Jump to content

9thStLine

Members
  • Content Count

    101
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

9thStLine last won the day on March 30

9thStLine had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

36 Excellent

1 Follower

About 9thStLine

  • Rank
    Active Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Austin
  • Interests
    Guitar, piano, drums

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both
  • Musical Influences?
    Dylan, J. Mitchell, G. Lightfoot, B. Taupin, lots of others

Recent Profile Visitors

402 profile views
  1. 9thStLine

    The Legend

    No problem, Altair. I just saw on another thread that you're from Russia and English is not your native language. Quite the challenge. Yes, I know the dilemma of having the music "done" and trying to fit words. Most of us have been there. However, music, just like lyrics, can often be improved on a rewrite. At least that's been my experiemce. The two should work together, not against one another. You have a strong song idea going here. Best of luck with it.
  2. 9thStLine

    Angry Words (The Fight)

    The music sounds good Jim. A good grinding southern rock vibe, as I hear it. Good guitar work/ tone. Where are the vocals? My only comment on the lyric is that you begin in v1 with both partners exchanging angry words, but the rest of of the lyric it appears its all on the singer. For focus, you could rewrite v1. Line 2 is a well worn cliche anyway. Bonus if you could give some idea why "I'm angry."
  3. 9thStLine

    The Legend

    I agree with Spanish, the 1st person sounds out of place. Make the story about the legend attempting a comeback, ultimately falling to a younger boxer, IMO. The thought that a boxer is making a comeback years later is a stretch to begin with, don't specify the timeline. I think there could be a compelling story in the desperation that would prompt such an attempt. I also think you wait too long to develop the boxing story, and feel some of v2 should be moved forward, as more of the set up. V2 is stronger and clearer than v1. THE LEGEND (DEMO) 1 It was time of decline but it’s over a time for heros if you're going to begin with a glimpse into the past, the this should be further developed, and also could be a good chance to show us when he was a legend, Think, the roar of the rabid crowd, an areana filled with the stench of cigars, the10 count, fists full of ? Desire? The announcer's frantic call, Etc. Paint a picture of when he was great, in this V, and get us right into a box match of old. . Now its high time for greatness revival The return of the desperate Rover I like this line better as the 1st line of the chorus. (Nickname) You can say it to each of his rivals It’s the same audacity, the same old knack After all these years Rick Hodges the Legend is back I don't know or care about Rick Hodges, Here again, he’s back on the ring He is standing in the right corner Has to start from the very beginning Not for money, it’s the point of honor And that means that public has a good cause To rejoice, to give a big round of applause Possible chorus in 3rd person Now it's the return of the desparate Rover He is on the doorstep, all dressed in black possible in the corner, in the ring After all this time the Legend is back It's the return of the deseparate Rover Coming out of the corner to the roar of the crowd Looking for one last chance to stand proud (Chorus)9 I am wondering what internal force agree with Spanish, stay in 3rd person. Vague and wandering off point. The story of the Legend holds interest, your story distracts. Induces me to go this way To be A1 And hit the target Now I’m feeling that I have to go forth When I look back I realize - How far I’ve come And why I started 2 His opponents remember his fists you're back in the past again and also in the next 4 line stanza.This is the kind of thing that need to be in v1 His developed technique and stern temper a little ackward and stilted sounding. There's better ways of expressing this, keep digging. Who will be next on his list – On a long list of beaten contenders? He is on the doorstep, all dressed in black After all these years Rick Hodges is back More than once he was on the ground But he rose up again like a Phoenix To the frantic roar of the crowd Phoenix is a tough rhyme, feelings sounds forced and out of place. Nonetheless you have good show in this verse, need more of this in previous verses. To impress and affect our feelings And I know he's doing the best that he can For his good admirers, for all of his fans (Chorus) 3 I have seen all of your fights what happened to his comeback? Suddenly his time has passed, and you're in the picture? Maybe in v3, hes on the mat, defeated and knows his time has passed Bloodied face, while a younger boxer parades around the ring, gloves in the air... I have got the entire collection No one’s ever climbed that high I’ll remember your name. The Legend Now your fight is over, you times have passed But you go away to be never surpassed (Chorus) I am wondering what internal force Induces me to go this way To be A1 And hit the target Now I’m feeling that I have to go forth When I look back I realize - How far I’ve come And why I started
  4. 9thStLine

    Geriatric rock

    I like the lyric, there are some good lines- dislocate your hip like you just don't care, haha. I don't mean to be a downer, but I gotta say, I play at some assited living places on occasion, and most people there are alert, conversational, they hear just fine, sweet, friendly, appreciative...human. It 's a rewarding experience.
  5. 9thStLine

    Home is You

    No dis against Burl Ives intended, I consider "The Big Rock Candy Mountain" to be pure genius. I just imagined a more contemporary country slant on this lyric. Thank you, Patty, for taking my comments in the spirit they were intended. I'm just one musico. It's a great lyric (as usual) and I'm sure lots of people could enjoy the song as is.
  6. 9thStLine

    Home is You

    Personally, I feel that even in the lyric contest, or when critiquing a lyric, we, as songwriters or even just lyricists, owe it to the work to make allowances for the music. Yeah, some lyrics stand on there own better than others, but ultimately the music is what makes the picture complete. I.e. we need to be somewhat open minded, in the process. Regarding this song, I feel it takes a very folksy lyric and combines it with even more folksy music. For some people this might be a perfect pairing, but not so much for me. For my personal aesthetics, it's a little too saccharine, cloying a combination, and kind of has a dated feel to it. And I like folk music. But, I'm sorry to say, this one got a bit sleepy on me. It's a strong universal theme, as kuya said-- I'd like to hear more, say Trisha Yearwood vibe and less Burl Ives, if that makes any sense. Just one person's opinion and I hope it doesn't sound too harsh. Peace, Ed
  7. 9thStLine

    Love Lives

    Hi Songwolfe, Unfortunately the typo really stood out. The first thing I noticed when I read ths one was "Rigsby." I thought, wait a minute, is that right? I had to google it, just to confirm it wasn't. I didn't score it down because of that though, I figured it was a typo, but it was a distraction. I had this one in the 2nd tier of the lyrics presented. I found the lyric a little confusing. It seems a very abrupt shift from the dark tone of the intro and v1, to the sunshiney chorus. I wasn't sure who the "he" was supposed to be. A counselor at a suicide hotline? A friend? Obviously he's critical to the singer, but I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm dense! In spite of this, as usual, you've flavored the work with some cool, unique, thought provoking lines that kept the lyric afloat. You also left some space, and I like that. It's a beautiful bridge, and I liked the overall sentiment of the chorus. Maybe add a V to suggest a little more of what's going on? Whats waif like about her, why is he special. P.S. I don't know, now that Ive seen the lyric mutiple times-- it could be left alone as well, damn good. There's a song there, as is.
  8. 9thStLine

    August Lyrics Contest

    I'd like to thank my New York literary agent, Levi Jacobson. . .:) Congrats, Kuya, and nice writing everyone. I particularly liked "Fighters and Flyers" by discatticus, Patty's "Home is You," and I enjoyed the satire of "Collection" by fabkabob. Thx Iggy, and everyone that gave them a read and a thought. Ed
  9. 9thStLine

    Serenity

    Chrysopoeia, Wow, I think I gave this a 3.0 in the contest, but I think it is vastly improved in this version. This is a prettier flow, and lends itself well to the subtle and poignant tone you have going. It's more touching. The rhymes are simple but effective, and the lines are a good musical length. You say a lot without utterly defining everything, nicely done. Props to you for trying the new structure, not everyone would. It's easy to get stuck in the first musical draft. You've turned this into a much more workable , and wonderful lyric. Best of luck with it.
  10. 9thStLine

    Lipstick stain

    I like the changes you've made and think it's stronger. V1, lines 3 an 4 could be something like; Though it was just an accident, She thought she knew what it meant. Predicament also comes to mind as a rhyme. As does "explain" with stain. Good luck with this one, Mick70.
  11. 9thStLine

    Nobody Cares (Without Hope Or A Prayer)

    Good topic for a song. I think the 1st chrous works but by the 2nd chorus, I'm not feeling the connection with more animals and death row. Maybe some other trivial things, They care about--- pop princess' hair, the actor's speech, the politician's rant, the latest fad. Those aren't great, but that kind of idea.
  12. 9thStLine

    Man Bun

    Its hard to exactly recall your 1st draft, but yeah, this looks better. Top fade, or fade top both convey the meaning just fine. I know your leaning humorous, and that's cool, but I found the above comments to be compelling. Could make a cool verse, maybe .Fwiw. But yeah, seems more wry, funny, just enough snark. Good luck with it. I like how the man bun throws the last hairsytle shade at the end.
  13. 9thStLine

    Too much, too many

    Hi Becca. It looks more like a verse and chorus to me, given your title. Its pretty vague, what the problem really is. You feel smothered, You fight. You've been burned before. I like the flow better with fewer words, avoid miss you kiss you cliche. Here's one stab at it. Don't use quotation marks for something you wrote, give yourself credit. I let you in thinking my skin wouldn't bruise I puff out my chest but I'm telling you right now I miss you We go from sad to sadder Convince ourselves we're better than this we breath like lovers Til I'm feeling smothered when will I see you again too much too much too many mistakes already now it's all too heavy too much too much Too many times Ive listened Your late night lies Jingle In my ears like a pocket full of pennies too much too much too many 
  14. 9thStLine

    Man Bun

    OWLR, It might be worth having a listen to David Crosby's Almost Cut My Hair. He touches on some of the same deeper issues I believe your trying to address here. Conformity, judgement, intolerence, individuality, youth. I might try to work more of these broarder issues into your lyric for more impact, and get away from the personel attacks. I don't like "gay" because it seems out of place, can be seen as a slur, and just seems wrong. Are gays the conservatives harshing your man bun? Fwiw, here's about a 10 min brainstorm, no real rhyme or order intended. Who are you to say Why should you care What's it to you, anyway ( A Kristofferson borrow) You say it's wrong to be different But it's not Too old to understand I'm freak individual, the rarest breed These braids are proud I've seen the stares You call it a man bun, I call it hair It's my fashion, you had yours Now it's my turn
  15. 9thStLine

    Under the Bridge

    Hi Mike B, I took some liberty with this. Ignore at your earliest convenience! Under the Bridge V1 You pop up Like an angry jack-in-the-box An attitude With a filthy keystroke With And a mind heart full of rocks Attention You delight yourself Is all you really seek you spread foul seed Causing trouble Every time you speak Ch Crawling You crawled out from under the bridge Won’t you please go back We don’t like trolls around here I won’t be the next victim That’s the hard facts of your 1st degree troll attack Go back! What’s it like to live under the bridge? Go back! What’s it like to live under the bridge? V2 Your mouth spews dirty fingers move Nothing but garbage spewing venom and hate No other purpose on your cyber soapbox Than to stir it up and you perturb and agitate Nothing useful no understanding In your sad little life We don’t believe just a slobbering little troll In all your with your fake news jive Ch Br Dirty nasty little troll With an evil little soul Wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole Crawl back into your hole Ch
×