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Kerry Parr

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Kerry Parr last won the day on December 30 2017

Kerry Parr had the most liked content!

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About Kerry Parr

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    Active Muse

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    https://m.facebook.com/Attic-Salt
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    https://www.youtube.com/kerryparr

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both
  • Musical Influences?
    Dylan, Cohen, Cave, Oberst, Dulli, Cobain, Phillips (Grant Lee and John), too many to list really.
  1. Lana Del Rey & Radiohead copyright claim

    Just the opposite imo.
  2. Best opening line to a song

    "Ladies, let me tell you about myself I got a dick for a brain and my brain is gonna sell my ass to you" -Afghan Whigs
  3. A Plea from Your Heart

    I'm not sure how to Google songs by POV, but I found a couple https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/manfredmannsearthband/helloiamyourheart.html https://valemmich.bandcamp.com/track/i-am-your-heart Again, I'm not trying to be mean but just to give you an honest representation of my immediate visceral internal reaction. It harkened me back to the kind of poetry kids in highschool often write using that very device, so I'm not sure many commercial songs did it but that may be why. Of course, I could be misremembering and it's one of those things overlooked because it just seems so obvious that it would be shocking if it hadn't been overused. That said, I still think you could use a better angle than "let me love, let me be loved..." cuz that's definitely an obvious and overused sentiment. Idk, it's such an overmined topic, it's tough to suggest anything. The closest I could come to it while trying to think of something for you was "It's hard to blame something - that don't have no IQ - but what the hell was my heart thinking - losing my mind over you?" which is pretty far off the mark from your idea and not that great either :/
  4. A Plea from Your Heart

    I feel bad for saying this but you probably want to know the criticisms more than the praise. Honestly, I was taken aback that this was your piece. It just comes across as trite fluff to me. The gimmick of the heart personified isn't original and neither is anything it says. I'm not sure what else to say about it. I respect your writing alot but this one just doesn't cut it for me. Sorry. :/
  5. Passengers

    Merry-go-round by KC Musgraves also had that rhyme scheme
  6. Passengers

    Try full measure chord 1 for line 2, full measure, chord 2 for line 2, then on the last line half measure chord 3, half measure chord 4, and full measure chord 5. Example (Bm, Em, G-D, Em)
  7. Passengers

    Try it in what I think is 12/8 (ie Everybody Hurts by REM)
  8. Poor Ian

    I like the lyrics as you might recall but the musical phrasing sounds off. For example, "smirk" and (head)"phones" sounds unnaturally long and accented. You might be able to shove some of those lyrics in the empty space at the end of the preceding line as it feels like unnecessary dead space anyway or you could try a different rhythm altogether, maybe something Eleanor Rigsby-ish? Idk, hard to explain in text and without experimenting with it myself
  9. Bitch mind

    It's difficult to say what line could be changed because Stipe's lyric writing process is approached in an entirely different way. He usually just mutters utterances of sounds to the music they're working on until those sounds form words and phrases that sound cool. The meaning starts to take shape organically from there. If you don't have music to work with or don't know how to create it, I guess you could just try to look at it as written poetry and study the style. I'll post his Hairshirt lyrics here to illustrate the differences with what you have now... "Hairshirt" I am not the type of dog That could keep you waiting For no good reason Run a carbon-black test on my jaw And you will find it's all been said before I can swing my megaphone And long arm the rest It's easier and better To just beat it from the chest Of desire I could walk into this room And the waves of conversation are enough To knock you down in the undertow So alone, so alone in my life Feed me banks of light And hang your hairshirt on the lowest rung It's a beautiful life And I can hang my hairshirt Away up high in the attic of The wrong dog's life chest Or bury it at sea All my life I've searched for this Here I am, here I am In your life It's a beautiful life My life It's a beautiful life Your life
  10. The madman and the lover

    As long as we're talking structure, I'd add that the unrelenting rhyme scheme of aa,bb,cc,etc gets tedious... like a Dr Suess poem.
  11. Bitch mind

    "Bitch" as a descriptive is confusing. Is it always nagging or dissatisfied? Bitch can also mean being one's slave or underling which has an almost opposite connotation. As far as the verses go... I think you need more specifics. Even if you're aiming for Michael Stipe's impressionistic imagery, they need to conjure sharp visuals instead of bland generalities... or at least interesting word combinations.
  12. December Lyrics Contest

    Congratulations everyone. A lot of good stuff
  13. Need feedback on some lyrics

    https://overland.org.au/2012/07/dont-kill-your-darlings/
  14. Need feedback on some lyrics

    I think the rhymes are fine. There's a bit loss of focus on the message... v1 starts off well but then it switches from talking about you in the singular to your relationship with another in the chorus, back to just you in v2, to everyone in the bridge, and finally back to just you in v3. This theoretically could work but I don't see the reasoning or connective tissue for change. They seem like completely different topics. I'd keep the verses but the chorus and especially the bridge don't do much for me. Sidenote- would fog roll in when it's raining?
  15. Screen Damaged

    I think it needs better a metaphor. There's nothing hooking me or making me think about the topic in a unique way yet. And the messaging style is hitting over the head too much. It could use more subtlety.
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