. 9thStLine

    June Lyric Competition

    I don't know if theres a consistent policy about how scores are presented, it seems to vary? But I prefer when each scorer is in their own column, and scores aren't jumbled. I think it provides more feedback to the writer. You at least get a sense of what others they liked or disliked.
  5. 9thStLine

    It Happened Again Today

    I would hope people don't take some contest score as any indication of failure, or also ran. I don't, anyway. Fwiw, I scored this high. I think the ABBA and long length of the verses would make the music more challenging. I'd lean towards concise. I might consider going to ABAB in verses, and shorter, fewer, more direct chorus. I'll take a rough/quick stab below, just for a look.2 cents, kos. I don't know it's any better, but might be easier to wrangle a song out of. It happened again today Kids escaping through baseball fields Sobbing parents shock dismay Sudden nightmares all too real It happened again today --haunting, might be worth repeating, depending.... It happened before, last week or two A brave teacher surely saved some lives A killer stole their innocence as we watched on the news---- good line, but long, maybe They called her a hero on the nightly news As other teachers stood, teary eyed -- It happened before, last week or two Why don't we talk to our children and listen to what they say They might tell us what we need to know to make this go away If we can get inside their precious minds Somewhere in there we'll surely find some answers So we never have to say it happened again today -- -this chorus sounds too light, la-te-da for my taste, for lack of better terms. 1st draft stuff, but shorter anyway; Another school More blood spilled We gotta teach our kids It's wrong to kill Teach our kids So we never have to say It happened again It happened again today And etc...Anyway as said, 2 cents. 
  6. 9thStLine

    June Lyric Competition

    My top picks went to It Happened Again Today, Coat of Dust, Waiting for Amen, and Molly Brooker, all with 2.0, fwiw.
  7. 9thStLine

    Life is a Fleeting Thing (updated 07/05/2018)

    I guess I'll be a dissenting opinion on this one. I don't find it too preachy, but feel you're taking a very macro overview and it robs the lyric of impact. I think you need to somehow personalize the lyric. I might set each verse up as it's own example--the Indian Paint Brush perish in the summer heat, a child succumbs to an illness, an old man wonders where the time went, or any number of other examples. That's not to say it's bad! You have a talent with words and rhyme and it shows. With a topic as heavy as this one, it needs to hit on an emotional level.
  8. 9thStLine

    Banana Republic

    Often times I'm not sure about a bridge until I get some music going and see how the song flows, and / or I feel more really needs to be said..You cover a lot of ground here, it doesn't feel incomplete to me, and generally the less words the better, musically, imo. Another cool lyric.
  9. 9thStLine

    Diamond in the Rough update 6-22-18

    Hi Mike B, It seems like in ver.1 she's the lady in the bar of roughnecks, as the Dia. In Rough, and in ver. 2 it's more about her own introspection. I can understand some of the ver 1 / verse 1 lines not working with your melody, as you said, but I think that perspective supports the title better, imo. Maybe there's a way to show this in v1, like you did in ver 1, but with more musical wording? Verse 2 is strong, and it's a good tight rhyme scheme throughout. I would focus on lines 7 and 8, verse 1, and look for something more concrete, as an example of how shes a DinR. And add emotion as it feels a little clincal to me. Take or leave, Ed
  10. 9thStLine

    Car Pool karaoke

    I'm not the biggest fan of Car Pool Karaoke, as a bit, it seems kind of silly, to me. However, I caught Sir Paul on last night, and that was very cool. Touching, in fact McCartney seems very comfortable in his own shoes, at this stage in his life. Watching people's faces light up when they see him--- one success story, on a human level,in a business with too few.
  11. I keep thinking this should be; Real Men Don't Pole Dance I don't care what circumstance Circumcised or circumspect In speedo, jock strap or yoga pants Real men don't pole dance! 😨
  12. There's no one size fits all for old folks! I just saw John Fogerty a few weeks ago. Stellar. His voice was fine form, honestly, I couldn't believe how good his voice stil sounded. And tight show, one song to next. Kenny Aronoff was on drums, which in and of itself was a treat. I saw Lucinda Williams last year, and while, you know, she's never going to be the tightest performer, it was still a heart felt show, imo. Loretta Lynn put on a good show, with certain concessions made for her age. At one point she took a chair for part of the show, and she also had her family members sing a few too, but it didn't feel wrong to me. Merle Haggard wss still touring in the years before his passing, and about bought me to tears. I can understand the disappointment with what you considered a lax show, but there are still some performers well worth seeing. How did Judy Collins voice sound?
  13. 9thStLine

    Lyrical Parody Parade

    I came across this oldie in my lyric file. Not a particularly hard one to guess, but.. The legend lives on from the hippie-wa on down Of the big lake they call Lake Austin The lake it is said can turn a bride red When the skies of November turn frosted With a load of wedding goers some 25 or more Then the Party Boat Central weighted empty That good ship and true had a meal to be chewed When the gales of November came early The groom and the bride pure American pride Her mother flew in from Wisconsin As young brides go she was bigger than most With her daddy’s good wallet well seasoned Concluding some terms with a catering firm When they left fully loaded from Midland Later that day when the party bell rang Could it be the north wind they been feeling? A string on a guitar made an out of tune sound And a kid hung over the railing And the minister knew as the Captain did too Twas the witch of November come stealin The toast came late and the champagne had to wait As the gales of November came slashin’ When wedding time came it was freezing rain In the face of a hurricane west wind When suppertime came the old cook came on deck He said fellas it feels kinda breezy At 7 pm when the stove went out again he said Fellas these meatballs are freezing! The Captain wired in that the boat was coming in And the whole wedding crew were now mental Later that night when he slammed the dockside Came the wreck of the Party Boat Central Does anyone know where the love of God goes When the day turns the bride to Godzilla A frat boy did say they’d have made it OK It she’d put 15 more pounds behind her He might have cut wide, or he might have bad eyes He might have tuned late in the water Now all that remains are the faces and the shame Of the mom and the dad and the daughter In a musty old hall near Volente they prayed In the First Pentecostal cathedral The church bell chimed for the wet groom and the bride And each face on the Party Boat Central The legend lives on from the hippie-wa on down Of the big lake they call Lake Austin The lake it is said make ya wish you dead When the wind makes it feel more like Boston!
  14. 9thStLine

    Wedding Bells Still Chime

    Yes, the important space between the notes. My thoughts mirror other comments. Too many words forced into too tight a space, sounding uneasy, rushed, lacking room to breath. Easing up on the tempo could help, it's certainly worth trying. But...I thought the 6/8 section was the more captivating of the two. Indeed, some fine guitar work, and beautiful compelling music. I wanted to hear the lyric / melody weave in over the 6/8, and was disappointed when it changed. Although I get how you were trying to match the story with a change of music, I think it worked against you in this case. Don't get me wrong though, it was still a nice composition.
  15. 9thStLine

    Shadow of our Guns

    I dunno, I think expressing an unsureness about the issue is an honest and fresh approach. Some lines in this were very, very good. I know you already have a song going, I haven't had a chance to hear yet, but I'll throw this idea out there, just for fun. I think a good perspective would be from the town next door. The narrator, she knows a woman, in the town next door, lost her son, people can't stop talking about it, news media' piling up, a friend of hers knew the shooter, taught him Sunday school. People go crazy sometimes, ain't it so. But s he knows a woman ..she grew up around guns all her life, her brother's are going hunting with their 12 gauge, ...nobody around here trusts no government...woman, in the the town next door, lost a son.