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WB Dusome

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WB Dusome last won the day on November 19 2017

WB Dusome had the most liked content!

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About WB Dusome

  • Rank
    Muse In Training
  • Birthday July 27

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Hamilton, Ontario, CA

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both
  • Musical Influences?
    From Jazz, to country, From R&B, to Emo, From Psytrance to Lofi. From Canadiana to Death Metal. Good tunes, is good tunes.

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  1. WB Dusome

    The long hot summer in Hamilton

    Thank you everyone, I'm hearing the same feedback about needing contrast. Now I came up with a chord pattern that starts minor then resolves to major so each line that isn't the hook is minor and the hook is major. this song was written to emulate those old folk songs "in the good ol' summer time" for example. i'm also curious why you think its a bunch of dudes? here is an example of the chords Am D7 Eating pizza with pals by an east end church G C D In the long hot summer in Hamilton then there is a big change Em Cadd9 Walking the boardwalk Em Cadd9 Singing on sidewalks Dsus Climbing the wild oaks D Slapping mosquitoes G C D In the long hot summer in Hamilton Then repeat 3 Am D7, G C D 4 EM Cadd9 Dsus D, EM Cadd9 Dsus D, G C D
  2. WB Dusome

    The long hot summer in Hamilton

    I drove to new orleans 2 years ago. It was 104F one day.. we melted.
  3. Eating pizza with pals by an eastend church in the long hot summer in hamilton Squeaky Styrofoam filled with pink lemonade in the long hot summer in hamilton Crouched under waterfalls with a red haired girl in the long hot summer in hamilton Walking the boardwalk, singing on the sidewalks Climbing the wild oaks and slapping mosquitoes in the long hot summer in hamilton Come home at 10 to 10 crumple into bed in the long hot summer in hamilton Bed sheets peel off dripping calf's close to midnight in the long hot summer in hamilton It's just too damn hot in the long hot summer in the long hot summer in hamilton the summer wind wiggles a stand of cedars we sit on the patio drinking liters giggling like a bunch of red-winged black birds you will know our sound if you haven't heard us in the long hot summer in hamilton in the long hot summer in hamilton
  4. WB Dusome

    Play

    Here is a revamped version of the first verse. Let me know what you think? used to play in the streets or in the shopping malls but things are not what they used to be used to play on tire swings or under waterfalls now concrete walls are all I can see used to play with the kid from down the street our parents fought I think its my fault play unites play connects us all it tears down the walls gives us the will to fight back
  5. WB Dusome

    Concrete Canyon

    Hmm James, I like some of the imagery at play here I am hearing this person is powerful, resourceful and charismatic and has people following them But i don't hear a purpose for them Who is this person talking to? What are they trying to get done? Why does this person have this power? Answering those questions will have the imagery shine instead of getting lost.
  6. WB Dusome

    Play

    This song is a first draft looking to get feedback. It's gone through some changes over a couple hours tinkering with it. but want to see what ya'll think. This song has phrasing that drives it forward I will include commas to represent breaks in the phrasing to show prosody. The Phrasing has hints of The Replacements' Bastards of Young or The Get Up Kids' I'm a Loner Dottie, a Rebel. Play verse used to play, in the streets, or in the shopping malls but things are not, what they used to be let me tell you what, i think, about play and creativity, I'm no expert, but thats, not my fault chorus play unites, play connects us all play unites, play connects us all it tears down the walls, play gives us the will to fight, back! verse what little imagination left, is voluntarily stifled by policing thought, or medicating truth from endless surveillance, and gadgets that have no use kids are caught, in a vicious cycle bridge don't let, the kids die let them show, what they have inside don't forget, the lessons don't let the kids, die! chorus play unites, play connects us all play unites, play connects us all it tears down the walls, play gives us the will to fight, back!
  7. WB Dusome

    One In A Million

    Very creative chorus. You really make it work. I would like to shore up the meaning by changing "but it ain't me" to "but that one is me" Lots of negativity and anger here, which makes me curious about the use of religious language and allusions. I think I need more information, it sounds like its a confrontation between a narcissist and an empath. Seeing right through the bullshit and bringing this person down to earth. I think picking a focus and running with it will really let the creativity of your lines show. Definitely know what you're doing!
  8. WB Dusome

    Love Hotel

    Hi Dani, Like this sort of song. Very good ways to explain all the feelings going into a new relationship. The updated version is an improvement. However, some of the forced rhymes remain and prosody issue continue. There is great flow but some of the lines trail off instead of being "punchy" if that makes sense? One thing I have been keeping an eye in my music lately is tone, and it may be over analyzing, but the last chorus now makes my mind wonder if instead of a one night stand it may be an abuse. I am stuck on the "I can now speak" a subtle change to convey a new confidence would punch the message home more. Really wanna just leave broad ideas to change. Very excited with what you can come up from it based on what I said. Lots of creativity on display here.
  9. WB Dusome

    Murder and Mayhem

    SongWolf, Will agree with James. You lost me on the description of Mayham. Mayhem is five foot three with red wiry hair she's got a lust for fire and flames. Together they make a destructive pair. A touch more gore too would be good. You set up these characters, lets seem their work. This structure is one of my favourites and it helps drive the story a long. If you get a chance to watch it, Occult crimes on Netflix gives a good depiction of these kinds of characters.
  10. WB Dusome

    One Plus One

    To take a hint from JohnV I would suggest grounding the song in one place. The first and second sections have us in a park and then in a parking lot. Then later shes on a dirt road walking away then I guess your at home in bed? The imagery is strong in each section but all the best descriptions could describe one place instead of many. I am torn where I would suggest you ground it. The line of sitting on the car is so suburban romantic. I settled on this. Tuesday, you and I hand in hand. Walking through the park at the usual time of day. Listening to the birds as they sing away. I pick up their tune singing you a song. About a boy and a girl together. As they conquered their world. Can you see what this equals too?
  11. Written 10 years ago, lets see what the critics has to say about my classic song. I wish I was an Ice Cream Cone. It's winter now my corners filled with icy air my matted hair is frozen anyway but don't laugh at my real estate I know you can't relate so try this on for size I wish I was an Ice Cream Cone I wish I was an Ice Cream Cone Remembering a time not frozen to the bone ... I wouldn't have bones Wishing everyone had a home I wish I was an Ice Cream Cone So I can give joy to warm bodies Running down the diamonds on your hands So i would be sought after by the rich So I don't need to make another hitch on an August afternoon I wish I was an Ice Cream Cone I wish I was an Ice Cream Cone Remembering a time not frozen to the bone ... I wouldn't have bones Wishing everyone had a home I wish I was an Ice Cream Cone So I can be useful that way and solve so many problems today Yea, Useful that way Useful that way Okay!
  12. WB Dusome

    Cutting Me Loose

    lots of great suggestions here from two smart critique-rs. the questions really resonate through this song. They really grab the listener/readers attention. So I would consider saying/asking what you want to say/ask in less verses as well. On a 3rd and 4th read, my want for a different word than "easing" remained for the beginning of the chorus - I simply suggest a swap. "Breaking it off? Easing me out? Taking flight? Have I got that right?" thats just more punchy, more bold. What do you think so far?
  13. WB Dusome

    Tossed out and Broken

    SB, thanks for illuminating how you approached this song. Your initial thought of it being about a rejection is correct. Yes it is. absolutely. The allusion to poker is presupposing that people can think of a relationship as a game of chance. It was an attempt to turn-a-phrase. To Ante Up is to enter the game, to be committed. "you forgot your cards over dinner" should suggest (but not strong enough) that the partner was not in the game to begin with and in one instance it reveled it self. This harkens back to the "better not sweat it" line. Suggesting a non-committal attitude from the other lover. I disagree with James that there is no established rhyme structure. But I liked your swap. The rhyme remains, "er". And! I can't believe no one likes the soft rhyme/alliteration eh? "took me for granted, we're not solid, not granite." I thought it was clever... There is no chorus. So, sorry if you were expecting one? every third stanza has a different rhyme structure (which I see I should have made consistent to each other) to resonate differently from the rest to signify that a new idea is being represented that supports our premise. So, I guess you can call them bridges??. I gave hard breaks for each rhyme or breath (if sung) I was going for. I'm going to take what all you said and change it up. But, It may just stay on the scrap heap. It really is a clear rip off of that song I included as inspiration for the song. I actually wrote a bridge which just leads to the refrain of that song "im looking for a soft place to land, the forest floor, the palm of your hand"..
  14. WB Dusome

    Yikes

    Jane! Hi! Thanks for the explanation! have at 'er its going to be great. With my additions I really wanted to put emphasis on the sayings or mantra's aspect you put forward with your chorus and parts of your verses and play up the tension between artist and music biz exec. and the choice to conform for the most money possible but then lashing out against self or others because of that decision later on, you wanted protect yourself but it lead you to even greater destruction. Too bad it doesn't work out rhythmically. It tells a deep story. I think it tells a similarly dark and deep story too. Have a great night Jane!
  15. WB Dusome

    Nimble Jack

    Nimble Jack. its pretty Tom Waits... which means theres not much room to change it. I think I recognize this from the competition? I gave it a high rating. Good work. I hope it sounds how you want it to sound.
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